So, who's up for a St. Patrick's Day 'Irish Joke' thread?

[Richard Steele]

An Irish man has been at a pub all night drinking.
The bartender finally says that the bar is closed.
So your man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face.
He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air
and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face.
He crawls home. Reaching the door he tries to stand up,
and yet again, falls flat on his face.
He crawls through the door and up the stairs.
When he reaches his bed he summons the last of his strength
and tries one final time to stand.

It's no use. He tumbles into bed and is soon sound asleep,
only to awaken the next morning to the sound of his wife
standing over him shouting.

'So... you've been out drinking again!'

'How did you know?' he asks, his head hung in shame.

'The pub called-- you left your damn wheelchair down there again!'


Anyone else? Post 'em if ya got 'em!

[Shine]

1. Guess we're on the same wave length today, friend.

I just started a thread with a silly Irish joke....
:silly:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=4901416&mesg_id=4901416


:hi: Great minds think alike!

Your joke was LOL funny, btw. :rofl:

[tyedyeto]

2. Top of the mornin' to ye. Here's my joke:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4900991

[Richard Steele]

3. We seem to have a 'drinking' theme going....

Since you guys already have threads going,
I think I'll try something different.

I'm going to go look for 'Irish jokes'
that DO NOT involve beer. That should
be more of a challenge!

But, just one more before I go:

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub.
Each orders a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over,
three flies buzz down and land-- one, two, three-- in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another...
the Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches in to the glass,
grabs the fly between his fingers
and shakes him as hard as he can,
shouting 'Spit it out, ya bloody bastard! Spit it out!'

[tyedyeto]

4. ROTFLMFAO

Good luck with your self-imposed challenge.

[ElsewheresDaughter]

5. top of the morning ...

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while, one guy looks at the other and says,
"I can't help but think, from listening to you, that
you're from Ireland"
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I!
And where about in Ireland might you be from?"
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and
so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on
McCleary Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so
did I! So did I! And to what school would you have
been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to
St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited and says,
"And so did I. Tell me, in what year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I
graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be
smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good
luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you
believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."


About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down,
and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his
head & mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight."
Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"

"The Murphy twins are drunk again."

[EstimatedProphet]

6. Colin Quinn is the only Irish joke I can think of

[Richard Steele]

8. And one that has become more tiresome than the Brazilian joke!

[Ryano42]

7. Denis

Traditional Irish Folk Song - Dennis Leary :)

THEY COME OVER HERE AND THEY TAKE ALL OUR LAND.
THEY CHOP OFF OUR HEADS AND THEY BOIL THEM IN OIL.
OUR CHILDREN ARE LEAVING AND WE HAVE NO HEADS.
WE DRINK AND WE SING AND WE DRINK AND WE DIE.

WE HAVE NO HEADS NO WE HAVE NO HEADS
THEY COME OVER HERE AND THEY CHOP OFF OUR LEGS.
THEY CUT OFF OUR HANDS AND PUT NAILS IN OUR EYES.
O'GRADY IS DEAD AND O'HANRAHAN'S GONE.
WE DRINK AND WE DIE AND CONTINUE TO DRINK.

O'HANRAHAN NO O'HANRAHAN

- solos -

THEY BURIED O'NEILL DOWN IN COUNTRY SHILLHAME.
THE POOR CHILDREN CRYING AND FE DEE DIN DE.
HIN FLE DI DIN FLE DI DIN FLE DE DIN DE.
IN HEY BIBBLE BIBBLE HEY BIBBLE BIBBLE HEY FLE BIBBLE DE.

O'HANRAHAN NO O'HANRAHAN
WE DRINK AND WE SING AND WE DRINK AND WE SING. HEY!
WE DRINK AND WE DRIVE AND WE PUKE AND WE DRINK. HEY!
WE DRINK AND WE FIGHT AND WE BLEED AND WE CRY. HEY!
WE PUKE AND WE SMOKE AND WE DRINK AND WE DIE. HEY!

[madinmaryland]

9. Here ya go!

An Irishman is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

:evilgrin:

[Richard Steele]

10. I don't get it.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[evlbstrd]

11. Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan

arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."

"Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim. But
where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an
accident down at the Guinness brewery."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm
sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout
and drowned."

Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least
go quickly?"

"Well, no Brenda, no."

"No?"

"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."