Etiquette poll: when you do someone a favor and s/he doesn't thank you:

[BlueIris]

You are

[tjwmason]

1. Other.

I start off majorly, no MAJORLY pissed off wanting to dismember them slowly and painfully - but then once my self-control reasserts itself, I realise that whether they should have thanked me or not really doesn't add up to a hill of beans and let it pass.

Unless I'm looking for a reason to be in a bad mood with them - in which case I'll slowly brood over it for days, perhaps weeks.

[BlueIris]

3. Sorry, I always forget 'other.'

I edited the poll, so you can now click on that option if you want to. I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one who ab-so-fucking-lutely HATES it when people who have asked me to go out of my way to help them don't thank me for it. Oh, and for the record, I am not passive-aggressively alluding to the rude behavior of anyone at DU.com whom I've done favors for recently (all of you are polite "thankers")--it's someone else who has just royally pissed me off by being so ungrateful regarding my sacrifice. When am I going to learn? And no, it wasn't one of my roommates; this was a friend. Grrrrr. SO pissed.

[Random_Australian]

2. Unruffled, but I do go to great lengths sometimes to not let 'em know that

I have actually done them a favour. Oh look, some nice person has (...) if I can.

Sometimes it's unavoidable, though.

Edit; speaking of that, I bet I could do the washing up now, and get all my flatmates done by the time they're back! No wait, it's too late at night. Damn, it would wake up the one already asleep.

Hmmmmm, a conundrum. But solving this stuff has made the way-smart person I am, so :shrug: I ought to be grateful for these opportunities.

[ScreamingMeemie]

4. When I do someone a favor it's because I want to, not because

I want them to owe me. I feel good enough without the head pat. Actually I like doing things silently better. :)

[BlueIris]

5. Ah, Mrs. Grumpy. Good to know I can always count on your presence

in the comments section of my polls.

When I do someone a favor, I don't feel that my expecting a "thank you" is the equivalent to believing the favor-getter 'owes' me something. Saying "thank you," for nice things people do for you, even if you say it insincerely, is a basic facet of civilized behavior in my book.

[ScreamingMeemie]

6. That is true. I just don't count on it in today's world.

I'm sorry if you took my comments the wrong way. I wasn't admonishing, I was speaking for me. :(

[Left Is Write]

8. I'm kind of the same way.

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

7. I'm especially thankful to you....

:hug::bounce::loveya: but, then again, I hope you know that already

but there are a lot of people who are have some kind of holier-then-thou thing, where they take take take, but not even say thanks. They think they deserve everything that comes to them, and in a way, they are right ;) heres to Karma

[BlueIris]

11. Hi sweetie; and yes, I already knew that.

And I totally agree about the karma factor in all of this.

[rustydog]

9. The favor is not being done for the thank you...

It is being done because it needed to be done.

[BlueIris]

10. I can't believe I'm in the minority on this, but whatever.

[Misunderestimator]

12. delete

[Rabrrrrrr]

13. I don't worry about. But I might be more hesitant to help next time,

unless it's someone who otherwise rarely fails to offer a thanks.

I have heard, and I don't know if this is true, that the Amish do not say "thank you" to each other for helping, because as part of their faith expression is the idea that helping each other is a natural and expected and necessary thing to do, and so being helped by someone isn't anything that one needs to express thanks for because it's insulting; it is to say "this was something that for you was an especially unusual undertaking."

[progmom]

14. Depends on the situation

But for instance, a few years ago I gave my brother a significant amount of money when he was in trouble. I barely got a grunt as a thank you. I was angry at first (though I didn't let on - he had enough troubles) but I realized later that he was just embarrassed about having to ask for help.

[China_cat]

15. Not livid

but definitely not inclined to ever offer help again.

[ZombieNixon]

16. Kill myself, sending my soul to hell.

(Either by merit or negotiation with Saint Peter). While in hell, I participate in Satan's 10-millennia long Abs of Steel workout regimen, thus granting me the strength to control the space-time continuum. With the power I pull that person forward in time ten thousand years and to the Sagittarius A* supermassive black hole in the center of the Milky Way Galaxy, thus compressing them down to the size of a singularity, never to darken my world with their presence again! :grr:

[BlueIris]

17. Still can't believe I'm the only "vengeful" vote.

[REP]

19. That's Because You Didn't Include My Vengefulness

While I would mention the ungrateful behaviour, especially if the favor was very inconvenient, the thing I'd do is make sure to never, ever do another favor that person again, ever.

I briefly had a 'friend' who regarded me as her personally errand-runner, and would actually sulk and pout if I dared to be less than delighted to cart her ass around. One time when I had a terrible bout with cellulitis and wasn't supposed to be up at all, she told me that my leg didn't look all that bad and I should come over and carry things for her (I also have a badly injured arm). Oddly enough, whenever her number showed up on my caller ID, I just couldn't get to the phone ...

[Omphaloskepsis]

18. I don't care..

I did it to help.. The reach-a-round is unnecessary. I can understand how some are stoked about getting out of a bind and they might not be thinking properly. Shit, I have found myself in that situation a few times.

[Heidi]

20. Other.

Understanding that others' behavior isn't, in reality, driven by _my_ expectations saves me a lot of grief. When I give a gift, it's because I genuinely want to, and I prefer giving anonymously when possible. :)

[BlueIris]

21. Aw, that's great. You are obviously a far superior person than I.

:-)

[Heidi]

22. Nope.

I don't believe that for a moment. I think you're a fine person, BlueIris. :pals:

The meditations you lead here at DU are among the most beautiful and selfless gifts I've seen in this big community. :thumbsup:

[NewJeffCT]

23. In China, you do NOT say thanks if a friend does a favor...

If you do a favor for a close friend or family member, they are not expected to say "thank you", as a favor from you should be expected without a thought as to whether or not you need thanking.

[BlueIris]

24. Oh, for fuck's sake. Nothing against the Chinese, but

in case this isn't clear from the damn poll--in my world, NOT THANKING PEOPLE AFTER YOUR SPECIAL REQUEST FOR HELP HAS REQIRED EXTRA EFFORT ON THEIR PART IS RUDE. It's also profoundly selfish, if you ask me. Clearly, others here have a different opinion, which is fine, but damn. I hope you're not in the habit of asking for too many favors, y'all.

[skyblue]

25. When I Open the Door for Someone I Expect a Thank You and If there is A

2nd Door I expect them to open the door for me. If I send a gift to someone and don't get an immediate thank you doesn't bother me at all tho'. If it's a huge favor I expect a thank you & then some. So, I guess it depends on the instance.