What's the dumbest way you've ever injured yourself?

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

I'll list a few...

"STD" via Soy Yogurt
Well, it used to be that Tuesdays were the big drunkfest night at the local bar for the healthfood store that I worked at. Of course, Wednesdays were the day I had to be there to check in a big grocery delivery at 6am. The general manager basically didn't care about our condition since we could put away the boxes drunk better than most people sober. We'd also be totally sober by the time the store was actually opened. Anyway...

I'm stocking some soy yogurt and one flies off the refrigerator shelf at me and slices my lip open. Now, had I been sober, I probably would have had the reflexes to avoid that. By day three, it looked like I had herpes. I had finally stopped looking deformed from the freak strep infection that attacked the skin around my eye (and landed me of the pediatric ward of the hospital) and now I looked like I had herpes. It sucked.

Stapler idiocy
Teacher: Jackie, stop playing with the stapler. You're going to hurt yourself.
Me: I won't hurt myself. I know what I'm doing.
(10 seconds later)
Me: ARGHHHH! Fuck! I stapled my thigh!!!
Teacher: I told you you would hurt yourself.

Blood loss due to lime
Well, apparently, sometimes limes will dry out and the outside turns woody. It's pretty damn weird and I had never seen this occur before. So I took the wood lime off the shelf (working at the store) and brought it back to the stock room. My best friend was working there at the time and I explained to her that I had to see if it was still good inside. She gave me the "Jackie, you're going to hurt yourself look," but it didn't stop me.

I put the lime down on the cutting board and picked up the knife. I stared at the wood lime for a bit, turned to my friend and said, "I'm going to cut myself." She looked at me and said, "duh." So naturally, after making the slightest dent in the lime, it fucking richocheted across the stockroom, leaving the knife nowhere to go, but straight to the bone in my thumb. I naturally refused medical attention and spent a good portion of the day trying to stop the bleeding. I was managing so I basically could spend half the day bleeding and still get all my stuff done.


Honestly, it's amazing that the list isn't longer. After all, I tend to decide to randomly climb things. I'm like a monkey. Last week, I decided to scale Devil's Slide (our name) on Goat Island (the name the GPS told me). However, I was wearing flip flops and after getting up a few feet decided it was very dangerous to do in flip flops. So I told my cousin to hold my flip flops and to meet me at the top (she took the normal route). Then, I successfully scaled Devil's Slide barefoot. It's a good thing because falling backwards into shallow rocky water would have sucked. It's the simple things that injure me. I don't get hurt doing the things that I should get hurt doing. *knocks wood*

[ghostsofgiants]

1. I've stabbed myself in the hand playing with my exacto knife a few times.

And then there was the time I was leaving my high school gym, kept walking with the path of the door's swing for some reason, smacked my face off the door, and nipped my eyebrow between my glasses and eyebrow ring, busting my eyebrow open.

[begin_within]

16. Ouch

[LostInAnomie]

2. Sprained my wrist wiping my ass

*edit* I forgot that I also cut myself with a butterknife so bad that I had to get three stitches.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

You need to go live in a bubble or something.

For your own protection.

[zanne]

46. Did the ER staff ask you how it happened?

In my experience, at least three people will ask you how you hurt yourself. During my furniture-refinishing phase about ten years ago, I was using some spray varnish on a chair that I had just stripped. I was concentrating on a particular crevice that was hard to reach, so I was focusing on it intently. I didn't check the little button on the can, which was pointing straight at me. I staggered into the ER with my eyes full of varnish. All I remember about it was people asking me how it happened; I couldn't see the people, of course, having sprayed my eyes with varnish.

[bertha katzenengel]

71. *blink*

:rofl:

Please forgive me, but that made me laugh!

(I've cut myself with a butter knife, too.)

[Iniquitous Bunny]

3. Shut my finger in a car door on my 22nd birthday.

Tripped walking along the sidewalk (in June mind you) and skinned my knee.

I'm a klutz. :silly:

[Blue_In_AK]

4. I broke my foot getting up out of a recliner.

[Nailzberg]

5. Walked into a sword during a stage combat rehearsal

There were multiple combatants and two guys missed thier marks and drifted too close to me and my partner. I took a broad sword to the head and required 7 stiches on my forehead at the hairline. That really sucked. But it's a cool scar.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

6. One of my friends cut his leg while practicing with his katana.

The amazing part is the pants were not cut. Huge gash in his calf. Many stitches. The pants were fine! I told him he should have told the company to use it in their advertising. A samurai sword will not cut these pants!

[Nailzberg]

26. Reminds me of the Dockers slogan - Nice Pants!

A blade is so powerful, it cuts the leg without cutting the pants. The power of the samurai!

[anarch]

57. somehow I at first read this and psychologically inserted the word "off"

Which would have been a hell of a thing.

I used to know a guy who actually impaled himself when his katana somehow got caught in the folds of his gi while he was practicing. Amazingly he didn't collapse a lung or something...missed all the vital organs. That's bad enough, but then he insisted on still teaching a class later that day, after he got out of the hospital.


For myself, the first thing that comes to mind is the time when I was about ten or eleven years old, I think, and first learned how not to hold an apple in your hand while cutting it with a paring knife. I still have the scar.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

72. That doesn't surprise me.

My karate instructor essentially has had a brace for every part of his body at one point or another. He needs big braces on his knees 24-7. Several times, I have seen him do something, disclocate his knee, crawl into the bathroom to put it back, and come out to teach another couple hours of karate. The worst I've done was spar with a disclocated shoulder for about a minute.

Martial arts people are crazy.

[CPMaz]

7. Broke my wrist skiing

What? You say that isn't even unusual, much less actually "dumb"?

The details are thus:

I was one hour into my first lesson.

At the BASE of the bunny slope.

And not moving.

While standing there, waiting for something (don't remember what) I lost my balance, started falling, put out my hand to break my fall, and broke my wrist instead.

