I'm on the verge of tears :(

[ET Awful]

Have you ever gotten into a relationship you thought was going to be fantastic, and been overjoyed with it, only to find it falling apart?

Some of you know that the reason I haven't been around DU lately was because of a new relationship I've been in. I met this girl, fell for her utterly and completely, and have spent most of my time over the past couple of months with her.

Lately though, it seems like she's getting pissed at me for minor things and blowing simple disagreements WAY out of proportion.

One minute, she'll tell me how much she loves me and how happy she is to be with me, the next, she's yelling at me for having a product in my refrigerator from a company she boycotts (she boycotts them for good reason, but that's beside the point).

I have a feeling this relationship is going to dissolve soon, and I'm torn between wanting to keep it alive and wanting to just let it die.

We have a lot of things in common, but some very fundamental differences that just might not be something we can work past.

She's a very committed vegan, I'm not. She seems to use this to attack me on many occasions.

She's also, as she describes it, pro-life, I'm pro-choice.

Other than that, we see eye to eye on many things, but I just don't know if it's going to work anymore.

I thought I was falling in love, but maybe it was just the thought of being in love and in relationship again after 7 or 8 years (since my heart was completely broken last time).

I have no clue what to do anymore, and I don't know if I should be trying to fix this relationship, or just letting it end.

:cry: :cry: :cry:

I need hugs and advice :(

[miss_american_pie]

1. I'm sorry

I have no advice, just :hug:

[auntAgonist]

2. I'm not one for giving advice but my hugs are always there for you

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:


I hope the situation improves or resolves itself and you're able to be happy with whatever happens.


best of luck to you ET

:hug:

aA
kesha

[progmom]

3. are there other things in her life that are causing her a lot of stress?

Maybe she's being impatient with you about things...picking fights...because there are other aspects of her life that are causing a great deal of stress. Could that be a factor?

[ET Awful]

8. Most definitely, that IS a factor.

BUT, how tolerant, loving and understanding do I have to be before I have to call it quits to maintain my own sanity?

Yes, there are a lot of things in her life that cause stress. She is in a job she hates, lives with a grandmother she can't stand, wants a complete career change, etc.

I'm very willing to compromise and do things to make her life easier, but how willing should I be to sacrifice who and what I am in order to make a relationship work where I'm constantly the target?

For the first month or month and a half we were togdether, things were fantastic. It seems like a downhill slide since then.

The only thing that's changed in that time is that she switch birth control pills, and I think that might be a major part of it (big hormonal shift maybe), but she's started saying now that she thinks we might be incompatible because we don't have the same morals?????

I just don't know whether it's worth me giving up so much of myself to receive so much grief in return.

It's making me nauseous. :(

[progmom]

11. here's a big hug

You shouldn't change who you are.

Does she recognize that she's being unreasonable (when she's not being horrible, that is)?

[Evoman]

43. I disagree...he needs to change who he is.

He needs to learn to stand up for himself. Giving in and letting her walk all over him is what is causing the problem. She probably needs some drama in her life. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who aren't happy without drama: to deal with these people, you have to give them the drama they crave, or cut em lose. Either way, he needs a backbone. And he needs to stop crying so damn much!

[ET Awful]

62. Sorry buddy, but I'll take progmom's advice over yours any day.

Your misogynistic nonsense gets nobody anywhere (btw, you might also want to learn how to read, there's a HUGE difference between "crying so damn much" and "on the verge".

[supernova]

4. Aww, I was just thinking about you

yesterday, wonderging how things were working out. :-( Sorry to hear that.

But seriously, she really shouldn't be yelling at you for minor infractions like what products you buy. (Vegan or no vegan.)

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

5. I feel with you

I am in the situation right now that the man I fell in love with wants to have "break" of the relationship. For whatever reasons.

Sounds like she wants you to compromise, give up things but she doesn't herself

:hug:

[MissMillie]

6. I won't give advice because I'm terrible at relationships

but I can give hugs....

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[NewWaveChick1981]

7. I'm really sorry.

:hug: I know it feels terrible. :hug:

[wildhorses]

9. would she go for counseling...so that she can learn to

express herself in a loving way and still get her message across? Is she tolerant to realize that everyone is entitled to their own points of view? Are you committed enough to see the relationship past these stumbling blocks. just my two pennies:shrug:
:hug::hug::hug:


sorry you are going through this but, in a way it is a natural progression of a relationship

[ET Awful]

13. I've thought those things myself.

So far, I've been committed enough, but I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with it. It's starting to affect me physically, as in giving me headaches, nausea, etc.

:(

[wildhorses]

18. it is not good to continue letting this relationship affect your

health!!! This is your body's way of telling you to take action of some kind. Perhaps it does mean that you will need to remove yourself from the poisonous stimuli. If she is NOT committed to solving ya'lls problems in a loving and gentile way...then I think I must advise that you move on. You must take care of yourself and you are the only one that can do that. I wish for you peace and tranquility so that you make a decision with clarity and mercy for all involved.
peace,
wh

[electron_blue]

10. I hate that sort of thing. bummer

"She's a very committed vegan, I'm not. She seems to use this to attack me on many occasions." This says a LOT, imo. This sort of probably rarely goes away from what I've seen.

[catmandu57]

12. Aw fuck ET

That just bites, i can't give advise, I know you'll come to your own conclusion and whatever you decide I'll stand with you, but this just bites big green ones.

[txwhitedove]

14. True mates don't "get pissed" or attack each other.

Couples disagree, but it is very early in your relationship for such strife over triffling things. A wise woman once told me that good relationships "...are RIGHT from the start. You don't MAKE them right."

[Iniquitous Bunny]

29. "good relationships are RIGHT from the start. You don't MAKE them right"

My best relationship I've ever had (my current SO/fiance), we knew by the end of the first date that this was it (although we didn't say it that quickly). I'm one to almost immediately break it off with someone when it's bad. I used to be married to an "ok" (I settled and lots of people paid the price for that.). Bad doesn't work. Ok doesn't work. I think you know pretty quickly too. Move on. Life is too short (even if it hurts).

[Nickster]

37. Agreed. It takes at least 10 years of marriage before the fights over

small crap start.:-) Hang in there. It sounds like it's not the Vegan-NonVegan thing etc. There's something else going on that she isn't vocalizing.

[LeftyMom]

15. It's very very hard to make vegan-omni relationships work

I can't do it and won't date omnis because it's not fair to them or me, I'd want to change them and that's just not a good thing in a relationship. The difference in perspective is simply too great, in my experience. The problem I ran into is that I'd compromise and feel like an ass for betraying my principles, or I'd stand firm and feel like a bitch. There was no way to win.

There's no excuse for her to yell at you though. Not only is that disrespectful, it's not a good way to win you over to her way of thinking.

[ET Awful]

19. Maybe you're right. I don't know.

I thought it would work. I was making a lot of changes in diet, etc. Hell, despite her vegan claims, she wears leather shoes, eats sushi regularly, likes fish and crab, etc. I thought we could find common ground.

Maybe I was just deceiving myself.

[LeftyMom]

21. Oh geez.

She's calling herself a vegan when she's not even a proper vegetarian*, then yelling at you for buying from a company she boycotts? I freely admit I'm a dogmatic pain in the ass at times, but I'd never hold anybody else to a higher standard than I do myself and neither would any of the other vegans I know. That she's expecting you to uphold her principles while she compromises them throws up a huge red flag to me.

*The leather shoes would be acceptable to most were they pregan (bought prior to he decision to go vegan) but there's really no way to resolve a vegan identity with consumption of sea creatures.

PS If the change in birth control is possibly part of why she's yelling at you when she didn't in the past, see if she'll look into switching. I'd suggest at least looking into a nuvaring, it's very low dose and localized so the side effects are generally reduced and she may like it better because it's free of animal products, while oral contraceptives usually have dairy derivatives in the pills.

[ET Awful]

22. Well, in all fairness,

I think the shoes were bought second hand.

As to the seafood, she says she doesn't eat it at home, but she eats sushi regularly, and orders crab, etc. when we go out to eat.

I don't know, I'm just having a hard time here. I do care for her, a lot, but I don't know how much longer I can be a target, if you know what I mean.

As to the nuvaring, there are reasons (which I won't go into here), that she won't (or can't) use that.

[bertha katzenengel]

16. ET, I'm afraid I don't have any advice.

Just a hug. :hug: I'm so sorry for your trouble.

:hug:

[NashVegas]

17. Sounds Like Control Issues

..

[Lydia Leftcoast]

23. bingo

That's what I was thinking as I read these posts: ET Awful's gotten himself involved with a control freak.

The part about being a "vegan" who eats seafood but "only when she's out at restaurants" made me suspect that she's not real principled, just someone who has, as the saying goes, "whims of iron."

Just as there are physically and emotionally abusive men who can snare needy women with ease and brainwash them into thinking that they "love" the "poor misunderstood guy," there are also emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive women who can snare needy men with ease and brainwash them into thinking that they "love" the "poor misunderstood gal."

[NashVegas]

49. ET Gotta Stand Up

My family is kind of messed up that way - my father and my mom's mother were alcoholics, though Grandma eventually sobered - so you might say my mom had HUGE control issues and she passed them all down.

In the last two years I've spent time trying to get my act together and am amazed at all the emotional blackmail that goes on in my family. "If-you-don't-do-what-I-want-you're-a-horrible-horrible-selfish-uncompromising-person" kind of stuff. Right now I'm the family asshole for not standing for it anymore.

[EstimatedProphet]

20. Sounds like it might be a communication problem

and if that's the case, the good news is that there may be things that can be done about it. A councillor might be able to help.

[cobalt1999]

24. sounds like she doesn't respect you.

I would probably tell her "look, I'll buy what I want, eat what I want, believe what I want and if you don't like it, then you either leave or learn to live with it". Either she respects you and your decisions or she doesn't.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

25. let it end. n/t

[Lars39]

26. Let her go, ET.

Love is acceptance. :hug:

[chaska]

27. Back off, way off. That's the only thing that might work now.

Give her a mild eff you attitude, and in a few days or weeks she may come back. And if you do you need to keep a little distance. Have your own life apart from her. Don't care too much, it's a relationship killer.

[hunter]

28. If my wife suddenly decided to go radical vegan, I'd go with that.

It wouldn't seem like a big deal to me, there is so much more to our relationship. The hardest part would be listening to our teenagers moan and groan about it. They are committed omnivores.

The pro-choice / pro-life argument is entirely outside my own relationship with my wife. She is Catholic, and I'm mostly Catholic. (It's a long story for me, and beside the point.) But if you don't believe in abortion, don't do it. My wife asked me about this early in our relationship, and I hemmed and I hawed, but what she really meant, and what I was too stupid to recognize right away, is how it applied to us. It doesn't. Within my family I'm as pro-life as my mom who used to sport "Choose Life" license plate frames on her car. Outside our family, well you do what you believe is right.

I've been in two relationships that went horribly wrong. The first was with a woman who, for mostly religious reasons, couldn't admit to herself that she was a lesbian. This relationship nearly killed me. For some reason this sort of revelation can be crushing to the male ego. "What? OMG, she never wanted to have sex with me????"

My second doomed relationship was with a woman who told me she was divorced when she wasn't.

I've never had a relationship that "just didn't work out" so maybe you should take my advice and observations on that basis.

Here's what I think:

The two things you mention, vegetarianism and abortion, shouldn't matter one bit in your relationship. Therefore the problem is something else.

You can't control what's in her (and if you are trying to control her, well there's your problem...) but you can look for answers within yourself.

Why are you feeling attacked? If it's a simple disagreement about something she saw in the refrigerator why don't you just say "Ooops, I'm sorry I bought that." My wife, for example, hates factory farm eggs...

If you are not sorry, well then, there's the problem.

[ET Awful]

30. I agree with you.

As to why I was feeling attacked, it was primarily because I DID apologize, I did explain that I didn't know it affected her so strongly, and I did say it wouldn't happen again. That wasn't good enough, she started ranting that she'd told me it affected her that badly and that I just didn't listen. . . which is bullshit, because she has NEVER explained it.

I don't know, maybe she and are just too different. She has said she's starting to think that. Maybe I should just agree with her and call it quits. I'd hate to do it, but maybe it would be for the best.

[hunter]

32. Well, then, let it rest for a bit. Don't ask for explanations.

There may not be any.

:hug:

[Throd]

31. Leave while your dignity is intact

[LaraMN]

33. I'm sorry. You have every reason to be sad.

:cry: :hug:
I hope things start looking sunny again, asap!

