What if your spouse/significant other/partner watched or read porn?

[cynatnite]

How would you feel about it?

Hubby asked about it today and I told him I didn't care. It really doesn't bother me at all. Should I care? Does this make me odd?

[LeftyMom]

1. Why would I care?

I wouldn't see it as competition or anything- I'm not insecure about my body or my sexuality.

[LaraMN]

2. I don't *think* I'd care, so long as he wasn't doing it all the time,

and it wasn't cutting into our *ahem* "quality" time.
That said, my husband doesn't seem to get into it. I think he prefers the real thing. He does enjoy lingerie shopping with me, though.:evilgrin:

[khashka]

3. No problem at all

It's got nothing at all to do about how he feels about you or how attracted to you he is.

Now, what's really cool... is if he shares it with you. It's sometimes awkward, sure, but that he wants you to be a part of what is essentially a solo sexual experience? Cool.


Khash.

[redqueen]

60. Yes yes yes on the sharing.

:7

:hi:

[EstimatedProphet]

4. We both do, at times

Helps to get in the mood

[freestyle]

14. I second that e.....tion

If both partners enjoy it together or separately and are honest about it, then I can't see a problem. Now, if porn is getting in the way of sex with a partner, then that is a problem.

[Magrittes Pipe]

5. She does, on occasion.

:thumbsup:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

63. You know, somebody is going to trip on this thread and throw a hissy fit.

And it'll probably happen at night.

[Ariana Celeste]

6. Not a big deal far as I'm concerned

We both do it occasionally... rare, though.

[In_The_Wind]

7. I think it's fine.

Some porn is great to read together.

[mongo]

24. Yeah, reading porn to your SO is a lot of fun

I think that's why I sell a lot of digest mags to women.

[In_The_Wind]

49. I enjoy having it read to me.

I've given away quite a few erotic of books to old lovers.

:hi:

[MrScorpio]

8. Yes

And I encourage it!

[GirlinContempt]

9. Wouldn't bother me

Unless they did it like, 24/7 to the exclusion of all other things. But that applies to anything :P

I read porn, whatever :shrug:

[YankeyMCC]

10. Seems like a normal thing to me

I remember having a conversation about this with a very "Fundamental" xian who refused to believe that some married, loving couples actually would watch porno together lol

Or even that women would willingly watch and enjoy porno. lol

[realisticphish]

11. zero problems

they're human, and have human needs. :shrug:

[Guava Jelly]

Watching porn with your mate

can be the coolest..
try it

[Left Is Write]

12. I read steamy romance novels while taking bubble baths...

surrounded by candlelight.

I guess some would consider that the same thing, right?

[Beausoir]

17. Isn't that just the best!

Nothing like a good bodice ripper whilst soaking in the tub.

[Wetzelbill]

27. Is it hot in here or is it just your reply?

:)

[ZombieNixon]

13. You mean there are people who don't look at porn?!!!!!

Blasphemy! My entire world has been stopped!


And what's this "read" thing of which you speak? :shrug:

:P

[MissMillie]

56. I don't look at porn

Just not my thing.

[philosophie_en_rose]

15. I don't think I'd care, unless it was an obsession.

I'm ambivalent about porn and don't really care for it. Too phony - like WWF wrestling. However, it doesn't bother me if someone else looks at it.

I would, however, have a problem if porn interfered with real life. Too busy to have real sex? Not good. Too occupied to do anything else? Not good.

[LynzM]

16. I'd generally want to watch with him ;)

Together or separately, fine by me! I don't think it makes you weird, I think it makes you secure in your relationship...

[Withywindle]

18. He and I both do...

...but we like different kinds - he likes pictures, I like stories, which I gather is pretty typical of men and women.

No problem with it at all.

[Benfea]

19. Whether or not it makes you odd or not really depends on your SO.

If you find your SO trying to talk you in to doing things in the bedroom that you rather wouldn't do, and if the requests are the result of watching porn, then you have an SO that cannot keep fantasy and reality separate.