Now THAT'S a dumb way to injure yourself.

[bicentennial_baby]

8. Badly bruised my nose recently

On Ecstasy...walking on my gf's back, foot got caught in her tank top strap...Face plant into the rug...broke my beautiful glasses, and got a serious rug burn/bone bruise on my nose...Ouch! x(

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

9. The fact that it was while on E makes it even funnier.

[bicentennial_baby]

12. Exactly!

At the time, i didn't much care, but the next morning... :o

That's what i get for trying to walk on my gf's back, on E...sigh...

All night too...my gf, my bf, our friend... "No, your nose isn't purple, it's just a..shadow!!"

:rofl:

[mwdem]

10. I guess it was the time the iguana bit me.

It happened a few years ago, but he was a male, free-roaming, and I was tossing cherry tomatoes at him. He missed, I bent down to pick it up, and he lunged at me, biting my lip opened from the bottom through my mouth, with 27 stitches. It was a mess, with my daughter getting married in 6 months, meaning I had to attend the "tasting" 2 days after.

[bicentennial_baby]

21. I think I remember that story!!

Did you tell me that one before on DU? Iguana "owner" over here. :)

[mwdem]

24. Yeah, you heard it before,

and I still have the scars! Glad to hear from you, sweetie!:hi:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

23. I've been bitten by an iguana before, but it wasn't that spectacular

He got pissed off, tail-whipped me and bit my ankle. Drew blood, but nothing serious. My male bearded dragon draws blood on me routinely...that bastard.

[mwdem]

25. We had this guy for about 6 years, and I don't know why,

but he totally turned on me,and I still have the scars on my mouth to prove it. He was given to a good home, so we don't feel so bad, at least I don't!

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

28. At least my bearded dragon has been an asshole since a baby.

His sister is nice though.

I think the iguana that bit me was just overstimulated because there were a bunch of people around. Normally, Fred Footballhead is a very nice iguana.

[mwdem]

29. I don't know,

I get freaked out over scenes from the old Jurassic Park movies now. It' s really weird, once one strikes you from out of nowhere, and splits your button lip open, it totally gives you a new perspective of the beast.

[halobeam]

88. I feel bad for the "good" home!

:rofl:

[Jamastiene]

11. I was rollerskating and trying to learn some of those tricks.

So, I squatted down and tried to roll under someone else's legs. I somehow ended up rolling over my bottom lip. I swelled to 3 times its normal size. I'll never forget that one.

Once, I had a playground outside that I had built for my cats. It was giant cage big enough for me and the cats to go outside and play. Well, I had started a herb garden under an aquarium I had turned upside down. It was spring. My cat started climbing toward a rose bush and I was afraid the thorns would get her and she'd get hurt. Without thinking, my normal state of mind, I stood on the aquarium and picked her up and set her on the ground. About the time her feet rested on the ground, I heard this noise. I will never forget that unmistakeable noise. It was a sort of high pitched cracking sound. It didn't register at first. I almost had time to paint a placard reading "Oh Shit!" and hold it up before the searing pain ran up my leg and somehow made my teeth itch, if that's possible. I looked down and I saw no more aquarium. It had been replaced by broken glass shaped red objects. My leg was stuck to top it all off.

I hopped into the house where my mother was getting ready for a date. She told me to hold a towel on my leg. Blood was everywhere. I had cut it in so many places, I couldn't stop the bleeding. My mother continued to get ready for her date for another 30 minutes or so while I waited and got new towels to soak up the blood. Finally, she said she was ready. When we got to her car, she told me to wait. She spread newspapers out so I wouldn't bloody up her car and I got in. The worst was yet to come. At the hospital, they made me wait 5 hours before even taking me back in the emergency room. On the way back, I saw a distinctive toe tag hanging out from under a sheet that was draped haphazardly across another poor soul who had to wait too long for them. That was rather unnerving. I had lost lots of blood. I began to worry.

The ER doctor came and pulled off the towels and said, "How many stitches do you need?" He left the towel laying on the tray next to the hospital bed and left the room without saying anything else. I began to notice the vinyl on the hospital bed had cracks in it. My blood was running down my leg and I couldn't reach the towel. It ran into the cracks. It stained the cracks. They hadn't put any of that giant paper stuff on the bed. I sat there bleeding for almost an hour while he was galivanting around doing who knows what? When he finally came back, he had the audacity to fuss at me for dirtying up the bed with my blood. Mother fucker. He's the one who left the damn towel where I couldn't reach it. I ended up getting stitches in several places. I didn't count them. He said my muscle was cut in one place but that it would heal on its own. I still would like to punch him for making his rude little comments about my dirtying up the place. Sorry ass mother fucker. Richmond Memorial Hospital is nothing more than a first aid station and he's fussing at me because he's incompetent. People have gone there needing freaking stitches and died waiting. I hate this county more with every passing second. Richmond County stupidy has its own special brand name. It's trademarked. There is none other like it.

There have been countless other times that I have gotten hurt. I was helping my mother and my aunt pull carpet up in the den when we moved to that house we no longer own. I was sitting on the floor while I was pulling the old carpet up. I sit in strange contorted positions that most people see as uncomfortable (I find them most comfortable, as usual, I'm weird). Anyhoo, I had my foot sorta pointing toward my knee and my leg was laying flat on the floor. I pulled the carpet out from under myself and left this 4 inch gash on my leg. The scar is still real visible. It bled and bled. I sure have bled a lot in my life.

Another time, I was playing with my dog, Sockie. He was on a chain. We were jumping around having a good ol' time when somehow we got tangled up in his chain together. As the chain tightened around us, I lost my balance and fell. Somehow, my chin and again with the bottom lip hit his fang teeth as we fell gracelessly to the ground in a heap of fur and blood. Btw, no animals were harmed in the making of that catastrophe. Just me. Again.

