An addict (alcoholic) is obsessed with me.

[Madrone]

My life is so ... disrupted. ;(


I just had to say it. :nopity:

Carry on.

[everythingsxen]

1. I see..

and I guess the obsession is one-sided?

If it's not one sided, perhaps you could use the obsession as way to get them into treatment?

[Madrone]

2. One sided? Uhhhh yeah. Definitely.

Tried pushing treatment. It doesn't work. He promises to stop/get help/do better, tries real hard for a day or two (sometimes minutes or hours) and then congratulates himself on his accomplishment by getting loaded. I'm figuring out the "typical addict" behaviors pretty well by now. Pathological lying, obsessiveness, jealousy, lack of judgment, paranoia, denial, and inappropriate behavior.

I've never been around anything like this before.

[Whoa_Nelly]

3. Don't be co-dependent

read about co-dependency and enabling re: alcoholism.

It can be so easy to fall into being the codependent and enabler. The alcoholism is his...and you "own" it as much as you allow yourself to live it.

Seriously...do some reading.

[Floogeldy]

5. Wanna get drunk and rent a motel room?

:puffpiece:

[Whoa_Nelly]

13. Is your ear hair in check???

This is a really important issue to address before any motel drinking parties can begin :party:

[Madrone]

6. I'm fully aware of what you're saying.

It took quite a while for me to catch on to all of this - he hides his addiction well - at least to someone that's never seen alcoholism so up close before.

He's a contractor currently working for my company - I'm really just trying to not make waves, keep him at a distance and hold on until he leaves my state. Can't change my phone number - I work for the phone company, and he has access to everything. If I go somewhere and he wonders where I am he drives around until he finds me - then shows up drunk.

No proof - but I've had my car tires slashed in front of my house and my dog was recently poisoned in my yard.

It's TOTALLY fucked up - but I feel like I can't do anything but hold on until he moves on.

[Tracyjo]

7. He poisoned your dog?

That's not just alcoholism. That guy's nuts. Please stay as far away from him as you can.

[Madrone]

9. I *think* he poisoned my dog.

All signs point to him, but I can't be 100% sure. I told him I believe he did it - he swears otherwise. Of course. He lies - why would this time be any different?

[lildreamer316]

8. So THAT's what happened!!

Scary shit, there. PLEASE oh PLEASE be careful.

[Whoa_Nelly]

11. You can call the cops

You're only as intimidated by his behavior toward you as you want to be.

And stalking is against the law. Slashing tires and poisoning pets is too, last time I checked.

You are being an enabler by NOT doing anything to take care of yourself. And you are protecting him (codependency).


Saying you're waiting for him to leave, and that you don't want to make waves means you are allowing him to control your life, your career, and your emotions.

You are only as trapped as you choose to be.

You are only as ignorant about alcoholism, (and what sounds like some sort of psychopathic behavior), as you choose to be.

It's your choice....unless you want this all to be his choice.

[Madrone]

15. I'm not intimidated.

I'm fucking exhausted.

No proof on him being the one that slashed my tires or tried to kill my dog - only suspicion. Stalking would have to be proven - not likely around here unless he becomes far worse and more brazen than he's been so far.

As for ignorance about alcoholism - I've learned as much as I can. Unfortunately not every case is identical , and most of what I find says the same thing.

I don't really want a lecture. I'm an intelligent person that doesn't believe in excusing BS or rewarding bad behavior. I'm just worn out and drained. I haven't done anything to deserve this crap, and I am sick of having it forced into my life.

I just had another fucking phonecall this evening from a delusional drunk who was looking for a fight. I'm just tired.

[Kajsa]

17. He's violent, may have killed your dog

and he's BSing himself and everyone else about getting help
for his drinking.

He's got some more drinking to do before he hits bottom, eats it
and tries to turn this around.

Get out- Get the police to help- Get a restraining order.

Do not be afraid to protect yourself!!

As long as he's drinking, he's out of his mind.
And he's violent!

Get out, now!!

[Madrone]

18. I am not afraid of him, period.

But we're not "together" - I've made it clear (as much as I can since he doesn't listen) that we'll NEVER be together. I don't go to his house. He's not invited to mine. That doesn't stop him for obsessively calling, etc.

I'm well armed and my neighbors are on alert - I'm not afraid for my saftely. Besides, I think he's a coward.

[Kajsa]

19. Do you have a 'call block' feature on your phone?

I would get it, if you don't have it.

[Whoa_Nelly]

20. Don't talk with him anymore

It's clear you are doing what you can to cut your relationship with him. So, cut it all the way...no more communication of any kind except through a cop or attorney (if it ever comes to that...). And if he stalks you to the places you go, make sure management of that place knows he is stalking you. Just don't talk with him anymore.

Not trying to be harsh, and I an empathize with what you've been through by what you've shared here. Am just trying to give you the best advice possible...take care of you, and ditch the guy all the way.

Good luck! :hug:

[Floogeldy]

4. And you can walk away from it at any time.

Poof!

[txwhitedove]

10. I had one of those. If this is a fairly new relationship, walk away now.

[Madrone]

12. We are pretty much at the exact one year point.

I've been attempting to back away from it for most of that time. I am coldblooded blunt when talking to him - I've now progressed to being mean. I'm angry. I have compassion and I feel sorry for the little bit of *him* that's being swept away in oceans of booze - but I don't feel sorry enough for him to allow him to screw up MY life. But he won't give up.

[txwhitedove]

14. If you aren't married, you need to walk away. It is hard to do

but you have to save yourself. Addicts/Alcoholics will suck you dry. In future if he gets help, gets sober, on the road to recovery, then perhaps you can work out a relationship. Anger won't work with that type of person. Super calm, logic, repeated phrases work best. "I love you, but cannot be with you this way." Don't make promises, just loving reassurance as you back away. Hugs and good wishes to you.

[Whoa_Nelly]

16. Leave now. It's already ugly

and won't get any better.

One year point, one month point, one week...totally irrelevant.

He is screwing up your life as long as you do not take back control of your life and stop giving him control. Just you posting here about all this is a great indicator that you are allowing him to have some control your life.

It doesn't take being brave. It doesn't take courage.
It is just natural survival instict to keep your life going and not allowing someone else to drag it down or suck you into their screwed up world.


Trust me on this one, madrone...have been there. Life is too short to think because you care that you are going to fix, to help, or otherwise change an alcoholic's life.
If you believe that in any part, this is what you are doing :banghead:

Only you can control your life. Don't believe for one moment you can actually exert any control over an alcoholic's behaviors and life.