What's wrong with this outfit?

[Deja Q]

Be honest.

[Gold Metal Flake]

1. The vest presents an inverted V effect...

Widening the gut and narrowing the shoulders. The wide collar is 70s looking, and I was there.

Hope this helps, and I ain't trying to be mean or nothing.

:hi:

[Deja Q]

2. Thank you.

Like I said, I appreciate honesty.

I liked the wide collar look... but the rest of it, yowzers - you're right.

[ForrestGump]

9. You could always close the vest

That'll get the vee back in the right direction. That's usually how I've worn vests. I'm pretty broad, and vests tend to hang from my shoulders and make me look more square in the torso than I am, if they're open. Not that I usually care, but buttoning it up so it contours somewhat to my body is definitely more flattering, I think. Ditto suit jackets.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

3. Hail, Robin of Locksley!

Just kidding -- I don't know crap about fashion. :D

[Deja Q]

4. LOL

But in seriousness I'm trying to fathom why I got giggled at tonight (in no less than 3 places... the amount of sweat I was producing didn't help either; this muggy atmosphere is near-lethal.)

Oh, here's Robin of Locksley in action:

[CornField]

10. Upon closer inspection...

Dude! My 6-year-old won't even wear velcro shoes anymore.

[SammyWinstonJack]

50. !

:spray:

[SoCalDem]

31. I know you like vests, but.. You have too much layering going on

tee shirt & jeans....ok
button shirt & jeans....ok
vest...bzzzzzzzzt

[ForrestGump]

33. Wrong

Vest and no shirt = okay :D

Mr Toad and I are now going to perform our rendition of "Macho Man"...

[CornField]

5. The colors bug me

That is, I think it might look better with khakis or brown pants in lieu of the black. The shoes would also need to be switched. The line between the light shirt and the black pants is a stark contrast (which the 'v' adds to) and it really draws the eye right to the stomach area. When it comes down to it, you want folks to focus on you and not your clothing -- especially not to have the eyes drawn to your waistline (well, unless you're planning to stuff your crotch or something). ;)

[Deja Q]

7. !

It's not stuffed! But, yeah with the waistline...

My sartorial taste has never been refined, I must admit.

Should I wear all black? :evilgrin:

[ForrestGump]

6. Your fly's open

Other than that, no problem. I like it. I am, of course, a fashion-challenged male, but my opinion holds despite that self-realization.

Actually, might look cool with just the T-shirt under the vest, without the shirt...but that could just be a preference unique to me (and to Paul McCartney).

I like vests (though I lost my favorite, a gunmetal/black paisley one, years ago, and rarely wear my brown leather vest...I have a studded vest that's a replica of one of Elvis', but that's work attire) and I don't care about people (okay, my ex-sister-in-law) who turn their nose up at 'em because they're allegedly passé. One thing I like about the UK...lots of people running around in passé vests. :D That's where I got my leather vest, actually...cheap, too.

I'm excited right now 'cos, after a few years of wanting one and almost getting one from the (freaky) International Male catalog, I'm getting a lace-up pirate style shirt. Ordered it from some 'goth' clothing outfit in Germany. Yea, verily, I give not a f*** for anyone's opinion on my sartorial selections, nor do I care that the heyday of the laced-front shirt was 35 years ago...so was the heyday of my sideburns. :D

In fact, the fact that I run around half the time dressed like Elvis (for a living, not because I'm psychotic or have a terminal identity crisis) probably has a lot to do with me deciding I can wear something like this out and about. I've upped the bar...raised my tolerance level. Besides, I already get "Elvis!" when I'm going about my civilian business, so wearing a shirt that kinda looks like it's from his '70s closet (though I've always liked these shirts, probably a holdover from watching Captain Blood and Zorro, or whatever, as a kid) isn't going to make a whole lot of difference in that respect.

My long-awaited shirt:



Dude, I'll totally be styling! :-)

[Deja Q]

8. That shirt is AWESOME.

Okey doke, vest + Tshirt, no regular shirt in the middle. Of course, that shows my belly and while it used to be much bigger, it's still there...

