Went to a wedding last night...

[Haole Girl]

and something odd happened. I noticed some friends of ours, who also attended the wedding, are having problems. In the 13 plus years we've known each other, I've never seen them like this. I mean, you could cut the tension with a knife, as they say. Anyway, do you think I should try to help them? Neither of them said anything to us, but they look so unhappy. I hate it.

What do you think? Stay out of it, or try to help?

[Shine]

1. Oh, that's sad. It's bad ju ju to be having marriage problems at a wedding

Hope your friends can work it out. If you are closer to one of them and feel comfortable discussing it one-on-one, I'd check in and offer any kind of emotional support you can, as a friend. Sometimes just talking about it with somebody else can help a lot. Maybe you can encourage them to consider counseling.

You're a nice person to care so much. :hi:

[Haole Girl]

3. Thanks

I just need to get my courage up to do so. It's going to be hard to approach the subject without seeming nosy or meddling.

[no name no slogan]

5. I had a wikked-big blowup with my ex-wife at a family wedding

She took off to go barhopping with her alkeeeholick cousins and didn't tell me. Just ditched me at a family wedding where I didn't know ANYBODY from her rabbit-sized extended family.

I totally screamed at her when she got back, since I was pissed off and not feeling good. And she STILL didn't apologize. Goddamn, I'm glad we're divorced.

[Haole Girl]

7. If my hubby did that to me, he'd be an ex, too!

That's just rude.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear KC2.........

I don't know what I'd do....

How close are you to them?

If you are very close, you might consider saying something like..."I noticed that you seem to be under some strain...Anything I can do?"

Or something like that......

If you're not that close, I'd stay out of it......

Good luck!

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

4. Oh, that sounds very good!

Thank you. You're so good with people Peggy.

To add to my dilemma, the husband is my spouse's boss. It makes it a little tricky. But, they were friends even before my husband went to work for him.

[bigwillq]

6. How close are you with this couple?

:shrug:

[Haole Girl]

8. We're pretty close. We never went on a vacation with them,

like they used to suggest, but we've watched their children grow up, gone to their birthday parties...that kind of thing. Really, my hubby was very close to him (his boss, now) because they went to college together. Since I am the newest member to this friendship, I'm not sure it's my place to offer any help. But, I hate to see them this way. *sigh*

[bigwillq]

9. Well if they are as close as you say

to you then it wouldn't be any harm to ask what's going on.
Just say how you sensed something could be wrong and you are just asking to see if they are ok.
If they say nothing is wrong, then there's really not much more you can do.
But if they say something is wrong, just offer your support in trying to help them deal with whatever problem (s) they are facing.

:hi:

Good Luck.

[Haole Girl]

10. Thanks, sounds so obvious and logical

I'll bookmark this thread, so when the time comes, then I can hopefully use this great phraseology!

:hi:

[riderinthestorm]

11. I once was told that relationships have a 7 yr cycle

That there will be a "low spot" every 7 years, and at least one very high spot as well. The person who told me this was a very psychic-type person who was probably full of shit but knowing that fun fact has helped me grit my teeth and endure during the two very, very low spots in my 20 year relationship.

If you are close at all it won't hurt to just inquire if things are simmering between these folks. They're coming up on another 7 year hiccup and in my experience there really is something to this theory based upon my own life and those of people I've known personally.

Or it could be just that weddings can bring out some really intense emotions in people (helped along with the booze).

:beer:

It can't hurt to ask empathetically.

[Haole Girl]

12. I heard that, too, but I'm not sure I believe it...

especially since I didn't have any problems in my own marriage after 7 years. I just asked my husband how many years they've been married and he doesn't even know- seems they got married very young (17 or 18 years of age, he told me).

Maybe it's a mid-life thing...they may feel like they missed out on the single life, you know?

Enough people have suggested it's ok to ask, that I feel comfortable doing so the next time I talk with either of them.

Thanks for your response.

:hi:

ps, There was a lot of drinking. It could have played a part.