All this time I thought I could feel good about myself... turns out,

[MissMillie]

I'm more pathetic than ever.

Saturday is my son's NJROTC military ball. I was invited because my son is a senior. One of the other moms asked if I would go w/ her because her husband didn't want to go, and of course, I said yes.

I bought a beautiful dress, shoes, shawl, earrings. I even spent money to do a practice run w/ the hairdresser so that we would know what we were doing w/ my hair.

The other mom has now told me that her husband wants to go.

So there's the table: Mr & Mrs. X, Mr. & Mrs. Y, Mr. & Mrs. Z, and and yeah, poor pathetic MissMillie--finally fit and trim and all gussied up, and still no one wants to be seen w/ her.

I can't go.

When I was as big as a house, I could go and sit there and it was ok if everyone thought that I was alone because I was big as a house.

Now, I have no excuse. I'm just pathetic.

I can't do it. I'm not prepared to sit there and be the one that no one is willing to go with.

[LynzM]

1. Aw, MissM

I would love to come keep you company. I wish it were closer by, I definitely would! I wish there were something I could do to help you feel better about yourself :hug: You've worked so hard, and you have much to be proud of. Buy a red hat, and show off, dammit! :) :hug:

[SeattleGirl]

2. MissMillie, you're being awfully hard on yourself

I understand how you feel (been there, done that), but I think you are taking this as a rejection of yourself, when it's just that the husband of the other mom decided to go. You are making a particularly harsh assumption in saying no one wants to be seen with you. How do you know that? Maybe -- probably -- there will be other single parents there, and maybe you will catch the eye of at least one of them.

Please go, Millie. Put on your beautiful new clothes, get your hair done, and try to go with an attitude of "Here I am!" Not "Here I am, all alone" but "Here I am!" And step outside of yourself, try to engage with the others. You may be surprised at how good a time you can have.

:hug:

[Robb]

3. PAGING MASSACHOOOSETS DUERS!!!

:D

I would so go!
(looks around)
I spy with my little eye, somebody better step up here or I'm hoppin' in the car! :bounce:

[MissMillie]

18. Is that a threat or a promise?

I've got a email into the commander looking for assurance that there will be at least one other adult there that I know who is going alone.

I really don't want to go if I'm going to be the only one sitting there all by myself. And it will break my heart not to go.

[crispini]

4. As a long time single female,

(that's me) you have to sort of brainwash yourself into thinking, "Why the fsck do I care so much what other people think about me? If I want to go somewhere and nobody else will go with me then by God I go alone and I enjoy myself." Repeat x1000.

Admittedly, this is an extremely difficult thing to do and it never gets any easier but if you can mentally convince yourself that instead of "poor pathetic me, I am alone" you move to "Look at me, I'm alone and I don't give a damn! I am bold and daring! I go places BY MYSELF!" then that helps a lot.

:hug::hug::hug:

[Maddy McCall]

15. I don't brainwash myself to think those things.

I *do* think those things. I could go with any Tom, Dick, or Harry, but I prefer to attend events alone rather than just attach some guy to my arm.

Plus, you never know who you'll meet when you go alone.

[MiniMandaRuth]

5. :hug:

I know what it feels like... I finally loose weight and now everyone treats me differently...

[huskerlaw]

6. ((HUG))

I agree with the above post about taking this personally. It doesn't sound like she was rejecting you, rather just that her husband decided to go.

I can understand not wanting to go alone, and I can also understand feeling like a lack of mate means there's something wrong with you. All of us single girls deal with that. It's easy to think that it's our appearance and if only we would lose weight, dress nicer, get a better hair cut, etc., someone would love us. But when you really think about it, do you want someone to want to be around you only because you're skinny? Or because you're wearing a great dress? Hardly.

The weight loss was for you, sweetie. You're more healthy now. You just need to work on the self-confidence...something that doesn't automatically come with a new figure. I'm guessing when you look in the mirror you still see the old you. Unfortunately I don't have any great advice here. I struggle with it myself. But please know that you are in no way pathetic and there are any number of people here who would love to be seen with you. I don't know you at all, but I can tell that you're a fabulous person...regardless of your dress size.

It's a believe in yourself moment. I know that's far easier said than done. But my advice is to go put on that dress, stand in front of a mirror and ask yourself what kind of person WOULDN'T want to hang out with you. And then ask yourself if you would want to hang out with them. You see, anybody who chooses not to hang out with you is missing out. They're the pathetic ones.

