I went to Midas yesterday because I was told to at 60,000

[LittleClarkie]

for an inspection. After 30 minutes, they came out and told me I needed a new battery and that my rim was bent. I had to ask the dude about my brakes. He just tossed off "They're fine" and then continued on about the rim and battery.

I feel like I got baited and switched.

It's not logical. I'm sure I did indeed need a battery and a new rim. But I went there hoping I wouldn't have to spend money on my brakes if they were worn. I wasn't prepared to spend $300, and still not have new brakes.

I'm sitting here wondering if I'm going to have enough money to make it to the end of the year. I swear I live between tax refunds. It would be enough if shit didn't happen in between.

I'm sure I'll be fine. I could drop my guitar lesson and save $72 a month. I could sell a few things. I've asked for a raise (still waiting on that one, and the boss could still put the kibosh on it). There are those who are in more dire straits than I. But still, I'm sitting here in tears anyway.

And I don't care what the doctor said. I SWEAR TO GOD I THINK I'M STARTING MENOPAUSE!!!

That would explain the PMS like hysteria and general inability to cope.

Plus I just discovered that someone I thought felt as I did about the Republicans and Bush is reverting back to his pre-2004 self. During the election, when I mentioned someone had burned a swastika into a Republican's lawn he chuckled. Now he says he doesn't understand why I get a certain tone in my voice when I speak of them as if Dems were wonderous and Republicans were mean and awful and nasty. Maybe if he didn't avoid politics and cared enough to get registered to vote, he might understand. He's an environmentalist too. But he almost sounds like he doesn't have a problem with the Iraq War sometimes, and he wouldn't mind the Repubs plan for Soc. Sec. either. We don't get along when I bring up politics, but maybe that's because when the subject comes up I actually talk instead of nodding at him and saying "Uh huh." His famous words to me are "Not to cut you down, but..." after which he proceeds to cut me down. I don't have the right car, television, I should have gotten my car fixed when it was dented, I'm not living in the right place, and I should kick out my brother because he can't pay a full share of rent. The problem is I NEVER FUCKING ASKED FOR HIS FUCKING OPINION ON ANY OF IT. I try to answer back, but conflict makes my mind go blank, I stammer, I mis-speak what I was trying to say, which probably doesn't matter much because he misunderstands my meaning even when I do manage to spit out what I'm trying to say.

He's an ex-boyfriend, can you tell?

Lately life just feels like high school. I'm getting the same feelings of trying to fit in, esp. lately at my usual hangout, and feeling like I'm only really tolerated, not actually liked. I'm trying to lose weight, so even going up to the pub is not such a good idea, plus if I'm worried about money, then spending a bunch at the pub isn't such a good idea either. I'm worried about the rent increase I fear is coming. I worry about whether or not my brother will need help with his taxes again this year (last year, he woke me up two hours before when I normally get up, so that I could work on his taxes all bleary eyed and caffineless.) I'm worried about seeing the obgyn for the first time and getting a test I'm almost phobic about.

I don't think my anti-anxiety meds are working anymore. (Gee, Erica, what gave you that idea.)

My dad died in February two years ago. For the life of me, I don't understand why it's harder this year than last. Memories of him in the nursing home keep coming back to me. I still feel like I let him down when I couldn't bring him home. No matter how many times my sister praised me for going to see him every day and bring him home every month, I still think back to the period where he was just figuring out he wasn't going home, and it kills me.

Ugh. Sorry about venting. I needed it though.

[laheina]

1. You need a hug.

Don't worry about venting.

You sound like you bend over backward for everybody and some people may take advantage of it. I have that problem sometimes too.

Don't feel guilty about your dad. I haven't come to that yet, and I know that I will. However, the lady next door moved in with her mother years ago, expecting that it would be her last. They have enough money that she doesn't have to work, so she stays home all day, every day, taking care of her mother. She told me not to worry when I hear her screaming, because some days she has to go out into the back yard and scream to release stress. Her mother can't hear her, so that is what she does.

My point is that you wanted to do more, but you did all that you *could.* You shouldn't feel bad about that. You'll drive yourself absolutely crazy.

Have a hug. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

2. Hey - sometimes you have to vent, or else you'll explode.

And yeah, you have a lot going on.

The ex-BF sounds like a real prince charming. I'd put some distance between him and you - he's not good for your self-esteem.

Grief is a tricky thing - it can sneak up on you, when you don't expect it. Be sure to allow yourself some time to cry, to mourn, and eventually, to heal. And don't beat yourself up over what you couldn't do. You did the best you could, and you were there for him. Even more importantly, you gave him the gift of yourself. THAT's what he needed.

Erica, don't try to lump it all together. Every day brings its own challenges and blessings. Do the best you can with the challenges, and be grateful for the blessings. And I'll bet that when you take time to figure it out, you're way ahead on the blessings.

You're a wonderful woman, with a lot to offer the world. Any of us who have been fortunate enough to meet you know that for a fact. But there are countless others here who simply love you for who you are.

(((((((:hug::loveya:)))))))

[neweurope]

3. Poor LittleClarkie. There are times in life where just about

eveything goes wrong, and they're terrible.:hug: You came to just the right place to vent! I've never met a more compassionate bunch than the DUers. Things won't stay this ugly, that's certain. I was terribly sad over the death of my father, also, and it haunted me for years. When I think of him nowadays I can smile again thinking what beautiful father he was. Things will get better!
And here's another :hug:

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Remember Fallujah

Bush to The Hague!