My sister is dying of cancer

[skygazer]

I'm not trolling for sympathy, just need to speak of it. She was diagnosed just a month ago with lung cancer that has gone to her liver and yesterday, I received a call from another sister that she's in a nursing home and very, very ill. She may make it through this crisis but it may be the end - either way, she's at a stage where it's doubtful medicine can do anything but prolong her life a little longer.

She's handling it remarkably well, with courage and humor which doesn't really surprise me. My sister has had a lot of health issues over the years (her back is all messed up, diabetes, depression, now this) but she's always been tough. It's hard being 3000 miles away when all this is going on and I really have no way to go back for a visit at this point.

It's also hard to even figure out how I feel. Sad, of course. There's grief and guilt at not being there but more than anything else is a sense of bewilderment. It took me by surprise - I feel too young to be losing a sibling and I feel quite flummoxed. It's almost surreal, as if I'm looking at someone else's life.

I just needed to talk, I guess and I'd really appreciate any good vibes, prayers or thoughts you could throw her way. Thanks....

[fearthem]

1. I will pray for peace that surpasses all undersanding for your sister.

[skygazer]

2. Thank you

That is precisely what she needs. :hug:

[fearthem]

4. Can you please give me her first name?

[skygazer]

5. Her name is Melanie

Thanks again. :hi:

[Southsideirish]

48. May God and all His saints and angels be with Melanie in her time of need.

[Blue-Jay]

3. I'm very sorry to hear that, skygazer.

I've lost a few loved ones to cancer during my life, and my mom is a breast cancer survivor (going on 10 years now).

May you find solace in the knowledge of a life well-lived. My heart goes out to you and yours.

:hug:

[skygazer]

8. Thank you

Cancer sucks, simply put. I'm so glad your mother is still with you.

[ALago1]

6. Best wishes to you and your family

It's always good to talk about these things, and you can be sure DUers will be willing to lend an ear whenever you need it...

[skygazer]

9. That's so true

This is an escape, a support group, a loony bin and a den of activists all rolled up into one. My kinda place.

[swag]

7. I don't know what to say except that I'm sorry that

you and your family are going through this. Bewildered and flummoxed sound like appropriate emotions with which to respond to something like this.

Best wishes and good thoughts to you and your family. Be good to yourself.

[skygazer]

11. Thanks, swag

And thanks for the reminder to be good to me - it's easy to forget that.

[Hugin]

10. I'm so sorry for your sister skygazer...

But, for you... You get a :hug:

Be strong.

[skygazer]

12. Thank you, Prag

I needed that. :hug:

[L A Woman]

13. Good vibes, prayers and thoughts...

headed your way.

Best wishes to you and your family.

[skygazer]

15. Thank you

And your "smoking pot" thread gave me a much needed belly laugh.

[Call Me Wesley]

14. Prayers for your sister.

Might she overcome her sufferings.

:hug:

[skygazer]

16. Thanks, my friend

That's what I hope for, too.

[xchrom]

17. you are in my thoughts.

i'm very, very sorry to hear your predicament -- it's a very hard thing to live through.

not easy.

[Midlodemocrat]

18. Prayers for your sister and for you, skygazer.

May this time be peaceful for her.

[REDKING]

19. I lost my Sister in January.....

I'll say a prayer and send all the good vibrations I have to you in this time.
I wish I could do more.

[skygazer]

39. I'm sorry for the loss of your sister

Thanks so much for your good wishes. :hug:

[UrbScotty]

20. Much love to your entire family.

:hug:

[Shine]

21. Skygazer, I am so sorry.

:hug: My heart goes out to you and your family during this difficult time. Has the family looked into Hospice care yet, or is it too soon? I am a Hospice volunteer visitor and cannot say enough about that wonderful organization.

I send all my best wishes for Healing, Peace and Comfort. Be gentle with yourself, my friend.

:loveya:

[skygazer]

40. Thank you Shine

I'm honestly not sure what the exact verdict on her condition is at this time - I would definitely like to see her in a hospice when the time comes. I think it's a beautiful and compassionate method of helping people through an incredible transformative time. :hug:

[Left Is Write]

22. I'm sorry, skygazer.

I'm sorry. I will say a prayer for her. :hug:

[mdmc]

23. my thoughts are with you, miss.

and I would also appreciate it if you checked out www.rigpa.org and the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Soygal Rinpoche. It changed my life, and I think it would be very helpful to you and your sis.

Peace and low stress,
Y'all are in my prayers.

[skygazer]

41. Thank you for the link

I've bookmarked it to look at in depth. :hug:

[mdmc]

62. your welcome

let me know if you need anything.

[Southsideirish]

46. Interesting website. What would be the best way to approach it

for beginners and would you share a little bit about how it changed your life? Thanks.

[mdmc]

61. I think that the best way to approach this would be to reflect

on impermanence.

We will all die. All of the needs that we actively work toward satisfying will ultimately go unmet. Simply looking at the big picture is the greatest launching point.

