I Think My Friend is Stealing From Me! HELP!

[romantico]

I hope I'm wrong about this, but could use some advice. I have noticed lately alot of things around my house have gone missing. The only person who has been at my house is a close friend of mine who I have none for about 10 years. I trust this person more than anyone.

I have been under alot of stress since the begining of the year. Stress from work, relationships,family,financial, & so on. I have been very absent minded. I've done things like leave coffee on top of the car as I pull out, I've lost my cell phone about 4 times, my nano about 5 times, I forget calling people I promise to call, misplace clothes & so on. I know its because I have alot on my mind but the things I have been missing are rings, watches, rare collectables I keep stashed in my closet & things of that nature.

My friend has been coming over off & on over the years but only a few months ago has he been coming over a couple times a week. It seems like I've been missing things ever since. I wonde rif he knows I'm forgetful & taking things.What really set me off was last week. I keep a stash of cash in my house that ONLY I know about & know where it is. Its gone! It was ALOT of money! I saw it only about a week ago & now its gone.

I can't accuse him or even ask him if he took/or knows anything about it. All I do is tell him when I loose something. He acts concerned but thats really all. I have good neighbors who would tell me if anyone came to the house when I'm not there. I can't believe he would do this but I have no other suspects. I'm either going crazy or its him.

If I find it is him, what can I do? I have no proof at all.Can I call the police without any proof? I know they can't issue search warrants for something like this but do I have any legal course I can take? Any advice would be great!

[Heddi]

1. hmmmm

are you a renter? If so, could it be landlord/maintenance/etc?

If not, and if you are SURE that you are not misplacing things, then that's a really sticky situation!


You say that cash has been missing--what else? Jewelry? Electronics? Food?

Besides the cash, are the things that are missing monetarily valuable (like fine china or a nice vase), or just general household junk that isn't really valuable?

When your friend is at your house, does he wander around, or are you kidn of with him throughout your visit? Are all of your things that are missing gone from one room, or one area of the house, or are they spread out?

Oh nevermind..I see that you say that you're missing rings, etc.

How would your friend have access to the things in your closet without you knowing? Could you put a lock on the closet--even a padlock on the outside?

Honestly...perhaps a "set up" would be the best thing---go to a thrift-store and buy something that looks valuable but isn't. Or, alternately, take something of your own that you know is vaulable and is the same kind of things that has been missing. Put it somewhere that you KNOW it is--on a table, in the bathroom, on the counter, etc---NEVER MOVE IT. Make it stay there. Then, when your friend comes by, see if it's missing after he leaves. If it is, then you know its him. If you know it's him, then yes, you can file a police report. HEll, call the police right then. Don't let him know that you know it's missing. Just go into another room and make a call to the police. Have them come, They'll have the guy empty his pockets most likely. If your item is there, then voila! You know who your theif is.

If not...well, then you have gnomes in your home.

What a rotten situation! Sorry you're going through this.

[romantico]

3. No I don't rent

I own.yes, he does wander. I sometimes work on the computer & he'll go into the kitchen & nuke some food or go to the bathroom. I don't watch him all the time. Theres no reason, or is there? I know its not stuff I'm misplacing because I've torn the place apart looking for an exspensive watch,something I would not just leave around. The money is something he may have stumbled upon.Did I mention he always comes over with a backpack? He usually has magazines or stuff he's either giving me or loaning me (dvds, video games, books, etc.)I know its not me. Almost certain that is. It can't be anyone else. I know if I say something it could be messy. What happens if I accuse him & later find the stuff or find its someone else (but it can't be ANYONE)

[Heddi]

4. man, that's a tough situation

do you have a video camera? Any way you could invest in a cheap video camera, you know, watch over the areas he's in when you're on the computer or what-not?

Again, I'd have to advise a set-up. If you know that item X is on the table when he comes over, and as he's leaving you notice item X is no longer on the table, you have every reason to question him about it. "Hey, man, did you happen to see a ring sitting here on the table? I'm sure it was here just a few minutes ago". If things get messy, then isn't that kind of HIS issue, not yours? I mean, if you have no other suspects in mind, no one else that has a key, no one else that is around your stuff, I guess that's kind of "reasonable doubt"--circumstantial yeah, but if you're sure it's not you, and you can't name anyone else, then who else could it be?

Is there any way you could get ahold of his bookbag when he's there? Like he goes to make some food and you have to make a call so I'm just going to shut the door to the room I'm in (where his bag happens to be) and take a look through...sneaky yeah but...

Also, have you been to his house? Maybe take a drive and sniff through his things, see if you find anything of yours there.....

[LoZoccolo]

5. Or a webcam.

That'd only run you like $30 nowadays, and would be small. You'd have to run the wire to your computer though.

[Heddi]

2. oh and another thing

You say you have good neighbors who would let you know if anyone was coming by when you weren't there.

Okay--hypotheticals:

1) You say your friend has been coming by off and on for years, then more often more recently. Perhaps your neighbors have seen him on occasion but a) don't know you're not there or b) know he comes by often and thinks he has permission to stop by when you're not around

2) Among the things that were stolen, could he have gotten an extra key to your house to make coming and going more easy?

