Married folks: Ever had a crush on someone else?

[Missy Vixen]

I have one. I keep telling myself that if I ever met him IRL, I'd probably be massively disappointed (or so utterly smitten I wouldn't be able to control myself, but let's not go there.)

So, how'd you get over it?
Julie

[grace0418]

1. Oh heck yeah.

Just because you're married doesn't mean you're dead. My husband and I tell each other when we find someone attractive. It's ACTING on the crush that's a problem. If you find yourself getting into dangerous territory, just stop and think about what you would be giving up to act on that crush.

If someone is UNHAPPILY married (not saying YOU are), well then I hope that they still stop themselves from doing anything stupid and address their marital problems before they hurt everyone involved.

[Hugin]

2. My sweetheart knows I'm a crush ho...

But, I learned long before we met, "A bird in hand is worth 10,000 in the bush."

I looked long and hard to find my sweetheart and I'm not likely to give her up
very easily for someone I know nothing about, aside from appearance.

[madinmaryland]

3. No crushes.

Though that doesn't mean I don't check out the menu. Look, no touch.

[Burma Jones]

4. Sure

Even had two at work that had a crush on me too - serious flirtations....Good thing my Wife is incomparable.....

[gollygee]

5. Oh yes

I get crushes all the time.

They always just go away. I don't let the object of my desire know for sure because that could just cause trouble. I figure as long as I'm silent about the crush it can't cause problems.

[eyesroll]

6. I'm not currently married, but I am in a relationship -- and we both get

crushes on others.

In our case, we're up front. We talk about 'em. Hell, it's cute/hot (depending on the crush and what is said concerning it).
Then again, neither of us has a lot of sexual jealousy. He's an enormous flirt (and I can be, depending on the situation).

We just go with it.

[Missy Vixen]

8. We're the same

>We talk about 'em.<

I'm into telling the truth, no matter what. I have never mentioned finding any other guy attractive to DH till now. Fortunately for me, he thinks it's hilarious. Other women have crushes on actors, singers, professional athletes, whatever. Not me ;-).

Julie

[Shell Beau]

7. Crushes and flirting are just human nature, whether you are

involved or not. I may think someone is cute and funny, but that doesn't mean I "want" them. I only want my husband, but that doesn't mean I don't crush or harmlessly flirt.

[Hugin]

9. If we weren't attracted to anyone... How would we ever form friendships?

Right?

[Shell Beau]

12. That is true and how could I profess my undying love

for Matthew McConnaughey? ;)

[benny05]

43. he is worthy of a star crush

but at the moment, I do not have any..

[Aristus]

10. Hell yeah, I get crushes all the time. I'm a sucker for a pretty face.

My wife indulges my crushes because I indulge hers. She can go as ga-ga over Denzel Washington, Brendan Fraser, Johnny Depp and Clay Aiken as she wants. Because she is patient with me over my crushes on Salma Hayek, Emily Deschanel, Monica Belucci, Kate Winslet and Natalie Portman.

[Shell Beau]

13. Please no.... did you say Clay Aiken?

How can he be in such a fine group of men? Your choices are quite nice!

[Aristus]

55. I'm sorry, Shell Beau, yes, my wife is a Claymate.

She thinks he's the greatest. :eyes:

I remain the sole arbiter of musical taste between the two of us. Her taste in music sucks!


I love her madly, though....... :-)

[mikeytherat]

11. Nope. Mrs. "rat" is the best of the best of the best of the best

No need to even look.

mikey_the_rat

[miss_american_pie]

14. Sure

And they just seem to evolve. I'm not sure I ever attempted to get over one.

I figure it's my subconscious working on something.

:shrug:

[kwassa]

15. Crushes fade with time, if they are not acted upon

If they are acted upon, massive destruction takes place.

Been there, done that, won't ever do it again.

[Taverner]

16. Of COURSE!!!!

[Shell Beau]

17. We knew that was your answer!!

:rofl:

Hey, have y'all had the baby yet?

[Taverner]

20. Not yet....any minute now thought

And little Willow Jane shall be leashed upon the world. Watch out!

I am Willow, hear me roar!

[Shell Beau]

21. Yay!! I am sure your wife is READY!

Let us know when it happens!! :7

[Taverner]

32. Ready? HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHA

ONE IS NEVER READY!!!!

You just deal....

My advice if you ever have a kid? Don't ever expect to be ready. Just expect to have a kid.

[Shell Beau]

46. Well, I meant ready to have that baby OUT!!

But yeah, I hear ya. You can never be ready enough! Good luck!

[taterguy]

18. Assume your spouse will find out

To paraphrase Mickey Rourke in Body Heat: "Any decent crime there's a hundred ways to screw it up. You're a genious if you figure out 50 of them and you ain't no genious." Of course you could meet the crush IRL as long as you arranged it so you couldn't possibly act on any inappropriate thoughts.

[Shell Beau]

19. But I think they are meaning to just be attracted to someone else.

Not act on it and have an affair. For instance, I have a HUGE crush on Matthew McConnaughey (of course there isn't that chance for me to cheat) but my husband is well aware of this crush and it is perfectly normal.

[Missy Vixen]

23. Let's just say I am going to a professional conference in two months

in his zip code. :scared:

>Of course you could meet the crush IRL as long as you arranged it so you couldn't possibly act on any inappropriate thoughts.<

I don't think so. :blush: I just don't think it's a good idea. Too scary. I would be too shy to even introduce myself if I ran into him. I also would be so disappointed if he turned out to be not such a nice person.

