I just had to throw my alcoholic sister out of my house.

[rhino47]

I just had to throw my alcoholic sister out of my house.Wow was that ugly.As I watched her ravaged face and heard her ugly words I feel as if I was going to a funeral.The sister that was my icon was dead.Killed by gin and juice or whatever the flavor of the day is.
In an odd detached way I saw this alien creature take her form.The words the look everything was strangely sureal about her.She even smelled like death to me.That sickly sweet smell.The person I knew didnt reside there anymore.She was gone.The shell left slamming doors and trying to leave the aching devastation that had devoured the shell's soul.Trying to claim Daniel,myself and my family.I saw the monster for what it is.I mourn Beth.I wish I could reclaim her but that is never going to happen.The alien has her now.It feeds on her misery and wants others to be just as miserable.If I ever see my kids doing anything to let that monster of addiction into their lives I will do anything to stop it.I will never let beth/alien monster put that look of utter dispair in Daniel`s eyes.I love him too much for that.He is my everything even after eighteen years of marriage.

[Squatch]

1. Sorry to hear it. Make sure you change the locks on your house.

[rhino47]

5. Yes I did change the locks.

I also contacted her doctor though I doubt she will go to him again.
I just wanted him to be aware she might be at crisis point.

[Squatch]

7. I went through the same sort of thing 5 years ago with my brother

from what I hear, he now drinks a gallon of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum every 2 days.

[rhino47]

8. I am sorry you have a lost soul to worry about too.

How did you handle it?What kind of fall out did you have?
I think the hardest thing is going to be letting go.

[Squatch]

11. That's exactly what I did do...let go.

I haven't spoken with him in 5 years. From what I hear from my other brother, he wants to make up. I'm not going to allow that to happen unless he gets off the bottle, ESPECIALLY now that I have an 11-month old son.

Luckily, the last time I spoke with him was over the phone. I was so pissed, I put my phone (cradle and receiver) through my home office window (which was closed at the time). I figured that I do not want somebody in my life that can upset me that much.

To tell you the truth, I haven't lost too much sleep over it, once I resigned myself to make it a clean cut. He's still destroying himself, but he's not doing it so that my wife, son, and I are hurt in the process.

[reyd reid reed]

2. I'm sorry

I know it's hard, I've been there. It's the best thing you could have done, though. The only thing. Save your family. Save yoursef. And, in the end, maybe her, too.

But damn, it's hard.

:hug:

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. Did you post about her a week or two ago?

I remember someone did, wondering if he/she was gonna have to throw the sister out.

I feel for you - I had an alcoholic dad, and there were many a time I wished to hell I could have thrown him out, or that mom would have.

Awful shit to live with - you have my empathy, and my support. It does no good to enable the alcoholic or pretend - cast 'em out, and pray to God that something happens that makes them want to get sober.

[rhino47]

6. You have my empathy.

At least I am in the position to throw her out.You had no choice but to stay.I did post at the end of Jan about her .You were correct.It was trying to decide if I would let her live with me or not.

[ThomCat]

4. I'm very sorry you had to go through that.

But I admire your strength for doing it.

I hope she finds it in herself to get help and get a handle on her addiction.

[LaurenG]

9. I am so sorry

you did the right thing if that means anything to you. Alcoholism is a big bummer of a disease. :hug:

[imperialismispasse]

10. Geeze that sounds like a scene

Sorry you had to go through that and I hope she gets the help she needs.

[Callalily]

12. I too remember

your previous post rhino47. Sometimes I think the hardest thing to do is to walk away. I've been there and pray to god I never have to make that decision again. But it gets to the point where you have to take care of you. We cannot be responsible for others. We can be supportive, but when that gets in the way of our own well being, then hard decisions have to be made. And rhino47, you have made the right decision, albeit how hard it must have been.
Prayers and healing vibes are coming your way.

[sarge43]

13. You had to protect your family ... and yourself for their sake.

As hard as it was and will continue to be for some time, you did the right thing.

[graywarrior]

14. I know it sounds hokey, but AL-ANON is a great source of

info about the devastation of the alcoholic in a family. Someone I really respect in recovery told me one time when I was torn apart over my brother's drinking. He said, "the reason your family is dysfuntional is because you're in it. Your fucked upness has got nothing to do with your brother." Doesn't make me bad, just aware. Recovery (especially in AL-ANON) spreads through the entire family just like the disease of dysfunction does.
I read your story and it slammed me back into my own. Just because she is gone now, doesn't mean the alcoholic "disease" has left the room. Go talk to people who have been there. You'll feel so much better.

[leftofthedial]

15. "fucked upness"

I resemble that remark

[graywarrior]

25. Bet I resemble it more than you do.

:hi:

[leftofthedial]

27. then we would be one fucked up pair!

I usually think of it as fucked up *mess*, but that's close enough I guess.

:hi:

[graywarrior]

28. Let's start an exclusive club.

[mitchum]

16. You did the right thing

[Aristus]

17. I'm so sorry this happened to you, rhino......

:hug: Hang in there. You did the right thing.

[tjwash]

18. Hope springs eternal though...

...because I was in your sisters situation myself many years ago. You never know, this may be what she needs to get some help.