[ForrestGump]

14. Or skip the T-shirt and go for the regular shirt,

but make it a longsleeved one and maybe roll the sleeves up at least partway. :-)

Actually, I bet you'd suit Elvis' studded vest and puffy-sleeved shirt that I mentioned earlier, based on how you looked in that renaissance-type garb:



Though, of course, that one would have any place atwitter if you walked in...I mean, outside of Las Vegas... :D

[YellowRubberDuckie]

52. Forrest, I'm going to have to ask you not to give fashion advice.

Please do not lead other astray along with you.
:evilgrin:

[auntAgonist]

11. hey my husband has a shirt like that...

He is a way cool dresser :)

:hi:

aA

[ForrestGump]

15. Of course he is!

I like his style, already! :D

:hi:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. sexy shirt!

The Goddess is smiling upon you:

[ForrestGump]

20. Thanks, Ms Goddess!

:hi:

But I'm too sexy for my shirt.

Actually, this is the shirt I originally thought about getting:



But I decided to try the less extreme one first, and see how it goes. :-)

Who knew I was a Goth? Not me, anyway.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

21. What's that weird thing around the waist?

Is that one of those tummy-trimmer belts?
I like the laces, though. :D

[ForrestGump]

22. Ever heard of men carrying a spare tire around the waist?

Well, that's what one looks like, deflated. :P

I'd tuck it in, probably, though it might look most Swave and Deboner (in a romance-novel-cover sort of way, or perhaps in tribute to the likes of Elvis and Jim Morrison) to wear it out with a concho belt where the inner tube is. Oooo.... Pity that my concho belt isn't one of the really cool ones, that start at $400 or more... :-(

[GoddessOfGuinness]

26. This would look cool with it...

[ForrestGump]

28. Oooo...nice. Good eye.

I really, really, really want (have wanted, since I first saw 'em up close and personal 21 years ago) a real, solid, silver concho belt that has turquoise-topped oval conchos interspersed with butterflies on a leather belt, but even back then they started at $400 for pretty basic ones and they go up into the thousands, darn it. Hard to justify spending that much on a belt that doesn't even fit belt loops. :-(

Let's face it...I covet Elvis' wardrobe... :D

[YellowRubberDuckie]

53. It's great....if you're hitting the Medieval Fair.

If you're going out to eat at the BBQ place, that's a whole other thing entirely.
Duckie

[ForrestGump]

56. But only because

the laces might get BBQ sauce on 'em... :P

[ScreamingMeemie]

43. Men's chests look awesome in lace up shirts.

I wish MrG would wear one. :hi:

[ForrestGump]

57. I wish

Mrs G would wear one! :evilgrin:

[khashka]

12. The vest is overkill

and makes you look kinda frumpy. The shirt and Tshirt look good though.

Best advice.... get rid if the vest! I like em too, but this time.... not such a great idea.

Khash.

[Ava]

13. the v neck

and the button up shirt is way too loose on you! :hi:

it would have looked good if you had just the green shirt.

[radwriter0555]

16. Okay, I love you but... short sleeve button down shirts are wrong. Please

get rid of all of them. Forever. Never buy or wear one again.

The shirt (it should be long sleeved, sleeves rolled up, and pure, clean white cotton not a poly blend, preferably Polo) is too unbuttoned. It should be buttoned up to one button below the neckline of the tee shirt... which you could do without, but it's quite all right.

Those trousers don't fit you very well. They're too loose and baggy all over. I suggest you go into Gap and try on every single pair of jeans they have, and go for a nice black jean (wash inside out, cold, never put in the dryer on hot, always cool) that fits tight across the ass. NO PLEATS EVER.

You need a classic straight leg jean/trouser. Go for the same look in your cords, etc.

Now, if you have a well fitted pair of jeans/pants, you can possibly leave the shirt untucked, if it's a well fitted shirt, and keep the vest over it. We aren't tucking shirts at the moment. The current look is untucked unless you have abs to DIE for and a shirt tailored until it screams.

That's it. You have great bones and basic good taste, it's all in the details!

[Deja Q]

17. Thanks much! Tomorrow I'm

off to The Gap. Pricey, but I need new jeans.

I was a size 34.

Must be a 33 or 32 by now, with atrophied legs - cause uncertain right now; I thought it was due to exercise that got my weight down last summer, but apparently not... But my ass is still nice. :D

Why not pleats, though?

[ForrestGump]

34. If you've got one of those outlet malls near you

you could try some place like Haggar (not for jeans) or Calvin Klein -- or whatever's similar and in that particular set of outlet shops -- to see if you can dig up something good at a good price. I got my last couple of 'good' black pants -- no pleats! -- at a Haggar outlet and a very heavy-duty but well-fitted pair of black jeans at a Clavin Klein outlet. Saved a fair bit, too.

[radwriter0555]

46. And a classic pair of blue jeans is NEVER out of place, so long as they

fit well. No baggies, no carpenter pants. Go classic straight leg, slim cut possibly depending really all on how they look. Don't be afraid to ask the Gap sales people to help you, that's what they LOVE to do.

Calvin Klein also fits men's butts really well.

Pleats just honestly don't flatter ANYONE, EVER. Also, the current trend on trousers is slightly lower on the hip... high waist is done unless you're going uber couture, and on a Milan runway wearing Gaultier.

I want to see a photo of the remodel!!!!

[ForrestGump]

58. Cool...I actually accidentally know something about fashion

:D

I knew pleats sucked.

Maybe the only time they looked cool was on dudes like Cary Grant, Gregory Peck, and Jimmy Stewart in black-and-white movies.


I know one thing: in the '70s and '80s I hated that it was almost impossible to find straight-leg jeans or pants of any kind...in the '70s because you could have any pants you want as long as they had flares (on a practical level, I didn't like how they'd get caught in my bicycle chain...also, as a big-time outdoors kid, running around with denim flares getting wet and caught on stuff was not the ideal) and in the '80s it was tough to find jeans or pants that weren't tapered or pegged to an extreme degree, and I detested the '80s trendy New Wave fashions far more vigorously than I did the funkytude of the '70s. At least it's easier to find straight-leg pants now, though most styles seem to be tainted by the plague of pleatedness that descended upon us some time during the hated and feared '80s.

[ForrestGump]

32. Pleats are evil

Seemed hard to find regular, straight-leg, non-pleat pants of any kind during the '90s and even now. Some of my utilitarian cargo pants have pleats -- used them mostly for field work, anyway -- but I've always hated pleats and was dismayed to find that I had no choice when I bought a good pair of black pants back around '88, and similarly dismayed ever since. I think pleats just look wrong, at least on me, and they seem to make the pants baggy...not such a big deal with cargo pants, but I hate the way it looks with any other kind of pants, at least on men, or at least on me. I hate them almost as much as I hate collars that have stupid little buttons in the tip corners, a feature that's prevented me from buying many an otherwise nice shirt...

Always preferred my shirts untucked but, wouldn't ya know it, these days I tend to tuck them (longsleeved, anyway). Then again, I've always been a contrarian when it comes to fashion trends. :P

This thread has been most helpful to me, too...thanks, HypnoToad! :headbang:

[Deja Q]

40. No prob. And thank you!

:headbang:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

18. The t-shirt

Button the lower 2-3 buttons on the beige shirt, and leave the top open. The vest is nice. Maybe blue jeans instead of the black pants, and I'd go with dark brown Clarks...maybe like these:

[lildreamer316]

23. I'm gonna be honest:

1)Lose the vest.
2)Untuck the outer shirt.
3)Make sure you have a nice simple belt (I can see one; it looks a little to narrow/businesslike. Use a wider; simpler one with a simple buckle. Inch and a half)
4)You can use those shoes; but a solid-color pair would look better. Sneaks or other does not really matter. However; you could dress up above outfit with docks or mocs.

