I have a question for you guys

[ChickMagic]

There's a homeless man we see every day on the way to
work. He just sits at the same place holding his hand
out and not bothering anyone.

I've seen him here at Parkland and because of his
gait, we nicknamed him Shamblin' Man. I've seen this
man for years.

Well, today I got to meet him. He was sitting in a
wheelchair with a doctor who literally lifted him
off the street, and with no recompense and on his
own time, he amputated SM's leg. It had become
gangrenous. This doctor gave him something to eat,
so I sat down and we both tried to tell him to lay
off the booze, especially in this horrible heat.

I gave him a couple of bucks and saw myself that he
bought a large iced tea. I hugged the doctor and
told him he was a wonderful man which he greatly
appreciated. I also hugged Shamblin' Man (Richard)
and his eyes welled up. He said nobody had done that
for years. I was feeling pretty good.

Well, I told my boss who also drives past Richard
on her way to work. She proceeded to tell me that
a guy on her bus goes to a church that has reached out to
Richard. They've gotten him clothes, food, money, etc.
She said I was a grade A sucker because he's only going
to buy liquor.

First of all, I saw him buy tea. Second of all,
what if he does buy liquor? So what? Does that have
any bearing on my goodwill?

She's made me feel very foolish and downright stupid.
I told her about his eyes welling up and she said, "He's
lying. He played you like a fiddle."

Now I don't know what to think. Was I wrong?

[plcdude]

1. no you are not wrong

what is used as an excuse not to help is the stereotypical response that the money will be used for booze. What has to happen is not only a personal commitment but a community commitment to find out what is needed by these individuals in order for them to be safe, well, and if possible to provide hope for them. Taking the initiative on a personal basis is an act of courage. But don't get discouraged if you see little change in his life.

[ChickMagic]

12. I won't be discouraged

I just worry about him drinking booze in this heat.

[auntAgonist]

2. If being kind to someone is wrong

then yes you were wrong. KINDNESS and COMPASSION are never wrong! ! ! You did what your heart told you to do. I would have done the same thing. It seems to me your boss speaks out of guilt, covering her own lack of compassion with bravado.

I'm glad you're a kind and compassionate person. The Dr obviously felt his services were needed and he too is to be commended. Where would we be without people like you?

I don't want to find out.

:hug: You deserve a :hug:

thanks for being you!

aA

[ChickMagic]

13. Oh, you are so sweet

Thank you for the hugs. :hug:

[Taverner]

3. Don't feel bad - you not only gave him $$$

You gave him the respect to do with his money what he chooses.

Respect is probably the one thing he doesn't get a lot of.

[ChickMagic]

14. That's for sure

I see all the upper class pubbies just pretend he's invisible
every day.

[matcom]

4. she is a bitch

period.

[ChickMagic]

15. You don't know the half of it

Believe me.

[DarkmoonIkonoklast]

70. ... and THAT is an insult to all my Wolf-Clan sisters!

[flvegan]

5. Seems your boss is at least 4 people removed from

where the story originates (guy on a bus that goes to a church...).

You did something nice for another person. If that's so wrong, then don't ever be right.

[ChickMagic]

16. I like that!

Thank you. :hug:

[raccoon]

31. that's a keeper.

Rephrasing it like the song, "If Loving You is Wrong,"

"If doing something nice for another person is wrong, I don't want to be right."

Good for you, Ginbarn.

[Blue-Jay]

6. I sometimes hand over change or a buck or two.

Frankly, I don't care what they spend it on. Food, booze, pot, whatever.

[Arugula Latte]

65. Same here. Like John Lennon said: "Whatever gets you through the night

... It's all right."

[Guava Jelly]

7. You did a nice and descent Thing..You should be commended

Never feel bad for acts of kindness.
Ignore what other people say about it..after all who the hell are they to judge.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

8. "he's only going to buy booze"

That's how assholes convince themselves they're not really assholes.

[ChickMagic]

17. Ah, I see.

It was nice to see he had iced tea. It kinda blew her
story apart.

[Midlodemocrat]

9. Ditto what matcom said.

Only I say she's a fucking bitch. Compassion is never wrong and something that assholes like your boss can never wrap their minds around. You done good.

