I'm Wilford Brimley. Ask me anything.

[Fenris]

Especially about my diabetes. And diabetes testing supplies. And Quaker-brand oatmeal.

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. Will you go to dinner with me?

:loveya:

[Fenris]

2. You wouldn't last five minutes at dinner with me!

Unless, of course, you also enjoy killing your dinner with your bare hands.

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. Yes! we shall hunt together, and eat in the wild over an open fire

embiggened by our passion for death and meat.

[terrya]

4. What the fuck happened to your career, man?

Hell, the last thing I saw you in...besides commercials...was in "In and Out" with Kevin Kline, Tom Selleck and Debbie Reynolds. It just whetted my appetite for you commanding screen presence.

[Fenris]

14. You clearly don't watch PAX or the Hallmark Channel.

I'm on every other show!

[Magrittes Pipe]

5. How was Bob Crane in bed?

[Fenris]

11. A cold fish.

Not a fan of mustache rides.

[Magrittes Pipe]

13. Do you still have the tape?

I bet you could make a mint on eBay.

[Fenris]

15. I do still have the one of me shooting him

But I still "use" that one.

[Magrittes Pipe]

17. With what kind of "gun" did you "shoot" him?

[Fenris]

21. You ever hear that dolphins "fire" at such a high velocity

It can tear through human skin?

Guess what? I'm part dolphin.

[Blue-Jay]

6. Why do you pronounce it Dia-Beat-Us?

[Fenris]

12. I'm old, that's why!

Ask me about my gingi-veet-us.

[dolo amber]

7. Will you sign my painting ?

:loveya:

[Fenris]

10. I'm illiterate!

I can't write my own name. I only know how to type.

[XNASA]

8. Did you nail Jessica Tandy on the set of Cocoon?

[Fenris]

9. You're darn-tootin'!

Inside one of the cocoons, no less. With Don Ameche.

[LynneSin]

16. What happened to Steve Gutenberg's career?

He had so much promise after Cocoon

[Fenris]

19. He took career advice from me, that's what!

I told him to turn down the lead in "Titanic" for 3rd string billing in "It Takes Two." He was upstaged by two dwarves!

He was great on "Veronica Mars," though.

[JVS]

18. Did oatmeal cause your diabetes?

[Fenris]

20. No, "Cream of Wheat" did, though.

[swag]

22. Do your teats have a perky charm?

[Fenris]

25. Not anymore.

The skin on my chest now resembles a catcher's mit.

[JohnKleeb]

23. Who did you hit if you didn't hit your wife?

[Fenris]

24. I still don't know.

I think it might have been a horse.

[JohnKleeb]

27. A follow up

Are you related to the common Walrus?

[Fenris]

29. We prefer the term "Rosmarus."

[asthmaticeog]

26. Pronunciation query:

Is it:

die a beet eez

or

DIE uh BEAT us?

on edit: fucking Blue-Jay, and dang me for not reading the whole thread first...

[Fenris]

28. DIE uh BEAT us

I believe he was a Greek god.

[asthmaticeog]

31. More, a propos of pronunciation:

Why am I unable to figure out how to type a schwa, so as to have done up my previous question all dictionary-proper-like? Character Chooser shows me NOTHING.

[Fenris]

39. There's no keystroke for it. It does exist in TNR font.

But unfortunately not in Verdana.

[TexasLady]

30. why do u look EXACTLY like my dad?

inquiring minds wanna know>?

ps he has diabetes too..hmmm.....

dad?

[Fenris]

32. You'd have to talk to my lawyer about that.

I've spread my seed far and wide over this great country of ours. :patriot:

[LynneSin]

33. George W. Bush: World's Greastest Leader or a real shit-for-brains

You tell me what to beleive m'kay!

[Fenris]

40. Every president since Jackson has been illegitimate!

He's an anti-president!

[asthmaticeog]

34. Hey, any comment on this?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=5061101&mesg_id=5061101

[Fenris]

41. I am actually both.

I am a fly larva that metastasized into a human-sized maggot.

[RedCloud]

35. how can you guarantee satisfaction?

And do you have a toll free number so I can get satisfied?

[Fenris]

42. LIBERTY MEDICAL!

THEY GUARANTEE IT!

[arwalden]

36. Do You Know...

Euell Gibbons

[Fenris]

43. I stalked wild asparagus with him.

Wild asparagus ate half of our film crew.

[texanwitch]

37. You should wear your glasses, you look strange without them.

You also look like my brother-in-law who is a republican.

[Fenris]

44. But when I wear my sunglasses, I look hot.

[texanwitch]

45. That's better.

:*

[Bzzzz]

38. I'm...

Howard's father and I'm gay...lol (In & Out)Loved that movie!!!

[RandomKoolzip]

46. Can you suggest a wine to accompany my Duck L'Orange and Mission Figs?

[Fenris]

51. Prison wine.

Or Blue Nun.

[ProfessorGAC]

47. Hey Wilford!

How cool was it to absolutely steal a movie the way you did at the end of Absence Of Malice?
The Professor

[Fenris]

55. I enjoy stealing scenes!

I stole all of "Ewoks: The Battle for Endor." I refuse to give it back.

[sundog]

48. monolith

[Fenris]

52. That was me in the video!

Couldn't ride my horse for a week after that.

[MrScorpio]

49. How many degrees am I connected from you?

[Fenris]

54. I'm not your father if that's what you're askin'.

[Arugula Latte]

50. What do you use your mustache for besides straining soup?

.

[Fenris]

53. Well...

Washing my car.

Sweeping the floor.

Warming my lip.

Mustache rides.

Attracting and maintaining parasites.

[Arugula Latte]

56. Follow-up question:

These mustache rides of which you speak ... Are they free? And do you have a T-shirt that proclaims them so?

[Fenris]

57. It's emblazoned on my cowboy hat.

And yes, they are free.

[KamaAina]

58. You are not. You're really Colbert.

And I can prove it. :evilgrin: