Am I wrong to be really pissed off about this?

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

My mom put Frontline on my cats, which already have natural flea stuff on them. My friend's cat almost died from Frontline. My cats' vet doesn't recommend Frontline or Advantage because of cases like this. My mother KNOWS I do not put poison on my pets or use chemical cleaners (because I'm allergic to chemical cleaners). What does she do?

Put Frontline on my cats when I go out, because she "waiting for me to go out because I know you don't like it." The cats don't have fleas. They don't have ticks. I've used natural stuff on them for FOUR years and have never had any sort of problem.

Am I so wrong to be pissed off that she put something on my pets that she knows I don't want on them...especially since they sleep on my pillows?

[steely]

1. You have every right to be pissed,

unfortunatley, it's your mom.

A separate issue altogether from chems on kittys and doing stuff behind your back <shakes head in understanding>.

She meant well(?)

[trof]

You are entitled to "High Dudgeon"

on the trof scale of pissed offedness.
;-)

[driver8]

2. I would be pissed.

Do you live in your Mom's house? I am sure that she is worried about fleas and ticks, but she is wrong to do that when she knows that you don't want it.

Sounds like it's time for a little "heart to heart" with Mom. Show her that you are being responsible for your pets and explain to her how the "natural stuff" works.

Does your Mom have any pets?

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

5. Yes and yes.

I moved back home because it is so insanely expensive around here. I had a weird landlord situation and my rent was raised, so she offered for me to move back home. My job was also relocated to Mississipi, so I'm looking for a new job right now. She's been using the natural stuff on her two cats for the same amount of time (which no problem). Apparently, the guy at the pet shop told her Frontline was better, so that's what she did.

[Writer]

3. This was a violation of your boundaries, so yes.

I would make it clear to her that what she did was unacceptable because of your allergies to chemicals and that these are your cats, who you lovingly care for. If she felt that there was a problem, she should have spoken to you directly so that you could clearly explain how you like to care for your cats.

Otherwise, she should not be welcome back to your home. If she lives with you, tell her that you are considering a home for her. ;)

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

6. Unfortunately, I'm living in her house now.

She had been using Petguard's herbal flea collars on her two cats, too. We've never had flea problems at all. Some random guy at the petshop told her this was better, so she listened to him. I had already had a talk with her about it that I didn't care what she put on her cats, but that I didn't want it on my cats. So she waited for me to go out. Even when I came home tonight, I saw it on her cats and asked her if she put it on mine. She said, "no." I went upstairs and my cats are crashed out on my pillows trying to lick this shit off their backs.

[Writer]

8. It still is a violation of your boundaries, whether you're living with her

or not. Maybe you can keep your cats in your area when you're out so she won't mess with them? I would set clear rules with her. If she decides you don't have those rights, then get away from her, if you can.

[ThomCat]

4. I'd be pissed.

There is no reason for her to go behind your back and do something she knows you don't want, something that isn't necessary, to your pets.

Sure she probably thinks she's doing it for good reasons, whatever those are, but what if your cats got sick? How much would her good intentions be worth then?

I'd be pissed, and I'd let her know it.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

7. She didn't even put it where they couldn't reach.

It's in the middle of their backs. Midnight was freaking licking it a second ago.

[ThomCat]

12. Have you spoken to your vet?

:grr: Putting a toxin where an animal can try to clean it off. What the hell was she thinking?

[China_cat]

9. If you keep your cats in YOUR area

then yes, you have every right to be pissed.

If you allow them free roam in your mother's house, then suck it up...she pays the bills.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

10. Actually, the rich man my mother married pays the bills.

I've earned more money than my mother since I was 17. He's on my side with the cats.

[China_cat]

11. I'm on your side, too.

IF you keep your cats to your area of the house.

[Aiptasia]

13. I'd be pissed

If she loves fontline so much, she can put it on her wigs. She's not fooling anyone btw.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

14. The funny thing is....she refuses to use any sort of insect repellent

on herself.

[Shell Beau]

15. You have a right to be pissed if they are your cats!

I use Frontline on my dogs, but I haven't ever had any problems! If someone else were to do something to my dogs that I specifically asked them not to, then yes, I would be pissed!

[Left Is Write]

16. Of course you have a right to be angry!

I've never used anything on any of my cats (but I've never had an outdoor cat either).

[RebelOne]

17. If the natural ingredients have worked,

yes, I would be pissed off, also. And if your cats are kept inside, they have little chance of getting ticks or fleas anyway.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

18. They work. Never a flea problem at all.

My cats are indoor/outdoor (pretty much impossible to keep indoors) and her's are indoors (Ragdolls have defensive instincts bred out of them). The guy at the petshop told her to do it. And if she was so concerned about fleas, one would think our rabbits would be completely indoor rabbits, as opposed to indoor/outdoor (no flea protection for rabbits).

[Aristus]

19. Hell, yeah! Get pissed! She went behind your back to do what she did.

Knowing the whole time it was going to make you angry.

Well, don't disappoint her.

[underpants]

20. Reminds me I need to order some Frontline

thanks

[skygazer]

21. I don't think you're wrong

It's wrong of your mother to go behind your back. If the herbal stuff was working, there's no reason to do something she knows you disapprove of. Whether you live in her house or not. Even if the herbals were not working and there was a flea issue, it would be wrong to go behind your back - better to speak to you and tell you that you needed to try something else.

I hate it when people do that. I had a friend whose mother took her baby to be baptized while she was at work. My friend and her husband were not religious and didn't have any desire to baptize the kid. They wanted to let her make that choice when she was old enough to do so herself.

People are strange...

[ploppy]

22. I would

be pissed, too. Poor kitties.

[OhioBlue]

23. I would be upset with her if it was me.

I know how difficult it can be to live with relatives as an adult - the boundaries are probably a little fuzzy for her - you're still her child, but you are now an adult -

No flea problem, you are using an herbal treatment, some random joe at pet store tells her Frontline is good... you have allergies to it and explain it to her....

Sounds like some kind of passive-aggressive control issue for your mom... probably didn't have anything to do with her fear of your cats having fleas... even if she convinced herself that it did and she must do this b/c she (the mother) knew best....

Definitely sounds like it is time for a sit down - let her get stuff off her chest.... She could be secretly upset about ice cube trays, leaving a towel on the floor, etc. I would talk to her before she lets any thing more bottle up.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

24. She was even using the herbal stuff on her two cats.

She's probably pissed off about some mystery thing. Today I went out to run errands and when I came back, she was going through my stuff, claiming she was helping to clean my room. I feel like I'm in freaking HS again. I really need to find another job, start saving, and maybe move to a cheaper area of the country.

[OhioBlue]

25. She was going through your stuff - claiming to clean your room?

Definitely sounds like she's upset about other things. You never know, she could be hearing complaints from the hubby too - My step-dad would never address any issues he had with me directly, but would instead complain to my mom. Many years ago, I used to go over there and do laundry - I had well water that turned my clothes yellow... I found out later this would infuriate him (I used their dryer sheets, water, electricity, etc.) and he took it out on my mom, never said a word to me....

I lived with a cousin... we got into a huge fight over Corn Pops...

Lived with my brother and his girlfriend - I flipped out on them for leaving candles burning and falling asleep.... a total yelling match....

It's best to talk about the "little things" that are getting to each of you before you blow up at each other over Corn Pops, dryer sheets and Frontline. Even if you start looking for something else, short term, have a talk, be respectful of each other and discuss some boundaries... i.e., Mom, I understand this is your house, and I will work harder at understanding your standards for keeping things neat, and please respect my space and pets....

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

27. I don't think it's my stepdad.

He'll tell me rationally if he has a problem with me. My mom can be pretty whacked out in general with anxiety, ocd and crap. So it could really be related to anything...there have been bizarro issues in the past.

I understand random family fights. Last time I played Monopoly with my sister, I ended up with two lumps on my head. We get along great. We're really close. Every Monopoly game we've ever played has resulted in physical violence. You'd think we'd learn or grow out of it by now. We're 23 and 18 and beating each other over Monopoly. Ahh...families. Then again, there was that time I accidentally split her lip open with a Tootsie Roll. I was 20. I think there are some things siblings may never grow out of.

[OhioBlue]

28. lol - Monopoly battles....

sounds like the trivial pursuit arguments in my family...

Your mom has anxiety and ocd problems? That must be difficult. I don't have any insight on that.

I can only tell you that as someone who lived with several family members in my early twenties - that "issues" always seemed to develop. Nobody wants to hurt the other's feelings b/c you love them so much, so you let the little things build and it eventually leads to a huge fight. Sad to say, I've done the passive-aggressive thing. Rationalize it to myself as well... she didn't clean the bathroom, left the coffee pot on and ate my frozen pizza... I am the victim.... so what if I had company late when I knew she was starting a new job the next day ...

I have found it is always best just to address such things when tensions start to get high. Both of you will probably feel better. You probably don't even know some of the little things that are upsetting her.

Best of luck. I hope you and your mom can get things worked out. For the record, every family member that I lived with and I are now very close and after a few months we were always able to laugh about the little things that seemed to irritate us so much at the time. I am not minimizing your situation at all - I would have been upset too. I just want to share with you that in my experience, tensions always seem to rise when you live with someone as an adult. It can be so miserable at the time, but eventually it will be an after thought. It can also be a much better experience if you can just have an open conversation about the things that are upsetting both of you - just make sure it is approached in an understanding, calm, and respectful manner.

[donco6]

26. I would be really upset.

I have a long list of allergies (it really sucks). One thing I'm *really* allergic to is dryer sheets - maybe the perfume, I dunno. Anyway, I told my then-partner that I just can't have any of my clothes dried with that. He always pooh-poohed my allergies, so he started using the sheets and didn't tell me. So we went on a trip to San Fran and he did some underwear in the dryer. By the end of the first day, the inside of my legs were covered with icky blisters! Damn! I'm still mad at him for that.

So yeah, I'd be pissed. I don't ever use that stuff on my animals. They can't tell me when something is making them sick.

[KittyWampus]

29. I would be furious. Used that crap on my kitties ONCE. They still managed

to get to it by licking and ended up foaming at the mouth. Freaked me out. Never again.

My cats are my fur-babies. Do NOT mess with my cats.