:hug:

[MissMillie]

7. I've been asking myself that for 40

Looks like I've got my answer.

Yes, the weight loss was for me, and being alone isn't the end of the world. It's not even the problem. It's looking that pathetic. All dressed up, maybe even beautil... but you may as well have the word "ALONE" tattooed on my forehead.

I was fine being w/o a date when I knew I wasn't the only one, but I've been over the guest list in my head a hundred times. It's just me.

And no, this woman didn't reject me. But that doesn't mean that I want to be the person at this event that the committee has to find a seat for because she doesn't have an escort. Let's see... where can we put her.... all by herself... we should be able to find some place for her.


I feel pathetic.

[huskerlaw]

8. I could say

something like "you just haven't met the right person yet," but I know it sounds like trite bullshit and it's not the least bit helpful.

Alas, I don't know what to say that will make you see yourself the way others do. If I did, I'd use it on myself. And I guess that's all the comfort I have to offer...you're not alone. Many of us, myself included, often feel the way you're feeling right now.

If we're alone, there's gotta be something wrong with us, right? That's what we're lead to believe anyway, and it's hard to reject that notion.

I want to tell you to go anyway. To stick out your chin and march in there like you belong, to hell with everyone else. But I also know that if I were in your position, I would be feeling the same way you are and I absolutely wouldn't want to do it.

I'm sorry that I don't have anything more helpful to say, MissMillie. I really am. Just please know that you're not alone, that many of us understand where you're coming from...and that we don't find you the least bit pathetic.

:hug:

On edit: the English language and I are not getting along today.

[lukasahero]

19. Hey - if you attended an event and saw a single woman there

would you think she was "pathetic"? I doubt you would. Single women are not pathetic. And if you want to be there to celebrate your son's achievement, then you should remember that it's your achievement too. :)

Edited for spelling...

[tjdee]

9. I feel that way ALL the time, but I still go.

I'm a bit younger than you are, but there are all kinds of things where little ole tjdee is there ALONE, AGAIN....not to mention all the parenty things where the moms and dads go together, but there I am, alone AGAIN... but I still go. If it was a thingie for the kiddo, I'd absolutely go.

At least you're not with a jerk, or a husband that's good for nothing but being a body to sit with.

You hate it, but you go anyway. You can't poof a great guy into your life, but that doesn't have to mean you sit in the house either. You've got the dress, you've got the hair plan.... go on. :hug:

[LaraMN]

10. It's for your son, right? It's not about you.

Honey, to suppose that you look pathetic is to insinuate that you will look as though you don't belong, if you're alone. This is not about being seen with someone; it's about being there to support your boy, right? You absolutely belong there- with ten friends or solo. Get some heels and hold your head high, your son deserves to see his mother proud of him, not ashamed of herself. Remember, he's a part of you, don't cut down yourself, and by extension, your son. You're a kick-ass lady! :hug:

[GirlinContempt]

13. Took the words right outta my mouth

[MissMillie]

24. Not exactly

My son gets invited to about 5 different Military Balls every year. This is the only one that I get to go to.

[Kali]

33. I agree

it's about son not Mom. Sorry - I do know how you feel, but not ABOUT you.

[Midlodemocrat]

11. Millie. Don't be so hard on yourself.

I routinely go to things like that alone, because my husband travels a lot. I don't think my attendance alone is an indicator of my worth, and neither should you. You are better than that.

[flamingyouth]

12. I know it sucks but you should go for your son.

When I was married, I could never get my husband to go to anything with me. Even though I was "with" someone he was never there for me. So I'd go to all of these events and end up sitting by myself with groups of couples. But you know what? People talked to me and I talked to them and I always had a good time.

I think you should dress up, look awesome and go. Have a blast. :hug:

[Maddy McCall]

14. Whoa. Miss Millie.

It's your son's ball. You are there for him, to relish his accomplishments.

I would go alone, hold my head high, and not fret a second that I don't have a date. Be proud of your son, and don't spend a second or remorse that you might go alone.

Plus, what about those two single dads who just might be there?

:loveya:

[miss_american_pie]

16. I'm incredibly proud of my single mother

and I'm sure your son is just as proud of you.

:hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

17. MissMillie: Go.

I hope that you go. I hope that you can quickly get over this feeling pathetic. :yourock:

[vikegirl]

20. Go and look gorgeous!

Cuz you are! B-) Act very aloof, like you haven't a care in the world about being "single." And you are *not* pathetic!

I know, easier said than done. But good luck! :hug:

[WeRQ4U]

21. That's not what they'll think.

They other people will probably be thinking "No date huh?.........this is my lucky day."