[cynatnite]

21. I'm not sure if I agree with that...

It seems to me a person may get ideas or inspired by reading or watching porn...may want to experiment with something and who better than a significant other. I don't think it's a matter of unable to keep them seperate for the most part.

I would have issues if it became an obsession, but no worry there with my hubby. :)

[Benfea]

38. Yeah, I was talking about obsession. -NT

[ghostsofgiants]

20. Why should I care?

Even if I didn't do it myself, it's not something taht would ever bother me.

[mongo]

22. My spouse usually picks the titles.

Sometimes I want to see a title of a new company we are bringing into the store, but if it's just for date night, Daisy usually picks the titles.

With 1700 titles in my back room, you'ld think we'd watch it all the time, but really it's just 3-4 times a month.

Fine with me. We often end up finding vanilla porn more humorous than arousing

[distantearlywarning]

23. You're not odd. I'm like that too.

I bought my husband a subscription to Playboy years ago when we were just dating. I read the articles (really!) and he looks at the pictures. I know he looks at internet porn sometimes too. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me because it seems like I'm supposed to be bothered by this stuff, but it just doesn't bug me. I think I'm just not jealous by nature or something. I don't know. But I wanted to let you know that you're not the only one.

[SeattleGirl]

25. Wouldn't bother me in the least.

(Though if MY spouse watched or read it, I have to say I'd be shocked)

[lildreamer316]

26. I'm alllll about it.

'course;I'm an exotic entertainer (PC for stripper) so.....
I tell him to go for it.

[GalleryGod]

28. Donna Moss says, "Oh, Josh ???"

[riderinthestorm]

29. I guess I'm a product of my background

After having worked at rape crisis shelters, women's shelters and on the street with homeless women, I've seen women who have been exploited for porn.

Many of them were junkies and/or abused.

I've tried to watch it objectively, and frankly, most of the women look like junkies in porn flicks to me. So do the men, actually. It's just not a turn-on for me and I would be pretty surprised if my husband were into porn after he's helped me with some of this shit.

I guess if he came to me and proposed a night of porn I would consider it but after 20+ years together, I just don't see it happening.

After you've bundled up a naked woman in a blanket whose been dumped on the street after a porn session and take her to a hospital for medical treatment, porn just loses it's appeal.

[SeattleGirl]

32. What you are talking about is coersion, and I am in agreement

with you on that count. If a woman is forced into being in a porn movie, that is no better than exploiting children and teens for porn. Any kind of coersion is abhorent to me.

On the other hand, there are many adults who willingly participate in porn films, and to me, that's quite different than people who are forced, coerced, or forced to participate.

I would never knowingly watch something that featured people who had been forced into it. And, I would never, EVER watch any kind of kiddie/teen porn. Even the thought of that makes me ill.

[riderinthestorm]

43. How can you tell the difference?

Seriously. I've tried to figure out who was coerced and who wasn't - and I was watching it with one of the women I brought into the shelter!!!! I managed to score her session on a video that I picked up in Kenosha Wisconsin at a triple-x place once I knew how to locate it. The woman was interested in seeing it since she didn't even remember her "performance".

There were 10 encounters on the tape. Damned if I could pick out who was coerced and who wasn't. I admit though, I'm not a connoisseur.... LOL!

[SeattleGirl]

44. Good question

Lots of the stars of legit porn are well known to folks who watch, so that would be one way to tell (and you could probably do a google search for who they are.)

[riderinthestorm]

47. Yup, and I know that.

Honestly, no judgement here. Just giving my own experience.

I can't get over the hump (pun intended) anymore and watch it objectively.

[SeattleGirl]

50. Well, it's understandable, given your work/personal experience

I say, to each their own. I have no judgement either.

[mongo]

69. I supspect that riderinthestorn's story

is either very old - or a fabrication. No movie ever hits my shelves that doesn't have the proper documentation (age verifcation and model releases).

[mongo]

67. Hmmm...

Do you have titles? Did she sign a model release? Did anyone bring charges against the producers?
I find your whole story full of holes and inconsistancies.

If someone is coerced (I.E. does not sign a model agreement, present ID for records, etc.) -- the movie will NEVER make it into your local adult store.

[riderinthestorm]

90. Oh yeah, more than 20 years ago

Oh wow. Now I have to try to dredge this up from my memory....

Look Mongo, I'm not slamming porn. I know a lot has changed for that industry and I respect that but shit does happen.

No I don't have the title of the movie. I don't know anything about the industry - I don't even pretend to know anything about it. The woman involved in the video was definitely old enough - this wasn't kiddie porn, and she wouldn't bring charges since she said she had done it in exchange for drugs which meant she wasn't going to involve the police (her reasoning, not mine).

She did give us a description of the apartment building and the guy's name who shot the movie. We figured they were fake but I passed the information along to a friend of mine who is a Chicago cop.

One of the women who worked at the shelter recognized the apartment building where it must have been made from the description given to us from the woman who was in the video. It was on the south side, near the IIT campus. My cop friend went to the building and the guys' name was on an apartment mailbox. Since there weren't any charges filed, and no other reason to issue any kind of search warrant, my friend just kept it in mind and kept an eye on the place.

They did eventually bust him (for something else if I can recall) and I got the name of his production company. By then this woman was long gone but as I say we did find the movie in Wisconsin.

[Benfea]

39. The idea of watching porn together seems bizarre to me.

I mean, if I'm in a relationship with someone, and I want to do something with that person that gets me all hot and bothered, the idea of watching other people do it seems so… strange somehow. Porn to me is something you do when the real thing isn't available, but when another person is right there… eh. Maybe I'm just a prude.

[SeattleGirl]

45. You're not a prude. You just have your preferences.

Nothin' wrong with that. :hi:

[Benfea]

58. It just seems kind of insulting somehow.

I know darned well that I can get "that reaction" from other sources even when I'm in a relationship, but it seems in such bad taste to so directly acknowledge that in the presence of the person who's supposed to be the one and only source of lust for me.

[redqueen]

64. "Supposed to be the one and only source of lust?"

??????

Where does it say that?

[Benfea]

78. Call me an idealist prude then. :P -nt

[redqueen]

79. No no no ... not prude... just...

I guess I just don't understand that view at all, is all. I don't even understand how it's *possible*.

Real feelings of affection, sure... but lust? That I can't seem to control.

:hi:

[mongo]

40. Are you in Chatsworth, CA?

Where 90% of the adult films in America are made?

Yeah, some of the bottom feeders in the industry deal this way. But it is not the norm.

[riderinthestorm]

46. Chicago

I won't lie and say it's been a lot - only 2 women in 25 years of bringing sandwiches down on late Saturday nights and giving them out on Lower Wacker Dr. I won't even begin to secondguess the industry. I only offer my perspective as to why I don't get off on porn, nor does my husband.

I completely support women who can make money with their bodies, and their choices to do so if it's safe and legit. Unfortunately I've seen the other side and can't erase that.....

[mongo]

71. Ok

But you are saying that a woman was dumped on the side of the road with only a blanket -- after a "porn shoot". Presumably, she was coerced, didn't sign a model release or present ID, etc. This would be the filming of a crime and would not make it into the adult distribution channels -- unless your story is at least 15 years or more old.

Calling this experience a "porn shoot" and part of the "industry" is like calling your local crack house part of the pharmaceutical industry.

[riderinthestorm]

91. I agree.

Sorry, I just read this post after responding to the other one upthread....

And yes, it happened more than 20 years ago.

[mongo]

93. Sorry if I was gruff with you

The industry has changed dramtically, even in the last 15 years.

There may still be some problems, but not like it was in the past. And yeah, some of the performers have substance abuse problems. Those that do don't make it very far in the industry.

[riderinthestorm]

96. Yeah, dammit, and you made me aware of my age, again!!!

Best of luck in your business adventures.

Lol!

:hippie:

[mongo]

97. Oh crap!

and I routinely card 30yo women just to make them feel good about themselves.

No, really I card everyone that looks under 30 -- and sometimes I figure someones 25 and they end up being 35 -- I always give them a compliment (regardless of gender).

[riderinthestorm]

99. Ouch!

Okay, so I am well over 30....

But I'll take my carding where and when I can -

Although it's been so long since I've last been carded I can't even remember when.... sigh. Where do you work? I may need some kind of new glass dildo thang, perhaps? (My hairdresser is always ranting about her new son-in-law who is a glass dildo blower - gives me a major laugh every damn time)

[swag]

30. Fine.

[UncleSepp]

31. I wish he would!

If he could get some fantasy release out of porn, fine. Especially if it got him excited to come to bed with me to work off his built up energy :-) Our tastes are different in porn, and I'm running porn scenarios through my head... oh, it's like a screen saver for my mind, pretty much whenever I am not actively thinking of something else. I wish he'd do the same, it would probably make him less uptight.

[AlienGirl]

33. Is it the same kind of porn I like? If so, he'd better share!!

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

34. Not at all.

I definitely think it's couples that could enjoy together.

http://pornojim.com/suggest.asp">Because the world needs better porn!

Anyway, any porn fans in NYC should check out the Porno Jim show. It's hilarious. Bring some friends. Have some drinks. Laugh at the combination of porn & standup.

[Rabrrrrrr]

35. Couldn't give a shit.

And she doesn't give a shit, either.

Thankfully, we're both mature that way.

So, no, you aren't odd at all. The fact that you aren't "threatened" by porn or his viewing of it is a sign of good emotional development on your part.

:applause:

[SOteric]

94. You wouldn't have the problem if you hadn't eaten the bar exam.

Oh. Wait. You're being figurative. Nevermind.

[elshiva]

36. Most mainstream porn is so blah. I wish the women would stop

with the breast implants. However, we seem to agree on Bettie Page and Marilyn Monroe. I hate it when people say Monroe was "fat," what they really mean is that so many models are starving themselves.

It doesn't bother me because we look at it together and he loves me.

[mongo]

72. I have to agree with you here

It's kinda weird that natural breasts and public hair both fall into "fetish" porn now.

But the natural breast is making a comeback now -- it's a niche market but growing (no pun intended).

[tiddlywinks]

37. It's a moot point,

isn't it?

[tiddlywinks]

41. lol, I didn't mean to post that here!

sry

:)

[Ariana Celeste]

85. welcome to DU!

:hi: hope I'm not too late. :)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

42. nah...my partners and i often watch porn together

[NMMNG]

48. As long as she shared it with me I'd be ok with it.

:evilgrin:

[bigwillq]

51. Wouldn't bother me at all.

I do it so why shouldn't they?!??!? :shrug: :)

[fortyfeetunder]

52. As long as it's limited to watching and reading

I'll leave it at that.

[rbnyc]

53. We both do.

Sometimes together, sometimes not.

I feel the same way about porn as I do about eating meat. I think there are some serious, fundamental things wrong with the industry, but it's just so yummy.

[xchrom]

54. unless it was a solo thing

i'ld ask if i could join.

and admit i watch it too.

but that MIGHT be a guy ting.

[redqueen]

66. It's so not a guy thing.

:hi:

[mongo]

73. You don't watch porn

You're soft like a flower, redqueen. Porn you hurt your delicate sensibilities.

Just in case -- :sarcasm:

[redqueen]

75. hahahaha

Oh yes... must maintain "the feminine mystique" :puke:

[xchrom]

84. that's why i put MIGHT in caps.

i have some straight women friends that like to watch gay porn with me.

