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Contest: Make up a fantastic tale of how Hal The Coyote really died

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MrScorpio Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-31-06 07:06 PM
Original message
Contest: Make up a fantastic tale of how Hal The Coyote really died
A poll will ensue and the winner will get a nice no-prize on me!

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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-31-06 07:09 PM
Response to Original message
1. He was chasing a Roadrunner, see, and the Roadrunner...
shifted into reverse and squashed him like a bug.
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MrScorpio Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-31-06 07:20 PM
Response to Original message
2. A couple of young toughs beat up Hal The Coyote in an alley
The cops are refusing to release the tape from the security video camera
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-31-06 07:36 PM
Response to Original message
3. Hal was shot while attempting to liberate other animals at the zoo.
He slipped Lunesta into the zookeepers' water cooler and set about opening the animals' cages.

One keeper, however, walked in his sleep and shot Hal and a handful of released animals including a panda, a baby flamingo, a naked mole rat, and a Madagascar hissing cockroach.

He does not remember buying the gun.
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NNadir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-31-06 07:52 PM
Response to Original message
4. Hal the Coyote was a fantastic swimmer.
In fact this is how he got to Manhattan in the first place. He swam across the Hudson.

This was no big feat for Hal. He was, in fact, an international traveler, having swam not only the Hudson, but in his various outings, the Mississippi, the Saint Lawrence seaway, Lake Superior (where he avoided Canadian customs) and, in fact the Atlantic, the Mediterranean and the Persian Gulf.

There was a method to Hal's "madness." He liked to collect shit for his den, a three bedroom outfit on Central Park West for which there was grandfathered rent control, as well as a doorman, a doordog actually, but that's another story.

In any case, Hal was quite the collector. In his den, he had a number of interesting things, some of the normal coyote stuff, like hollowed out goose eggs and take out food containers from various greasy Chinese restaurants on the upper West Side, but also many items of huge historical import. For instance, he had some of the Swedish crown jewels originally taken from Sweden by the great Finn soldier Torsten Stålhandske, who had either expropriated them or held them for safekeeping (depending on who you ask) during the Thirty Years War. How Hal came by these is not exactly known, but what is known is that Hal had other mementos that he should not have had, dating from a swim to a certain mideastern country with huge oil resources that has been occupied by a well known neocolonialist North American country ruled by Halliburton.

In particular, it seems that Hal had certain documents involving the employment history of a fellow we'll call in code "S.H." Included in these documents proving that this fellow "S.H." had been on the phone frantically begging his employers not to fire him over the "W.M.D.," and transcripts revealing that these "W.M.D" were, in fact, fraudulent.

Hal had been living quite high, so confident was he in his abilities to evade restrictions on his movements and the tracing of his activities. But the sad fact was that Hal was in over his head. Although his den was rent controlled, he had, in fact, been spending quite a bit of money with "bitches" down in the East Village, and on his famous "Dog Day Afternoon Parties" involving, in particular, some of the "white stuff," and we're not talking pigeon poop.

Hal thought he could pick up a few extra bucks to cover his bills with a little blackmail, particularly the documents relating to "S.H." and "W.M.D." Through is contact "Tony" in the UK he made certain inquiries and representations about what he might do.

Suddenly, the sleek, undercover Hal found that his den was no longer so safe. It was only a matter of time before his cover was blown, he was outed and then rubbed out.

That's all there is to it.

I'd say a little more, but I've got my own tail to watch.
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MrScorpio Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-31-06 07:57 PM
Response to Reply #4
6. You're looking good
Love that story
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MrScorpio Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-31-06 07:54 PM
Response to Original message
5. Hal was killed in a retaliation drive-by shooting
He was standing on a street corner, sucking on a lollipop, when *POP-POP-POP* went a gat.

Another victim of today's rampant crime wave
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Apr-01-06 01:20 PM
Response to Original message
7. The man in the book repository missed, but...
the sniper on the grassy knoll didn't.
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