There are countless others. I can go on and on about all the stupid predicaments I get myself into. If clumsy was a career, I'd be a billionaire.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

13. I was split my sister's lip open with a Tootsie Roll.

Probably the dumbest way I've ever injured another.

[Jamastiene]

22. How did you do that?

I should say nevermind. We klutzes are a rare breed. We can cause injuries to ourselves and other in the strangest ways imaginable.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

27. Well, she had gone trick-or-treating and...

got the stalest Tootsie Roll ever (it was a big one too) and I just started twisting it. Soon, it was not only a hard, stale Tootsie Roll, but a hard, sharpened stale Tootsie Roll. Anyway, I just randomly threw it at her, not even hard, but it sliced her lip open. She screamed at me, generally voicing her concerns about how to explain it at school, and I tried to run out of her room. She chucked it back at me and it scratched my back through my t-shirt. Hurt like hell too.

Now, I should really be able to say this happened when we were little kids, but I can not. I was 20 and she was 15. Now at 23 and 18, we still get physically violent over Monopoly games. We do get along great provided we're not playing Monopoly.

[Bombero1956]

19. running in a grove of banana trees

in Puerto Rico 45 years ago, didn't see the barbed wire and cut my eye right above the eyelid, a half inch lower and I would've lost the eye. When I was 10 I was standing on a washer my dad was having taken away. My sneakers were wet and I slipped hitting the back of my head on the edge of the washer, felt the warm blood right away. Took 4 stitches to close that one. The back of my head has a speedbump now.

[wickerwoman]

14. Trying to open a Coke bottle with a Swiss Army knife.

Sliced off most of one knuckle. Hey, I was jetlagged, staying in a stranger's house and really, really thirsty.

[SeattleGirl]

15. Broke my elbow falling off a desk.

I was working for a department store, and the night before the Shipping Manager's birthday, me and the guy who worked with him decided to decorate his area in the Shipping/Receiving area. Well, I climbed up on his desk to hang crepe paper over it, and when I was done, I went to step down from the desk. But, what I forgot was that I was wearing a suit, with an A-line skirt. As I stepped off, the skirt prevented me from stepping as far as I wanted to, and I went tumbling off the desk, onto the concrete floor. Broke my "funny bone", only it didn't feel so funny.

Sheesh! I was so freaking embarassed, but the pain in my arm kept me from wanting the floor to open up and swallow me so that no one would know. :blush:

[begin_within]

17. Was riding my bicycle and ran into a parked car.

I just wasn't looking. Everyone always laughs when I tell it. But it still doesn't seem funny to me.

[cobalt1999]

42. So I'm not the only one!

riding a bike and trying to read a map at the same time. Looked up just in time to see that I was a 1/10 of a second from impacting a car. Bloodied my knee quite badly, but ego damage was worse.

[begin_within]

47. Do people laugh at you when you tell the story?

[cobalt1999]

66. unfortunately, manyof my friends witnessed it.

So they are the ones telling the story and STILL laughing about it. It's been years and I still haven't lived it down.

[Idylle Moon Dancer]

52. I've done that

I was fine, but the cheap frame on my bike wasn't.

[Pugee]

60. I had a friend who did that when we were kids.

He was watching someone and hit a parked car, flew over the handlebars and broke off his two front teeth!

[Dora]

86. I've done that.

My shoulders ached for days after that.

[halobeam]

89. Me here too... smacked right into the parked car.

landed on someones lawn. Sadder than that, I don't remember WHAT I was thinking or doing that caused it. I was oblivious. :rofl:

[xzyra]

116. riding no hands, then one foot, then no feet...

I was so cool... riding home... no hands. Oh yeah. I bet I could ride with one foot. Oh, man, I am so so cool. Wonder what would happen if I put my other foot up?

Fell onto the pavement with both knees, gravel is still visable under the skin of both knees, 20 some odd years later

cracks me up because it is so me. Like, damn I'm cool... until I'm face first or on my ass.

[begin_within]

18. Worked one day for supermodel Naomi Campbell. OW!

Just kidding.

[reyd reid reed]

20. Sliced my hand with a chainsaw

Someone handed it to me...business end first. It was turned off, but I never should've reached for it. I should've just said, "Put it down and turn it around first."

Next time...

I'll stay in the house.

[Wwagsthedog]

94. Sawed some wood, then my thigh.

Got 11 stitches and a lifetime ban from using them for my efforts.

[Monk06]

30. When I was a teenager my girlfriend and I were on the back porch

kissing goodnight.

I was sitting on the railing and she
leaned forward. My foot slipped and when
I fell back over the railing my leg went
up between hers and we both went over.

We hit our heads on the only rock in the
entire backyard.

[MiniMandaRuth]

31. Hmmmm....

Let's see.... i rolled off my bed while sleeping and nearly gave myself a concussion.

I nearly drowned myself trying to get a penny off the bottom of a pool.

I nearly choked on a taco-shell from school...

I had a pencil in my mouth and I fell forward....

There's a lot of them.... :blush:

[RoyGBiv]

32. Golf Injury

Broke my wrist playing golf.

I never really liked golf, just played because my friends did, and this pretty much did it for me. The only course in my hometown was a 9 hole course run by someone who basically used the greens fees for beer money. The damn thing had a lake in the middle of it that in former days had been used to irrigate it, but he never did. So, the fairways had little grass at all, and what it did have tended to be St. Augustine, a vine-type grass that serves as a good trap for things like golf clubs trying to tear through it.

Plus, the ground was hard as a rock.

So, I'm taking my second shot at some hole, and I took too big of a divet, or at least it would have been a divet on a semi-normal course. In my case, it was like trying to whack through cement, or more descriptively like a Navy jet landing on an aircraft carrier. The forward motion of my arms stopped, dead, but the energy had to go somewhere, so it went straight to my wrists and cracked one of them.

[Locut0s]

33. Sliced my thumb open at work.

I'm working at a local 7-11 and they have this cheese dispensing machine that uses these bags of processed cheese. When the bags come out of the box there is a plastic spigot on the end that has a thin plastic seal over it to prevent the cheese from coming out. You are supposed to cut a round hole in the plastic seal with a little cutting knife they provide for you. So of course I use the tool and install the cheese bag. Then I go to wash the little plastic tool. At first glance it looks like the tool is just a sharp piece of plastic, no metal to be seen. So like the genius that I am I run my finger the length of the tool under watter to clean off some excess cheese. Well turns out there was a recessed razor blade that was actually doing the cutting. That was a pleasant surprise! Two stitches latter and I was back to work though. Nothing that remarkable really I guess.

[GreenTea]

34. That damn dental floss!

[Syrinx]

35. zipper incident during a big football game

I had to go pee-pee during a big game on tv, and trying to hurry, I zipped up too quickly without considering clearance carefully enough. Ouch!

[ScreamingMeemie]

36. This Way...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=5357921

[halobeam]

90. you had me at "squeamish"... I HAD to read on...

I almost felt that... ewwwwwwwww and OUCH. I hope you get better soon. :pals:

[ScreamingMeemie]

109. I am feeling much better, thank you.

The doctor put me on antibiotics, painkillers, anti inflammatories, ice and rest. I feel almost human again. :hi: :hug:

[halobeam]

112. Glad to hear you are on the mend.

Some things are so freakish, how we get hurt.. ya know?

[Oeditpus Rex]

37. It's a tie

between the time I was 13 and playing basketball, and smacked into the garage while doing a lay-up and busted my head open (scar's in my left eyebrow), and the time I kicked the back of my chair at work in a fit of pique and broke my big toe.

I couldn't figure out the second one. It was your standard office chair — plastic back (though I think there's plywood or fiberboard beneath the plastic), on casters so it should've given a lot, and I was wearing shoes. :shrug:

[halobeam]

91. Hey, I just broke my toe in a hissy fit last January.

Kicked a chair on wheels also... man, they don't move when they REALLY should, do they!..

[Broken_Hero]

38. Here, is a good story...

In May of 2003, my future wife and I just got done watching a movie, and we were sitting in her car. We were talking about the movie, and a fly was buzzing around me, getting me kinda ticked off. I brush the fly off, numerous times, and out of the corner of my eye, I notice it lands on my crotch, and without thinking, I slam myself, in my groin....painful...

But...I did kill the fly...:)

[dysfunctional press]

39. i stung myself with a dead wasp.

i didn't know it would.

[hyphenate]

40. Boy does this one bring back memories!

Nearly cutting finger off cutting an orange for fruit punch

I was making a fruit punch, and was trying to clean out the rind from an orange. The frikkin knife I was using was about 10" long, serated, and sharp. Stupid idiot that I am, I was cupping the orange in my right hand (I'm a leftie) and the knife went right through the orange and straight across the webbing between the middle and ring fingers of my right hand.

I was working then as a CNA, and worked graveyard shift at the nursing home. Well, guess what--trying to keep an OPEN wound clean while you are dealing with patients is not easy. I ended up having to tape the two fingers together and cutting the gloves in order to work. It got worse for awhile, but I managed to get it healed and eventually cleaned and disinfected. This was early 70s, so AIDS hadn't been around, but it would have been horrific if I had gotten it infected in the place I was working and working with blood and other bodily fluids. (Yuck, I know!)

[murielm99]

41. One time, I vacuumed my foot and

broke a couple of toes.

When I was younger, I walked into a parking meter and cut my arm badly. There was a cute guy passing, and I was looking at his ass.

[lizziegrace]

43. A week before Christmas

my daughter was at her father's for the holiday. I was carrying a load of laundry up from the basement, tripped over a box in the kitchen and went head-first into an oak doorframe. (The place was 80 years old.) To protect my head, I put my arm up. Hairline fracture. I went to the ER and was pulled aside by a nurse and asked "Are you safe in your current environment?" I told her I *was* my current environment and I'm a klutz. :(

[ScreamingMeemie]

51. "I *was* my current envrironment"....

:rofl:

I know that feeling as I sit here with the punctured foot. :) :hi:

[lizziegrace]

53. It's one of many less than graceful actions

:hi:

[Skittles]

44. fell thru a hole cut into a panel on a raised computer room floor

12 stitches in my shin...........OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW - the f***ing engineers who left it like that (to run cables through) caught hell for it. :(

[NewWaveChick1981]

45. I almost broke my little toe on a cardboard box.

I had just moved into a new apt. in 1989, and we had boxes stacked in the living room. I had only been there two days, and I had gotten up on Sunday morning to finish unpacking. Like a dumbass, I was barefoot, and when I walked by one of the stacks of boxes, I caught my little toe (left foot) on the corner, and it wrenched my toe. I yelled in pain, and my sister came running out of her bedroom. I went to the hospital, and the x-rays showed no broken bones. However, I couldn't wear a regular shoe on that foot for about two months. Man, that hurt....:hurts: :hurts:

[DawgHouse]

48. I fell of the treadmill.

Thank goodness I was home alone and didn't have any witnesses. I had a devil of a time explaining my bruised up arm and thigh. Ya'll are the only ones who know the truth. Please don't reveal my secret. :)

[lizziegrace]

54. All 90,000 of us?

Your secret is safe! :)

[DawgHouse]

65. I knew I could count on the DU folks!

:crazy:

[Roon]

49. When I was a kid, I licked a hot lightbulb

I have no idea why.

[Major Hogwash]

50. I stuck a wire up my nose.

I was wiring up an electric panel with about 14 cables running into it and I had already stripped all of the insulation off of the cables and got all the black conductors pushed off to one side and all the white conductors pushed off to the other side and was hooking up the ground conductors.

