Hey wives, listen up!

[LaraMN]

From Helen B. Andelin's "Fascinating Womanhood," a course designed to teach women how to be happy in marriage :rofl:

(just a few of the many pearls of wisdom):


HAVE DINNER READY
Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

PREPARE YOURSELF
Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. This will also make you happy to see him instead of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad to be alive and grateful for the man who is going to walk in. While you are resting you can be thinking about your Fascinating Womanhood assignment and all you can do to make him happy and give his spirits a lift. When you arise, take care of your appearance. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

PREPARE THE CHILDREN
Take just a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them look the part.


MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE
Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage his neck and shoulders and take off his shoes. Don't insist on this however. Turn on music if it is one of his pleasures. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow him to relax - to unwind.

Oh yes, there's many more:
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=&imgrefurl=http://users.rcn.com/bendesky/about/cbta/90swoman.html&h=200&w=300&sz=25&tbnid=TvQhdqHw8mM_EM:&tbnh=74&tbnw=111&hl=en&start=9&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dperfect%2B%2Bwife%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26rls%3DGGGL,GGGL:2005-09,GGGL:en%26sa%3DN

[Left Is Write]

1. Certainly this is a nice thing to do...

MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE
Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage his neck and shoulders and take off his shoes. Don't insist on this however. Turn on music if it is one of his pleasures. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow him to relax - to unwind.



But my question is, doesn't wifey deserve the same? After all she's been cooking and cleaning all day, chasing after children, planning and preparing meals, and generally busting her fascinating little derriere to make sure her husband is faced with the illusion of perfection when he arrives home. Doesn't SHE deserve a drink and a mssage too?

[LaraMN]

3. Oh hell no, in fact, you should

"Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and to relax. If he is cross or irritable, never fight back. Again, try to understand his world of strain."

OMG.omgomgomg. I think I'm going to PUKE!

[Left Is Write]

14. God forbid HE should try to understand HER.

[rockymountaindem]

32. What's so hard about that?

I mean really?

[ContraBass Black]

16. Here's the deal.

If I get home second, I get that treatment first for an hour or two, and then it's wifey's turn for the rest of the night, and much of the morning.

Or vice versa.

Any takers?

[AirmensMom]

2. I failed.

HAVE DINNER READY
It's easier to make him cook it when he gets home. That way, he'll make something he really likes.

PREPARE YOURSELF
Yep -- take a nap in the afternoon and let him wake you up when dinner's ready.

PREPARE THE CHILDREN
I think my kids would be a little upset if I tried to change their clothes ... they're all grown up. I prepared them to MOVE OUT, which is always a good thing.

MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE
Put the beer refrigerator in the garage, on his way in.

Hey, I must've done SOMETHING right -- we'll hit our 30th this year. :bounce: But thanks for the advice.
:rofl:

[LaraMN]

4. Oh it's ok, you'll just never be "The Perfect Wife."

and if I ever am, may someone run me down with a moped.

[AirmensMom]

10. harleydad doesn't want me to be.

He likes imperfection ... and I have plenty of that! :D

I'm relieved that I'm not the only one. :pals: :toast: Let's run down all those perfect wives! Oh, there's one in another thread:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=4759292&mesg_id=4759292 :rofl:

[LaraMN]

11. I bet she's not perfect. I bet she doesn't even own a garter.

:evilgrin:

[AirmensMom]

13. Or a stripper's pole.

Ya think? But she obviously lets him, uh, park the car on a regular basis. :evilgrin:

[yvr girl]

5. I have an old Home Economics textbook from the 50s or 60s

And this is in it - almost verbatim.

[LaraMN]

7. Scary thing is, I bet it's on a par with the present day fundie wife's

domestic strategies.
:scared:

[yvr girl]

9. truly scary

[indigo32]

54. Oh it is

it is

[bumblebee1]

51. I've seen that page

I thought to myself, could you imagine that today? I know I've failed quite a few times. I went to my nephew's birthday party in December. That was attached to his refrigerator by his wife. it would be a little difficult to do the first one. Both my husband and I work the same shift at the same company.

[CC]

6. ROTFLMAO

from my hubby, "Just shoot him and get him out of your miserary if he wants a wife like that."
My thoughts exactly.