[redqueen]

87. Gay porn is the best...

the guys look SO much better!

[MissMillie]

55. It's not at all my cup of tea, so I would

hope that he would keep me insulated from that.

[elshiva]

98. Most porn especially Playboy stuff is so fake. Again, I wish they

would let some real women pose. Way too much plastic surgery going on and the results ain't pretty. I don't think nature intended for there to be human Barbies. It must be painful to have to have a wasp waist and breasts the size of watermelon. :(

Again, Marilyn Monroe, Bettie Page. Women your breasts are fine the way they are!

[RetroLounge]

57. I would fall over from shock

that she actually discovered a sex drive...

RL

[SeattleGirl]

62. Boy, I know THAT tune!

Pretty damned sad, huh?

[redqueen]

59. When I was a teen I was jealous of it.

:rofl:

Now I like the porn more!

No, it doesn't make you odd.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

61. What do you mean, "what if?"

We're horny mofos. And we're happy that way.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

65. No, you definitely shouldn't care.

It's quite normal for guys (and gals!) to watch pornography. That billion dollar industry has to be making money off of more than just a couple of people, ya know?

There's nothing wrong with it at all and it does not signal ANYTHING about either A) the strength of your relationship or B) his attraction to you. Porn is porn. Sometimes it's fun to watch. That's all.

[DS1]

68. You can get some really good ideas from porn

and then make your own :evilgrin:

[Crazy Dave]

70. Me and Mrs. DTW make our own movies

Then watch them together :evilgrin:

[mongo]

74. Homegrown video will pay you for them

I'm just saying -- it's nice to share.

[Crazy Dave]

76. Oh No!!!

They're for our private and personal viewing only. Plus when you have kids, even though all grown up looking around the internet, well....you've got to be careful.

[Trigger Hippie]

77. If my SO did that,

I'd join in. :evilgrin:

[Debbi801]

80. I'd wanna go help pick out the titles so that I'd enjoy watching, too.....

I enjoy watching "good" porn with my husband.

I have no problem with him watching it without me, either.

:hi:

[WoodrowFan]

81. can make a good soundtrack

a good p0rn flick can make a fun background sound track. er, or so I've read...

[terrya]

82. I would wonder if he DIDN'T, frankly.

My guy likes his porn, as do I. Just proves we enjoy it. No value judgments.

[Radio_Guy]

83. I prefer we read it together

I'm not so much on watching it. But I love reading it to whomever I am with, and love it when she reads it to me. We usually don't get to the end of the reading.

[plcdude]

86. well

we watch and read porn together and it is nice. You just have to be secure with your relationship. Literotica is a great site for stories.

[skygazer]

88. I don't think I've ever known a guy who didn't

And plenty of women as well. Now if he started watching Fox news, THEN I'd be upset.

[dback]

89. PORN or EROTICA?

Porn, to me, implies people being forced to do things which they don't want to do or are unnatural to one of the parties--stuff with kids, animals, torture, etc.

Erotica, however, involves consensual adult partners enjoying each other (and assorted acoutrements)as throroughly as they like.

I'd say, if it's erotica, definitely enjoy, and share as you see fit.

[mongo]

95. I think your terminolgy is lacking

Porn, to me, implies people being forced to do things which they don't want to do or are unnatural to one of the parties--stuff with kids, animals, torture, etc.

No, stuff with kids, animals (real) torture -- is the filming of a CRIME, any movie where the participants have sex without consent is a CRIME. None of which you will find on the shelves of any adult store.

Porn is adult entertainment, made by and for consenting adults.

[Skittles]

92. it wouldn't bother me if done occasionally

but if it was all the time - well, NO

[Pale Blue Dot]

100. ummm....

My fiancee has recommended good sites. :woohoo:

My recommendation: the absolute healthiest situation is for the two of you to watch together, and the 2nd healthiest is for neither of you to watch it.