Almost 43. What are my chances of finding a decent guy

[kiraboo]

at this late stage of the game? Thus far, it's been a WASH!

[WritingIsMyReligion]

1. I dunno.

I'm not the person one should turn to for romantic advice. My experience so far = what experience?.

:D :D :D

[kay1864]

2. Have you tried that dating website, the liberal one?

www.actforlove.org I can't vouch for it or anything (although I did meet Mrs. Kay on matchmaker.com), but it was advertised here on DU.

[MissMillie]

3. I'm in the same boat

not only is the pool of available candidate shrinking, but also

1) my standards have risen dramatically and
2) a lot of men my age have been married and divorced and are now at what I call "never again" stage

[kiraboo]

28. Yeah, well I understand those men.

Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

[MissMillie]

69. I'm not sure if I know what you mean by that

"damned if you do and damned if you don't"

:shrug:

[meow2u3]

67. You and me both

I won't marry a divorced man.. I don't want some other woman's reject, nor do I want the negative comparisons with the ex that almost always comes with marrying a divorced man. A widower, if he didn't kill his wife, I'll accept if he's right for me.

Second of all, he has gotta be Catholic (I don't want fights over religion), moderate-to-liberal, and stable, both emotionally and financially. Whether or not he has kids doesn't matter to me.

I'm 45, and we're both in the same boat.

[L A Woman]

4. are you hot?

not that it matters. men never concern themselves with looks. :-)

[kiraboo]

39. I'm 42 with three kids. How hot can I be?

Here I am:



I don't like having my photo taken.

[maveric]

45. You're a good looking Lady.

Do yourself a favor and dont "settle", just because you may be lonely. Someone as smart and beautiful as you will find someone great someday.

[kiraboo]

48. Thank you. I will certainly try to take your advice. n/t

[xmas74]

74. Cheer up.

You look fine.

I'm 31 w/ one kid and hair that is getting greyer by the minute. Men tend to look the other way when the see me out w/ my daughter.

Hang in there. There has to be someone out there!

[bigwillq]

5. You need to "put out"

That usually does it! :evilgrin:
:P :hi:

[Kat45]

21. No, that doesn't do it.

It gets you laid, but not necessarily the guy for more than the night. :D

[southlandshari]

49. Ahem.

:spank:

[windy252]

6. I'm curious

what do you define as a decent guy?

[arwalden]

7. None. Just Give Up... And Become A Lesbian Now!!

Make sure you mention my name to the recruiting officer so that I'll get credit for the referral and so that I can qualify for my free kitchen appliance.

[RetroLounge]

8. ...

:wow: :wow: :wow: :wow:

Sometimes even a decent guy can cause that to happen...

:rofl:

RL

[lizziegrace]

9. ...

:rofl: !!!

okay, define "decent" RL

:hi:

[Sugar Smack]

11. You have the greatest sense of humor, babe.

:rofl: :loveya:

[RetroLounge]

64. Thanks...

:hi:

RL

[trof]

16. mercenary

;-)

[Beaverhausen]

10. I found my soulmate at 41

You can do it!

[ET Awful]

12. I'm 36, will be 37 a week from this coming Friday.

What are the chances of me finding a decent woman at this late stage of the game?

[NewJeffCT]

13. Where have you looked so far?

maybe a new place would give you some new chances?

[Schema Thing]

14. You're going to have to settle for a *descending* guy

y'know, somebody already on his way to hell. B-)

[Deja Q]

15. I'm almost 34. Same rant applies.

The good men are taken are single or straight... or too far away, but I do like to travel...

[trof]

17. Keep checking the obits?

Ya never know.
;-)

[kiraboo]

29. Now that's just nasty! n/t

[Nikia]

43. Although that sounds morbid

It seems that males who have lost their spouse seem more eager to date right away than women who have lost their spouse. My two uncles, in their early 50's at the time, who lost their wives married less than 18 months later.

[xmas74]

18. Try living where I do and finding a decent guy.

Most of them left the area years ago.

[WolverineDG]

19. Take a number

:)

I'm in the same boat.

dg

[jukes]

20. define "decent"

43 is a fine age if you take care of yourself. old enough not to make grievous errors, young enough to attract many guys; just expect them to have some "baggage"...

[GoddessOfGuinness]

22. Give up hope. End your search.

That's when they show up. :D

[Deja Q]

23. Incorrect.

I only search at bars. No results.

I go everywhere else just to shop or do things. Again, no interest.

Ergo, the problem lies with me. What must I change in order to be liked?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

37. Love yourself, first and foremost...

Take a good long look at every aspect of you; and don't beat yourself up when you find something that isn't particularly attractive.

If you think there's something "wrong" with yourself, there is...it's the fact that you think there's something wrong with yourself.

:hug::hug::hug:
:loveya::loveya::loveya:

[Maraya1969]

65. My mother used to tell me if you meet a guy at ta bar he will always

be at the bar. Not a good picking choice I'd say.