:hug:

[ChickMagic]

19. Thank you

She is well known at work as a fucking bitch. She tells me
she disciplines her child by withholding love. :scared:
But to you, :hug:

[Kajsa]

35. Anonymously report that

bitch to Child Services.

"she disciplines her child by withholding love"

I kid you not!
God only knows what she really does to that kid!
Remember, neglect is a form of abuse.

:grr:

[ChickMagic]

40. Thankfully, his dad doesn't withhold love

Her attitude explains a great deal about why we get
the cold shoulder treatment among other things.

She knows exactly what she's doing too. I had been
suffering a prolonged spell of nastiness from her
(this was a few years back). I went to the doc and was
hospitalized for a bleeding ulcer (I tend to internalize
all this). She told my co-worker, "Well, now I feel bad."
So, it's not just being mad or angry - she's calculating.

[raccoon]

86. She's probably a bitch at least partly because she's not

fucking. :silly:

Sometimes it helps me to say this to myself (about someone like her), 10 times at least:

"That is her stuff. It has nothing to do with me."

[ChickMagic]

90. I'll keep that in mind

I don't know why I felt I needed her approval -
I know I don't.

[raccoon]

96. Sometimes I have that problem too,

feeling I need somebody's approval...even if the somebody is a droofus.

[ornotna]

10. You did good

Your boss on the other hand is going to hell. ;)

On the last day, Jesus will say to those on His right hand, "Come, enter the Kingdom. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was sick and you visited me." Then Jesus will turn to those on His left hand and say, "Depart from me because I was hungry and you did not feed me, I was thirsty and you did not give me to drink, I was sick and you did not visit me." These will ask Him, "When did we see You hungry, or thirsty or sick and did not come to Your help?" And Jesus will answer them, "Whatever you neglected to do unto one of these least of these, you neglected to do unto Me!"

[Midlodemocrat]

11. Whatever you do to the least of my brothers,

that you do unto me.


Words to live by.

[ChickMagic]

20. Maybe that's why my hubby says

that even as an agnostic leaning toward atheism, he's the best Christian
he knows. :)

[derby378]

22. I think you meant to say...

...that you are the best Christian I know. :hug:

[ChickMagic]

26. You're right. Do'h!

:blush:

[DarkmoonIkonoklast]

71. Tell your hubby "Welcome to the Club!"

   one more to remember: "By their FRUITS shall ye know them."
   It doens't mater WHAT a person CLAIMS... what matters is what s/he DOES, especially when no one else is looking!
   "withholding love" from a child... there's a special circle in Dante's Hell for those alleged "parents"...
   Bottom line: you can never really know a person's thinking, or their motivation -- oftern, they don't always really know -- but you can always know what is/was done... and on that alone can you know the person.
   ... and I'm not EVEN a Christian!

[ChickMagic]

74. Neither am I

but I know a very bad person when I see what they do.

[ChickMagic]

75. I said that wrong

What I meant to say was that even though I'm an agnostic
leaning toward atheism, he says I'm the best Christian
he knows. Sorry - sinus infection - can't think.

[idgiehkt]

44. you beat me to it,

I'm not religious, but here's the verse from Matthew:

Matthew 25:35-40 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

I believe in the so-called 'butterfly effect' anyway, so you never know about this. And besides, it's really about oneself and one's own conscience. That person who called you a 'grade A sucker'....that's the type they invented the expression "see ya, wouldn't want to be ya" for, lol.

[KitchenWitch]

18. Kindness is never wrong.

[ChickMagic]

21. Words I try to live by.

:hug:

[Heidi]

23. I wonder whether that vicious woman would have said the same thing

if Shamblin' Man/Richard had an illness that wasn't alcohol-related? Wait. Let me guess. :grr: (Thank you, Ronald Reagan, for setting such a fine example for your followers of how compassion should be limited to the haves and denied to the have-nots. :sarcasm:)

You weren't wrong, ginbarn. Your co-worker sounds like a piece of work.