[mikeytherat]

28. Off topic, but some our ferrets over the last 15 years:

Bert, Ernie, Jaz, Hillary, Wolf, Stonee, Joule, Rembrandt, Bandit, Cartman, Beanbag, Emily, Frisky, Sammy, Sox

We've had 32 ferrets in total (16 was the most we had at once).

mikey_the-rat

[CC]

48. Eleven is the most I have

had at once. We've lost 3 in the last year and a half. As bad as it hurts to lose one, and as short as their lives are compared to other pets, I can not see myself ever not having at least a couple ferrets.

[Oeditpus Rex]

8. Reminds me of 'Pleasantville'

When William H. Macy got home from work the day his wife discovered color and he kept calling, "Honey, I'm home."
He was at a complete loss for what to do without Wifey there. :rofl:

[miss_american_pie]

12. Put a ribbon in your hair?

Were we supposed to get married at age six?

[LaraMN]

21. I was going to marry Tarzan, when I was six.

:rofl:

[miss_american_pie]

23. If I were to marry Tarzan

I think I'd want really short hair. ;)

[REDKING]

15. Just right!

Hahahahahahaha....My God I wish.You know this never happened...ever.Eve just said "get off the ladder,i'll do it myself"

[aQuArius]

17. I know why I'm DIVORCED now, THANK GOD!

*phew* I guess I can't blame him, LOL! Thanks!

[WritingIsMyReligion]

18. What am I, a slave?

:eyes::eyes:

I ain't even married, but if someone expects me to do that day in and day out without anything in return, he's fucked in the head....

:eyes:

[MrScorpio]

19. What about oral sex on demand?

She forgot to cover all the bases

[LaraMN]

20. Of course!

He has to earn his keep, too!

[Left Is Write]

22. Helen Gurley Brown probably covered that in one of her books.

[texas1928]

24. Well is it to much to ask?

I mean we slave all day and you sit at home eating bon bons.



:popcorn:
















:hide:

[rockymountaindem]

33. Yeah, seriously.

And why would our moms have treated us so great when we were little if we didn't deserve to be treated like that our whole lives? It's not too complicated, ladies.

[In_The_Wind]

25. PREPARE YOURSELF

Yeah! For him to kiss my ass! or I'll kick his for that attitude!

[GalleryGod]

26. ;>)

[emmajane67]

27. I did this piece for a Speech and Drama exam once.

Just for a laugh.

:rofl:

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

29. call me a new age guy or whatever, but this sounds like satire to me.

I mean, I'm sort of scared into thinking this might be real, but it's just waaaaaaaaayyyyyy too out there to think people actually do/expect this.

[Benfea]

30. You've been at Ann Coulter's web site again, haven't you? -NT

[eyesroll]

31. What about those of us who are just living in sin?

:shrug:

[Bassic]

34. I can't believe that in this day and age

there are still people who are dumb enough to believe this crap. This is just dumb.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

35. My parents were part of that generation

And my mom didn't do any of that stuff, and everything turned out just fine.

[China_cat]

36. Oh barf.

[tigereye]

37. oh for Christ's sake

didn't we get enough of this in the 70s with that idiot, Phyllis Schlafly?

:banghead:

[HughBeaumont]

38. My wife looked at this and laughed her everloving ass off.

She's like "Sheeeeeeeit. I'd probably be divorced minimum THREE times had I lived back then."

[Benfea]

39. The last entry at the link you provided was the funniest!

TAKE LOTS OF VALIUM
The goal: To make your home his castle, every whim his reality, and to continue to do this until the rich food finally does its job and sets you free.

[Beausoir]

40. I have a cyber-acquaintance who actually does this. She has no identity

outside of her husband.

Even her screenname is "MrsJack". It's hilarious. She measures everything in life in terms of how it relates to her husband.

First sign of spring? When her husband plays softball.
Her husband pre-screens movies in the theatre before she is allowed to go see them..and she is grateful for it.
He tells her what to wear, what to think, how to vote. He brings her a cheap piece of low-rent jewelry every few months and she stays in line for him.

She is a rabid Gooper Freep. She links to Rush Limbaugh on her LJ (WORSHIPS him, in fact) and her favorite musician is...Toby Keith.
She homeschools her two little kids and I feel so sorry for them because she has doomed them to a life of the same isolated ignorance.

She is also incredibly volatile and is in a constant state of rage over something or someone.

Women like this literally make me sick to my stomach. They are the laziest women on earth. If you can't even be bothered to think for yourself, you should just cash it in.

