"Scooter," the new District Manager showed up today.

[Tyler Durden]

Looked to be about 24-25 years old. Baby MBA. Newly hired MANAGER for 5 PLASTICS PLANTS.

OMIFUCKINGOD.

"Scooter's" real name is "SCOTTY." Figures. Knows enough about plastics to tell the differences between tinfoil and Saran Wrap and that is about it, but has some "...REALLY exciting 6-Sigma-Style IDEAS..."

I have been working for this company WAY too long.

[evlbstrd]

1. Ooh, 6-Sigma.

Duck.

[Tyler Durden]

3. I'm a "Green Belt." OOOO. TOUCH me.

They said go to the goddamned training, then said make up a project and make it work, and that was it.

Been over for a YEAR now.

"Scoot" is HOT for 6-Sigma. and TOPS. and mentioned "Zero Quality." Oh Jesus.

[Flaxbee]

2. As soon as someone says "6-Sigma" I quit listening.

Sheesh.

If you haven't seen it already, rent "In Good Company" with Dennis Quaid, Scarlett Johannsen and Topher Grace. You'll love it.

[lpbk2713]

4. Did you get your Bingo card yet?

"Think outside the box" and all that other happy horseshit.

[underpants]

5. Wow that is actual corporate hell

:scared: Maybe you just need to change the paradigm

[LostinVA]

6. Sounds like "In Good Company"

Which was a REALLY good movie, btw... kudos to Dennis Quaid and Topher Grace, especially...

[crispini]

7. Just think of all the entertainment you'll have

watching -- if your company is anything like MY company -- your sluggish, leviathan, we-don't-do-it-that-way-HERE corporate culture stubbornly refuse to bow to his wishes and slooooowly, passive-aggressively, crush his twinkie little attempts at change like an orange in a ten-ton hydraulic press. Mwahahahahaha!

[Tyler Durden]

9. Naw. They hire mini-sociopaths.

Vicious little "Cost-Savers," ready to hold ENDLESS MEETINGS on how to cut internal scrap to ZERO while subsituting OATMEAL for POLYPROPYLENE.

Don't buy a Ford or Chrysler, kiddies. We make PARTS for those pieces of junk.

[crispini]

12. Damn, that sucks.

Eep. Sorry.

[Tyler Durden]

13. Know anyone with a PACIFICA?

Sorry about that oil fill tube leak, or that cooling system split.

Not REALLY my fault, but I do work here.

[Tyler Durden]

8. This is our "Quality Statement"

Just part of it; the whole thing causes irreverseable brain damage:

"Our culture is to be Flexible and Fast. We must be able to reinvent ourselves quickly through research and development so as to delight out customers by anticipating their needs and exceeding their expectations.

We have to aggressively reduce costs and maximize revenues to finance our continued growth, to reward our people and allow us to prosper as a business."

There are two more paragraphs. Anyone need MORE specious bullshit? This is supposed to be a QUALITY POLICY.

[wain]

10. You don't want to know what Scooter is making

At first I thought "white house" Scooter got a new job.

[Tyler Durden]

11. I figure between $70-$80K...

Minimum. And I found out: he's 26...in two months.

[DS1]

14. Wtf is 6 sigma?

[Tyler Durden]

15. You don't want to know...TRUST me on this one.

Suffice it to say, Jack Welch of GE claimed "6-Sigman" saved the company something like 6 billion bucks. This in a year where their SALES weren't 4 billion.

[amitten]

17. Oh, that little twerp won't last more than two years.

Don't fret.

When he gets fired, you can relax and he can move on to a job he's more suitable for...

It's a WIN-WIN for everybody!!!!!!!!!! :bounce: :thumbsup: :patriot:

[Tyler Durden]

18. If I'm at this Toxic Job for 2 more years....

...it will be because I died at my desk and they decided to have me mummified.

[bullwinkle428]

25. 6-Sigma is to Jack Welch as Dianetics is to L. Ron Hubbard...

[Tyler Durden]

27. OH, THANK you!

I am putting that up on my bulletin board.

I doff my hat to you.

[skygazer]

16. We have a new 22 year old assistant manager

I don't mind working for someone younger than I am - hell, at my age, most people in the workforce ARE younger than I am. But I do expect my boss to have some experience and common sense and this kid (for kid is what he is) has neither. He's also wishy-washy. He gave me a little "talking-to" the other day because I got 6 minutes of overtime. Six minutes. Jesus wept.

I've been working ten years longer than he's even been around. Sure, I'm gonna retire on that six minutes of overtime. I told him that as soon as he starts giving a little talk to all the people who show up 15 or 20 minutes late every day, then I'll start listening. I also told him to check my time and attendance records for the last 7 years and see how many times I've been late, called in sick, didn't show up, got overtime or received a warning. Six minutes. :banghead:

Twerp.

[Tyler Durden]

20. My boss has always been younger than me.

I've been here 9 long years and at 53, having a whole crew younger than you are isn't hard.

HOWEVER...

Been young doesn't excuse "Scooter" for being clueless and acting like he's Warren Buffet, or my boss for being a charter member of the Abusive Asshole Club.

[Bassic]

19. What the hell is 6-sigma?

Never heard the phrase.


Am I ignorant now? :shrug:

[Tyler Durden]

21. No you're not ignorant.

It's a flavor of the year in business. Statisical analysis Used with project management and problem solving to generate cost saves, but that's not what it was designed for.

Doesn't matter what it was designed for: it's similar to passing a law that everything you make will be perfect.

Think it'll work?

[Bassic]

22. Oh isn't that fun.

Yeah, that's gonna work fine.

In my experience the MBA is one big piece of crap. Of course you get brilliatn managers out of there, but my guess is that those are people who eould have been good at it no matter what courses they took.

I say this because the most stupidest, and by that I mean, idiotic, unintelligent, slow of mind, whatever person that I know... got one with flying colours. If that person can do that, anybody can.

You'd think that all thay they learn is how to come up with platitudes like "proactive", "downsizing", and apparently "6-Sigma"

[no name no slogan]

23. Six Sigma is so 1990s

I remember working for a software company during the dotcom boom who made software that "automated" the process. I thought everybody had moved on to "Total Quality Management" by now.

Makes me glad I no longer work in the corporate sector.

[Tyler Durden]

24. Everything Old is New Again...

TQM is from the 80'S, EARLY 80's at that!

[Hugin]

26. Best.Office.Thread.Ever.Award.

You've earned your 6-sigma!

Congrats!