In Soviet Russia...

[mwooldri]

If you've never heard this before you've never been to ./

In America we wiretap the phones.
In Soviet Russia, the phone wiretaps you.

In America, we watch the TV.
In Soviet Russia, the TV watches you.

In America, we complain about the Administration.
In Soviet Russia, the Administration complain about us.

Anyone got any other good ones? Mark.

[JVS]

1. Is that a phone in your pants? Because something in there looks good...

enough to tap!

[Nailzberg]

11. Oh, man. I've got to use that.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[BigMcLargehuge]

2. In soviet russia we have soap opera too

One Day to Live...
Search for All My Children...

[ghostsofgiants]

3. In Soviet Russia, car drives you!

[Nailzberg]

15. Nice. A second degree reference.

Peter's car speaks in Yakov Smirnoff. I loved that. :rofl:

[ghostsofgiants]

20. Haha, I constantly make comments of the sort because of that episode.

It's fun.

(In Soviet Russia, comment makes me!)

[Random_Australian]

4. Is this 5ome kind of bizzare american joke? I don't get any of these...

To me it sounds like "with all the hunger in the world, how do you explain concrete?"

What am I missing?

[BigMcLargehuge]

6. do a google search on Yakov Smirnoff

he's a comedian whose entire schtick was "in soviet russia..."

[Reverend_Smitty]

7. I believe they are channeling their inner Yakov Smirnoff

Everyone's favorite Russian comedian!

On edit:
It looks like he's performing in Branson MO exclusively...or in the immortal words of Homer Simpson "Vegas if it were run by Ned Flanders"...yippie!

[Nailzberg]

12. He's also finishing up his MS in Positive Psychology, I shit you not.

http://www.venturacountystar.com/vcs/lifestyle/article/0,1375,VCS_230_4683481,00.html

Smirnoff, M.S. Psych.?

No, he doesn't plan to put up a shingle as a family therapist. Smirnoff has a mission: to use his act and his books to help launch what he Voltairishly calls the "Age of Enlaughterment," a family-friendly Age of Aquarius where love and laughter heal all our psychic scars.

In his Cold War heyday, the Odessa-born comedian co-starred with Robin Williams in "Moscow on the Hudson" and was invited to perform at the White House.

[Oeditpus Rex]

5. My favorite Russian joke

Моё судно на воздушной подушке полно угрей ... no, wait...



:think:



The Soviet Minister of Agriculture was visiting potato farms. At one, he asked the farmer, "Comrade farmer, how is potato crop this year?"

The farmer said, "Comrade minister, potato crop is best in years! If all potatoes were stacked one on top of other, they would reach to foot of God!"

"'Foot of God?'" the minister said. "This is Soviet Union; we have no God."

"Is same thing," the farmer said. "We have no potatoes."

[Monk06]

8. Another good Russian Joke

A man goes to a Lada dealership to buy a car.

After ten years he's next on the official waiting
list.

He goes up to the salesman slaps his saving on the
desk and says.

"I'd like to buy a Lada with all the options."

Salesman: Sure all the options, steering wheel, set of
tires and half a tank of gas. What color?

Customer: Customer: "What colors do you have?"

Salesman: White.

Customer: "I'll have a white one then."

Salesman: Everything appears to be in order your car will
be delivered in three years on .......... May 24.

(Customer gives salesman a cold look)

"Will it be delivered in the morning or the afternoon on the 24th."

Salesman (perplexed): "What difference does it make if it's delivered
in the morning or afternoon?"

Customer: "The plumber is coming in the morning."

[bumblebee1]

9. The one I like by Yakov Smirnoff

In America, with Bud Light, you'll find a party.
In Russia, party finds you.


Here's another of my favorites: (not from Yakov Smirnoff)

There's a Brit, Frenchman and a Russian talking. The subject of Adam and Eve comes up. The Brit says: Adam and Eve were British. A British man would give the apple to a woman out of common courtesy. The Frenchman then says: No, Adam and Eve were French. For the love of a woman, a Frenchman would give his apple to the woman. The Russian remarks: Adam and Eve were Russian. They're both sitting there naked with an apple between. They're being told they're in paradise.

[KitchenWitch]

10. Vhat a countrly

[Left_Winger]

13. I once heard a Soviet say

"In USA you think you are free. In USSR we know that we are not."

[rug]

14. In Soviet Russia, there was universal health care.

In America, we die.

[datasuspect]

16. da komrade

is veddy funny.

[Feron]

17. I have a T-shirt that says..

In Soviet Russia shirt wears you

[ContraBass Black]

18. My favorite: In Soviet Russia,...

...Yakov Smirnoff hates you!

Coined by a DUer.

[NoPasaran]

19. In capitalist United States man exploits man

In Soviet Union things are the other way around!

[CanuckAmok]

21. In Soviet Russia..

Yakov Smirnoff hates me.