[Crazy Dave]

19. Substance abuse is a deadly disease

Having lost a loved one myself to a disease that doesn't discriminate against race or social status you don't see me hopping onto the Rush Limbaugh or Noelle Bush band-wagons by making fun of them for their addictions.
People love doing it though and it's pretty sick no matter who the victim is.

[kwassa]

20. I recommend Al-Anon, too. You can get great support there ...

from others who have been where you are now.

And congratulations on kicking your sister out. Only she can save herself, with help from the 12 step support groups. She has not hit bottom, apparently.

I'm surprise she is so deep in denial, though, being the educated person she is, in the profession she is in (she is a psychologist, right, or am I thinking about someone else?) and as someone who would have access to the latest literature.

[KitchenWitch]

21. Here are a bunch of hugs for you

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

22. I'm so sorry, Rhino47...

I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to do that. But what other choice could you have made?

With all my heart I hope she turns around and fights her addiction instead of running from it. And I hope she wins so she can face her family again.

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[Skittles]

23. I am so sorry, rhino

I lost a brother to alcoholism and I know the pain

[cassandra uprising]

24. How gut wrenching

and life affirming at the same time. You have all of my love and support. What you did took a world of courage. Hopefully your taking stand will help precipitate the actions that your sister will need to take in order to take her life back from the disease of alcoholism. :hug:

[flamingyouth]

26. I am so sorry for you.

:hug:

[Benfea]

29. Regarding the kids, be careful you don't overcompensate.

I'm sure you're well aware of the danger there. Overdo your warnings about drinking and that becomes the focus of their rebellion when they hit their teens.

The thing is, I'm not sure focusing on drinking makes a difference. I've known more than one person who hated a parent for being an alcoholic, vowed that they would never do the same thing… and of course did exactly that. :( I think the important thing is to focus on the self-image problems that lead to substance abuse.

[rhino47]

31. I get what you are a saying.My parents smoked I swore I never would

Here I am smoking over a pack a day.I tried to quit three times this month.
The warning you gave me was a very wise one.I do not say very much to my thirteen year old about drinking other then occasionally mention the genetic tendency toward addictions;alcohol especially.If she has to have a drug of choice I hope its a joint not a beer.Every generation in my family one of us is lost to alcohol.

[Benfea]

41. That's probably the right thing to stress.

When I think back to the friends I had in college who refused to drink despite being in a fraternity system full of nearly constant drinking (this was an engineering school, so everyone was trying to convince themselves they were Animal House rather than Revenge of the Nerds), I got two different responses as to why they refused. One response was to be cryptic and dodge the question as to why they didn't drink the other response was to cite a genetic predilection for alcoholism.

Given that genetic predilection was the only direct response I heard, I assume it's a fairly powerful motivator. I also noticed that once someone mentions that, people stop trying to pressure them into drinking, even in an environment of strong peer pressure.

PS — on a side note, I drank heavily in my teens and throughout my twenties. Somewhere in my late twenties, I just stopped drinking for no reason at all. One day I looked up from my computer and realized "Hey. I'm not getting really drunk several times a week anymore" and I suddenly felt really old. It wasn't until after that that I found out that I very likely have a genetic predisposition for alcoholism myself. I dodged a bullet without even realizing it.

[hobo_baggins]

30. I consider myself an alcoholic...fortunately im a happy drunk

and i can function while drunk...thats very unfortunate about your sister, i hope she gets help.

[ScreamingMeemie]

34. hobo, my father in law started out that way...and suddenly it wasn't

so funny anymore. And the people around him never enjoyed his "happiness"...and all began to go sour: his wife left, his kids had to put up with him, he lost job after job...his home, and his self respect. One day, feeling all was lost to his "happiness" he picked up his 44...and My husband found him on Father's Day.

What is happy to you may be causing intense emotional pain-that they will never get over- to others. Just a caring thought. Please take care of yourself.

***He could funtion too...for awhile

[hobo_baggins]

36. well at the moment, most people prefer me drunk

im like that dude on friends, fun bobby

[Throd]

37. Maybe your liver will make the decision for you

I was the "fun drunk" for years too. I never lost a job despite the fact that I was shitfaced every night for years and years. Had my body not intervened, I'm sure I would be drunk at this very moment. Quit for a few months and see how things are. I guarantee you that Anheuser Busch et al will still be there for you if sobriety doesn't work.

[hobo_baggins]

39. yeah...im pretty sure my body will kick my ass eventually

my stomach makes crazy noises almost constantly...but so far, no major issues

[Throd]

40. I'm not trying to get all preachy on you...

I still knock 'em back on occasion. Nothing worse than a lecturing ex-drunk. Just listen to your body, thats all.

[Name removed]

32. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[rhino47]

33. Actually it did help to hear it.

"There are only two ways out of alcohol addiction...get better...or not. It doesn't help to hear it" and I will keep repeating it again and again in my head.I know its best.I know that this is kinda painful but I am still sure of my decision.Thank you ,
Lindy

[ronnykmarshall]

35. You did the right thing.

If she is ever going to get help .... you may have started her on that road.

[BlueIris]

38. Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

That's really rough.

I second the suggestion others have made about Al-Anon. At the very least, some therapy. So you can feel better about all of this. But don't worry. We're here for you.