:rantoff:

[ChickMagic]

27. Oh yeah, she's a piece of work all right.

Mean and vindictive, but she does have 2 personalities.
When my sister died, I called her at home to tell her
I wouldn't be in for about a week. She was worried about
my being alone so she came over straight away and sat
with me until my dad showed up. Those are the things I
prefer to remember.

[wildhorses]

24. alcoholism is a baffling and complex disease...and did you

ask the stoopid bee-yatch what she thought about the doctor???

Sheeesh, some people:eyes:

you, on the other hand are a gem:hug:

[ChickMagic]

28. Doctors are gods to her

Thank you for the kind words. I needed that. :hug:

[wildhorses]

30. so then by her own admission

if what the doctor did was right
how in the fuck were YOU in the wrong???

no wonder Jesus hung out with drunks and whores...

[ChickMagic]

32. She thought he was right

but apparently I was wrong to tell him he was a good man.
I've been called a "putti" (a cherub who lives only to
serve its master), so somehow that put me in the wrong.
I agree - Jesus kept better company than I have to keep
here.

I'm also taking care of a couple of stray cats here
(people think it's okay to dump them at a hospital)
in hopes that they will let me get close enough to nab them.
A doctor who works in the Infectious Disease clinic has a no kill
cat shelter. According to her (my boss), I'm wasting time on these
unworthy creatures (including Shamblin' Man).

[wildhorses]

34. I just realized that your poor misguided boss needs love, too.

Suffer her stupidity and smile and agree that each person has the right to spend their time here on earth any way they choose. She has made her choices and has to live with them and so have you, the doctor, and Shamblin' Man. Refuse to let her get you down. She is powerless over you. I wish for you serenity in this woman's presence. Good luck!:hug:

[ChickMagic]

38. That's a wonderful thought

I do try to treat her well, regardless of how she treats me.
:hug:

[RagingInMiami]

25. Tell her that

You'd rather be a Grade A sucker than a heartless bitch.

[ChickMagic]

29. LOL

:rofl: It's funny because it's true!

[xchrom]

33. lol -- this is what gets me about some people...

SO WHAT IF HE DOES!

if somebody goes out with their quarter that i give them and does something with it that i wouldn't do -- so what?

at the point i gave it to them -- it was no longer any of my business.

but not -- like penises and vaginas and gay people getting married, etc --
some people cannot help but having a say so in peoples lives who they help.

now because they help them -- that person has to act in such and such a way...

of course that's a slipery slope isn't it?
cause when is it ever enough?

[ChickMagic]

41. That's it exactly!

WHO CARES? I did my part to help him out and by golly,
maybe a beer WILL help him out.

[xchrom]

58. lol -- sometimes it does.

nothing is perfect.

[Kajsa]

36. No, you did the right thing.

You and that great doctor tried to help this man.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Did you know that many of our homeless are veterans?

Yep, they sacrificed, risked their lives for our country and
they end up on the streets, many of them disabled, where
people assume they're all alcoholics and/or addicts.

They're HOMELESS- where any of us could end up if a financial
disaster and/or illness struck.

God Bless you, ginbarn.


:hug:

[ChickMagic]

42. Yes, I know that vets are on the street

It's appallilng that this could happen.
Thank you for the kind words Kajsa. It sure
beats hearing people say, "Sucker!"

And a big one back at ya! :hug:

[Deep13]

37. You challanged her world view that states...

...people only suffer because of their own negligence or misconduct. Consequently, if I follow all the rules, I will never suffer or have to care about those who do.

Short answer: never let anyone tell you you did not see and hear what you know you saw and heard.

[ChickMagic]

43. Good point

If he'd just done the right thing... yeesh.
There but for the grace of God go I.

[jobycom]

39. First, some people are just jealous when they know someone is nicer than

them. You see it all the time in the mockery from the right. The wish they could more like you, so they go sour grapes on you.

Second, you saw the real person, she spouted cliches, so you have more genuine insight into the situation than her.

Now, the bad thing, part three. He could be a con. I've known people who preyed off the kindness of others. Had a brother like that. He would give them the sad eyes look, the "nobody gives me a chance" speech, and get taken into their homes. He would leave with their valuables shortly after, and sometimes physically harm the people who took him in. So there are people like that, and if they weren't good at convincing people they were genuine, they wouldn't get away with it so often.

The only point of that is be careful if you plan to go further. All you can know about him is what you've experienced, and based on that you've done a good thing, and so has the doctor. You aren't the sucker, your boss is, for believing things she has no knowledge of.

[ChickMagic]

45. I'm aware that some of these people are cons

But this doctor saved his life by removing his leg. I
hope you aren't eatog lunch, but the necrotic tissue
had maggots living in it. He's no con.

The boss semmed even more disturbed thatI hugged him.
That's when she called me "stupid".

But what if they are? So I give a few coins to a con?
I'll take my chancss. In Dallas, it's actually illegal
to panhandle. Keep 'em out of sight so they don't exist!

[jobycom]

46. I wasn't being critical.

I'm sure the doctor wouldn't have done what he did if the man's condition wasn't genuine, that wasn't what I meant.

My brother was on crutches the last half of his life. He wasn't faking that, he got stoned and passed out in a parking lot and got run over. Didn't stop him from raping elderly women who tried to be nice to him. He used whatever happened to him to gain sympathy, and he used that sympathy. He could go from sweet and huggable to brutal and vicious at the drop of a hat. I suspect that his transition was the last thing some people ever saw.

Again, I'm praising what you did, and telling you your boss is wrong thinking she knows something she doesn't. Just saying, there are people capable of fooling you... don't take that as criticism, take it as guilt from someone who maybe didn't do enough to stop a bad person, so who feels obligated to warn other people now.

[ChickMagic]

48. I didn't take it that way

I really hate to hear that about your brother. That had to
be terribly painful for you. My boss, as another poster said,
is a real piece of work. :hug:

[xmas74]

47. You did just fine.

Ignore what your boss says.

There's a reason why so many homeless on the streets spend their money on alcohol-it's a form of self medication. Some do suffer from mental illness and have no way of receiving their medications so they use alcohol instead. Others-well, if you didn't have a place to stay, regular meals and had lost almost all hope wouldn't you want to find a way to escape? Alcohol can do that for them and it's cheap.

You did the best you could w/ a bad situation. I hope that you can check up on him more often and make sure that he's getting what he needs to keep cool, especially in this heat. Just keep showing him that he is a human being and that someone cares. Everyone deserves that.

[ChickMagic]

49. Thank you

I think I'm going to get him a hat. His face is badly
sunburned. And a jug of water.

At least he can come to Parkland if he gets too bad off.
Thank you for your kind words. :hug:

[xmas74]

51. The hat and the jug are both good ideas.

Another one is a neckscarf that velcros in place. You get them wet and they keep the back of your neck cooled down. They run about 2-4 dollars and can be found in the camping dept of any of the discount chains (Walmart, Target,etc).

Between the three he should be much better off.

[ChickMagic]

53. Awesome idea!

Thank you!

[xmas74]

54. you're welcome.

The jug can be refilled in a public restroom and he can get the scarf wet at the same time.

They work well. I use them for hiking.

[Fleshdancer]

50. Your boss is just trying to justify her apathy

You're not wrong at all and the only person who's "playing you" is a boss who doesn't care about a person in need and feels the need to make you feel foolish for having a heart.

[ChickMagic]

55. She's a bitter old woman

I say she's old, but she's only about 3 years older than me.
She's old, I'm not yet. I told her she made me feeel foolish
and she swears that wasn't her intent. But it was. I know her.

[Road Scholar]

52. It's not about your boss, maybe not even about Richard. It's

about the kind of person that you are and how you appreciate kindness. Trust me, you are the winner in this.

:toast: :yourock:

[ChickMagic]

57. You're so sweet!

Thank you so much - you guys sure know how to cheer a girl up!

[Road Scholar]

60. But just think about it. You are the only one you can control. And

you are the only one that you can hold accountable.Everybody else is responsible for their own decisions. You did the right thing.No problem. I rest my case.:shrug:

[ChickMagic]

61. I think so too.

Screw the heartless SOB's! Thanks! :hug:

[Road Scholar]

64. I saw something like that last weekend. I was getting off the

interstate and there was a guy sitting on the ground there near the stopsign at the end of the ramp.He had a homless sign and he looked to be in pretty bad shape. Just as I was realizing the situation, a lady stopped a couple dozens yards away and placed some food and drink on the ground and quickly got back in her car. Shee tooted the horn and got his attention and pointed toward the food. He walked over and picked it and waved a thank you. She sped away. I told my wife that more people should be like her (and you)

[DarkmoonIkonoklast]

80. cheer up, hell!

   At the risk of overusing a term, you are the "godly" one here, love... You are doing "unto the least"...
   ... and since we're being scriptural here, wasn't there one about God or an angel or someone appearing on earth in the guise of a beggar, just to see how folks would respond?
   DAMN!!! I need Rev. Cheesehead!

[ChickMagic]

84. You do know how to cheer me up!

You don't need Rev. Cheesehad for that. You sound like
a wonderful person. :hug:

[Skittles]

56. ginbarn, why are you doubting yourself?

of course you were right, and your boss has lost all sense of humanity

[ChickMagic]

59. She's pretty much kept me off kilter

She's blaming the fact that she can't retire on me.
She says she can't trust me. This after working with
her for 23 years.

And I have a nasty sinus infection so my brain hurts.
Maybe if you kick my ass I'd feel better?

[SlavesandBulldozers]

62. sounds like my manager.

sounds like every manager i ever had.

. . . the kind that played me like a fiddle.

[ChickMagic]

63. Yeesh

Control freak psycho. I wish she would retire!

[Mikimouse]

66. You absolutely have nothing to be ashamed of...

"what you do for the least of mine..."

[ChickMagic]

76. I'm not ashamed

After reading all the replies, if anyone is foolish, it
is my boss. :hug:

[NMMNG]

67. You are not wrong

Your boss is just a cold hearted meanie.

[ChickMagic]

78. I've heard that from many people around here

but only lately. It kind of surprised me. Not anymore.

[DarkmoonIkonoklast]

68. Better to care and be used 1000 times...

   ... than to harden your heart and miss the ONE who needs only that one simple act of human kindness to turn his life around!

   Let those afraid of being used, do as they will, ginbarn; You continue to let your heart believe, and keep on living the faith!

   For whatever it's worth, here's one more who, on that Last Day, will say a prayer for you... make that two, for "Richard" will also, I am sure!

   Blessed Be, hermanita!

[ChickMagic]

77. You are so kind...

:hug:

[DarkmoonIkonoklast]

85. Been there, done that...

   ... burned the T-shirt, 'cause it irritated the scars!
:hug:

[ChickMagic]

91. *grin*

:hug:

[DarkmoonIkonoklast]

69. Better to care and be used 1000 times...

   ... than to harden your heart and miss the ONE who needs only that one simple act of human kindness to turn his life around! :hug:

   Let those afraid of being used, do as they will, ginbarn; You continue to let your heart believe, and keep on living the faith! :thumbsup:

   For whatever it's worth, here's one more who, on that Last Day, will say a prayer for you... make that two, for "Richard" will also, I am sure! O8)

   Blessed Be, hermanita! :loveya:

[XemaSab]

72. Well what were YOU going to spend the money on?

Liquor??? :shrug:

[ChickMagic]

79. Cat food for the stray that someone dumped at work

I've been feeding the guy every day - I even come up
on weekends.

[XemaSab]

89. I didn't mean to sound as snarky as I did

But people pout and moan over homeless people drinking when they do it themselves.

It's an unholy combination of hypocracy and stinginess, and it irritates me.

[ChickMagic]

92. It bothers me too

I feel like, "So what if they do? When I give them
money, it is theirs to do as they please." I don't feel
like I have the right to tell them what to do with
a gift.

[LaraMN]

73. So an alcoholic doesn't deserve kindness?

Bullshit. You did a loving thing, and that's all that matters. Good on you.

[ChickMagic]

82. Thank you for that

If he gets some relief from alcohol, then so be it.
Thanks for your kind words. :hug:

[riona]

81. You weren't wrong.

I don't drink, but if I were living in his world.......:cry:

[ChickMagic]

83. Exactly

That's how I feel about it. If it brings him some
measure of comfort, who am I to judge?