[Sanity Claws]

34. Is she willing to try to make it work?

All relationships go through rough spots and the couple may have some differences. Despite that, they may be able to work.
If the both of you are willing to try to make it worth, see a counselor. The counselor may be able to help the two of you get at the crux of the problems. People sometimes fight about one thing, like money, when the fight is really about something else that they'd rather not talk about. You might as well as try.
I wish the two of you the best. I certainly don't want your beautiful kitties to lose a potential mommy. ;)

[Midlodemocrat]

35. I'm so sorry, ET.

No advice, just a hug. :hug:

Hope things work out for you soon.

[SoCalDem]

36. I am so sorry your relationship is souring.. BUT

you need to remember that dating is ALL about this sort of thing.. It's about finding out EVERYTHING about the other person... the good and the BAD.. It sucks when the bad stuff starts to show up, but it usually does..

The first part is always great, but sooner or later the rest surfaces.. It's all wabout weighing the good and the bad and then deciding if you can both put up with the other's "bad".. If not, you try again with someone else and can be happy to be able to do it without divorce lawyers:)

While it's happening, it sucks, but in the long run it will be better...

Here's a :hug:

[ChickMagic]

38. I don't know what to say.

Just :hug:

My hubby's a Christian and I'm a soft atheist and we've been
able to make it work. In fact, a few years back, the local
news thought it was so weird they put us on the evening news.
Different points of view can work, but it takes work
from both parties.

[rbnyc]

39. have the talk

tell her you are unhappy and have concerns. tell her what they are just like you told us. ask her if she's willing to work with you to overcome these issues, if she thinks it's possible,if she thinks it's worth it, or if you should--in as amicable a way as possible--end things now, rather than have them dissolve slowly and even more painfully.

[Evoman]

40. As a master seducter, my advice is....

Quit being a wuss. This girl is either a)playing you or b)hoping you will play her.

The fact of the matter is, in order to be succesful in the love game, you have to be able to play the game. And your "I'm on the verge of tears" stuff is EXACTLY the opposite of what you need to be.

It is a well-known fact that coquette behaviour (i.e being hot and loving one moment, and being cold or argumentative at another) is a sure way to get somebody to fall in love with you. I suspect that her behaviour, rather than cooling your feelings towards her, is actually part of the reason you love her so much. In the seductive phase of a romance, this is the behaviour that keeps somebody interested. Hell, when things get stale, this is the way to liven things up. She's playing you man, and you are falling for it.

In fact, one of the reasons she may be behaving this way is BECAUSE you are behaving like a love-sick puppy. I wouldn't doubt that she is trying to irk you, maybe in order to get you to stand up for yourself and act like the man you are supposed to be. In general, girls don't like wusses. They like confident, able men who don't let women walk all over them.

If you want to keep your relationship, this is what you need to do.

1)Get her off the pedestal. You are nobody fool. She is no better than you, and you have no need to worship her. You can, and will, get over her if you break up. In all likelihood, you can find better. Realize this, internalize this, and behave like this. Don't let one person cause you that much grief.

2)No more crying, no more whining. IF she argues with you, stand up for yourself. If she tells you your are being evil eating animals, tell her that just because of that, you are going to eat THREE animals. Everytime she brings it up, eat twice as much meat just to irk her back. Do not be a pushover. If you actually feel guilty, then cut out the meat. But if you don't, let her know that.

3)Play the game back. The fact that things were fine, and now they are rocky, leads me to believe that she is bored. If she is bored, you have to spice things up. Act the coquet yourself. Give her the hot and cold treatment. Flirt with other people to get her bothered. Stop saying I love you when she says it to you. Ignore her when she brings things up. Be more playful, and less serious. If you feel immoral doing this, just remember: ITS WHAT SHE WANTS. She wants some reaction from you.

4)If your going to end it anyways, might as well have some fun. Make her believe that you have other suitors. Leave for 2 or 3 hours at a time, and refuse to tell her where you have been. Just grin at her and tell her you "had things to do". This will drive her crazy...and will make her fall even deeper in love with you.


So cut out the wuss talk and act like a man.

[zonkers]

51. Dead on. Nice of you to take t he time to share this. Hope it is

appreciated. My friend, divorced 2 years ust met a fantastic girl but dove into things too quickly, too many cute gifts, too many super special dates. She became a bit aloof and he started overanalyzing every phone call. I hated to see him so tormented. I gave him advice sort of like yours.

[Evoman]

52. The last thing most people with relationship probs need it pity....

they need people to tell them how it is. And I've dated enough to now how it is. I feel it is my personal responsiblty to stop coddling people, and actually help them out. Especially if they are displaying relationship-killing behaviour.

[hunter]

54. Oh, bah.

I will not coddle you. You are full of shit.

:P

What makes a relationship work is working on a relationship. A couple will come up with their own rules, or they won't be a couple. Other than that, there's not a lot of one-size-fits-all advice you can give.

I know too many couples who, I can't tell no matter how hard I try, what keeps them together. It's gotta be something in their secret conversations. Or maybe sex.

[Evoman]

53. The last thing most people with relationship probs need it pity....

they need people to tell them how it is. And I've dated enough to now how it is. I feel it is my personal responsiblty to stop coddling people, and actually help them out. Especially if they are displaying relationship-killing behaviour.

[MissB]

41. A pro-life vegan is going to be a tough one.

My only suggestion is that before throwing in the towel, sit down with her and have a heart-to-heart. As long as you get along in some areas, you may be able to put aside some of the more thorny issues, as long as she is willing to stop attacking you.

If not, then I'm really, really sorry. :hug:

[L A Woman]

42. Similar situation here....don't give up yet

Only it was me who started picking fights. She asked me to take some time away, in solitude, and figure out what was going on. I did - and came to realize that I have a history of sabotaging relationships that are going well. I further came to realize that I was doing it because subconsciously I didn't believe I was worthy. A lot of people behave this way and it's usually because they were abandoned by one or both parents, as was my case. It's a form of subconsciously re-creating the childhood trauma experience.

Long story short - once that behavior was pointed out to me, I was able to take the steps to change it. And now things are fine. :-) (she was the first person who didn't ALLOW me to continue to sabotage it)

I'm not trying to get toooo analytical here, but it is a common behavior and it CAN be fixed. Maybe you'll be the first one who doesn't abandon her. :-)

Good luck. I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

[jobycom]

44. Fight--don't quit.

If you don't want it to end, then fight for it. Compromise. Stand up when you have to. Put up with feeling a bit abused or insulted now and then. It's just the price of a relationship. See how she responds. If she's not doing the same thing, maybe it's not there, but don't quit unless she makes you.

On the other hand, if you are sure it's over, leave, and don't waste either of your lives trying to save it if it isn't there. Just make sure you can live with your decision for the rest of your life.

One thing on the vegan thing--I'm not vegan, I'm vegetarian, but it does bother me when someone else isn't. I rarely admit this to people, but it's true. It's hard to explain why. It's not just that the other person disagree with me on a fundamental issue, it's that they seem to not understand what I value. You fight a fight that your partner isn't fighting, and after a while you feel like you are fighting them. Some of what you have said in this thread sounds like there may be bigger issues, but it may not be. She may be past the fresh relationship feel where you forgive everything, and now she may be wondering if she can live with someone who doesn't get her, who is one of the people she's fighting against. So when she sees more evidence of this fight in your refrigerator, she goes ballistic, not over that one issue, but because the whole thing is made clear at once--she feels like you don't get her, or that she wants someone she doesn't have to convince to believe in her.

It's hard to explain.

Relationships always get rocky. Good ones move past them, or just adjust to living with the rocks. Bad ones end. A lot of times good ones end because people expect an easier ride than they'll ever get. My own thoughts is that if she means this much to you, talk to her, try to understand what she feels, see if she'd be happier if you went vegan, and understood why she is. Don't just convert for her, but really try to see what she's seeing or feeling. Fight for this. You never get anything worth having by giving up.

Good luck. She's lucky to have someone who is trying as hard as you are. I hope she knows that, no matter how frustrated she is. I would hug you, but I'm a guy, and, you know...

[BreweryYardRat]

45. C'mere.

:hug::hug::hug:

I'm afraid I suck at relationships, so I can't offer you advice. I can offer you pictures of scantily-clad attractive women, if you want to get your mind off things.

