The more exclamation points you use, the more seriously we take your posts

[RandomKoolzip]

Hello DU! Time for another lesson on posting etiquette and how the correct use of it will enhance your DU experience and force others to treat you with the respect you truly deserve. Today's lesson: The correct use of the exclamation point in political discourse.

The amount of exclamation points in a post is truly representative of the seriousness with which we (the DU community, and anyone who happens to stumble upon this board) will consider your message.

To wit....

Were a DUer in GD to type up a message that read:

George W. Bush lied about burning puppies on Halloween night.

Rest assured, there's no way in HELL he or she could be taken seriously. On the very face of it, the statement is absurd on like twelve different levels, plus its very solemnity and drab tone prevent it from breaking the glass ceiling of silliness. A perfectly ignorable post, one would judge, and judge correctly. Snickering, or (snicker)ing would be the only appropriate response.

However, take that same sentence, and add exclamation points:

George W. Bush lied about burning puppies on Halloween night!!!

Whoa! He did?! Uh...sorry. Got carried away with how grave the danger to the republic Bush's puppy burning seemed. Whew! But do you see how this kind of hyperbolic ratcheting-up of grammatical intensity automatically imbues one's post with gravitas? I hope so. That first, un-exclamation point-saturated post: "Eh..." The second, with three exclamation points: "HOLY FUCKING SHIT! You're right! He must be stopped!"

Now, for the clincher:

GEORGE W. BUSH LIED ABOUT BURNING PUPPIES ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT!!!

I think I need to lie down. That's just how seriously I would take this post, were I to be confronted with it. You can't avoid the in-your-face reality of an all-caps post COMBINED with the awesome stony finality of the multiple exclamation point. (A few spelling errors and the reader's head would likely explode from the potency of such a message.) The overheated syntax immediately makes one sit up and say, "my god in heaven, I must step up to the plate. The ante has been upped, the gauntlet has been thrown. How can I, in my right mind, dismiss a post of such dignity, bearing, and grace? Today, as of this moment, I am forever changed; no more apathy, no more sloth. It's time to make my move. Paper ballots NOW!!!"

Okay! Happy posting! So, next week's lesson: Our friend, the Space Bar.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

1. LOL--But you're so right!!!!!!!!

(;))

[RandomKoolzip]

6. I am?

Thanks.

I'm not just right, I'm RIGHT!!!!!

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

2. ARE YOU SERIES!!!!!!!11111!!!!1111! THATS HUGHE!!!!1111!!!! Spocksman!1!

Okay, I think I'm done now.

[RandomKoolzip]

4. Ah, I forgot the old "add a few 'one's among the exclamation points"

trick. Well played, my friend.

[ScreamingMeemie]

3. Damned Straight!!! Hey!!!! Look at ME!!!!!!!!

[RandomKoolzip]

5. Best!!!! Emoticon!!!! EVER!!!!!!

[ScreamingMeemie]

29. IT'S MY NEW FAVORITE THING!!!

:bounce: :hi:

[RandomKoolzip]

32. Me Too!!!!!!

I'm going to use it the next time I e-mail MSNBC!!!!!!

[ScreamingMeemie]

33. Great Idea!!!

Hi RKZ!!!!111!!! How have you been???!!!??? :hi:

[RandomKoolzip]

35. Tired!!!!

I just got a second job!!!!! I'll be working a LOT in the future!!!!!

Vacations NOW!!!!

:Hi:

[ScreamingMeemie]

37. Just remember to take care of yourself first!!!

It's not worth it if you're killing yourself. Easier said than done in these times, I know. :hi:

[billyskank]

8. Hey MrsGEEEEEEEEE!!!11!11!

:hi:

:hug:

:bounce:

:D

[ScreamingMeemie]

30. HI BILLY!!!!!!!111!!!

:loveya: !!!!!!!!

[billyskank]

31. YAY!!!!!!!1

:loveya: 2!!!!!

[Blue-Jay]

7. Exclamation!!! NOW!!!

Question mark NEVER???

[RandomKoolzip]

10. Punctuation was invented so that it could be abused.

But when the revolution comes, abuse will be the norm and those who live by the "old ways" will be lined up and shot.

Hyperbole NOW!!!

[Fox Mulder]

9. OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REALLY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

thisishugh111!

[RandomKoolzip]

11. It's not only hugh, it's quite series.

As spocksman for the Militant Grammarians of democraticunderground.com, let me state just how seriesly this hugh threat is to our cherished freedoms:

IT's SeriEsly HUGH!!!!

[cassandra uprising]

12. All of DU is indebted to this valuable PSA

Your insight inspires me to GREATNESS!!!

[RandomKoolzip]

13. You need a fourth exclamation point before I can accept your compliment.

:hi:

Onward to VIKTORIE!!!!

[cassandra uprising]

40. You will NOT DENY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How's that handsome? :hi:

[RandomKoolzip]

45. It's faboo........

Whoops!!!! I meant "FABOO???????"

[arwalden]

14. More Exclamation Points, NOW!!! NOW I TELL YA!!!!!!

An excellent post, BTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[billyskank]

15. Hey arwalden!!!!!!

Haven't seen you in TIME!!!!! :hi:

[RandomKoolzip]

16. Wow, you're back!!!!!!

Welcome back, sir!!!! You were missed!!!!!!

[LincolnMcGrath]

17. The more bold text you use....

lol :yoiks:

I Kid I Kid!!!!!!!!!1!

