Going to a wake tonight, never been to one before. What can

[Flaxbee]

I expect? There is no open casket, and they're not Irish or of the mindset where this would be a more lighthearted affair. The man's death was rather unexpected - a simple surgery turned into a raging infection the drs. couldn't find/treat.

It's going to be held at the funeral home.

How long is one expected to stay at a wake? I've surfed the 'net and apparently, b/c it's at the funeral home, I don't need to bring food. What else do I need to know?

Thanks for your help.

[LaurenG]

1. You only need to stay a little while

They arent having a service right? You just go in talk to the family and leave shortly afterwards. I was so tired when we had this for my dad that I was happy when people didn't stay long.

[Lars39]

2. Sounds like what we call "visitation".

There's not a set time to stay. Just make sure you visit with the family, offering simple condolences and listening. Times to stay around here range anywhere from 20-30 minutes(although I have seen people do less), to "closing", which could be a few hours. It all depends on how close you were to the deceased or his family. Oh, and sign the guest book.

[elehhhhna]

3. Go to the family, say "I'm sorry", just follow the other attendees...

you'll be fine.

[ucmike]

4. i may be rude, but i stick around long enough to be seen

say a few words to the family, sign the book, and go. i find the whole affair morbid and depressing and only go to be polite to the survivors. unless you are a close friend or relative no one will hold it against you.

[applegrove]

5. Everyone who shows up is greatly appreciated by the family. So

go and talk. And even if you don't say more than a few words - try and make a point of staying as long as possible. The family needs your love right now. Think of them first.

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. Don't need to stay long unless you are a relative or very good friend

Generally, all you need to do is show up, tell the family "I'm so sorry", and then leave.

And wear a suit.

You can also leave a sympathy card - and if you do, make sure to include in it a story of you and the deceased (assuming you knew him). Also, it's nice to give some money - they probably have a foundation or non-profit they want to support (you can find it in the obituary), so give some money for that, even a piddling amount like $20.

[Patiod]

7. Also, dress like you're attending the funeral

Unless you're coming straight from work, in which case, everyone understands. Was at a viewing recently where people came in gas station uniforms and such, which is perfectly okay. It's jeans and tees that are considered sloppy.

I am the youngest daughter of the youngest daughter of a big Irish clan, so I've been to A LOT of wakes - both the serious kind, and the stereotypical Irish kind.

Sorry you lost someone you know, Flaxbee