Kevin Federline reveals that he wants a threesome with Jessica Alba.

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

Kevin Federline had a candid radio interview with Big Boy the other day, and in it talks about wanting a threesome with Jessica Alba, choosing to save Sean Preston over Britney Spears if they were both drowning in the ocean, and thinking Britney Spears is better in bed than Shar Jackson. None of that has to do with Kevin Federline standing proudly on top of a Maserati, I just felt you'd need a visual reminder as to who the ass clown speaking was. Listen to the entire interview here, and then do something to get rid of the mental image of Shar Jackson and Kevin Federline having sex. I recommend dousing your face in bleach.

http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/05/03/kevin_federline_reveals_all.html

[Sanity Claws]

1. He and Britney are so trashy -- they were made for each other

Hey, how's that sock puppet coming along?

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

2. I just have to sew on the eyes and I'm done.

My next project is going to be making one of those "Apple Grannies"...you know, where you put the apple in the oven and it shrinks and gets all wrinkly and you put eyes and clothes and stuff on it.

OTHERS may complain, but MY life is FULL!

:evilgrin:

[Sanity Claws]

4. Photos please

Even if the puppet is eyeless, I'd like to see it. Would you like some help in naming it?

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

7. No, photos are Phase 1...

...Phase 2 is the unmarked white van parked in front of your house.

To paraphrase Frank Zappa, some things in life exist "only in the imagination of the imaginer"...

And that is the role I play on DU.

As far as names for the sock monkey, I think "Franklin" is the name I'd choose.

WHY?

Because...and this is the TRUTH, dammit...

I am a distant cousin of Franklin Pierce, 14th President of the United States, a man known for accomplishing...NOT MUCH AT ALL.

My BRUSH with FAME and HONOR includes a man who TOOK UP SPACE.

If you can think of a BETTER name for my sock monkey, I'd like to hear it.

:evilgrin:

[driver8]

30. Is that Johnny Bravo in that picture?? n/t

[ghostsofgiants]

3. I think I just lost 70 IQ points by listening to that fucking interview.

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

8. It takes an emotional AND physical toll, doesn't it?

K-Fed is the poster child for defying the odds.

Britney is the poster child for "You can have anything you want if you are willing to set your standards low enough."

:evilgrin:

[NewJeffCT]

5. I'm sure Jessica Alba is waiting for them with bated breath

not.

[skygazer]

6. Here's an idea -

How about we throw Britney and Kevin in the ocean and see which one Sean Preston chooses to save. :think:

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

9. She let the kid FALL ON HIS HEAD!!!!!

For Britney, the LAWS OF PHYSICS are JUST BEYOND HER GRASP.

1). Set your child on a high surface.

2). Leave your child unattended.

3). Your child falls.

WORLD'S...GREATEST...MOM...

and she's pregnant again.

God help BOTH of her kids.

:patriot:

[miss_american_pie]

10. That wasn't her

That was the nanny.

She did, however, drive with him in her lap. :hi:

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

13. Well, she hired the nanny...but you're right.

But my question is this...her career is in the toilet (it's been THREE YEARS since her last album of new material, which yielded NO HITS..unless you count "Toxic" and her Madonna French Kiss)...

WHAT does she DO with her TIME that makes her REQUIRE a NANNY?

Let me make one thing crystal clear...I love and respect women, and ESPECIALLY women who dedicate themselves fully to motherhood...

But WHAT has Britney done in the last three years that REQUIRES her to have a nanny?

As far as the driving goes, here's the photographic proof:



WORLD'S...BESTEST...MOM.

:silly:

[miss_american_pie]

14. I can't believe I'm defending her

Ack!

But anyhow, if she is as pregnant as the rumors have it, I can see having a nanny if you could afford it. Pregnancies exhausting anyhow, and she hadn't recovered from the last one.

I still think she should kick his ass out, though. ;)

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

16. Yes, and unfortunately...

...the various theories on DU regarding why Britney has held onto KFed are "highly sexist" at best...

I dunno...I'm a very old fashioned and naive guy. I think that the reason you get into a relationship with someone is that you love them, you treasure them, you see the best in them and want to cheer them on to BEING that "best"...

She's got her reasons for being with Federline, and those reasons are none of my business.

