Ellen Forradalom
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Tue Feb-14-06 06:07 PM
Original message |
The secret to staying married is... |
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"Kill him tomorrow."
What's your secret to putting the long-term in an LTR?
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WilmywoodNCparalegal
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Tue Feb-14-06 06:11 PM
Response to Original message |
1. Laughter... lots of it! |
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I've only been married a tad bit over 6 years, which is actually a lot for people my age :D
My husband and I laugh a lot, about silly stuff. We both have the same sense of humor and we try to make any situation humorous.
I think that laughing really helps keeping us enjoy each other's company.
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Ellen Forradalom
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Tue Feb-14-06 06:14 PM
Response to Reply #1 |
2. It goes better when we laugh |
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I have a short fuse, unfortunately. My husband likens it to being married to a half-Klingon like B'Elana Torres.
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CarpeDiebold
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Tue Feb-14-06 06:34 PM
Response to Reply #1 |
5. born again pastafarian?? |
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Edited on Tue Feb-14-06 06:34 PM by CarpeDiebold
are you a russel peters fan?
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ProfessorGAC
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Wed Feb-15-06 12:34 PM
Response to Reply #1 |
61. That's A Big Part Of Our Formula |
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We both can still make each laugh, probably at least once every day. So, i would say you're exactly on the mark. It's worked for us for 26 years next month. The Professor
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seemunkee
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Tue Feb-14-06 06:15 PM
Response to Original message |
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My wife is my best friend and confidante.
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YellowRubberDuckie
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Tue Feb-14-06 06:33 PM
Response to Reply #3 |
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Skip is truly my best friend, and I don't know where I'd be or what I'd do without him. Duckie
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Left Is Write
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Tue Feb-14-06 08:45 PM
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LostinVA
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Tue Feb-14-06 06:38 PM
Response to Original message |
6. Lots of illicit sex with Kate Winslet |
Nevernose
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Tue Feb-14-06 09:35 PM
Response to Reply #6 |
LostinVA
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Wed Feb-15-06 09:52 AM
Response to Reply #26 |
39. *gasp* Is she cheating on me while I cheat??? |
Roon
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Tue Feb-14-06 06:41 PM
Response to Original message |
7. Never raise your voice |
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unless the house is on fire. Never go to bed mad, respect each other's space. Tell each other that you love them every day.
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zanne
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Wed Feb-15-06 10:58 AM
Response to Reply #7 |
46. Is it okay to set the fire? nt |
leftofthedial
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Tue Feb-14-06 06:41 PM
Response to Original message |
8. a total lack of imagination |
matcom
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Tue Feb-14-06 06:42 PM
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9. my very unhealthy crush on Kelly Brook |
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Edited on Tue Feb-14-06 06:43 PM by matcom
:hide:
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Inspired
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Tue Feb-14-06 07:33 PM
Response to Original message |
10. Debt up to your eyeballs. |
Xipe Totec
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Tue Feb-14-06 09:13 PM
Response to Reply #10 |
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In Mexico, the euphemism for being deep in debt is "endrogado", which means "to be on drugs". Because, just like drugs, being in debt is a hard habit to kick.
:shrug:
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sarge43
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Tue Feb-14-06 07:44 PM
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11. Going on 30 years now |
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Can't speak for Himself, but I found that the simple honest self acknowledgement that I'm as big a jerk as he is keeps me from going ballistic on his ass.
Laughter helps, too.
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gollygee
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Tue Feb-14-06 07:46 PM
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12. Compromise, and "don't sweat the small stuff" |
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most stuff isn't worth a fight.
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BikeWriter
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Tue Feb-14-06 07:49 PM
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13. I'll never know. My three long term marriages ended in divorce. |
WritingIsMyReligion
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Tue Feb-14-06 09:37 PM
Response to Reply #13 |
29. Sorry to hear that, Bike. |
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Happy Valentine's Day, anyway!
:loveya:
:hug:
WIMR
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BikeWriter
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Tue Feb-14-06 11:06 PM
Response to Reply #29 |
miss_american_pie
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Tue Feb-14-06 08:36 PM
Response to Original message |
14. Forgiveness and commitment to the relationship |
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as opposed to the person.
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Throd
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Tue Feb-14-06 08:43 PM
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15. Understanding that SHE could've married a lot better. |
proud2BlibKansan
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Tue Feb-14-06 08:44 PM
Response to Original message |
16. Being a good roommate |
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This seems like the most important thing to me. How well can you tolerate each other on a daily basis?
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SmokingJacket
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Tue Feb-14-06 08:47 PM
Response to Original message |
18. Tell him what a great behind he has. |
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It's true, and I feel privileged to see it!
I try to find some genuine compliments to give every day, and overlook the petty annoyances.
And think about how lucky I am not be with any of my exes...
