Advice: Friends BF is taking roids and acting like an asshole

[Taverner]

OK...my friend is living with and dating this guy who is a corrections officer. I don't like him, but I respect her decision and try to be supportive.

Anyway, he used to take roids - but she made him promise to stop. So he did, or at least he said he did. But lately he's been blowing up over nothing (total roid behavior) throwing shit and punching holes in walls. And this is over stupid shit. For example: he said he wanted one thing for dinner in the morning, so she went out and got the ingredients, but he came home and wanted something else - and threw a fucking hissy fit.

I know he could be having a bad day and taking it out on her - but you should see this guy. NO fucking neck! I'm pretty sure he's doping.

What should I tell her, advise her etc?

A little background - she has serious self esteem issues and has battled with body image all her life....not sure if that's germaine or not...

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. It's her decision to be with a psychotic shitpot. All you can do ...

all you can do is let her know that while you don't like her decision to be with this self-absorbed lying fuckbag, she is your friend, and you will absolutely be by her side to help nurse her wounds when she lands in the hospital and/or that you will absolutely attend her memorial service.

[ThomCat]

2. Unfortunately, she's going to stay with him until

she decides she's had enough. That is not a healthy environment, and there is the possibility that is behavior goes beyond what she's told you. Don't be surprised if he becomes physically abusive, or if he already is.

I don't have any much advice. That's a tough situation. Just be there, offer suggestions but don't push them. Let her know that she has options, and then support her when she chooses them.

[Phillycat]

3. Give support, not advice.

If you align yourself against him when she's mad at him, she will not come to you when they make up because she will feel stupid. Stay detached and loving. Then when she is ready to make change she will know you're a safe person to help support her.

[taterguy]

4. Kick his ass n/t

[Taverner]

5. Wish I could

I know I could take him out easily - but Im not the violent type :)

[flvegan]

6. Pretty hard to hide taking steroids.

For this behavior to be roid rage, he'd really have to be dosing. At some point, she'd see the syringes or the empty bottles. Can't see someone being stupid enough to keep their stash at work, in a locker. He'd also have some of the other side effects, most likely. The cost would be significant, too (of course, he could be dealing it to the inmates, too to make that back). That said, every person I've known or known about through someone that used prohormones/steroids didn't stop until they either got busted, ran out of money or had a health issue arise.

She needs to flat out ask him again. Use the excuse that she doesn't want dope in her house. She's going downtown right along with him if the cops poke around for some reason. If he's using, she needs to get out. Low dosages of oral steroids won't normally induce any type of roid rage, unless he's already a control freak with over-aggressive tendencies and anger management issues. If it's roid rage, it'll get worse, and she's in line to get physically hurt. It's oftentimes described as an absolute blackout, or blind rage. They allegedly don't even know they're doing what they're doing until they come out of it.

[Taverner]

7. Not good

I think he just switched from needles to patches - since that's the new delivery method for this shit.

I know for the brief time that I took Andro (legal at the time) it made ME into an asshole, so I stopped. So i'm not sure the lower dose stuff doesn't have that effect...

[RagingInMiami]

10. The patches are specifically made for people with low hormones

I don't think they're strong enough to give weightlifters the edge they want. But many times, aggressive behavior by people on steroids is really a result of escalated estrogen, which shoots up along with testosterone.

In a man, higher than normal estrogen (we all have and need some estrogen) leads to irritability.

He may be in fact getting off the roids and is dealing with the post-cycle traumas of not producing natural testosterone. The only way to tell for sure if he is off the roids is to see if he loses any muscle or strength in the weightroom.

Not that I'm trying to defend his behavior because he sounds like an asshole. But I wonder how his behavior was when there was no doubt he was on the roids. If his behavior is in fact a result of his hormones being out of whack because of the roids, then he needs to go see a doctor to help in his recovery.

I've never done steroids nor have ever been a huge weightlifter, no pun intended, but I've had a few friends on the juice.

[txwhitedove]

8. Roid rage or not, this is definitely abuse. Punching holes in walls...

means she' is next, if it hasn't happened already. Yes, be loving, supportive, while gently talking to her about danger of the situation, need for counseling for one or both, and that changing herself won't make it stop.

[Taverner]

9. Yeah thats what bothers me

She says she has to walk on eggshells around the house

You should never feel unsafe in your own home - NEVER!!!

[txwhitedove]

11. Corrections Officers carry guns, don't they??? One more worry.

Classic terminology "walking on eggshells" when living with an addict/alcoholic/or just bat-shit-crazy.
That behaviour won't change without drastic intervention, detention, and/or therapy.

[caty]

12. Tell to pack her things and escape.

The next thing he punches a hole in, might be her.

http://www.vasa.abo.fi/svf/up/articles/testosterone_intake.pdf

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=7951641&dopt=Abstract

http://www.sportingnews.com/yourturn/viewtopic.php?p=840628

[SlavesandBulldozers]

13. yikes. I would just tell her that you are afraid for your own safety

with that madman, and if she ever comes around to leaving him youll be there but you don't want to be anywhere near this dude. Roid raging corrections officer, that sounds like a cliched 80's thriller movie or some shit.

[jobycom]

14. Don't be supportive.

If you are she'll stay longer and wind up dead. This guy's a train wreck. Just my opinion. I've been supportive, and seen some pretty battered friends as a result. One barely lived.

Roids or not, if he's that wild, he's a danger, and if he's coddled, it will only get worse.

[LeftyMom]

15. Don't focus on why he's an asshole.

It really doesn't matter what's causing it, what we do know is that his treamtment of her is simply unacceptable. When you talk to her, focus on that.

Still, if she's settling into the typical abused woman pattern (and if she has self-esteem issues, it's not unlikely) she'll find a way to justify his behavior.

[MadHound]

16. Doesn't matter what is causing this sort of behavior

It is inexcusable, and the guy should stop it. If he can't or won't stop, then your friend should leave, now. He obviously has both anger and self control issues, and the next thing he could be punching a hole through is her body.

However a sure sign of 'roid usage is the jaw muscles. 'Roids bulk up the muscles that you use most often, and that includes the jaw muscles. If they're protruding and over developed, then the guy is using.

And if worse comes to worse, and your friend is getting abused and not leaving, and you are certain that BF is using 'roids, drop a dime on him with the Dept. of Corrections. They'll pop him quick, because the last thing you need in a prison setting is a guard on 'roids with a hair trigger temper.

[Taverner]

17. Although I wouldn't want him to get fired and take his aggression out on

her....

[MadHound]

18. If they're anything like the DoC here in Missouri,

They'll do more than fire him, they'll put him up on charges, and in jail. And who knows, maybe that sort of shock would shake him up enough to give up the shit.

I don't know, I can see your point however. Touchy situation all around, and hopefully your friend is smart enough to know that she needs to get the hell out of that situation.

[Taverner]

19. I really really hope so

She's been in abusive relationships before, and was aware enough to get out. But she keeps ending back up in them.

Her dad was a fundie xian nut - so I'm sure that had ALOT to contribute to her tending towards abusive relationships...

[MadHound]

23. Well, if that doesn't work, you could take matters into your hand

People who are abusing 'roids really deplete their immune system. A few sneezes from somebody with the flu, or other such communicable disease could lay his ass out for a long, long while. Long enough that the 'roids work they're way out his system and he returns to "normal":shrug:

(No, really, I'm not mean and evil, I just have a lot of esoteric knowledge:shrug:)

[LeftyMom]

20. The DoC here is a corrupt criminal enterprise

I wouldn't hold my breath for them to do the right thing.

[Taverner]

21. And he lives pretty near you actually

Ever hear of Ripon?

[LeftyMom]

22. Yep.

My Dad used to work for the DOC so I know where most of these little prison towns are. I sat in the car waiting while he'd interview for a promotion in almost all of them at some point.

[Juffo Wup]

24. She needs to break up with him

Probably crash with you or family for a while as well. I also suggest buying a gun, since this asshole just might try something.