But what I DO believe is that Britney's career has been built on EQUAL portions of "talent" and "Sex Appeal"...

...and in the Federline years, "Sex Appeal" has LEFT THE BUILDING.

She may never make another album again. And if she does, the public may not embrace it.

But she's an ADULT. She's MADE her choices.

Federline is a leech, a prick, an asshole, an idiot...I could spend all day extolling his virtues.

In Japan, there was a "JPOP" princess named Namie Amuro.

Her album "Sweet 19 Blues" SHOOK Japan. The country was FILLED with young girls walking arounf trying to emulate her "look."

Her producer (and songwriter) Tetsuya Komura was a stoner asshole who moved to Malibu so he could poke Hollywood starlets.

Her second album was an incoherent, stoner MESS.

THEN she met a dancer named Sam. He got her pregnant.

While all of this was going on, a young lady named AYUMI HAMASAKI stepped forward to claim the throne.

Namie had the baby. She tried to "come back." She has to wait in line behind Ayumi, the current "Pop Princess" in Japan.

If Britney decided to forego her career in favor of motherhood, I respect that and applaud it.

If she thinks her career will be waiting for her whwn she's finished, I have no choice but to acknowledge her as an EFFING IDIOT.

Time will tell. Yes, TIME WILL TELL.

:patriot:

[Tyrone Slothrop]

36. Hey, hey, hey!!!

You think those cigarettes and Cheetos are going to smoke and eat themselves????

She's a busy woman!

[skygazer]

11. Well, to be fair

As I understand it, the kid was in a high chair, the nanny was getting him out and "something snapped" causing him to land on his head. And supposedly Britney wasn't even in the room.

I won't quibble with you that she's a moran and probably a lousy mother (the driving with the kid on the lap was absurd) but in the interests of fairness, by all accounts the kid wasn't unattended.

[NewJeffCT]

17. my question on that is...

Unless she bought some super fancy high chair, just about anything you buy is nearly indestructable... at least for a baby or infant. There is nothing that can "snap" unless it was put together horribly wrong. But, I guess with Federline or Spears assembling it, it is possible.

[Beaverhausen]

12. So glad he is reproducing again- # 4???

someone please snip this guy. NOW!!!

[LeftyMom]

15. Why is it always the people we don't need more of who spawn litters?

:grr:

[XemaSab]

37. The other day I wsa thinking about free spay-neuter clinics

and how we should support them.

Shit, I'd pay money to have KFed snipped.

[flvegan]

18. Who doesn't? I mean, seriously, I know some girls

That'd go for that, JUST to get Alba in the sack themselves.

It'd be the best 5-6 seconds of his life. I think you catch my drift.

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

19. I hear ya...ABSOULUTELY, I hear ya...BUT...

...it's a question of whether KFed can work the same "magic" on Jessica that he worked on Britney.

MY guess is "NO."

:evilgrin:

[flvegan]

24. I doubt Alba is looking for anything that goes by "KFed"

considering. Plus, she'd probably opt out of the whole "ridicule for humping KFed" thing. Plus, you KNOW he'd want to tape it. A leaked threeway sextape with Britney and Alba...that's top dollar.

[Name removed]

20. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

31. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Beaverhausen]

46. oh this must have been good

a little online sex talk is always fun!!!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

21. Federline, Spears, Alba: A threesome of reasons to shun pop culture

:puke:

[mitchum]

22. White trash with money

[Left Below]

23. I want a threesome with Jessica too. Even if the third was Laura

Bush.

I would send her for the party favors -- way across town.

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

25. Left Below - Laura - Jessica Alba?

Sorry, I'm choking on the "Laura" part...just give me a minute...

:evilgrin:

[Left Below]

26. Worst case scenario, bud! I would take Jessica and whatever I

had to as third.

If it were a Bush, I would send them to a crime scene of their making.

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

27. I hear ya, loud and clear...

...the answer to the question "How many Jessica Alba threads has Bush_Eats_Beef posted" is "PROBABLY too many," but...what can I say...I am male, I am weak, and I live my life pretty much on Jessica's terms.



:patriot:

[DS1]

28. meh

she's flat and pouty

[Bombtrack]

34. talk about bullshit. What is everyone below a D "flat" ?