I put 90º bends into the ground conductors to see if they would all fit into the ground bar in the panel box on the left side, to see if I was going to have to use both ground bars in the panel box, the other one was on the right side.

I forgot to look at how long I cut all the ground conductors and when I bent one of them to see where it would fit into the ground bar, the wire went right up my nose and scratched the inside of my nostril.

It started bleeding pretty bad, but I didn't notice because the wire was so sharp that the scratch was very clean and deep.
Instead, I thought my nose just itched a little, so I kept rubbing my shirt cuff against my nose while I hooked up all the conductors.

I didn't know what was going on, when the lady that was buying the home came by to see how I was doing and screamed and then almost fainted.
I thought, wow, she's weird.

So, then I saw my shirt cuff and it was all bloody.
Then, I looked at my shirt and the front was all covered in blood.

I went into the bathroom to see how much blood there was on my shirt, and the entire left hand side of my face was covered in blood, my nose was totally covered in blood, and the area under my nose above my upper lip was covered in blood.

I thought, geez, where's all this blood coming from, and then I sneezed.
A big spray of blood covered the mirror, and I realized that I had scratched the inside of my nose.

I started cleaning up the lady's bathroom, and washed my face off, and then went to get a bandaid or something to stop the bleeding.

When I walked out of the bathroom, the lady saw me again, screamed again, and almost fainted again.

I went out to the truck and finally found some cotton balls, so I stuck one of them up my nose and went back to work.

But, the cotton ball soon got soaked, and blood started dripping from my nose again.

My boss showed up about 10 minutes later and told me to get to the hospital and have them do something because I couldn't get the bleeding to stop.

When I got to the hospital, the admitting nurse started panicking, so I told her that I was okay because it was just a little blood, it was no big deal.

They took me into a room and had me lie down and for the next half hour changed out various sizes of cotton balls to try and get the scratch to stop bleeding, but to no avail.

Finally a doctor came in and stuck one of those things they look up your nose with into my nostril and said I had about an inch long gash in the inside of my nostril, but they couldn't stitch it shut.

So, they cauterized it instead.

That part hurt.

[Neoma]

104. That story makes me kinda pale.

Holy cow...really really pale.

[BreweryYardRat]

55. I've got a numb spot on my right index finger from an art class in HS...

Art teacher had been going on about safety and not cutting toward yourself...so what'd I go and do? ;) Nerve damage.

Tried to ride my bike over a jump w/o enough momentum when I was about 10, but it didn't really do any damage.

[yvr girl]

56. Jumped into a big sign and gashed by head

I was cutting through a field on campus. There was lots of snow on the ground, so I was trying to step in the footprints that already existed. That person's stride was longer than mine so I had to run/jump between each one. I was looking down.

I did not see the campus parking sign - a great big, wooden sign. I landed underneath it and then jumped up and hit the bottom of it with my head. I fell on my ass.

I continued on my way to the bank. The teller asked if I was OK. I asked why. She said, "You have blood dripping down your head." I had a bit of a concussion too. :woohoo:

[OhioBlue]

81. lol

I wonder if the person whose footprints you were stepping in did the same thing...

:rofl:

[hiro]

58. Well...

Injury striking soft plastic
I was opening a bottle of Japanese ramune (old-style carbonated beverage sealed with a glass ball), and as I was using the opener to strike the ball down, I struck too hard and cut myself on the plastic rim.

The trash bag from hell
Taking the trash out, back when I lived in Beirut...and I stepped a little too wide while rounding uneven pavement and got a bad cut to my lower leg thanks to the broken glass in the bag-- which I didn't realize the presence of until it was too late.

Bee sting
Yes, that's right. I was asking for it-- walking through grass with open-toed sandals. I got stung on my left big toe, and it hurt so bad I ended up hopping the quarter-mile home on one foot. Musta made quite a sight in that sleepy little devout Catholic bit of suburbia...

-H.

[hiro]

61. Oh yeah...

And there was that other time that I was in Beirut, waving to a friend in a taxi as I walked at a brisk pace, and I walked straight into a stop sign.

Ow.

-H.

[hedgehog]

59. Standing on a chair to hang a plant on the porch

I leaned forward and ended up taking a swan dive off the porch. Just a scraped knee and a couple odd bruises the next day. My teenagers were there to see me and as I stood up bleeding I said - See, that's why you get the step ladder instead of a chair.

As a competent klutz, I have learned how to fall safely. Usually my falls involve a bit of slapstick. I did give up my beloved Dr. Scholl's sandals though. Wooden soles on the basement stairs seems like too much of a risk even for me.


My mother broke her elbow and ended up having a small bone removed. It was very confusing for the radiologist when she broke the elbow again and he couldn't find all the pieces on the X-ray!


By the way - was the lime any good? Enquiring minds want to know!

[TK421]

62. I did the zipper thing once when I was in a hurry....

I will be sure to take my time from now on

[deucemagnet]

63. Well, I do have one cookie-related injury...

...I was at the vending machine at work. I put my money in the machine, pressed the buttons and the spiral thingy pushed my Healthy Choice vanilla creme cookies off the shelf and down. (Pretty normal so far, huh?) Only, when I bent over to retrieve my cookies (at the waist, not with my knees, mind you) I felt a pop in my lower back and pain that put me on my knees. The next two weeks were spent hobbling around like an old man, getting in and out of chairs, beds, and cars v-e-e-e-e-ry slowly, and dealing with occasional back spasms.

Oh yeah, and the cookies weren't even that good. x(

[grannylib]

64. Broke both my wrists at the same time playing frisbee once...

wasn''t paying attention to where I was running, trying to catch the thing, and ran right off the edge of a 12-foot high retaining wall and landed on my hands and face in the parking lot below.

Also broke my right index finger at the knuckle opening a door once...it was missing the knob, and you had to stick your finger in the hole where the knob was supposed to be and pull it open, and I was in a hurry and it snapped backwards. OW. OW. OMG OW.

