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Edited on Fri Apr-14-06 07:33 PM by BlueIris
are the most important criteria by which I evaluate the level of desirability of a potential partner. Wealth or even financial security without any of those other things doesn't mean a damn thing to me. But that's me. Single, never married, no dependants, no significant personal debt, no intention to get married, produce dependents, or acquire personal debt. Healthy. Not planning on doing anything to make myself unhealthy.
For many women, a partner's material security is a factor for a lot of valid reasons. While I confess that I kind of look down on women who expect their partners to make "a lot" of money, or at least more money than they do, because to me that comes across as a little limited and superficial--I don't think that makes them bad people, people who are being unreasonable or even abnormal. And I totally understand the perspective of women who want their partners to make at least as much money as they do, out of a desire to be with someone whose attitude about money and life management is compatible with their own. Some other factors to consider when judging women who do expect their partners to have their financial shit together or even be prosperous: 1) It's more expensive to be a woman in this society than it is to be a man. Especially when it comes to the kind of health maintenance expenses women are subjected to, and the additional monetary burden women carry in relationships in which they are expected or forced to bear the entire responsibility for effective contraception and/or in relationships in which they bear children, or shoulder the bulk of childcare duties. The percentage of men in poverty in this country is approximately 10%, while the percentage of women in poverty is now more like 13% (you'd have to Google for the exact statistics, I only know 2004's--men: 9.5%, women--12.9%). 2) Women make less money than men.
Also, I'll admit that while I would never rule out a potential partner on the basis of how much money he made, my last boyfriend was terrible with money, was swimming in debt, (you do know that if you marry someone who a shitty financial past, you inherit their financial problems, right?) and became progressively worse on that score as our relationship aged, which made it increasingly difficult to have any kind of a life with him. I doubt I would get involved with someone who had never learned (and wasn't willing or able to learn) how to be financially responsible even during times when he wasn't prosperous. That's an important part of what it takes to be compatible with me. And even if it weren't important to me personally on the compatibility front, sometimes, questionable employment, financial status and attitudes about money management can be a sign of other mental health problems. Not always and maybe not often, but in terms of relationships, I won't be going anywhere near anyone who doesn't have the first clue about how to avoid financial ruin again. 'Cause I like my partners to be sane.
Pardon me if this was another Lounge joke thread I didn't "get." That happens. In case it wasn't, though...again, oy.
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