3) Can your neighbors see all sides of your house, all entrances, etc?

It's odd that (if he was the one to do this) that he was able to find a hidden cash stash--you said you were the ONLY person who knew about it and knew where it was---was it somewhere obvious (under the mattress or in a top drawer), or was it someplace that would really take some time to find if no one knew it was there? That seems kind of odd to me for someone to be able to rifle through your stuff and find a well-hidden item without you knowing about it, hearing them going through your shit, or seeing a mess, or above all, FINDING the person going through your stuff.

Aside from things being missing, have you notice things being misplaced, like they were gone through and then put back not in the order that you woudl put them back?

[romantico]

7. This HAS happened!

I had a REALLY nice watch on the end table. I remember because it was a day or two after the time changed & kept looking at my watch on the table rather than the one on the dvd player. About 3 hours after he left it was gone. I was looking for it to put it away. I know I'm not loosing it. At the same time, I can not believe he would steal from me.Theres just no other logical explanation.If its him, I swear, I can't trust anybody!!!

[LoZoccolo]

6. Step one: fill square Tupperware container with marbles.

Step two: put a piece of cardboard on top of Tupperware container and hold.
Step three: put Tupperware container sideways into cupboard so that the card - and opening of Tupperware container - face out.
Step four: close cupboard door, leaving some cardboard sticking out of cupboard.
Step five: yank cardboard from top of Tupperware container.

If anyone opens the cupboard, sploosh! Marbles all over.

I saw this on this show similar to Candid Camera like twenty-five years ago, and they did it in a bathroom medicine cabinet during a party. One guy tried to put all the marbles down the drain of the sink!

[azmouse]

8. First thing to do is change your locks.

It's a relatively small expense but it will let you be sure that no one is in your home when you are not there.

[romantico]

9. I guess

Theres no legal action I can take if I'm not sure.I thought about stopping by his place one day out of the blue. Only problem is he stays at his parents & his girlfriends & sometimes even his grandparents.

[skygazer]

10. As Sherlock Holmes would say

Once you eliminate the impossible, what's left, no matter how implausible, must be the solution.

If you're sure no one is coming into your home when you're not there, and if you're sure you haven't mislaid these items then it seems logical that your "friend" is stealing from you. So what do you do?

First off, change your locks. You can't be too careful.

Next, talk to your neighbors. Tell them you're missing some things and ask them to keep an eye out when you're not home to be sure no one is entering while you're not there. Eliminate all possibilities.

Third, round up valuables and secure them. Put them in locked cases or a locked room or a safe or somewhere secure.

Fourth, set up a trap of some sort. Something tempting. Put it on a table or dresser or wherever these things disappear from. Make sure it's there when friend arrives. See if it's there when friend is gone. If it is, then you can decide whether to confront friend or call the police. If it's not gone - doesn't prove anything. But it's worth a try, I think.

That's all I can think of.

[SOteric]

11. First,

http://kcsafe.com/?source=google

Invest in a good safe and quit leaving your valuables laying around to be pilaged. Whomever is taking your things will no longer have that opportunity.

Time will likely expose the thief, even if you're not able to set up surveillance cameras. One of the things you might consider is the minimal investment in motion detectors. You can get an inexpensive set of motion detectors at many hardware and home improvement stores. They won't do anything but make vast amounts of noise, but it will call attention to whomever may be going through your belongings. If you're in your home at the time, you'll know about it, and if you're not home, your neighbours will be alerted. Put them in places where no one should be poking around, and keep in mind they need to be out of the way of any pets.

Secondarily, reconsider your level of trust rather than all trust for anyone. I will grant I've got a few privacy issues, but I can think of few circumstance where I'd let even my oldest and dearest friends just wander about my home unattended. You're the one who sets the ground rules for visits in your home, even if it's simply by virtue of your level of attention/inattention and formality.

[romantico]

12. Thanks!

Lots of good advice. Thanks everybody!!!

[NV Whino]

13. You might also ask yourself

if your friend has developed any expensive habit lately.

[sendero]

14. That's.

.... what I was thinking.

[diamondsndust]

15. same here..

i was wondering if the friend developed a crack or meth problem. If it was me, I would check out area pawn shops to see if any of my jewelry had been pawned, or if anything had been pawned in the friends name. You may have to go to the police for this, I don't know.

[LoZoccolo]

16. Oh I just thought of something.

Leave some distinctive but inexpensive bait and see if it turns up on eBay.

[caty]

17. If you can't prove it, there is really nothing you can do about

what is already missing. Find a more secure place to put your valuables to protect them in the future.

We had a friend who dropped out of our lives for a few months. One night he showed up and told us he had been in rehab for valium addiction. He said as part of the "twelve steps", he had to apologize to people who had been affected by his addiction. He then told us that the last time he had come over to see us, he came to see if he could steal something from us so he could buy more pills.

Do you think your friend might have a problem like that? Something that would cause him to be desperate for money?