Stepped on a garden rake once in bare feet and punctured 5 holes in my foot and hit an artery, and had to have a novocain shot IN EACH HOLE so they could scrape out rust and sand. That was 40 years ago and the scars still hurt every once in a while.

11 stitches across the inside of my left index finger when I sliced into it when I was VERY stupidly trying to cut open a frozen bagel.

[Swede]

67. I cut my thumb open with a hammer.

Don't ask me how,I was carrying it,next thing I know I'm sapping blood.

[Seabiscuit]

68. Popped several Man-of-War jellyfish with sharp end of stick

Their goo sprayed all over my legs, and I developed some severe rashes.

On a beach in Florida.

I was 9. Didn't know any better. Now all I pop is bubblewrap.

[Ikonoklast]

69. My home town lets residents use city equipment

for removal of bulk items such as larger tree branches, brush, etc. You make an appointment and they come to your house at the end of their shift with a small dump truck, park it where you need it, they lock it up and come back for it the next morning. They take it away to a compost station where it is ground up, and residents get free compost out of the deal.

Anyway, it was the first really nice day of spring, and after doing some minor tree surgery and removal of some dead-fall from the previous winter, my two sons and I dragged all the trimmings to the front of the drive where the truck was parked. I climbed into the bed of the dump, putting my foot on the drive tire and stepping over the edge of the bed. They proceeded to hand me all the refuse (there was quite a bit), and I was trying to keep it as compact as possible.

We were getting all finished just as it started to rain, just a little. Both of my boys had to get ready for work, so I told them to go take off as I just wanted to smash the branches down a little bit more, as the city wouldn't let you have the load piled higher than the sides of the dump.

Got finished, everything looking good, and I went to step off over the side of the dump, trying to find the NOW WET drive tire with my foot....

When I woke up, I was soaking wet, laying flat on back in the concrete driveway, wondering why the back of my head hurt so much. I couldn't remember what day it was, or why exactly I was lying on the ground. Thought I should go inside and get cleaned up, take a shower as I was now very sleepy. Got inside the front door, and my daughter looked up from the living room where she was doing homework, and she started screaming. I turned and looked into the hall mirror, where I saw that it looked that someone had just hit the back of my head with an axe. Scalp wounds are always so dramatic.

Had problems with short-term memory for a week or so. Not a big cut, though.

[Tracer]

70. Two days ago ...

... my daughter was on a business trip to the Midwest. She purchased a ceramic ashtray for me (no comments, please) and swung the plastic bag with the ashtray over her shoulder to balance her backpack.

Unfortunately, she missed her shoulder and whacked herself smack in the forehead, causing a 1 inch gash and lots of bleeding.

Another time, while building a fire in the fireplace, I needed some kindling. I went out to the woodpile, saw some likely kindling candidates and cleverly decided to break up a few by stomping on them with my sneaker-shod foot.

Unfortunately (again) I stomped directly on a nail that went through my sneaker sole and a good inch into my foot. Tetanus shots and a week of pain taught me a lesson I'll never forget.

[rppper]

73. tore my bicep popping someone with a towell

on a field trip to one of the state parks here in central florida, i got into a towell popping fight with one of the clients...i was whooping him good too....untill i tore the bicep in my right arm while in mid pop....my client saw me drop the towell and started a pop fest of his own to add insult to injury!!!

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

74. Remind me not to sell you an insurance policy, LOL...

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

87. I already have insurance.

[zonkers]

75. Once shot a bb gun at the ground to see if it was loaded & the dang bb

bounced back up (of course) and went all the way up my nose. It was freaky.

I once put cigarette filters in my ears at a No Doubt show. Some dancing fool bumped into me and the ciggie filter went up my ear all the way in.

I once headed a soccer ball (it was a high kick from a goalie) during the winter. The ball was frozen hard as a rock. I got a concussion.

[flamingyouth]

76. I fell into a door jamb while putting on a sun dress

I tripped on the hem and fell, hitting my forehead and getting a nasty bruise.

I also broke my foot walking down the street. I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk. :eyes:

[Beausoir]

77. Cut my nipple while vigorously making the bed,.

I lifted the quilt up to poof it out evenly over the bed. It caught on the glass light fixture on the ceiling. A heavy piece of the glass rained down and cut through my shirt and bra and sliced me directly on the nipple. Hurt and bled like crazy. After that, every time I see a pierced nipple I shudder. No. Way.

[Blue_Tires]

78. the first time i met darwinism

Me: a 5-year-old kid visiting grandmother in rural Alabama for the first time....

"Oh, wow! Look at that big pile of sand in the middle of that field! It kinda looks like the stuff in my sandbox, and I wanna make sculptures out of it!.....

(After playing around with it for 15 seconds)

"Gee! Look at all those thousands of pretty red ants, and how fast they are moving!! I wonder if they are just like those harmless black ants that I've come to love in my yard back home....."


"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH THE BURNING ON MY HANDS AND LEGS!!! PLEASE GOD MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!"

[Spirochete]

79. Licking peanut butter off a knife

When I was about 16. It was a butcher knife. White man speak with forked tongue. I set myself on fire,too, when I was 12 - playing with a Zippo and a can of lighter fluid. Guess I wasn't the smartest kid on the block.

[u4ic]

80. Closing a cupboard

It was an older style one, the clickE thing on the inside was damn sharp. I was putting something away in the bottom cupboard, lost my balance, and it tore through the inside of my wrist. It came sooo to an artery. I still have a scar; it looks like I tried to do myself in.

Not an odd way to injure myself, but an odd place. I was thrown from a horse at a fence, sailed over and ended up on a ground pole. The first place that hit, though - my right hip. :shrug: It was black and blue for weeks. Luckily, I didn't hurt anything inside.

The oddest way I hurt someone - I was fishing with a friend at about 12 years of age, I tried to throw out the line, ended up piercing a friend's ear instead.

[deadparrot]

82. Burned my stomach with a hot water bottle.

It was "that time of month," and I wasn't feeling so hot...apparently the water was a bit too hot. I've still got a scar.

[MountainLaurel]

83. Fell down

Walking out of a Kentucky Fried Chicken in Toyko. There may have been a "Watch Your Step" sign, but since it was in Japanese, I didn't realize it.

[Generic Brad]

84. Defrosting a refrigerator

A chunk of frost fell to the floor, I slipped on it after it melted, fell backwards and cut the back of my head on an open kitchen cabinet drawer. The cabinet drawer almost severed my ear off.

Now all cabinets remain closed after each use and the refrigerator is self defrosting. Any water on linoleum is immediately wiped up.

[spindrifter]

85. Broke off my front

teeth when I scraped the bottom of a swimming pool. The parentals were really pleased...

[Scout1071]

92. Pinched nerve from hitting the snooze alarm.

Apparently I had been sleeping in an awkward position and when I reached over to hit the ridiculously loud alarm clock, I irritated a nerve/muscle in my neck. I couldn't even breath without extreme pain...ended up at the ER. So embarrassing. A couple of muscle relaxers later and a couple of days of rest and I was back to new.

Also, 3 broken ankles (same ankle)and nearly every torn ligament in my ankle, from walking. Just walking. Stepping off a curb. Catching the edge of a welcome mat. Crack in the sidewalk. Unbelievable. I've made up stories as cover jobs for the real, less than exciting truth.

[Kool Kitty]

93. Broke my toe by dropping

a bowling ball on it. Hurt like hell.

[Missy Vixen]

95. Popped my kneecap off innertubing at Snoqualmie Pass 23 years ago

Yes, it's true. I'd just come down a 90 degree angle track, stood up to grab my innertube and get off the path, and some guy crashed into me from behind. It hurt like nothing else I have ever experienced.

Julie

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

96. One of my friends shattered her cheekbone tubing.

She got flipped off backwards and slammed her knee into her cheek. I was shocked when she told me the story, but she's hot. It definitely didn't cause any lasting disfiguration.

I just realized you're talking about snowtubing. I do the watertubing. God damn, that's a work out.

[txwhitedove]

97. At 14 dancing the twist at a slumber party, ...

threw my knee out of joint, collapsed on the floor. Knee cap had rotated and popped right back but hurt like hell all night.

At 15 riding horses on grandpa’s farm, stopped to climb over a barbed wire fence to check something out, fell over top of fence but one foot caught in barbed wire with me hanging upside down. Thankfully a friend was with me to get the foot/skin unhooked with minimal damage.

Older not wiser, home alone one evening, went outside to shut the gate but locked myself out of the house. Didn’t want to break a window to get in and figured I’d do what my kids did all the time, climb over the wood and fiberglass sheeted garden roof into the 2nd floor bedroom window. Fell through, landed on concrete. Ended up with fractured, dislocated wrist which required surgery. No alcohol involved, just stupidity.

Really old and stupid, took a flying leap off the porch but asshat spousal unit had piled dirt at edge of porch unbeknownst to me. Instead of landing on flat earth, landed on slope of mulch pile, pitched forward and cracked ankle. Forever and ever to be laughed at as “Mom’s Leap of Joy”.

[struggle4progress]

98. Ranch manager said, "Sharpen this scythe on the grinder." I said:

"How sharp?" Ranch manager said, "O, about sharp enough to cut your finger on." I figured I could gauge whether the scythe was sharp enough to cut my finger, without actually cutting my finger, if I simply touched the sharpened blade carefully. I was wrong ...

[XemaSab]

99. Most of my animal bite stories involve me being dumb

Especially the garter snake and the gopher.

The best one I think is the time I was shoveling horse manure with a rusty pitchfork while barefoot, and I put the pitchfork down into my foot. It didn't break anything and it didn't really bleed, but I sure went to the doctor in a hurry.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

105. I've been bitten by tons of animals including a couple garter snakes

and a boa constrictor, but never a gopher. How the hell did you get bitten by a gopher?

[XemaSab]

111. It was in a field that was being graded

I ran over and picked it up and it bit my finger, then it died.

I had to go get a tetanus shot and take the dead gopher to the department of public health.

[RedCappedBandit]

100. Sprayed dustoff onto my hand

frostbite!

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

106. Is it sad that I read this was and was briefly tempted to spray my dustoff

onto my hand? I didn't though.

[Race4Peace]

101. Carrying my bike on my back 2 miles. on freeway. in the dark...

my chest muscles were sore for a week.:P

[Chan790]

102. Tripped over a lawn reindeer

and impaled myself through the shoulder. Worst part is my kid brother watched me do it then stood there like an idiot while I bled from a 4 inch wide hole through my armpit. 200 stitches later, the moron hadn't moved when i got back from the hospital.

[gkdmaths]

103. I was trespassing

on "forbidden" ground on Mt. St. Helens (in the reveg zone) doing a little rock climbing with a friend. We were about five miles out and we found a nice schist crag that was failry solid with flaired cracks for crappy fist jams.

I peeled and all the pro pulled out and I fell 30 ft and bounced three times. We had to walk out - me with a bunch of broken toes and bleeding badly from one leg.

I never climbed illegaly again. Always follow the rules, Karma and all.