[RandomKoolzip]

18. Huh?

I don't use bold text!!!!!! Nor do I italicize gratuitously. And I NEVER edit my posts. NEVER!!!!!

Plus, I never asked anyone to take me seriously. If they did, I'd feel pretty bad for them.

[LincolnMcGrath]

19. Not to worry

I wasn't takin ya serieslee!!

[RandomKoolzip]

21. That's a hugh relief!!!!!!!!!!

I thought you might have been stocking me!!!

[LincolnMcGrath]

24. lol

:spray:

[kedrys]

20. !

:P

[RandomKoolzip]

22. ~

:silly:

[Call Me Wesley]

23. Why do you hate GD?????????

P. S. It's a bit hard to read, your post. All the paragraphs are irritating me. Shouldn't it just be a block of text? ;)

[RandomKoolzip]

26. OMG!!!!

Your right it should just be a block of text just like the won im typing out now WITH certain random words capitalized and/OR missspelled for no reason maybe it hurts to READ this but LOL!!!! oh yeah I forgot I also randomly typpe in THE statement or I guess its not really a statement but the little acronym LOL followed by several exclamashun POINTS just for the sheer hell of it and often I think it'd be better if i ended a SENTENCE here and there but noi worries when your on as much speed as I am you tend top type all sortsa a stuff you dont even MEAN to its like haveing diarrhea of the fingers can you hear MY teeth grinding form wheree you are????? LOL!!!! I hope so man this is hard to keep up I think I;;;;ll END the post now hah just kidding LOLOLOLOL!!!!!! here i am still typing oh my god soimeone just BROKE into my house with a gun and their shooting AT me oh no oh my god ive just BEEN shot someone help me oh god im dying oh my g

[Call Me Wesley]

28. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:thumbsup:

:rofl:

Welcome to AOL!

[leeroysphitz]

25. Two exclamtion points in every garage!!!! and a question mark

in every pot!!! If you decide to run for congress on this platform I'll GLADLY move to your state just to VOTE for you!!!!

[RandomKoolzip]

27. Accountability SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE!!!!

Paper ballots WHEN IT'S EXPEDIENT FOR THE MANUFACTURERS OF THE VOTING MACHINES!!!!

I Hope I can count on your vote on TUESDAY!!!

[EstimatedProphet]

34. I want to take this opportunity to plug the Freeper-English Dictionary

http://demopedia.democraticunderground.com/index.php/Freeper_English_Dictionary

[RandomKoolzip]

36. Thread-jacking NOW!!!!

:hi:

[Kerrytravelers]

44. Love it!

SATIN (n.): Satan, Beelzebub, Mr. Scratch, Old Nick, etc. Often steal souls at night disguised as a bedsheet.


"Often steal souls at night disguised as a bedsheet." :rofl:



Oh, wait, I forgot:

MY FAVORITE!!!!!!!11!1!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SATIN (n.): Satan, Beelzebub, Mr. Scratch, Old Nick, etc. Often steal souls at night disguised as a bedsheet.

"Often steal souls at night disguised as a bedsheet."


Although I am a fan of the multiple smilies on special occasions:

[eyesroll]

38. I'm sitting on my sofa!! I'm watching basketball!! The child just barfed!!

You're right!!! THIS IS SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cassandra uprising]

39. Awww

Still sick I take it? Sleeping not so much? Can I get you a coffee?

[eyesroll]

41. Sleeping was OK!!!! She slept until 8:30!!!!!

And then she puked up her pancakes!!!!!! (She's bouncing around now!!!! It's amazing how resilient they are!!!!!!!!!!!)

(I'm doing OK myself -- I had coffee, thanks!!!!!!!)

[cassandra uprising]

42. It's a good thing you used your exclamation marks

I might not have been able to understand you otherwise. Good to hear all is well. :)

[buddhamama]

43. REALLY????

i don't want to be taken serious today so i guess i had better stop with these !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and- TYPING LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whew. thanks for the advice.

[RandomKoolzip]

46. Somehow, other punctuation marks don't work so well.

Multiple semi-colons, for example, will dramatically decrease your chances of being taken seriously. More than one back-slash could get you in trouble with Homeland Security.

So be careful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[buddhamama]

50. Thank you!

I am guilty of excessive backslash usage (THE HORROR!!!!)
you're good advice might just save me from Gitmo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(hey, do we score points for embellishing, too?)

[Evergreen Emerald]

47. ?!

YOU ARE ANNOYING ME WITH YOUR EXCLAMATION POINTS!

[terrya]

48. I was outside!! And it's cold!! But now I'm back in!!!!!!

I went to Left of Center Books, just down the street, where they're having a big closing sale!!!!! 40% off ALL books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I bought 3 books!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I may go back there next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[RandomKoolzip]

54. No shit?????? What did you buy?!?!?!?!?!

I usually buy my books at Women and Children First in Andersonville, because I don't want to support corpoate chains like Borders and because I like the idea of an independent feminist bookstore and will support them with my money whenever possible!!!! How long does this sale last????? I may have to truck down there myslef and check it out!!!!

:hi:!!!!!!

[Montauk6]

49. Hey, I'm marking my calendar: when is the lesson on

Acronyms and You?

[RandomKoolzip]

51. 2054. Sometime around August.

Or "SAA."

[Deja Q]

52. Really?

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[RandomKoolzip]

53. We have a winner!

HypnoToad is the new (insert name of most respected politician here)!!!!