Also, please, follow your bliss. When you follow your bliss, you take a path that will lead to freedom.

"Of all the fertilizers available, the shit of a bat is the greatest. Of all the truths that one can meditate on, the truth of impermanence is the greatest."

I hope this helps. :~)

ps- I found the work of Soygal Rinpoche through my boss. He had found the book after a friend of his died. I was able to take all of this without actually having to worry about my own illness and passing.

feel free to pm me if you need anything. :)

[NNadir]

24. Please accept my deepest sympathy.

[tigereye]

25. Peace and good vibes for both of you

:hug:

[Robbie Michaels]

26. Sorry to hear this

Don't worry about venting. The worst thing you can do is NOT talk about it. Holding it inside makes it worse.

[In_The_Wind]

27. I'm very sorry, skygazer.

[gademocrat7]

28. You ands your family are in my prayers.

[brook]

29. My thoughts

are with you and your sister, along with my hopes that light and peace embrace you both throughout this difficult time. :hug:

[Bunny]

30. I wish her a peaceful journey.

And here's a :hug: for you.

[KittyWampus]

31. Love to you. Take one day at a time. Cry if you need to

:hug:

[u4ic]

32. My sympathies to you and your family, skygazer

I wish your sister a peaceful passing. :hug:

[TallahasseeGrannie]

33. I'm sorry

I hope these last days are rich for your family and leave you with comfort.

Take care of you.

[Joey Liberal]

34. I'm thinking about you and your sister

Jeez, life can be a trip sometimes...........

[skygazer]

42. You sum up my thoughts exactly

I feel like I'm just kind of scratching my head with a comical look of confusion on my face. It is indeed a trip.

[ikojo]

35. When my uncle was dying of AIDS, I was at the same

time sad to see him go but also relieved. See, the 85 pound man in the hospital bed was a shell of my uncle. I remember my uncle not as the man he was in the hospital, but as a life loving man who had a beautiful flower garden.

I hope for a peaceful transition for your sister.

[skygazer]

43. I went through that with my mother's death

This has come as a shock and a surprise but there is something to be said for a swift and peaceful passing as opposed to a long drawn-out period of suffering - for both the person dying and their family.

I'm sorry for the loss of your uncle. :hug: And thank you for your kind words.

[deadparrot]

36. Best of luck, skygazer.

Good vibes going her (and your) way. :hug:

[LynzM]

37. I'm so sorry to hear that

Much love and many hugs for you and your family :hug:

[rustydog]

38. Good vibes coming...hang in there

[miss_american_pie]

44. I'm sorry.

Your family has my prayers. :hug:

[skygazer]

45. I signed off and took a little nap

And came back to this lovely outpouring of compassion. :loveya:

I love this place. I really do. Thank you all. :grouphug:

[Xipe Totec]

47. We are here for you

Even when, sometimes, we don't know how to express it.

:hug:

[July]

49. I'll keep you both in my thoughts.

I know that may not mean anything to you, since we are strangers, but I know what it's like to lose a sibling, and I send you my heartfelt sympathy. Your location far away makes this moment hard, but try to focus on who your sister is, and on your memories of times together. Give her your love in whatever way you can, and treasure the part of her you keep in you. I'm so sorry. I hope she will have a peaceful passing. She sounds wonderful, with her humor and courage. That is her mark.

[Whoa_Nelly]

50. Giving you very good hugs and vibes

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Thinking of you and your family ((((hugs))))

Thinking of your sister {{{{~~~GOOD VIBES~~~}}}}

Please keep us posted when you feel you can share. The Lounge makes for a great rock, and a good shoulder. :hug:

[alarcojon]

51. Your sister is in my thoughts and prayers.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

52. My thoughts, prayers and best wishes to you, your sister and your family

I'm very, very sorry to hear this Skygazer :hug: Rest assured that you are in my thoughts and prayers:hug: :hug: I know words are inadequate at the moment but we are here for you and you and your family and your sister have our deepest love and support

[bertha katzenengel]

53. oh, god, skygazer

Your sister and you are in my thoughts. I can't imagine it.

[MissMillie]

54. I wish I had something profound and wonderful to say

but I don't. Your family is in my prayers... and please, keep talking as much as you need. That is the best we can do for you right now.

[RebelOne]

55. Sorry to hear of this.

I can understand what you are going through. I lost my sister to kidney cancer that spread to her lungs and liver. She passed away about 2 months after she was diagnosed. She was only 54. I will send some good vibes your sister's way.

[skygazer]

70. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister

It's such a shock, isn't it? I expect to outlive my parents - I hadn't yet begun to think about losing siblings. :hug:

[crispini]

56. Hugs, good vibes, and peace.

:hug:

[I Have A Dream]

57. Love, light and healing energy to your sister, skygazer.

:hug::hug::hug:

[Phillycat]

58. Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry.

My prayers are with her and you.

[japple]

59. Blessings and peace to you, dear skygazer, and

to your sister, Melanie. May the universe provide her with comfort and peace.