Julie

[Shell Beau]

24. Oh, are you afraid you aren't strong enough to see and

be around your crush? I mean, do you not trust yourself?

[Missy Vixen]

26. I wouldn't be screaming and clinging to his pant leg

>do you not trust yourself?<

I wouldn't be inappropriate.
I would be blushing myself into a coma, and completely unable to produce any substantive conversation.

Julie

[Shell Beau]

27. Well that is natural!!

:)

[Ellen Forradalom]

22. Of course. The world is filled

with cuties.

[azmouse]

25. Of course! I gave my heart, not my eyes!

But I keep my crushes private. No need to upset the hubby. And I never, ever would act on a crush.

[Seabiscuit]

42. I gave all of me. I don't understand you people.

It's one thing to look at someone else and quietly admire something about them. It's another to get involved to the point of imagining you have a "crush" (juvenile infatuation) on them. I put my childhood and single life behind me when I tied the knot. Stupid me for imagining that's what marriage is about.

[azmouse]

47. Oh geez, lighten up!

I have never, ever even come close to cheating on my husband. I can admire a good looking man without doing anything about it. That's all I meant by my comment. I've been happily married for 18 yrs. My husband has been my only love; I met him when I was only 17 and we have been together ever since. I'm not stupid nor am I immature. You have over-reacted to the spirit of this thread.

[Seabiscuit]

50. Sorry. Didn't know it was your thread.

Guess the "crush" word threw me for a loop.

[azmouse]

53. YOU are the one who single me out of all who posted here

by making a comment about what I posted. I did not and do not represent everyone here... as in your phrase "you people". So don't get snippy at me!

[Seabiscuit]

56. I didn't mean to single you out. Sorry. I just didn't like the general

drift of the thread and by the time I got to your post which mentioned "I gave my heart, not my eyes" the old Steve Martin movie "All of Me" popped into my head, so I used it.

My sincere apologies - I should have just commented on the origional poster's post.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

48. Well said.

[Blue-Jay]

28. Listen - There's no harm in being attracted to someone, BUT

I think you should probably cut off contact with this person completely, if you value your marraige. I'm no prude, but I don't think any good can come from having an online sweetheart while trying to maintain your marraige.

[auntAgonist]

52. speaking from

experience. I agree 100%.

aA

[SeattleGirl]

29. Yes, I have

But it was just a crush. In the immortal words of Sally Forth, "I'm married, Marcie. I'm not dead!"

[CornField]

30. Oh yeah -- my post man is a hottie

We've been flirting back and forth for months. I know it will never go anywhere and I'm sure he does as well. Maybe it just makes us both feel good about ourselves.

As the song goes, "You can look at the menu, but you just can't eat."

[flamingyouth]

31. Hey, I sat next to your hubby a couple of weeks ago.

You have a good thing, my friend. :hug:

Although I understand what you're saying too. The abstract often seems much more attractive than the day-to-day.

[Missy Vixen]

39. Thank you

>You have a good thing, my friend.<

I know. Everyone loves him. :loveya: I love him, too. I still have a crush.

Julie

[Atmashine]

33. Yes

To someone I'm forced to meet occasionally. I stay far away.

[purr]

34. Oh I got 2 big ones....

I just dont let myself act on it - thats all.

[Thtwudbeme]

35. Bruce Springsteen

I sure hope to hell Michael isn't reading DU last night....

But, let's just say Bruce pulled up in a sweet reconditioned 1963 Ford Pickup tonight, and said "Baby...WE were born to run...."

Well, the next hour would be pretty damned exciting!

[Inspired]

36. Hell yes...I'm not dead!

[Xithras]

37. Who doesn't?

And who says you have to get over it? As long as you don't attempt to take it past crush stage, who cares?

[pilgrimsoul]

38. Sort of

But not the "I'd love 2 hours alone with him" kind - more the idealistic, hero worship from (way) afar kind, as in a public figure I'd never get to meet in real life. I get all :loveya: for highly intelligent, softspoken men of integrity. Lucky for me, I married a man like that. But out of necessity, we've had to live apart for the last 6 months. I only get to see him one weekend a month for the foreseeable future, so a harmless little crush is fun and helps a bit to get my mind off how much I miss my husband. Right now I have a crush on Fitz's beautiful mind.

[tjwash]

40. Constantly

[fortyfeetunder]

41. There's even a term for it...

Limerence http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

There has been a time or two I could plead guilty to limerence. But there is too much to lose to go further than the wandering eye.

Besides Mr. 40'under is a keeper, why mess that up?

Edit for grammatical goof and brownie points for the Mr.

[Heidi]

44. Why get over it?

They come and go on their own, and I'm not worried about that, because I know _me_ and I know that a little crush isn't going to change my character or behavior. And I know Call Me Wesley, so I know that the ebb and tide of "crushes" isn't going to change his character or behavior.

[DarkmoonIkonoklast]

45. frequently!

I make it a point, however, not to cross certain lines... primarily because, while I and my "crushee" might have no qualms, if there are others party to either relationship, then there are others whose feelings must be accounted for...

... and I won't make that decision for anyone else...

[LaraMN]

49. Oh no, never. My glands manufacture holy water, not hormones.

Would I lie?

[tigereye]

51. sure

it's entertaining.

[Ivan Sputnik]

54. Yes

As long as you don't act on it, I think it can actually "energize" your relationship with your spouse. No need to blab about it, or get over it, unless it's causing problems.