[Left Is Write]

41. Hmmm...

She is also incredibly volatile and is in a constant state of rage over something or someone.

I can't imagine why.

[Magrittes Pipe]

42. dolo could learn a thing or two from that.

[Sequoia]

43. Hey, little girl, comb your hair, fix your make-up,

soon he will open the door,
Don?t think because there?s a ring on your finger, you needn?t
try any more.
For wives should always be lovers too,
Run to his arms the moment that he comes home to you.
I'm warning you,
Day after day, there are girls at the office and the men will
always be men,
Don't stand him up, with your hair still in curlers, you may not
see him again.
Wives should always be lovers too,
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
He's almost here, hey, little girl, better wear something
pretty,
Something you wear to go to the city,
Dim all the lights, pour the wine, start the music, time to get
ready for love.
Time to get ready for love, yes it?s time to get ready for love,
It?s time to get ready, kick your shoes off, baby....,

http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Frank-Sinatra/Wives-Lovers.html

[kick-ass-bob]

44. "Be a little gay and a little more interesting."

Nothing says 'welcome home' like girl on girl action!!

:rofl:

[Heidi]

50. I'm relatively certain that, in my marriage, any "girl on girl action"

would be met by an immediate and fatal heart attack by Call Me Wesley. He's a Taurus. Changes in routine are _not_ well-met. :rofl:

[terrya]

45. "Be a little gay"?? Yeah, that will spice up that marriage, all right.

:-)

[Magrittes Pipe]

46. Does that mean "open to a threesome?"

:D

[terrya]

47. It's obvious Helen B. Andelin was way ahead of her time.

:-)

[leftofthedial]

49. what's so funny about that?

where's my cool or warm drink?

why haven't you taken my shoes off yet?

Oh. We're not married.

But still! I think this all sounds reasonable . . .

[TexasLady]

52. My version:

Have Dinner Ready: be sure to DRAIN the hamburger meat before mixing with your macaroni and cheese. Only the tastiest butter will do. Be sure to use Fine Chinette will you call "Slop's On" to your sweetheart.

Prepare Yourself: Be sure to find a place to easily get ahold of your wine/beer/spirits while preparing yourself. Only the brightest colored sweats will suffice. Matching sweat tops are a plus. Put a ribbon on your finger to remind yourself to put the Hamburger Mac in the Microwave, because Husband is late.

Prepare the children: tell them not to make faces when you all sit down to eat. No "gawd, mom, slop again?" when everyone gathers at the feast. Ask again who this little kid is from the neighborhood, and why was he eating with us again this week..

Make him Comfortable: Tell him 'gently' to get his stinking feet off the coffee table. Remind him that after you working 8 hours today, cooking and cleaning and taking care of the kids, that the ONLY thing on your mind is any way possible to make HIS life comfortable. Turn on the golf channel. then, in a soothing voice, tell him to go screw himself, and hit the hay.

[LaraMN]

53. Lol!

:rofl:
You wily Domestic Goddess, you!

[Radical Activist]

55. She should talk to the guy with the contract on smoking gun

They would make a great couple!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4762880

[rbnyc]

56. Hmmm...

HAVE DINNER READY - My husband does this for me 3 to 5 nights per week.
Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting HER know that you have been thinking about HER and are concerned about HER needs. RBNYC is hungry when she comes home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

PREPARE YOURSELF Who really has time to rest, but I had fun tweaking the paragraph.
Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when SHE arrives. This will also make you happy to see HER instead of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad to be alive and grateful for the RBNYC who is going to walk in. While you are resting you can be thinking about WHAT WILL HAPPEN AFTER THE BABY GOES TO BED and all you can do to make RBNYC happy and give HER spirits a lift. When you arise, take care of your appearance. Trim your mustache so the hair doesn't go up RBNYC's nose when you kiss and be fresh looking. RBNYC has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. HER boring day may need a lift.

PREPARE THE CHILDREN - My husband always makes sure the baby has 2 socks on, and a clean face.
Take just a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes..

MAKE RBNYC COMFORTABLE - My husband almost always does this for me.
Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage HER FEET. Don't insist on this however. Turn on music if it is one of HER pleasures, or play her a newly-written love song on your guitar. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow HERto relax - to unwind.

LOL

Yeah, life is pretty good.