[Guava Jelly]

46. I been in a pretty tuff relationship myself

What I did when my heart got crushed Was turn it into something i can at least control.
I exercised dropped 53 lbs. All the while working on my relationship.
here is where i started and here i am now

There seems to not be another love interest in the picture so thats a good thing.
How old is she??
Could be hormonal or mid life crises type of thing.
I would suggest also that as sad as you might be. Showing your sorrow and moping around will just push her away and make her not want to spend time with you.
I would suggest that you sit down and talk with her And sort out what or how you could both give a little or change a little to accommodate the other.
I wish you the best of luck.
The pain of love hurts more than any pain i have ever experienced

[grannylib]

47. I have hugs a-plenty, not sure if my advice is any good, but for what it's

worth...
Sometimes opposites really do attract, but at the same time, there has to be enough common ground for a relationship to really develop solidly.
It's always been my thought that two people need to be friends first and foremost, and then, to recognize the difference between "being in love" and "loving." The first is a feeling, and the second is a decision. And it's one only you can make...outside of the feeling of being in love, do you have the level of commitment to the relationship to decide to LOVE her, regardless of how you feel? If you do, you may be surprised how much ACTING in loving ways can re-kindle and keep alive that feeling of BEING in love...
But again, you are the only one who can do that.

Here's wishing you all the best, whatever you decide to do...
And friends here at DU will be here for you!:hug:

[sakabatou]

48. Yes

But it hardly bothers me now. Been hurt so many times its nothing.

[Heidi]

50. Oh, man, ET Awful.

I'm so sorry to hear this. If I were a wiser person, I'd give you some sage advice. But I'm not, so I can only offer hugs and send you healing vibes. Love and light to you, Quinn and Althea. :hug:

[JackDragna]

55. If it ends, it ends.

It's not the end of the world. Part of relationships is that most of them end badly. It takes a while before you find someone you don't want to simply abandon after a little while. Keep your head up and learn to take a few punches and you'll do fine.

[musiclawyer]

56. Sounds like she's borderline

if I had to guess. I've been in your shoes. If you're a good guy, don't worry. There are other fish in the sea.

[hotforteacher]

59. Hells yeah. BPD That's just what I was thinking...

A little push-pull. You know, c'mere, c'mere, c'mere...no! Get away!

Splitting. Characterized by "You are the best person in the universe and the only one who REALLY understands me" polarized by "You fuckin' suck!" Also include talking shit about past lovers (devaluation) and the next day totally going off about how great they were (idealization).

Really quick onset of the relationship. Did she confess true love and/or suggest marriage within a few weeks? This can suggest some serious abandonment issues.

Projection. Does she accuse you of the bullshit she does? *hint-hint* Like being a BAD EATER? Having inconsistent standards or morals? Does she ever tell you that you are selfish?

Persistent identity disturbance. Is she Eva the Diva one day, and Morticia the next? Does she have difficulty keeping jobs? Does she change life plans ever day or two? Does she talk often about picking up and leaving to start again in another state or country?

Impulsivity. Does she go on spending splurges often? Have any drug issues? Are her finances in a huge disorder? Why?

Marked reactivity of mood. Do her moods change at the drop of a hat. And no, blaming PMS doesn't count for this one. Does she rage at you for shit that just doesn't merit an argument?

Control freak, either overt or covert. Is she trying to change who you are and what you do rather quickly? Not call you when she says she will and keep you waiting? Give you the silent treatment when you don't comply with her stupid demands?

Bad memory. Can't remember conversations you have had, is constantly taking notes, or blames things on her not being good at details?

I will stop right there. Suffice it to say, this person is not healthy or stable. She saw that you were vulnerable and needy, or had loose boundaries. Seriously, dude. If you are having issues this soon in the relationship, get the fuck out because she will manipulate you until you are a frickin' albino raisin.

[musiclawyer]

60. Dude, you are spot on...

If we ever met the stories, we could tell. Oh and you original poster, stop crying now, get the fuck out of there and be happy you learned something.

[hotforteacher]

61. I am not proud

to be able to spot these manipulators. :banghead:

Musiclawyer, if you ever end up in the Twin Cities, allow me to take you out for a beer.

[musiclawyer]

63. Likewise

If you ever come to the Bay Area or Sacramento PE me in advance

[Blue_Tires]

57. i know where you've been

trust me, once enough time passes, you'll be over it (and you will be SO grateful that she's some other dude's headache by then!!)

[sendero]

58. That's terrible...

.. but it happens a lot. You know, sometimes people are irritable and hurtful without it being intentional. Not that that makes it any less painful, but maybe she doesn't realize she is taking her frustrations out on you.

You'll eventually have to lay it out in the open and talk through it. No matter what the outcome, it will be for the best because no one can be happy with a person who trods on their feelings with impunity.

As for the verge of tears, well, us guys aren't supposed to talk about it, but sometimes letting it all out can be a cleansing experience.