[DarkmoonIkonoklast]

87. You're a beautiful soul, gb...

   If I'm ever again stuck in Big D, I'll know there's at least one genuine (excuse me, that should read "Gin-you-wine!") human Mother's Child in that town, and she's at Parkland General!

[ChickMagic]

93. Gin-you-wine

:rofl:

You are most welcome in Big D and it would be an
honor to meet you. :hug:

[fudge stripe cookays]

105. I can vouch for this lady.

She's definitely Gin-u-wine!

:thumbsup:

[ChickMagic]

107. Takes one to know one FSC

:hug:

[LaurenG]

88. Do what your heart tells you and don't look back

Your boss is a poopy woman. She would probably win the lottery and then give some away on the condition they do with it what she says.

You did a good thing.

[ChickMagic]

94. She IS a poopy woman!

Boy, could I tell some tales about that!
Thank you for your kind words. :hug:

[fudge stripe cookays]

95. You are a PRIZE!

For the hug as well as the money. Knowing these people are treated worse than dirt everywhere they go, avoided, disparaged...etc.

I saw a homeless guy on the access road to Central the other day, and while everyone else was rolling up their windows and locking their doors and ignoring him, I handed him $5 and told him to go get breakfast.

It was the best I felt all day!
Good on ya!

fsc :hi:

[ChickMagic]

97. That's how I feel about it

I get ragged on because he'll "just buy booze" and frankly, after
listening to his conversation with the doctor who saved his life,
he might well buy booze. But, so what? If I had to live like that,
I'd probably do the same thing!

I miss you FSC!!!! :hug:

[fudge stripe cookays]

98. Miss you guys too.

Been busy!

This family history book I'm writing takes up pretty much every spare moment now that my deadline at work is over.

In the past 6 months, I've visited Salt Lake City; San Jose; Sacramento; Los Angeles; Santa Barbara; Alberta, Canada; Spokane; Coeur d'Alene, Idaho; and I'm heading back to California in a few weeks for work (but will try to tack on visits to Monterey and Santa Cruz).

Then, I'm going to see about using my airmiles to head to Pittsburgh around Columbus Day.

reprehensor and I are staying busy!

Don't let the bitchy lady get you down. If I was a drunk homeless guy, the main reason I'd be contrary to church folks trying to help me is that they usually want to preach at you about all the good work they're doing, where it's mostly lip service. Quit preaching, start helping! :hug:

[ChickMagic]

100. Ain't that the truth!

When things calm down, we'll have to get together again!

[Treclo]

99. I'm naively optimistic.

I'll take that anyday over coldhearted! Good on you, ginbarn! And even thought there ARE some real cons out there, I somehow don't think a homeless man living with a leg needing to be amputated didn't appreciate your kindness. Jesus, so what if he DID buy booze- is your boss so removed from reality as to be unempathetic to this man's plight? You showed him caring and respect, and we all deserve that.

[ChickMagic]

102. I t hink so too

Thank you for that. :hug:

[RedCloud]

101. I am quite proud of you.

My eyes are welling up now too.

Do good unto others.

Our universe is better with you.

[ChickMagic]

103. Your kindness overwhelms me

:hug:

[Burma Jones]

104. Your Boss is only trying to rationalize her own lack of compassion

maybe you should keep your good deeds between you, the beneficiary and the unseen.........


On Edit: We're unseen.......

[ChickMagic]

106. You're probably right

I just didn't know she'd be so vicious about it.

[Burma Jones]

108. The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali have good advice here

By cultivating friendliness towards happiness and compassion towards misery, gladness towards virtue and indifference towards vice, the mind becomes pure.

Your Boss seems to suffer from the terrible vice of bitter selfishness.

BTW, I'm a Presbyterian, but Jesus, the Buddah, Mohammed and the Upanishads all give similar advice....

As for me, I am glad of your kindness and extend to you my friendship....

[ChickMagic]

109. And I thankfully accept your friendship

I had another experience today when I just happened to be
where a total stranger needed someone. This is becoming a
pattern. My boss is definitely selfish, no doubt about that.