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liberaltrucker
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Tue Feb-14-06 09:03 PM
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19. Having a job that keeps you away... |
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...for weeks at a time:rofl:
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WritingIsMyReligion
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Tue Feb-14-06 09:38 PM
Response to Reply #19 |
30. That just might do it. |
av8rdave
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Wed Feb-15-06 11:42 AM
Response to Reply #19 |
54. I think time apart is just as important as time together |
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I worried about that when I got remarried (10 years ago next month!), since my job keeps me out of town 3 - 4 days per week. However, my wife had been single and lived on her own for almost 20 years before that. She appreciates having some "just me" time.
I think it helps us appreciate the time we have together more.
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Xipe Totec
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Tue Feb-14-06 09:08 PM
Response to Original message |
20. The secret to happiness is... |
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Lowered expectations.
Remember, your S.O. is only human, so he/she is pro'ly just as messed up as the rest of humanity. Learn to enjoy the Divine Comedy.
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graywarrior
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Tue Feb-14-06 09:14 PM
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22. Marry a fisherman who is gone for 3 months at a time. |
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My sister did that and they've been happy for 30 years.
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Xipe Totec
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Tue Feb-14-06 09:33 PM
Response to Reply #22 |
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Edited on Tue Feb-14-06 09:36 PM by Xipe Totec
On the skiff at the break of dawn, the horizon bright and clear, on a still sea, the white sail leaps forward, robbing gold from a newborn sun.
Your song breaks the silence, simple and common, yet full of soul, I hear the quiet melancholy, of one who's unsure of his daily bread, crossing and daring a treacherous sea!
Timidly, quietly, and with foreboding, your wife will pray: "Oh Lord, bestill the waters, and clear the skies, protect and lead through the waves, my fisherman's tiny boat".
- Salvador Diaz Miron, Mexican poet (1858-1928).
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Deja Q
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Tue Feb-14-06 09:15 PM
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LeftyMom
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Tue Feb-14-06 09:34 PM
Response to Original message |
25. Don't marry an asshole |
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Okay it seems a bit obvious, but I'm a reasonably smart girl and I had to learn that one the hard way. :dunce:
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sendero
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Tue Feb-14-06 09:35 PM
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27. Picking the right person... |
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.... if you do that, everything else is easy.
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Maru Kitteh
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Tue Feb-14-06 09:36 PM
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28. Realizing (both of you) that there really isn't much worth fighting about |
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That and a LOT of laughing. Laugh every day. EVERY DAY. Touch each other even when nobody is expecting sex. BE POLITE to each other. You say please and thank you to strangers - afford the same courtesy to your mate.
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Merrick
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Tue Feb-14-06 09:56 PM
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NewJeffCT
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Tue Feb-14-06 10:10 PM
Response to Reply #31 |
35. it's actually not rare among Chinese |
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with my wife being Chinese, we know a lot of other Chinese that live away from their spouses - we have a couple of good friends that had a house in the New Haven, CT area, but she got a fellowship in the Boston area and got an apartment up there... he had a job in NYC and couldn't deal with the commute, so got an apartment down there. Also know of another couple that one lived in CT and the other in NC... and my wife knows an older guy from college whose wife has lived back in China for several years now.
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Catchawave
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Tue Feb-14-06 10:06 PM
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32. A great sense of humor ! |
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Especially if you're married to a republican :banghead:
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NewJeffCT
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Tue Feb-14-06 10:07 PM
Response to Original message |
33. I always get in the last words! |
ScreamingMeemie
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Tue Feb-14-06 10:07 PM
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34. Remembering our wedding day...and thinking of all of the really |
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generous and selfless things he does. :hi:
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rbnyc
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Tue Feb-14-06 11:07 PM
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37. One ten-second long kiss every day. (nt) |
Shine
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Tue Feb-14-06 11:07 PM
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38. Communication, spending time alone together WITHOUT the kids. |
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having fun, laughing....
:hi:
We'll be married 13 yrs this coming June...so we're doing great so far!
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tinfoilinfor2005
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Wed Feb-15-06 09:56 AM
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40. It's the percentages. One partner has to give 70-30. |
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Edited on Wed Feb-15-06 09:57 AM by tinfoilinfor2005
And the other partner has to give...70-30.
Once you get the percentages right, it works every time.
On edit: 21 years here.
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kedrys
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Wed Feb-15-06 10:05 AM
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41. Daily hugs and smooches |
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and remembering not to be a jerk (applicable to both parties). :D
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KitchenWitch
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Wed Feb-15-06 10:07 AM
Response to Original message |
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My husband snores like a locomotive engine.
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raccoon
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Wed Feb-15-06 10:09 AM
Response to Original message |
43. Should this thread have the title, "The secret to staying |
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happily married?
And as a never-married, I wouldn't know. I'm glad I didn't marry two ex-boyfriends I had LTR's with.
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xchrom
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Wed Feb-15-06 10:29 AM
Response to Original message |
44. my married almost 70 years parents would tell you |
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spend lot's of time apart.
they took separate vacations as well as vacations together as a family.
but even when at home -- dad was outside fiddling around and mom was inside fiddling around.
now mind you -- my father dotes on his wife -- and did plenty of housework and shared all the child rearing responsibilities.
but as important as being together was -- spending time apart was also important.
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tjwash
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Wed Feb-15-06 11:01 AM
Response to Reply #44 |
48. You're right. That's how I keep married. |
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They say the worst time for a spouse, is when one or both of them retires, and is constantly hanging around.
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July
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Wed Feb-15-06 11:15 AM
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49. I have to agree with this one. |
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At least for me (us), it seems to make a big difference that we don't expect to be all things to each other, nor do we expect each other to share the same interests or spend all of our time together. Don't get me wrong -- we do share some interests and enjoy being together part of the time. We're also "atheists" about never going to bed angry (usually wake up back to normal) and celebrating our anniversary or Valentine's Day. It's been working for 22 years.
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tonkatoy57
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Wed Feb-15-06 10:54 AM
Response to Original message |
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Always remember that:
-Your feeling, wishes, desires and hopes are immaterial. You don't count anymore. You're married.
-If you have children you're not first in your wife's life anymore. Maybe not even 4th or 5th if she has a family and friends.
-Keep a clean house and yard. Always have dinner ready promptly.
-Sex isn't that big of a deal. Right?
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Ron Mexico
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Wed Feb-15-06 11:00 AM
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47. Both of us have one day a week when |
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anything we say goes (within reason, obviously), when we're not responsible for chores, when we can go out with friends without having to check in, etc. The only rule us that the days can't be consecutive (last of one week and first of another). I pick football Sundays, she usually picks Saturdays.
The rest of the week is a relationship of compromise like marriages should be. The weekly day of release is invaluable.
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BigMcLargehuge
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Wed Feb-15-06 11:36 AM
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50. Accepting your SO's idiosynchracies... AND |
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Taking all of your relationship frustration, swallowing it all down into your gut, and letting it fester there until you get to Hapkido class twice a week where you unleash it all on a hirsute 200 pound French Canadian sheetrocker by torquing his wrists, elbows, and other skeletal joints until he screams for mercy before throwing him around like a rag doll and making him beg - "Tabernac! Eh man, no more. My ands hand harms har frigging killing me! I think hugh broke my knees. Tabernac! I can't feel my legs. That gonna leave ha mark!"
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Susang
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Wed Feb-15-06 12:05 PM
Response to Reply #50 |
58. If you substitute midieval Italian longsword fighting |
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For the Hapkido, make the French Canadian a Scandanavian brute named Bjorn, then you have described my husband in a nutshell. :D
Of course, you forgot about the scathing script/play/novel you're both surely writing, no? :evilgrin:
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emmajane67
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Wed Feb-15-06 11:37 AM
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51. Not getting divorced? n/t |
Ellen Forradalom
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Wed Feb-15-06 11:44 AM
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55. I think that's pretty much it |
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I'm not sure my parents could explain it. Actually, they did get divorced, got back together, retired up north and spent the rest of their lives together, but didn't remarry. By that time I had long since stopped trying to figure out their relationship :shrug:
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mwdem
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Wed Feb-15-06 11:38 AM
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52. Marrying your best friend, and keeping a sense of humor! |
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Edited on Wed Feb-15-06 11:42 AM by mwdem
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ProfessorGAC
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Wed Feb-15-06 12:35 PM
Response to Reply #52 |
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My wife is my best friend, and vice versa. I said upthread that the humor thing is super important, but being really good friends is equally so. The Professor
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Wed Feb-15-06 11:41 AM
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53. There are several things I have discovered over the 40 years I have |
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been married.......
Mutual respect and need...
Passion in bed......
A big house, with lots of rooms......
Privacy!
:hi:
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WeRQ4U
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Wed Feb-15-06 11:56 AM
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That's what my parents tell me. And they've done it now for 32 years.
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northzax
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Wed Feb-15-06 12:04 PM
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tigereye
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Wed Feb-15-06 12:28 PM
Response to Original message |
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be kind
talk to each other
make sure to remember why you like/love him or her in the first place!
Laugh about Bush and the Republicans a lot.
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Heidi
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Wed Feb-15-06 12:33 PM
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60. It's not just one secret, and it's not a secret. |
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Love, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity. Call Me Wesley's presence in my life inspires me to a higher level of humanity and curiosity about my own potential. Being "in love" exists, of course, but the ability to _live_ day to day in mutual respect is a handier life skill when it comes to growing and changing, as all people and relationships will.
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In_The_Wind
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Wed Feb-15-06 12:34 PM
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62. Never go to bed angry with each other. |
redqueen
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Wed Feb-15-06 12:36 PM
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64. Guilt over what a divorce would do to the kids. |
Serial Mom
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Wed Feb-15-06 12:48 PM
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65. Realizing that nobody else would put up with you |
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and still love you.
We celebrated 37 years of marriage yesterday, and yes, we still fight over dumb shit but when you think about starting over with somebody else we both say No Way!
We are also :pals:
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