Blatant plea for sympathy...and a question.

[Harley Quinn]

I just found out my paternal grandfather passed in his sleep last night.

He had been ill for sometime, and when we all visited him on Sunday, we agreed he didn't have much time left. He passed away in his own bed at home, which is how he would've wanted.

After the announcement was made, the first words from my father's mouth were, "So do you want anything from the house?"

I have never, will never understand the practice of robbing the dead! Sentimental things are different, of course, as are anything my Grandfather would have wanted me to have. But, all in all, I find picking through a dead man's house for "treasure" bizarre. When my maternal grandfather passed 2 and a half years ago, I was appalled at the speed with which my mom's oldest brother swept through and began collecting things-even things which my Grandfather specifically pointed out for other family members. It was like some kind of twisted Target sale.

That said, here's the question:

Anyone else see this practice as wrong? Or strange?

[TallahasseeGrannie]

1. Not strange at all

It is a death ritual and helps people accept the finality. And sometimes it actually has to be done quickly, if the house is being sold, or in the case of my mother, her nursing home room was being emptied. It is NOT about material things. It is about heirlooms and memories.

My sympathies on the loss of your grandfather. May he rest in peace and put down his burdens.

T-Grannie

[Harley Quinn]

14. I can defintely see the sense in that.

When my maternal gradfather passed, I know it was theraputic for my Mom and Grandmother to settle his things. I guess it was the fervor with which my Uncle raided the house, even, as I mentioned, to the extent of claiming items the WHOLE FAMILY knew were supposed to go to someone else, by specific instruction from Grandpa. It was like I could envision my Uncle with a shopping cart...

[Oeditpus Rex]

2. I'm sorry for your loss

:hug:

I think your dad's reaction is a symptom of denial. It seems odd, yeah, but there're about as many ways to process grief as there are people.

[Harley Quinn]

19. Thank you

I wish the practice was just limited to my family, but it seems pretty common.

An update: Dad wants me to rent my Grandfather's home. I don't know if I could do that...

[Oeditpus Rex]

27. Give it time

You may later find that you're quite warm and cozy in your grandfather's house, surrounded by memories.

This is not the time to make such decisions.

:hug:

[Harley Quinn]

28. Tell them that! LOL!

I have to go help now...I think I may vomit.

[Midlodemocrat]

3. Dude, I can go you one better.

My FIL who lived with us and whom we supported, died in his sleep Friday. All of his insurance, a whopping $2000 has his useless daughter as a beneficiary, the same daughter who tried to choke him and therefore required us to essentially rescue him.

We are burying him in the VA veteran's cemetery and needed confirmation that he was indeed a vet. She found his dog tags and when his sweet girlfriend suggested she send them on to be buried with him, she said she wanted 'something from him'.

Never mind that she robbed the old man blind and got him to sign over the $600,000 house to her. She wanted 'something from him'.

So we get to lay out at least $10,000 for the funeral and this absolute witch from hell is coming. Is she going to contribute? No way in hell. :eyes:

[commander bunnypants]

4. wow

DOnt strangle her.

Leabve that to me

CB

[Midlodemocrat]

8. Hey come on over. The obituary will be in the paper tomorrow.

Thursday wake, Friday mass, burial and party.

[Harley Quinn]

10. Sounds like my aunt...

My father's sister. Constantly borrowing money from EVERYBODY, my Grandfather the most, until my Dad had the sense to get power of attorney and put a stop to that!

SHE'LL be first in line when the looting begins...

[Midlodemocrat]

11. I forgot to say that I am sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[Harley Quinn]

16. I think you're entitled to a little forgetfulness...

My sympathies for your loss and the ensuing BS that will arise...

[Monk06]

13. Torch the house while she's at the funeral. Adds a kinda Viking element...

[Midlodemocrat]

20. Except that it would be torching MY house.

So, no.

[Monk06]

31. You didn't say you were living in the house. I guess you'll have wait.

[Reverend_Smitty]

5. The last time my mom spoke to any of her brothers was right after...

her mother died and her brothers were doing that exact thing. They even took a necklace that had great sentimental value to my mom...so I sort of look down upon that myself.

When my paternal grandfather passed away we eventually had an estate sale because we couldn't keep the house...but it was months after he died. We had more important things on our minds the first few weeks after he died. Although I think it has to do with how tight knit the family is, my father's side of the family is a lot closer than my mom's side, so it was less of a free-for-all

I'm quite sorry for your loss...it's hard losing a loved one

[Haole Girl]

6. You have my sympathy

:hug: And, I've often wondered, too, why that somewhat bizarre ritual is necessary only hours after one's death. It always seemed disrespectful, to me, not to wait for at least a few weeks. But, that's just how I've always felt about it.

[madinmaryland]

7. I'm sorry to hear your grandfather passed away.

It sounds like he did it on his own terms.

I could never imagine worrying about my parents belonging when they pass. At some point after the funeral, yes, but not now.

That seems strange to me.

:hug:

[Mutley]

9. I'm sorry.

I think people do grief in different ways. Some people like the material reminders of the ones they loved, while others prefer memories.

[Ravenseye]

12. No, but it's ok if you do

Each family does things differently. My wife was shocked at how my family handles that sort of thing. We do it before the people die. Heck we do it before they're sick. For instance my sister and I already have much of my parents things parceled out. She gets the kitchen table, I get the groovy living room lamp, she gets my mom's diamond 30 year anniversary ring, I get the ruby ring she got passed down from my dad's mom...and so on...and so forth...

My wife at first thought it was very morbid...well she still thinks it's pretty morbid actually...but it's not like we talk about it all the time though. We just work that stuff out prior, sometimes decades prior, to people dieing. That way not only do we not fight over stuff when people die, but the people whose stuff it is get a say in it.

Each family does things differnetly though.

*on edit* condolenses on your loss *end edit*

[Harley Quinn]

17. My grandmother

LABELS things. If you look on the back of her grandfather clock, you will see my mother's name! Neatly printed, on a white label. The family is very tight and does discuss things ahead of time. For example, my Grandmother has a large and particularly nice collection of jewelry. Most of those pieces, while not yet labelled, have been divided amongst the grandchildren, based on age and interest.

I guess it's just the feeling of swooping in and snatching really dumb things. Like a paper towel holder! The bastard unscrewed a wooden paper towel holder in the garage! And the worst part is this Uncle has more money than the rest of the children put together! I don't know...it's just unsettling...

[Ravenseye]

23. Old habits die hard I guess

I mean if you think back to when we were hunter gatherer's (as if you could remmeber that...)

Ok what I mean is that if we were hunter gatherer's or less, someone dieing, you'd break down their tent, and grab their tools. It'd be a measure of your survivability to increase your tools by taking someone elses who died.

I think taking it to the level of a modern day guy with decent money snatching a paper towel holder is a little odd though. Labelling seems a little too obvious to me. Sort of Gauche.

[Harley Quinn]

26. We all think it's pretty odd...

but I thing Gram was affected by the bad blood the stuff grab after Grandpa's death generated. She just doesn't want her children to fight.

And, as a veteran D&D player, I understand and value the custom of looting the body for useful items! Can we just set him to rest first?

[Ravenseye]

29. Depends

Does he have a bag of holding type 2 or a ring of feather fall?

I tend to agree though. At least wait till the 'party' or whatever it's called after the burial to start rifling through his stuff. You don't hear someone died, and then go rushing over to their house to get a jump on the looting. A civilized person waits until the body is either ashes or in the ground.

[In_The_Wind]

15. I'm sorry you lost your grandfather.

If there are things at your grandfather's home that are special to you for any reason please ask for them while you can.

[miss_american_pie]

18. I'm sorry for your loss

People are weird about death and how they cope with it.

[seemunkee]

21. You have my sympathy

My grandfather had marked items as to who he wanted them to go to when he died.

When my mom died my brother and I took a few weeks to decide what we wanted and what we would give away. We had members of her garden club come and take plants that they would like, we laid out all of her pots and vases and had her flower arranging class mates come and take a piece. we sent a Lladro figurine to each of her old high school friends. After the estate sale we gave money to the botanical garden that she volunteered at.

[Harley Quinn]

24. Thank you for your sympathy...

That sounds like a lovely way to honor your mother's passing. I wish more people did things that way...at least in my family.

[JVS]

22. Hey, a good lamp can be hard to find and expensive

[u4ic]

25. I wonder if it's a generational thing

my family is like that too. (they also take pictures of the bodies at funerals)

My father started clearing my mother's stuff out only days after she died, and asked the same question to us. Other relatives were the same way...quickly get the deceased person's stuff out.

I found that the 'older' generation often has a more 'matter of fact' approach to death. (born maybe up until the 1930's)

I'm sorry that you lost your grandfather. :hug:

[Harley Quinn]

30. Thank you all for your good vibes...

and for convincing me I'm not alone in this.

I'm now being asked to go to the house to help. (Believe it or not, I'm considered the more rational and level-headed member of our happy clan, and thus perfect for the task at hand.) I can't deny the clan...I just hope I can avoid vomiting.

Bye...