Catbert's "I Hate My Parents" Rant

[catbert836]

Ok. Setup: I'm 16. My parents seperated March last year, I stayed at home with my dad and my brother went with my mom. Things have stayed pretty much the same since then. End of setup.

:rant:

Me and my brother just went to see a custody evaluator today, the result of me saying in passing to my mom that I wanted to spend more time with her, her interpreting this as me saying that wanted to LIVE at her house. This sent my dad off shouting at me about how much I'm costing him, and how much I'm THREATENING HIS LIFE. He even thretatened once to jump off a big building downtown because of what ~I~ was doing!! :banghead:

So a month after I said I wanted to spend more time with my mom, I finally see the custody evaluator. As soon as I get out, my dad starts INTERROGATING me about exactly what went on for that half an hour, I finally crack and mumble that the evaluator wants family therapy for us. Big mistake. He starts yelling about how much money that's going to cost him, which segues into browbeating me with how much I'm hurting him. He's a fucking EYE SURGEON, for Chrissakes. He's made out of this whole thing with enough money to buy a brand new car, yet I'm costing him too much money. Oh, and by the way, he refers to my mother alternatingly as a "bitch" or "Medusa". :nuke:

And don't even get me started on my mom. After misinterpreting that comment, she's proceded to pester me to move out of my dad's house and live with her, regardless of what the evaluator says. And the time I'm over at her house, she doesn't even want to talk with me! She prefers to talk for HOURS with her friends who live across the goddamned country! :grr:

:rant:

Thanks for being there, guys. And would anyone consider adopting me?

[catbert836]

1. I guess no one cares.

Ah well. I should know better than to post something like this at 1:30 AM.

[SIU_Blue]

2. it's not that no one cares

its that everyone with an ounce of sanity is asleep.

Sounds like a shitty situation, unfortunately I can't give you any good advice because I am fortunate enough not to have been through something like this. I hope you find your way through it soon though.

:hi:

[catbert836]

3. Yes, as you say.

I shall endeavour to repost it tomorrow night. G'night.

[RevCheesehead]

4. Sure! I'll adopt you!

Would you be willing to do the yardwork and a few household chores? I'll get you your own cell phone and provide you with a decent allowance. (it won't be much - preachers are poor)

Barring that, would you like a hug? :hug:

[catbert836]

5. That'll do nicely.

Thanks for caring. :pals:

[RevCheesehead]

6. Any time.

Don't let anyone manipulate you. And remember, NOBODY has the power to "make" anyone feel, say, or do anything. If they try to project that BS on you, shake it off (as best you can). We're here for you.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

7. You can come live with me.

That situation sucks. Sometimes parents don't know how much their stupidity hurts their children. Keep your head on straight , keep your nose in the books. Make good grades , get a scholarship and choose the college the farthest away from your town. Run !

Take care of yourself first and foremost. Always keep a close relationship with your brother because the family does not need to be split any further apart than it already is.

And for real - you need some peace. I won't get into my story but my home life was hectic when I was in high school. I never wanted to come home. I would stay after school in the media center as long as I could until it closed. I would ask teachers if they needed help with anything. I just did not want to go home. It would be 7 pm before I left school sometimes. I think back to that and my only sanity was my school work , my clarinet (I put all my heart into my music and some good came out of that.) and I had some relatives and teachers that were there for me. I hope that you have someone there for you that is in your town that you can talk to whenever you need help. And don't forget you have the DU. Even feel free to PM me , I will always listen and reply :)

[catbert836]

18. That sounds kinda like me.

Last school year (which ended in June), I only came home on the bus a few times. I'd go to any club meeting that was going on, even Women in Motion one time, lol.

I have some close friends close by, unfortunatley most of them don't go to my school.

Thanks. :pals:

[MiniMandaRuth]

8. Jeeze....

You should never have to put up with stuff like this...




(Psst. Hey, you're a dem. Come live in my closet. I have food!)

[catbert836]

19. I'd even be glad to live in your closet

with the way things are shaping up.

[dubeskin]

9. I'm sorry. I sort of know how that feels

My two moms just seperated, though I guess it is somewhat a different situation. So sorry. I would adopt you, but my parents may not want a third child, expecially one they don't know.

[catbert836]

20. That's okay.

And I hope things turn out okay with your parents. There's no chance of mine ever behaving like humans to each other again.

[WCGreen]

10. Ah, but I went through all that in the 60's...

It will get better....

Just make it throught....

The drama will go away...

Eventually...

[catbert836]

21. It seems like it has been countless times...

My dad says that things won't cool down between him and my mom until one of them dies, a situation which is altogether too likely.

[BlueIris]

11. Oh, honey. Yes, I'd adopt you if I could.

Some unsolicited advice? Good look up the number for a crisis line and call it. The Lounge is great, but I think you need a little more support than that.