[RevCheesehead]

22. And what if some gorgeous, single dad is there waiting to meet you?

C'mon, MissMillie - you might be surprised at what could happen! Maybe one of the people there will see you and think, "I'd love to fix her up with my brother" or something like that.

Besides, aren't you really going for your son's sake? How would he feel if you weren't there?

Go and have a great time, and just enjoy yourself! :hug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

23. Miss Millie, you just go there and look as if you could have had your

pick of escorts, but none of them were good enough for you!

Then flirt with all the men there.

If you don't feel like doing that--put your acting skills (whether you know you have any or not) to work!

[Missy Vixen]

30. That's right!

>pick of escorts, but none of them were good enough for you!<

You go, girl.

Julie

[Missy Vixen]

25. You can do this.

>When I was as big as a house, I could go and sit there and it was ok if everyone thought that I was alone because I was big as a house.<

I am big as a house. I won't be forever, but I am right now. When I go somewhere alone, I walk in like I own the place. You should, too. Hold your head high, smile, let them know that you are Somebody.

You are beautiful, strong and powerful enough to be alone. The world needs what you have to offer, and so does your son.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson, widely attributed to Nelson Mandela

I can't wait to hear how the ball went, how many times you were asked to dance, and how many compliments you got. Go out there and shine, girl.

Julie

[ET Awful]

26. MissMillie you are being way too hard on yourself.

The only thing keeping me from offering to accompany you is that all that time you were losing weight, I was gaining it. Since I last bought a nice suit, my waist size has increased 4 inches. What this means is I have NO dressy clothing at all other than business casual and even that looks pretty worn.

I would just be too scruffy looking for such a lovely affair.

:(

[Patiod]

27. Two words, MissM -- "Camera Mom"

Years ago, I joined a theater group where I didn't know everyone, and they were already pretty tight - had all gone to the same prep schools and summered at the same places (whereas, I went "down the shore") I'm pretty outgoing, but in this group, I felt out of it.

So I bought a nice camera, and took tons of photos at the many parties and black-tie events they had.
"Liz! How about a picture with you and and your husband and your matching dress and cumberbund?"
"Hey, can I get the three lead dancers together?"
"Betsy, how about one of you strangling Dan?"

Then I'd get double prints, and go around giving out envelopes with photos. Got to know everyone that way, until I was finally comfortable enough to put away the camera.

So dig out, buy or borrow a camera -- that way, you're never just sitting there. People LOVE to get their pictures taken, and they usually welcome the interuption. Get pictures of families with with kids, couples, groups of the kids' friends, "all the Dads and their boys" "all the Moms and their girls". The night will fly by, and you'll have lots of great pictures of your son and his friends. And they'll be no need to sit, except to eat!

[Missy Vixen]

28. Hey, I've met the lovely Patiod

>Got to know everyone that way, until I was finally comfortable enough to put away the camera.<

She lights up every room she's in ;-), and so will you, Miss Millie.

Julie

p.s. Patiod, have you heard from Susan in NYC?

[Patiod]

31. Aren't you the sweetest thing?

I could say the same thing about you, too! We didn't know a soul there (it felt like everyone else knew each other from the Bartcop boards) and you and your DH, and "Oklahoma Bob" were friendly and welcoming as could be!! I can still picture Julie and her oh-so-glamourous Fun Pearls!

Haven't heard from a soul, and haven't been back to the boards in years (lack of activity vs. animosity of any sort)

Miss Millie - you can be sure there will be other singles there feeling just as "out of it", or bubbly friendly folks like JulieRB that are in any gathering. And truly, the camera thing works!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

29. do you have a platonic friend you can ask?

i often go with my friends to events that i dont have a date for....

[China_cat]

32. GO!!! It isn't that nobody wants to go with you

it's that you didn't want to hurt all the rejects' feelings.

Go. Flirt. Have a good time. Remember, this is actually more about your son than you. Pride in him should outweigh self-pity.

[ScreamingMeemie]

34. MissMillie, I am hoping you didn't go when you were big as a house

thinking it would be okay to go alone because you were as big as a house. That is sad. Beauty is inside...not the packaging it comes in. If it was good enough for you to be alone then, then it should be good enough for you to be alone now. Usually, at these types of things I am an island to myself. MrG never goes to anything and I just go and make the best of it, and be my own best friend.

Please don't get caught up in image and what other people think, because, odds are...they aren't thinking it...you are. :hug: