My friend wants to evict his son from his house!!

[caty]

My friend is a single father who has raised two sons. The youngest son has been physically abusing Bob for over a year now. His son just turned 18 and Bob wants him out. He doesn't know how to go about it. He thinks there may be legalities that might take time. I say, change the locks, pack up the kids things, and set them on the porch (I didn't say this to Bob--just thought it). Abusing a parent is crossing the line where I would have no guilt in setting his little a** on the curb. However, this kid is the type who would retaliate. He has trashed Bob's house several times. Seems like this is one of those no win situations.

[SeattleGirl]

1. Your friend might have to report his son to the authorities

Abuse is abuse, regardless of who is abusing and who is being abused. I do believe it is more difficult for men to report being abused, but he could be in as much danger as any woman being abused. If nothing else, suggest to your friend that he call an abuse hotline. They deal with men as well as women, and the would be able to give him some good advice as to what he can do.

[cynatnite]

2. Abuse never gets better...

Call the cops. Period. If he won't go, the police will make sure he does go. There should be zero tolerance even if it is your own kid. Change the locks, phone number and so on.

This kid thinks he can get away with what he does and he needs to know he can't. Your friend needs to sit with a social worker or a cop and make them aware of the entire situation.

Oh, and make sure your friend has lots of support from family and friends who can be there when the time comes to throw the brat out. If he's going to retaliate, your friend will need all the help he can get.

I wish him the best on this hard situation.

[SOteric]

3. Evict is one thing. What he needs is a restraining order,

and a safe, monitored method of getting the young man his belongings. Then Bob should look into making himself safe, even if that means he's got to rent out his home for a time and lease a small apartment for himself.

[xmas74]

4. Restraining order.

Get an exparte. It's a temporary order. He needs to have him arrested so that they can serve the order in jail. While he's in jail change the locks.
In my state, if he receives mail there he can't just kick him out. Eviction can take upwards of 90 days. An exparte takes an hour in court and he can only come back to collect his crap w/ an officer in his presence.

Take it from someone who used to work for a police department-the exparte is easier.

[philosophie_en_rose]

9. In my state, the kid can be turned out at any time.

Unless he's paying rent, he doesn't have a property interest in the home. How to deal with his crap is another matter.

Ex parte orders are easier (but I don't know if the kid will be arrested). The good part of the order is that it can set up a time for the son to get his things with a police escort.

[xmas74]

Every state is different.

A police report is an easy thing to do, in this case. They could advise him of state laws.

And the kid probably wouldn't be arrested unless dad pressed charges. Once he is arrested he can explain to the officers that he is going for the exparte and they might try to hold the kid up until the paperwork is complete(w/in a matter of hours). It would be easier for them to serve it in jail. And an officer could directly follow him over upon release for a preserve the peace(or whatever they call it in their state-maybe protect the peace?). The officer would be in the home w/ him and he could only take what is known to be his property. Anything else would have to be left behind and disputed in court.

Exparte is pretty cheap in my state too. It runs around $20, give or take the past couple of years.

[philosophie_en_rose]

15. All protection orders are free in Washington.

You're absolutely right that all states are different. My understanding is that - in Washington at least - the victims don't press charges at all. Only the prosecutions decide whether to press charges, with or without the victim's help.

[xmas74]

16. WA has more progressive victims rights laws.

MO is so far behind on that subject!

[philosophie_en_rose]

19. MO is losing out.

Washington orders are free, in order to meet the requirements of otherwise automatic federal funding.

Law enforcement will also serve the order for free and either go with the victim to get her or his things or go with the perpetrator to remove possessions and move out.

[bettyellen]

5. get him to make a report with the police...

he doesn't have to make a complaint about his son to do this. it'll make it much easier when the shit hits the fan later if he has a prior relationship with the cops. when stuff gets ugly, they don't know who to believe, he has to build his cred with them now.

[khashka]

6. This is unacceptable

Bob needs help - it's very difficult when it's your kid doing the abusing, very difficult to be taken seriously if you're a grown man being abused. However no one should have to live like that.

He needs to contact women's groups - hot lines, abuse crisis centers. Women are usually the victims, when a man is the victim it's hard to know where to turn for help. But in my experience (as someone who was in a very abusive relationship) they can help. And it sounds like he needs it. This story does not have a happy ending - it will only get worse.

In a sense it is a no win situation - obviously this guy will never be the loving and grateful son. But Bob doesn't need to be treated this way.

Khash.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

7. Really makes you want to beat the crap out of the kid, huh, caty?

I agree with the other posters. Restraining order, call the cops, etc, not in that order of course.
Mel

[caty]

8. It's sad because

after Bob's wife died, he quit his job and became self-employed so he could stay home and raise his sons. Now the youngest son tells him he is a loser because he doesn't have a "real" job. Gratitude? The oldest son has tried to help, but he ended up getting hit also.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

10. How old is the kid?

[caty]

12. He just turned 18.

[CC]

11. He needs to call the cops and

report the abuse both on himself and the other son. Get the exparte or its equal in his state. Here you can go swear out a complaint with the court commissioner and the person will be arrested. The kid does need to be out of there asap. Also if it gets into the court system the son may be forced to get counseling. It may of may not help but would be better than nothing.

[xchrom]

13. that kid could kill him at some point...

the abuse needs to be reported and documented and a restraining order put on the kid.

[LeftyMom]

14. Legally if the kid has established tenancy it takes an eviction

As a practical matter, putting the child, ex, etcs shit on the porch and changing the locks usually works just fine.

[philosophie_en_rose]

17. if you're messing with 'evictions,' I'd consult an attorney.

I doubt that the kid is a tenant, but - if he is - it would take more than putting his stuff outside to get rid of him. The son probably won't know, but true tenants have rights.

[LeftyMom]

18. I work in property mgmt so I have a pretty good idea of what the rules

are, at least in my state. The OP's friend should check to see what the rules are in that state before taking any action. NOLO makes a really nice property management guide that would have the answers about what it takes to establish tenancy and how evictions are handled in that state.

Generally anyone residing in the dwelling for more than X days (14 in CA I think, but I'd have to look it up) is a tenant, but with an eighteen year old kid there's very little risk of him asserting his rights in court. Were it my relative breaking my stuff and challenging my authority, I'd skip court (it's slow and expensive) and go with a box of Hefty bags for thier crap and some really high quality new locks.

[philosophie_en_rose]

20. That's not what I'm learning in Property law, but I believe you.

It seems strange that someone can squat in your house for a certain amount of time and claim a property interest. It happens in other circumstances, but only after years.

Note to remember: Never invite the in laws for more than 14 days. :)

[LeftyMom]

21. CA is crazy lenient

I've had to do more than one eviction on people who just moved in with the real tenant and never paid me or signed a scrap of paper. Once they're established, they have as many rights as the real tenant. More really, since the renter signed an agreement limiting their rights and the other person did not.

[Kid OfThe Black Hole]

22. I don't see whats so embarassing about reporting this really

As a guy you can just spin it like "my son's getting violent with me and also my other son and I don't want to go down the road where somebody gets really messed up because of it" and save face if thats an issue