[catbert836]

22. Yes, I probably will.

Thanks for being here. :pals:

[Indy_Dem_Defender]

12. Just focus on yourself

and what you want to do with your life, (College plans, HS activities, PT job). Spend as little time around either as you can and hang with your friends when you can, but keep out of trouble (don't hook up with the wrong crowd). I say this from when instances were my mother tried guilt trips on me for things I said that didn't have a thing to do with what actually I said. Parent's have a way of taking anything you say out of context as it seems your mother has on the spending time with you bit. As for your father saying this or that is costing him money, I don't know if you could get away with saying it but at least think it, "No one forced you to have children, so quit acting like a victim, when you have to pay for things for them". My old man tried this and in some ways got away with, but if you need some basic necessary taken care, don't feel bad like I did as a kid if it cost him money.

[catbert836]

23. Yes, I'll try to focus.

Although I'm in no danger of hooking up with the wrong crowd, I should definiately spend more time with my friends. Thank you for your advice, it means a lot. :yourock:

[Dirty Hippie]

13. Hang on sweetie

This too shall pass.

Soon you will be in control of your own life and you will be able make your own choices.

Just remember that your adult life will be much better if you have education so maybe you can focus on that.

Peace,

Dirty Hippie

[catbert836]

24. Aw, thanks.

I try to focus on school, but it's kinda hard when I get detentions for wearing sneakers (all my shoes were at my mom's house).

[Gormy Cuss]

14. When divorce is contentious, sometimes parents are jerks.

At least you're old enough to know that you aren't the problem.
Eventually it will get better for you.

[catbert836]

25. I sure hope so.

Thanks! :hi:

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

15. You should divorce your parents.

It's been done before!

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

I hope things get better for you soon. Remember - you're not far away from college and you'll never have to deal with this part of the mess again after that.

[catbert836]

26. Heh-heh.

I'm remembering Simpsons and Arrested Development episodes.

[seemunkee]

16. I hate when parent do that to their kids

Sorry your having problems with your home life. Take care of yourself.
Have you told your dad how hurtful it is to you for him to talk to about your mom in that way? Could you get an aunt or uncle to intervene.

[catbert836]

27. Yes, I'm trying to take care of myself.

Yes I have, several times, which has not stopped him.

Unfortunately, no aunts or uncles would intervene, as the rest of my family is equally screwed up. The older of my dad's sisters, Genevieve, is a meth addict somewhere in Arizona, who made us aware that she was alive after one of her boyfriends sent my grandparents a letter telling them of their new granddaughter. This was shortly after the younger of my dad's brothers, Jimmy, put a gun in his mouth after his wife seperated from him to live with her boyfriend, taking my cousins. I have no contact with the older of my dad's brothers, Matthew, my dad has cut him off after a disastrous episode where he lived with us for months (this was before my parents split up). He and his wife are also divorced. My aunt Bridget (my dad's youngest sister) has stuck her nose in the situation several times, with none-too-good results, and my mom's brother John probably knows he would just make things worse.

[seemunkee]

30. I'm sorry

Can you graduate HS early and get off to college? Sounds like you got two years to put up with otherwise, a long time for a teenager.

[ThomCat]

17. Parents who hate each other suck.

I'm very soory you're going though this. :hug: Hang in there. It's going to be a long couple of years until you can escape, but you'll get there.

[catbert836]

28. I know.

It seems pretty far away sometimes, though. Thank you. :pals:

[huskerlaw]

29. I'm so sorry

My parents are also divorced, so I have a bit of an inkling about what you're going through. They couldn't stand each other either.

They're using you and your brother as pawns in a game designed to hurt each other as much as possible. It's not fair and you don't have to put up with it. Call them on it. My parents attempted to ruin my graduation party because they couldn't stand to be in the same room together...I pulled them aside and told them that if they couldn't act like adults for 4 hours, I'd never speak to them again. That worked, amazingly. Often they don't even see how their actions affect you, so point it out. They're too caught up in their little games...so bring your reality to them.

Other than that, I'll second most of the advice you've received upthread regarding grades/scholarships/college and keeping your chin up until you can get the hell out of there.

Remember that if you don't take care of yourself, no one else will do it for you. So if you need to make some waves with your parents in order to survive, do it.

If you need to/want to talk, please PM me.

:hug:

[catbert836]

33. Thank you.

You really do understand what's going on. :pals:

[Kajsa]

41. Huskerlaw's advice is Right On, Catbert! ( Hi, Huskerlaw!)

You have a right to tell your parents that the blame and shame game is wrong, wrong, wrong!

My parents divorced when I was 11. Fortunately, neither one of them ever bad mouthed the
other one to me or my brother.

It's not right to subject anyone to this verbal abuse.

Also, find a teacher/counselor you trust and can talk to.
This turmoil is bound to impact you in many ways. Letting
another trusted, responsible adult know what's going on
with you could really help.

Hang in there!
It will get better.

:hi: :hug:

[rug]

31. They'll have no say in less than two years.

[catbert836]

34. That's what's keeping me going.

[Mz Pip]

32. Awful situation for you

But there are some things you can do.

Concentrate on the things you can control. You can't control your parents' hostility toward each other and you can't control their irrational outbursts. You aren't responsible for them, either.

You can control how you respond to them. Not easy because you are in the middle of this. Remember, this isn't your fault.

Concentrate on doing well in school. The better you do from here on out, the more options there will be for you when you graduate from high school.

Hang in there and good luck.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[catbert836]

35. Thanks....

Not surprisingly, my grades have suffered from this whole situation. Several teachers have told me that they're "very disappointed" in me because they "know I can do better. I guess to them, there's no "My parents got divorced" in "team".

[Mz Pip]

44. The only reason I mention this

is because I read undergraduate admission applications for one of the top 10 universities in the country.
I read hundreds of applications and learn about all kinds of adversities that students face on a regular basis.

One thing that stands out in applications is not the bad things that happen to students but how they overcame them and achieved success in spite of them. It's not what happens to you that gets attention; it's how you deal with it, overcome it, and succeed in spite of it.

I know right now you're not focusing on school. It's hard to put everything into perspective and school and chemistry and English and trigonometry probably don't figure high on your priorities right now.

But... This is something you can control and something that will be of great value to you later on.

Just my two cents. :loveya:

Mz Pip
:dem:

[Jamastiene]

36. I feel for you, hon.

You are the victim of parents who seem more caught up in their own petty indulgences than they do your welfare. Priority #1 for good parents is to listen to what their kids are saying. They should certainly never complain about how much they perceive this ordeal as costing, especially not to berate you. You should tell the custody evaluator about what they both have said to you. Sorry, but this type of selfishness in parents really irks me.

[catbert836]

37. Don't be sorry.

I've called them so much worse than selfish.

[SacredCow]

38. Oh, my......

I feel for you. I'm on the other end of the equation (a divorced dad). My ex insisted on putting us through custody evaluations, thinking that she'd get full custody. It was expensive and, in our case, pretty much pointless.

But hang in there, darlin, and do what you feel is best for you.

Hope it all works out....

[Lady Effingbroke]

39. Oh dear.

I'm sorry that your parents are acting so inconsiderately and selfishly. It seems like you are keeping your wits about you and trying to do well in school despite the chaos and distractions, which is incredibly difficult to do. I am proud of you for bearing up so well under the stress and strain. It sucks when parents act more immaturely than their children!

I wish we lived closer to each other - I would certainly adopt you!

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[NNadir]

40. I'm sorry that your parents are being assholes.

I can't say I have any insight to what you're going through, but I know that sometimes in life, the horrible things pass. They really do.

How old is your brother?

Can you help one another enough to make your own bonds stronger? Your brother may need help as well, and sometimes helping another is a shelter in the storm.

[saltpoint]

42. Catbert, I don't know you or your folks or your brother but, I can

tell you that you may be much better positioned than you think.

Your mom's talking with her cross-country friends may be just because she needs a fellow adult with an adult frame-of-reference to speak with, which is her perception of herself and them and not a judgment against you.

You might consider yourself a young adult, and properly so. But nobody's parents seem to reach that conclusion ever early enough regarding their kids. Sometimes, but not commonly.

So it's not your fault. It's not your fault your father thinks you cost too much. It's not your fault you mom is on the phone. It's not your fault, period. Maybe use that as a point of reference for now.

Next, keep reading and writing and thinking, and align yourself with other people who do. Get recommendations for books and films and plays and then dive into them bodily. Join a theater group, a book club, a bird-watching society -- whatever it is that may interest you. You are likely to find like-minded and interesting people in those groups, people who will regard you as you are that moment, and not in reference to your family.

A clean slate evaluation by refreshing strangers is always a lift.

Listen to good music, read some poetry, take some walks.

It's not your fault that you're intelligent and perceptive. But begin to hang around people who know it also and aren't afraid to acknowledge it in you as a strength.

Just my take.

[MissB]

43. Family therapy would probably be a great idea.

If not, just realize that much of this is fallout between your parents and not so much about you. Parents can be absolute assholes when they divorce- their bitterness is easily seen by the kids. I'm sorry you're living through it.

:hug:

Best thing I can think of is to lay down some rules with each of them. No yelling at them - write it down if you have to. Let your dad know that in your presence, you will not allow your mother to be talked about in such a manner. Ditto for your mom- let her know that you love her, but she needs to understand that you are at the age when you need to start figuring out what is right for your life. Oh, and it'd be great if she got off the phone now and then because you'd really like to spend time with her personality, not just her presence.

[astral]

45. Hang in there, Catbert

I didn't go through my parents getting divorced but I, too, was pretty miserable living at home with them. I couldn't wait to get on my own and when I left at 18 I had $2,000 and left the state, got a stupid job and a stupid apartment, and to me life was good. It's not as easy now getting on your own, so if your parents plan on and are able to help you with college, if you are bound for college, then you have to play your cards right with them even if they're not.

Sounds like you got a good head on your shoulders. Remember, these may be the next to longest years of your life, but they are only a couple years, and as time goes by the years go faster and faster til you wish you could slow them down.

Plug away, one day at a time at what's in front of you, spend as much time away from the chaos as possible and you will be able to become more centered in yourself and not in your family.

I could never adopt anything bigger than a cat, but when I was your age I wished I could be adopted too, well since I was about 12 to be honest. I give you my postive vibes and my prayers for God's guidance and strength and wisdom in your life.