[Patiod]

60. Sorry to hear, skygazer. Be sure to get hospice on board early

I've never once heard anyone say they wish they hadn't gone the hospice route, or they wish they'd waited to look into it. Everyone I've talked to has said they wish they had gone to hospice earlier - they all say they had no idea the wide range of services that are available - home aides, home health aides, home nursing, and most importantly, doctors that are WAY better at pain management than regular doctors. Many docs are forced (by the FDA) to "ration" pain medication for fear their prescribing with draw the attention of the FDA, hospice docs don't have that concern, and the ones I've met and talked to worry about nothing but making patients comfortable. And be aware - hospice WILL permit (and pay for) palliative treatment! Your sister deserves the best care, and docs who will be sure she's comfortable.

Anyway, sorry if I sound like an evangelical for hospice care.

As to being 3000 miles away, at least you'll be able to be there for your sister in spirit - emails and phone visits are pretty important too.

[skygazer]

71. Thanks for the info, Patiod

I will contact my other siblings who live in the same area and relay it - we'll see if we can arrange for hospice care. That would certainly be my wish - I've never had direct experience with hospice but have heard nothing but positive things about it.

Thanks again. :hi:

[Orrin_73]

63. Im very sorry to hear about your sister skygazer

My father is diagnosed with prostate cancer a few months ago, I know very well what you are going trough. My thoughts and prayers are with you. May Allah help you, Amin.

[auntAgonist]

64. Talking is good ..

I can't imagine what you're going through and what your sister is dealing with. It's so hard to lose anyone you love. Are you able to talk with her on the phone? It's really tough being so far away isn't it? My words are not much comfort at a time like this, but my thoughts and prayers will be with both of you and your families as you deal with this. :hug:

sincerely
aA
kesha.

[skygazer]

73. I am able to phone her

She is so amazingly strong. My sister is one of those people who complains a lot when there's nothing to really complain about but when push comes to shove, there's a core of steel in her. She is so tranquil and tough right now and has her trademark caustic wit and humor going full force. I feel humbled and only hope I show that kind of guts if ever I'm in that sort of situation.

Thank you - I can't get over what a great outpouring of support I've received here. Not really a surprise - I've seen it before - but just a wonderful gift. :hug:

[Blue Diadem]

65. Oh skygazer, I'm so sorry

You and your sister will both be in my prayers. :hug:

[BlueIris]

66. I'm so sorry. That is very rough.

I will think healing and peaceful thoughts about you and your sister today (you can both be on my meditation list for Healing and Protection later).

[flygal]

67. I'm so sorry - many thoughts for you to at this sad time.

[terrya]

68. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister's fight, skygazer

I will, of course, send my good thoughts and prayers for your sister and you and your family.

:hug:

Terry

[Nikia]

69. I will pray for you and your sister

It is always hard to see someone who you are close to go through something so difficult and feel so helpless, not being able to make things better.

[bigwillq]

72. Sending out my best thoughts and vibes.

:hug: Your sister will be in my thoughts. :hug:

[Redstone]

74. God damn. If there's ONE thing you can do for her, it's to make sure

she has enough pain medication. Buy her some heroin on the street if the hospital won't give her what she needs.

I'm absolutely serious. She shouldn't have to suffer.

Redstone

[GoddessOfGuinness]

75. Good vibes abound...

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm so sorry for this terrible news. I hope you all enjoy every moment that you have with each other. :hug::hug::hug:

[LaurenG]

76. Skygazer

there are many of us here who will keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers. I ask that your sister and your entire family be filled with peace. I'll place her on every prayer and healing list that I come across as well, if it's OK with you. :hug:

[skygazer]

77. I appreciate that so much

Thank you - I will humbly accept any good thoughts and prayers that are sent her way. :hug:

[Kajsa]

78. I'll be thinking of you and your sister.

I went through this with my father nine years ago.
( pancreatic cancer)

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Remember to get enough sleep and eat well.

[Road Scholar]

79. One thing is certain, and obvious to me. You have a lot of friends

here. They all seem anxious to let you know how much they care.Please write all you wish and you will find that your friends here will share all that they can. My prayers for you.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

80. My dear skygazer......

My heart goes out to you and to your sister Melanie, and indeed to your whole family at this time of overwhelming loss.....

How I wish I could wrap you in my embrace instead of these words, that come from a distance....

Peace to you and Melanie....

Don't forget...that which is remembered, lives. :hug:

[Maestro]

81. I'm sorry to hear of this.

May her recovery be swift or may her passing be peaceful. :hug:

[NC_Nurse]

82. Your sister sounds really cool...

I'm so sorry that she's ill and her prognosis isn't better. I wish her well, and I hope you get to visit her before she passes. I wish you peace of mind as well, I know this must be very hard for you.

:hug:

[Stevendsmith]

83. Sending you and your sister my warmest thoughts

There will be good days again. Count on it.