I hear taking dance lessons is a good way to meet men these days. Ballroom is back.

Or you could go the Fein Shui route and make sure that you have doubles of the things around you - like 2 candles instead of one. And make sure you have a night table on both sides of the bed. Also if you are standing right where you come into your front door put some love things in the far right corner of you house. I had a Fein Shui lady tell me all this and when I looked I realized that I rent out the right side of my house and when I don't have a renter it is fairly blank. So I'm going to put some things over there again since my late renter moved out. She made some comment like : "There is nothing there" when she saw my relationship center of my house. It was kind of wild.

Of course then I met my husband and married for the first time at age 44. And then I realize he was bat shit crazy and we divorced. So don't listen to anything I have to say. :)

[kiraboo]

30. That's how I found myself married. It's not a foolproof method!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

38. Meaning "Finding yourself married is not a good thing"?

[kiraboo]

41. Meaning, getting married because you've given up

is not a good thing. lol

[GoddessOfGuinness]

42. Have to agree there...

Best to just be happy with yourself.

[Thtwudbeme]

24. Of course it's been a wash. I am your age

and men that have been available to us are just now growing up, and acting in a way that we can live with.

Trust me. You WILL meet Mr. Right Forever soon.

;)

I did.

So did another woman our age on this board. You are fine. In fact, the fun starts now!

[kiraboo]

25. Thank you. That's an answer I can live with.

Married for fifteen years and I'm on the way out. I think I want to be alone for a while, and maybe single forever. But I'm afraid of being lonely.

It's probably not up to me. I seem to have the worst possible taste in men.

[Thtwudbeme]

26. But, taste gets better with age

plus, men our age have been acting like jackasses for the past twenty years.

Now they are growing up.

Trust me. They are better now.

[RevCheesehead]

27. This damned boat is getting crowded, isn't it?

:hi:

[kiraboo]

31. True, but I'm feeling the warmth!

[LanternWaste]

32. about 87%.

O-kay, o-kay... I admit it-- I'm the guy for you. The One, Single, Perfect Guy That You've Been Searching For Your Entire Life. I've been ducking you for quite some time, but I'm tired of playng games and I'm feeling pretty bad about hiding from my feelings this whole time.

Ahhh... would that it were that easy. If it were, I'd call you tonight and ask, "should I make pasta or something *bizarre* for dinner tonight?"

P.S. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret-- a lot of guys in your age group (which includes me) are pretty damn shy when it comes to coming-on to women.

To answer your question, I think the chances are about 87%.

[kiraboo]

33. An awfully cute response. You give me hope, and for that

I thank you.

[southlandshari]

47. If I wasn't already head over heels for a decent guy of my own...

I'd ask you to let me make YOU dinner tonight, darlin'!

:loveya:

[DanCa]

34. I am 37

I got no job no prospects no future and I am on disabilty employment. I am the exact opposite of every guy you met :D

[YellowRubberDuckie]

35. You're more likely to get struck by lightning.

:shrug:
Or so I heard in Sleepless in Seattle.
Duckie

[maveric]

36. What's your criteria?

Are you only looking for a "professional", 6' -6'3", fit, finacially secure with own home, drives a Lexus, likes long walks on the beach and world travel...?

43 is not "late stage".
I'm a 50 year old male, unemployed, clinically depressed, partial amputation to left hand, stutterer with Hep C.

You got it going for you there! I wish I was 43 again!

[kiraboo]

40. A man I loved until recently is 53. I don't have any age

requirement. Well. Maybe that's not quite true.

[southlandshari]

44. I think your chances are better than ever.

I believe it is easier to find a decent - wonderful, even - man at our age than it was in our 20's or 30's. Plenty of them out there at every age, if decent is really what you are looking for. Decent men age well. A lot less game playing and shallow standards for most of us later in life, thankfully.

They are out there. Just be yourself, enjoy your own life and all you can do and be -- next thing you know, he'll be right in front of you.

:D

[ForrestGump]

52. Testify, sister

The same is true of decent women. It's never too late -- literally (I have seen plenty of examples, including within my own life and my own family) -- and even the narcissistic and self-centered among us sometimes mellow by the time they reach their 40s. Many of the rest of us have by that age been through the matrimonial ringer and, if we're caring enough and present in our lives enough, we've learned from our own mistakes and from the mistakes of our partners (and others in our cohort) and will be far better a person and partner than would have been the case 20 years ealier.

Good things -- some very good things -- come to those who wait. Or to those who suffer and are then delivered by love, usually when they stop looking and just be themselves.

I wish the best for you, kiraboo, and for anyone else who is feeling adrift in life without love. I lived there a long time.

:hug:

[Ilsa]

60. Well said and great advice! eom

[hyphenate]

46. It depends

If you are actively looking, it might be something that you will eventually stumble into. But see, if you're trying too hard, you might overlook an opportunity to be with someone who doesn't instantly interest you.

