Requesting advice: Friendship in jeopardy

[Coventina]

This is kind of a bizarre situation, but I'll try to describe it briefly:

My husband and I are friends with one of his co-workers & his wife. Not super close, but we've done a number of things together socially. My husband and the other guy work very closely together and everything has always been pleasant and amicable.

Well, we decided that we four would go see Madonna. When tickets began selling we all were on the internet trying. The other guy, I'll call him "Bob" ended up getting the four tickets. They are $95 each. This was a few weeks ago. The tickets have now come in the mail, and Bob is threatening to sell ours.

We hadn't yet paid him for them, operating under the assumption that we would give him the money when he gave us the tickets. I don't know what all was said between Bob & my husband at work over the issue, but apparently the discussion is "over". We are more than willing to pay for our tickets, we were just waiting for Bob to bring them to us & from where I sit this is all just a misunderstanding. But apparently Bob is so mad he won't talk to us.

Now, I am a HUGE Madonna fan. And I'm sorry, the friendship is OVER if he carries out his threat. In fact, I'm so mad that I don't know that I can ever feel the same about them, after being treated this way.

But, my husband has to work with Bob, and Bob is his superior. This whole thing sucks.

Any advice?

[Midlodemocrat]

1. I am not seeing the problem.

:shrug:

[Coventina]

5. Our friend says that he is going to sell our tickets,

apparently because we didn't pay for them before he gave them to us.

I guess you should always have the payment plan signed and notarized beforehand.

[Midlodemocrat]

6. I still don't see the problem.

Are you refusing to pay? Have your husband give him a check for the tickets. Problem solved.

[Coventina]

10. Bob is refusing to accept payment. n/t

[MissB]

11. Then Bob is being a bit of a weird control freak.

Let the tickets go. This incident may well affect your dh's job. I'd suggest your dh apologize to the guy for the miscommunication on the tickets, and make one last offer to pay and then drop it.

[Coventina]

13. I feel betrayed & I'm pissed off. I don't think I can just let this go.

Maybe when I cool down, but I'm pretty hot right now.

[MissB]

14. The only advice I could give

is to stay out of it. Bob is your dh's boss. It is never a good career move to have a spouse interfere with an argument with a boss.

:hug:

Hope you get to see the concert.

[Coventina]

21. You're right of course. Whatever it is, it's between them.

Although I'm collateral damage.

:mad:

[MissB]

8. Is there a trust issue on both ends?

Do you not trust Bob to give you the tickets after your dh has handed him the $190? Does Bob not trust your dh to give him the $190.

That is all a bit weird, which is why I'd distance the relationship just a wee bit.

[Coventina]

12. There was never a trust issue before, and we've done similar type

events in the past I.E. Blue Man Group in Vegas.

I was never involved in the transactions before, but it always seemed to go without a hitch previously.

:shrug:

[gollygee]

9. Say, "I'm sorry, I didn't know you wanted the money up front"

And give him the money and get the tickets.

[Coventina]

15. DH tried that & was told it's too late.

But there was no prior warning, just "You haven't paid me, so I'm selling the tickets."

[Shakespeare]

17. Sounds like he may be taking advantage of you, not the other way around

I'd love to know if somebody independently offered him $$$ for your two tickets; he may be covering his own ass while he tries to make a quick buck at the expense of your being able to attend the concert.

[Coventina]

23. I could understand him being mad if we took the tickets & DIDN'T pay him

The concert is sold out and tickets are going for way beyond face value, so maybe you are right.

[Sugar Smack]

19. "Too late"? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

What a freak. I've known people who are like that, who swing hot and cold for NO REASON AT ALL and they piss me off too. I'd keep my distance while your blood pressure's up.

Here's a hug from me: :hug:

[Coventina]

25. Thanks, Sugar Smack

I'm just completely floored.

And angry.

[gollygee]

20. He sounds like a control freak

and an ass.

I mean if it was just a misunderstanding, he should get the hell over it.

The above post that he might be wanting to scalp them might be on target too.

[gollygee]

2. Yeah what's the problem?

he brings the tickets to work, your husband brings the money to work . . .?

What's the deal?

[Coventina]

7. I really don't know what the deal is.

Your scenario is what we were "assuming" would happen.

[MissB]

3. Have your husband bring in the money.

To work. For the tickets.

Then have the relationship go back to one of Bob being your dh's superior, and nothing more. I'd still keep it amicable but not do "friends"-type events with them in the future.

You're missing a whole chunk of the conversation between your dh and Bob, but I'd go with the idea that Bob is a bit of a freak.

[Coventina]

16. Yeah, I would have to say the "friendship" is over.

If there weren't trust issues before, there sure are now!

[LaurenG]

4. Don't let him direct the friendship

If you like him, someone with a cooler head needs to communicate your thoughts. If you are angry it will only make it worse. Miscommunication is such a dumb thing to lose friends over. If he's your husbands boss he will still have to work there right. I'd be willing to let the tickets go. Be amicable but be sure he knows what you thought the arrangements were.

[Coventina]

18. It's just a really sucky situation, because they've been friends since

college, before they started working there.

Why get stupid over this?

Even assuming we flaked out on the tickets (which we WOULD NOT do) is that any reason to abandon a decade-long "friendship"? I put friendship in quotes because I'm questioning if it was ever a "real" friendship if it could end over this.

[MissB]

22. Sure it is a good reason.

You'll likely always remember this, and not fondly.

We cut ties to a couple that we've known for years. Dh knew the guy for more than 25 years, and we've known them together for nearly 10. They seem to need to create drama amongst our set of friends - pitting one couple against the rest - several times a year. The first time it happened to us, we were absolutely puzzled. Then a few months later they did the same sort of thing (create some imaginary drama) with another couple. Then six months later, another couple (and then back to us). We've all had to just cut them out.

At some point, it just isn't fucking worth it. There are some seriously whacked out people out there.

[LaurenG]

24. He is quite possibly just pissed off over something else

and taking it out on you guys. I wonder if he's having money problems. Something seems to be bringing out the mean control freak in him.

[Coventina]

26. You could be right about the money.

We've speculated (from observation) that they may be living beyond their means.