Good luck!

[Robeson]

24. If you are going to wear a short sleeved buttoned down shirt.....

...you at least need some ink pens sticking out of the pocket. Preferably in a vinyl pocket pen holder...:P

[Deja Q]

25. I have a low tolerance factor for heat and humidity.

Now I could ditch the button-down and do t-shirt and sport coat, but that might exceed my tolerance level.

[Robeson]

27. Go for it. Just make sure it's cotton, so that it breaths, and that...

...would look cool. Get you a t-shirt with a design on it, and wear a nice sport coat with jeans, and you will be quite dapper!

[Deja Q]

36. Sorry, my body is not for sale!

Not to corporations for free advertising.

I was amused the same day I saw Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes talking about the same logo t-shirt issue... :D

[radwriter0555]

47. Thank you.. Your momma raised you right. Never rent your body to logo

tee shirts.

A little alligator or a polo pony is the most you can do... and that's all about subtlety.

By the way, the ABSOLUTE BEST men's tee shirts black and white, are both the Calvin Klein and Polo/ralph lauren tees... Hot damn I love them so.. and I'm a chick. I buy them for me because women's tees are IMPOSSIBLE to find in a fine cotton, in a longer length, since I'm tall AND I have big tits although I'm skinny, AND because I have big tits I look a LOT better in v-neck tees.

I get them at the better department stores in a pack I think 3 for $25? They look FABULOUS. You can't go wrong with them as a staple in the wardrobe.

rad's fashion tip o' the day.

[wildhorses]

29. take off the collared shirt and put on some black dress shoes

[LaurenG]

30. This is the cutest thread I've seen in awhile

I now like every person who wrote to you even more.


I can't give any advice because I'm fashion challenged. I really did enjoy reading this thread though.

[mykpart]

35. Don't wear a vest with a short-sleeved shirt.

Also, it makes your ass look big! :)

[Deja Q]

37. Sadly, that's due to genetics...

Not diet.

I'll explain later, but an MRI showed the root cause.

[riona]

38. Here you go

STEP 1 - REPORT FASHION CRIMES

Crime reports may be filed by sending an email with an attached photo to [e-mail]

[Deja Q]

39. Oh, so handcuffing is out of the question?

:rofl:

[Orsino]

41. I'm not sure, but I have Han Solo on hold for you...

...and he sounds angry.

[Deja Q]

42. Good grief, I'd rather not know what he's holding!

:wow:

[entanglement]

44. self delete

sorry

[Deja Q]

45. I'm mature enough to handle criticism.

Though I'll admit I'm presumptuous as to the message you self-deleted. :)

[jmowreader]

48. You mean other than it makes you look like Jeff Gannon?

[YellowRubberDuckie]

49. Well, first off, lose the vest.

And then go someplace and buy a pair of tying sneakers. Velcro is for the mentally challenged and old people without the ability to tie anymore. Oh, and don't buy black sneakers. Black jeans are a no. Black Dockers, sure. If you're going to tuck it in, button it up. If you're not, leave it out and tuck in the tshirt. That is ok. Not great, but ok. You're living in 2006, not 1986.
I love you more than my luggage Hypno, but someone needs to help you out with the wardrobe selections.
Duckie

[Whoa_Nelly]

51. Honest reply

Ditch the vest, roll the shirt sleeves up two times, and untuck shirt and let hang unbuttoned.

And take a pic after you've done this :)

[AngryAmish]

54. The vest makes you look like Darryl Revok

Ditch it.

I have also heard from my very fashionable gf that pleats are out. Narrow jeans, she got me a nice pair from Banana Republic. Throw yourself on the mercy of the person (read girl) working there that you really need her help and have her pick the best stuff out that you feel best in.

I often wear clothes that are too big for comfort. I am also told that that is a no-no.

[XemaSab]

55. Too many layers

No wonder you're so hot! :P

[sarge43]

59. The right hat could turn that look right around

www.sillyjokes.co.uk/dress-up/acc/hats/char/pimp.html