[Neoma]

107. Are you sure you wanna know?

Kid stuff:

I have a light bulb burn on my arm...don't ask me how because i don't know.
---
I was at some neighbors house and i wanted to do some trick to impress them or something. So i put that horn on my ear and honked it just from pure curiosity. I think i'm a little deaf in that ear now.
---
Broke some toes around 7 times on separate occasions by stubbing them on the same damn couch. It wasn't ever confirmed that they were broken..because it was figured that the doctors couldn't do anything for toes.
---
I got dizzy and fainted from lack of iron in my system and woke up 10 seconds later with Cheerios on me with no clue where i was and with a huge headache.
---
I rode my bike into a tree on purpose because someone else did and i thought it was funny.
---
My brothers room was covered with fish hooks and pins from him organizing i suppose and i decided to go in there because my house shoes would protect me! I was wrong however and i had a pin lodged up deep in my foot.
---
I tried to reach for a baseball in the garden from the porch and i practically got my head cracked open by hitting my head on the brick edge of the porch...i don't know exactly how that happened but it did. I must have bent over very far.
---
I turned around in the shed and i hit my head on the door frame edge...I had to get stitches on my eyebrow so i originally have a bald spot there. It just amazes me that it didn't hurt.
---
Almost did the splits on a tree branch and scarred both my legs permanently.

[Control-Z]

108. Don't know if it was the dumbest but it was the strangest.

At my father's funeral. I had just had back surgery so I was in pain and moving slow - trying to pull myself up and out of the car with some help at the cemetery. I'm in the front seat holding onto the frame between the the front and back door and someone slams the rear door on my hand. I start screaming but the person helping me out of the car continues to pull me out of the car not realizing my hand is crushed in the door. Nobody realizes it. I try to tell them but I can't seem to make any words come out. I'm screaming and fighting the woman who is still trying to pull me out of the car and I'm trying to point to my hand but no one gets it. I was only 17 at the time and they think I'm going bonkers over the burial. There is total pandemonium all around me and no one will listen. They just keep telling me "it's okay", "it's okay" but I'm shaking my head "no", "no" it's not okay. People are running around the car. They think I'm refusing to get out and they are afraid they will hurt my back if they force me but they are still trying and I'm still screaming and fighting them because I can't get out of the car with my hand attached to it. Now I'm screaming "my hand", "my hand" and they think I've gone completely ape shit. You can see it in their faces. I guess they think I'm confusing my hand with my back which is what they think should be hurting me at this point. But they still don't get it. The funeral director comes to the car - they are beginning to talk about "what to do" - like call an ambulance or something and I am absolutely hysterical and then someone finally notices my hand - and opens the door.

[Reverend_Smitty]

110. I got second degree burns on my lip because of a hot pocket...

I was eating a hot pocket in a rush one day so I didn't allow for proper cool time. Second to last bite...BAM...giant glob of molten cheese landed on my bottom lip and immediately stated searing my skin. I couldn't get it off quick enough (that stuff was like napalm!) and ended up having this giant burn mark on my lip for a week that looked like the canker sore from hell. I felt the need to tell my friends that it was a cheese burn and not the herp, which I'm not sure which would have been less embarrassing for me

[LaraMN]

113. Slammed my head in my car door.

I ended up with matching bruises on either side of my head.

[1gobluedem]

114. Sliced my toe open making my bed

I was getting ready to go out of town and wanted all the household chores done before I left. I was putting clean sheets on the bed, tripped over the blanket and fell against the chest at the foot of the bed that has metal at the seams. One piece was a little bent and it sliced my little toe nearly in half. I lost my head and instead of going across the hall into the bathroom to clean it up, I went downstairs to the kitchen leaving a trail of blood through the house. I'm sure it needed stitches but I didn't have time to go to Emergency so I just wrapped it as tight as I could, finished my chores, and left on my trip. I think it stopped oozing blood two days later.

My then-roommate broke my toe once by bearing down on it with the high heel of her shoe. It was dumb on my part for not telling her to get off my foot but I was sure she knew. When I finally DID push her off she jumped about a mile and said "That was your foot? I thought it was a piece of bread!"

Once I broke my arm and don't know how I did it. I just looked down and it was broken (note: I have broken this particular arm six times). I still don't know.

[progmom]

115. jumped up and hit my head on a door frame in a moment of euphoria

actually knocked myself out. woke up in a puddle of blood. so what did i do? i washed the blood out of my hair and biked 5 miles to school. pulled up into the bike sheds and everyone freaked out - apparently there was blood dripping down my face.

my boyfriend made me call my mom, who was home by then, and have her drive me to the hospital. i ended up with a few stitches, and the scar is still visible at the top of my hairline.

i am such a klutz.

[kwassa]

117. Getting my hand trapped in a closing elevator door

I ran to catch the elevator, stuck my hand in as the door was closing and hit those rubber bumper things that are supposed to make it open. The door kept on closing and trapped my hand. I was stuck.

I was completely alone, of course, in a deserted lobby. I wanted to hit the buttons on the wall, which would open the door, but I couldn't reach them! I had to wait until another person came into the lobby. It was mildly painful to have my hand clamped between the metal doors. I was worried that the car would go up or down and do terrible things to my hand, but the reality is that the outer doors are separate from the elevator car that moves, and I probably would have been alright.

It was a looooong couple of minutes until someone came into that lobby!

[rucky]

118. I threw out my back at a Taco Bell drive-thru...

reaching for my burrito.

I also broke my little toe doing Tae-Bo.

Cracked a rib playing Nerf Hoop.

[On the Road]

119. In 9th Grade, I Came Home from School

and as a prank my little brother locked the front door just as I got there. The back was one of those old-fashioned glass doors with many small panes. I made a dash for it and put my hand through one of the windows trying to beat him to the knob. Still have the scars on two fingers.

The same year my brother was playing with a friend on the basement steps. I leaned over a first-floor landing to look at them and got hit in the face with a wicker basket. Took a big chip off my front tooth. (A wicker basket!)

About a year before, I remember coasting along on my bicycle and idly moving my right foot around. For some reason, I ending up sticking it between the spokes of the front wheel. The bike did a complete flip and I ended up on my back with the bike on top. Strangely uninjured.


BTW, this is a great topic. I will have to use it for a round of the "Question Game."