I've heard that not looking makes it easier to meet more people and your chances are that you will find some who will start out as friends, and some might become much more than friends.

But then, what do I know? I'm almost 50, and single. :shrug:

[kiraboo]

50. I don't have the heart to "actively look".

And I agree with you. Something that starts out with sizzle often ends up as a fizzle. Friendship first; that's probably best.

[u4ic]

51. Oh, you'll find him

he just may be with somebody else x(

Is there any room left in that boat? Forty in a few months, and single...

[kiraboo]

53. u4ic, you touched a nerve. Sigh.

[u4ic]

54. .

:hug:

[kiraboo]

55. Thank you.

[RazzleCat]

56. 47, single, but still finding guys

Hey, you may wish to look at exactly what it is you want. I have dropped near all of my physical standards in what I am looking for. I just may have found it too. Great guy age 50, kind, funny, smart, raised 4 boys as the custodial parent, and best of all a liberal. Now what does he not have, Hair and a trim waist. But I will trade off that full head of hair for all the wonderful he is. See, I started looking more inside than outside and found 4 or 5 pretty good guys in the last couple of years, at the very least I have expanded my range of friends.

[kiraboo]

58. I can say in all sincerity that physical appearance means

very little to me. And I can say with equal sincerity that just because a fellow is overweight and balding doesn't mean he is either honorable, honest or kind. Personality and appearance are independent variables.

[u4ic]

63. I'm in a 'unique' situation right now

so that's the key, not looking for Mr Wrong (have a chronic illness; was quite sick for a few years, and am now starting to get 'back out there' again).

Good looks, fast cars, fancy job titles...don't impress me unless there's a personality, mind and heart to back it up.

I'm not in a rush anyway...I lost a few years I can never get back, and I've got some living to do first! :bounce:

[Ilsa]

57. Personally, I think you are more likely to find a decent guy

being older rather than younger. To many young ones (DUers excepted) haven't got their heads on straight yet.

[southlandshari]

59. .....

:thumbsup:

I think you just said what I was trying to say, only better!

[prolesunited]

61. I found one at 41

In fact, I met him at a DU gathering and we got married in November.

I never had any intention of getting married, and really didn't mind being alone. I think he would admit that he wasn't ready years ago.

Life is weird. So, yes, it is possible. My sister didn't get married until her forties, either. And it was the first (and only) marriage for all of us.

To me, it's all the more sweeter and better. You have the perspective and maturity not to let the bullshit get in the way.

[radwriter0555]

62. Charity work. Find a charitable org that you LIKE, that means something to

you EXCEPT FOR ONES ABOUT CATS AND DOGS. (no offense to the cat and dog lovers)

And, to meet straight men, perhaps shy away from the gay-related charities.

Join your local museum board, medical fund raisers, etc., something that's close to your heart.

Good people donate their time to these orgs, and often use them as socializing tools... it's the BEST way to meet people with common interests. If they're women, they may have a co-worker, friend or relative who's single. If they're men, they may have a pal, friend or relative who's single.

So you do two things. You do something to help a cause you like and you meet new people. Kinda a win-win, eh?

[Patiod]

72. Or politics

I've met some nice guys since I became a committeeperson and worked on a few campaigns - of course, I was "taken" at the time, and probably put out that vibe, which is non-threatening.

I imagine certain Environmnetal Issues would attract a good assortment of folks as well.


My over-40 friends have had mixed results with internet dating sites:

- one met and married a CEO on a Christian website who was looking for a mother for his 3 girls (or course he seems like a controlling perfectionist, but hey, she wanted a husband and kids STAT and that's what she got)

- one met her current fiance, but only after her friends who were members of the same country club vetted him for her

- two are struggling through a lot of dates with, as they kindly put it, "total losers". we are talking stories that are so bad they're funny

- one is having poor results online, but she oozes sex appeal, so she does far better in person. THe problem is she wants rich, funny, charming, sexy and a fabulous body. Which is not what she got at 25, so I doubt she's going to do better now....

[BlueIris]

66. I'd say your chances are excellent. Mature women are doing better

than we ankle-biters, let me tell you. Didn't you read that article last year in the...San Francisco Chronicle?... "Women Drive a Mid-Life Trend"? Life begins at 40, baby. I predict that you will have a new significant other by the end of '06. But I will put you on my Positive Energy meditation list soon.

[APPLE314]

68. 4.23%

[Ohio Joe]

70. I hear ya

I'm 42 and never been married. I have this real bad habit of getting together with he wrong people as well. I keep trying though... not really sure why but I do :)

[Jokerman]

71. Just as good as if you were 23.

A "decent guy" wouldn't get hung up on age.

You're only as old as you think you are.

[leftofthedial]

73. define "Decent."

[fight4my3sons]

75. My mom found her "soul mate" at age 52 after two failed marriages.

I don't think it is ever too late. Ther are both so happy it is almost sickening :-)