I'm a "bad influence"

[hyphenate]

When I was younger, and in high school, I remember one of my friends telling me that her mother didn't want her hanging around with me because I was a bad influence. It always seemed strange, because I wasn't like a psychotic or sociopath. In fact, the whole of my influence was mainly to watch TV, read, and on occasion--the RARE occasion, to get drunk. (Even before I was of legal age to drink. My mother, of all people, would buy my Cutty Sark for me!)

I probably swore a lot, too, and didn't mind my studies very much, either, but again, I wasn't exactly a criminal.

The fact is, I thought for myself. I didn't rely on any stereotypical role playing for women, and because I went to an all girls high school, I was able to function without worrying about all the things girls have to wonder about and fret over under normal high school conditions. Because we didn't have to deal with "boys" all the time, our time was spent in pursuits for ourselves, and for the sake of our own happiness.

I used to question authority as well. Just because someone was in a position of administration or lawmaking, didn't make them right all the time. And just because I watched a lot of television didn't mean I ended up with the mind of a robot, because I didn't--as I see it, television sparked my interest in a wide range of information, and I was able to use my imagination to fill in the blanks along the way. I was 15 1/2 when I wrote my first "novel," which was a tribute to television shows, their characters, history and time travel. And all the girls in school eagerly waited as I finished each page, each chapter, making it probably more read than Silas Marner.

So now, looking back on those years, I can see why some people were "afraid" of me. I challenged notions about roles in real living, I questioned authority, I drank, and I was a smart alec for occasionally giving back what I got from others. In many ways, I think this one girl's mother looked at me as though I were Eddie Haskell to her daughter's Wally.

I never really did drink for very long, though. My first drink of choice, as I indicated, was Scotch Whiskey, preferably Cutty Sark. I'd drink a cup with a small water chaser. But when I decided to stop it, I switched to screwdrivers, and then sweeter and less toxic liquors until I was about 27, at which point, I effectively quit drinking completely. I might have a drink maybe once a year, but that's about it.

Today I wonder what ever happened to that mother, and by extension, her daughter, who was my friend. I say my friend many years later, at a WorldCon in Boston in 1989, but that was 16 years ago, and things change. I do tend to look at things differently sometimes, but it's because I perceive some things in a whole different way. And while I'm not averse to think about underhanded and questionable things, I can't say I have ever carried out any of my wonderfully sly scenarios, instead just enjoying them the same way I enjoy many of the fantasies I create for stories. I think, that as a writer, I see (like other writers) things in a completely foreign way than most: we see things the way "they might have been" when we want to, not just in the way they "are."

So, that's my story--just because I have some "street smarts" and wily notions, doesn't mean that I'm really a "bad influence," it just means that I don't think in more conventional ways, and I am subservient to NO ONE as far as what I believe or adhere to in my life.

I do admit, I was the "why" child. Each answer brought forth another "why?" until people would be so exasperated they would say, "Because!" But unless we make inquiries about things, until we can understand why something works and something doesn't, how are we to even have the most minuscule notion of our place in this universe? And if that means that daring to "think" is the criteria for someone to be a "bad influence," I'll take that moniker gladly!

[Shine]

1. What's "good" and what's "bad"? Hell, we all make it up, anyway.

As long as YOU are comfortable in your own skin and cause no harm to others, it's ALL "good", in my book.

Hey, if I remember correctly, didn't you just recently celebrate your 50th bd? I think it's great that you are fully embracing WHO YOU ARE. That's called Wisdom, my friend. Kudos to you.

:hug: :thumbsup:

[hyphenate]

2. I suppose it's a threat, though, to a lot of conservative parents

who don't want their children knowing more than they absolutely should. I was told once that my "street smarts" would get me into trouble someday.

Almost there--the big 5-0 is in three weeks and two days. And I will be traveling almost all day, heading to Vegas for nearly a week. I don't want to spend money, though--just visiting my brother and SIL, who has recently had surgery for cancer. I'm 6 months older than she is, and 10 months older than my brother.

[Gormy Cuss]

3. Your mother bought you Cutty Sark?

That would have put you on the watch list with my mother, although she never blamed our friends for the trouble we found ourself in or told us our friends were bad influences. We heard early and often that we had to learn right from wrong and behave accordingly. She would tell us if she didn't like or trust our friends but that came with a reminder that it was still up to us to make the right choices.

I lost friends because their parents just assumed that a kid from my neighborhood was trouble, which was ironic because I was a straighter arrow than most of their precious daughters. I had the street smarts, they had teen crazies backed by a comfortable middle class privilege. If I screwed up it would be reform school, if they screwed up it would mean a discreet transfer to a small private school.

I'm not a writer, but otherwise your description of self was similar to how I see myself. Maybe it's a generational thing.