Federline is a douchebag. But because he wants to bang a certain chick it doesn't mean it's free reign to say ridiculous things about said chick.

[DS1]

44. sarcasm, dude

sheesh :eyes:

[LostinVA]

29. Jesssica Alba is so not that trashy... or desperate

[JVS]

32. Good for him

[Mojambo]

33. That is one classy dude. n/t

[pointblank]

35. i wish someone

would just kick his ass one good time. he needs it BAD...his head is WAYYYYYYY too big

[UrbScotty]

38. ih8thegop reveals that he doesn't care (nt)

[NewWaveChick1981]

39. Ew, ew, ew!!!

I hope Jessica Alba washes her ears out with soap to avoid contamination. :puke: Like she'd even CONSIDER a threesome with K-Fed the Slimeball... That's too gross to think about. Poor Jessica... :(

My husband has a good term for people like Kevin and Britney: low rent. And they are very, very low-rent people.

[ghostsofgiants]

51. I have a better term...

Cletus and Brandine.

[SacredCow]

53. Disgusted that she has to be from my neck of the woods...

But hopeful that she won't come back, thus remaining someone elses eyesore....

[kay1864]

40. About that high chair thing...

Britney is now suing the manufacturer (yeah, like she needs the money).

More likely it's so she can extract more $ from her (remaining) fans, by claiming "it wasn't my fault, or the nanny's fault (that I hired)--it's the high chair's fault."

Oh and I discovered this whilst searching for news on the high chair... remember The Statue? Giving birth? (on hands and knees, no less) Well, just what you were waiting for...the rear view.



Go ahead, click on it...you know you want to...

[NewWaveChick1981]

42. Can you say "spit take"???

LOL! :rofl: Thanks for sharing!

[Beaverhausen]

45. Didn't they wait 6 days to take the baby to the doctor to be checked?

I'm sorry but those two should not be allowed to breed anymore.

[kay1864]

54. Well, yes and no

(the things I discover on the Internets)

They took the baby to the ER right away, and found he had a minor fractured skull (minor??) but no concussion. 6 days later he was lethargic or something, so they took him again.

But the important thing is I Found The Statue Pic!



I can die happy now

[underpants]

50. Now that's art!

:rofl:

[jukes]

59. she's got an ovipositor

just like the queen in aliens!

[long_green]

41. I'm sorry. I love Kevin Federline. He may be a genius.

He has no talent, no intelligence, he's not good looking, he has no redeeming features that anyone can identify and he's got it made (even when a 250 lb. Britney finally tosses him out). In any decent society he'd be pumping gas.

[kay1864]

43. So he's a genius with no intelligence?

Maybe you meant "He may possess extraordinary luck"? :shrug:

[Mike Daniels]

49. Extraordinary Luck sounds about right

Display no visible talent, fall ass backwards into a money pit and then spend your days not working while clubbing and drinking with your friends.

Nice job if you can get it...

[long_green]

52. What's more brilliant than that?

I should have said "savant."
A very cheesy and sordid savant.

[kay1864]

56. Okay, but I'm sticking with luck

Luck! Blind, stupid, simple, doo-dah, clueless luck!



(name that movie)

[Mike Daniels]

57. Eric Clapton once said that given the choice of.....

Accomplishing something and goofing off he'd choose goofing off every time.

Britney has more money than God right now and provided it's invested even remotely intelligently she'll continue to have more money than God.

I can't say with any definite force that I'd do anything differently from KFed if a similar pot of gold fell in my lap. I'd like to believe I'd find a way to be productive in some way but who's to say.

Although under the circumstances expecting a threesome would be pretty greedy.

[Beaverhausen]

47. yeah- so is Paris Hilton

:eyes:

[underpants]

48. LOL

In any decent society he'd be pumping gas. :rofl:

[ghostsofgiants]

55. You love him because he has no redeeming qualities...

And should be pumping gas...

Sigh, back to misanthropy for me.

[long_green]

60. Oh, I'm there with you.

I enjoy this man's slouching about with riches and notoriety for no good reason because it says such terrible things about our culture.

[dpbrown]

58. The best three seconds he ever had, no doubt...

:rofl: