Do you fit in?

[idgiehkt]

I've been thinking about this for the last few days since I was summarily ejected from a group that I really had enjoyed being a part of. How do people 'fit in' in group situations, and what is the average experience with this. I rarely 'fit in' anywhere, and I've been this way my whole life. I'm curious what other people's experiences with this are. I've never posted a poll, so I hope I've done it right. (I've typed the words 'fit in' so much that they are starting to sound really weird to me...I hate it when that happens)

[txwhitedove]

1. Hmmm, if you are a thinking person, you probably won't fit in every group.

I've always felt like the odd one. So, when I do fit in
or mesh with someone, it feels magical. Just be true to
your beliefs.

[tinfoil tiaras]

2. I sometimes fit in

of course, I will always be different from most of the people im around because of politics and such, but usually they dont really care because I'm a pretty outgoing person (especially at camp...im at my best there, always cheerful, etc)...so i picked half of the time or whatev.

[XemaSab]

3. Nope

I can usually maintain for a while, but in the end they always figure me out. :(

[idgiehkt]

6. wow. that is my experience on every job I have

which I guess is the main reason I'm unemployed.
this really hurts me on my jobs. In fact, that's how it's worked against me the most in life. I try to act normal, but in the end, it becomes obvious I'm not quite like the other people And I am the suckiest person on earth at group dymamics and all that. I've even thought that perhaps I might have asperger's syndrome or something, but then I thought I was just being dramatic.

[Jamastiene]

28. I feel the same way.

It's sad that so many of us in this thread feel like we don't fit in, but one thing is for sure, we fit in with each other because we share the experience of not fitting in with others. It's something that those who do fit in will never "get."

[femmocrat]

39. Wow.... we could start a clique! n/t

[NewWaveChick1981]

4. I've always felt "different", but I fit in here just fine.

:D I march to my own drummer. I'm easygoing and not easily angered...but certain things DO anger me, like the situation of this country. :grr: When I was a kid, not fitting in felt terrible, but when I got to college, I realized I fit in more than I ever believed. I learned to think for myself. Now I'm well-adjusted, know myself very well, and love who I am.

There are groups where I really DON'T want to ever fit in---like Repukes or the Left Behinders or crap like that. :scared:

[u4ic]

5. I'm a liberal in Alberta

of course I don't fit in...:P

[Skittles]

7. never cared about "fitting in"

never aspired to be like anyone

[Floogeldy]

8. From what kind of group were you ejected? How old are you?

What are you talking about?

:smoke:

[gkdmaths]

9. while this is a significantly subjective poll, I'll answer that I only

I sometimes fit in. I only fit in sometimes because I dumped my socialite ex-girlfriend and have since begun to hang out with a significantly nerdier bunch.

However, If I were still with my ultra-popular and superficial ex, I would under no circumstances leave the computer, migrate from the lab or leave the D&D game.

Now, I do fit in quite well with my cronies in the lab, with whom I spend much time. They thought I was A#1 today when I ordered 20 sheep brains and $1,000 in Platinum, Gold and Silver foil.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

11. While the foil sounds pretty cool, the sheep brains are getting a little

weird :P. But yea, it all depends on where your comfortable

[gkdmaths]

13. just dont ask what I'm going to do with them.

:evilgrin:

and you probably shouldnt ask what else I ordered, either. O8)

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

15. Do we need to send you to DA's S&M thread for domination?

:P

[gkdmaths]

17. as a nerd,

I'm generally niether dominant or submissive, and I'm largely celibate and okay with that (got a lot of interesting stuff to do).

so, no. a S&M thread just wouldnt cut it.

Now, a thread about getting some work done and pushing back the frintiers of science would certainly do. :7

[pitohui]

27. i know MANY nerds into s/m

who do you think john norman and sharon green wrote all those books for, regular normal people i think not

:-)

[gkdmaths]

37. sorry,

I have no idea who those people are.

pay more attention to the "asexual" part of my post. I dont have time to get laid, which really sounds like a problem with my priorities.

:7

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

10. I've been really lucky

My sense of humor has often helped me to fit in with groups (being 'mildly attractive' as I've been called doesn't hurt). Another reason is that if I want to, I can easily relate to people, and can often lend a listening ear if someone has problems. I've discovered the most helpful thing is realizing when not to talk, and to avoid taking sides (or at least don't do so loudly) in any disputes.

Hope everything works out though :hug: :hi:

[idgiehkt]

12. wow.

there is so much truth in what you have said. I wish someone had told me that when I was a lot younger; listen when people have problems but don't take sides in a dispute. Thanks.

(of course someone probably did tell me but I was to hard-headed to listen; I think I'm a little more teachable now).

[mark414]

14. what if i never fit in, but i don't feel rejected

but i don't feel proud of it either, where do i vote?

[idgiehkt]

16. sorry, I didn't consider that option

wow, I envy you. I mean your feelings about it, that is. I've got the not fitting in part down pat.

[mark414]

22. i am most comfortable alone

i mean...i'm not a total anti-social, i have good relationships with family and (a limited number of) friends but for the most part i stick to myself - i'm young (21) and have found that any sort of clique or group of people i end up spending time around never seems to suit me and i've never really been part of a group, but i kind of like it that way

[last_texas_dem]

18. It's hard to say

I guess I'm good enough at social cues, that I can deal with groups I don't have much in common with w/o sticking out like a sore thumb. However, I usually don't truly "fit in" because I have different interests than most people (especially where I come from) and am very shy and take quite a while to feel comfortable with people. Most people who get to know me on a basic level generally like me, though, because if I'm at least somewhat comfortable in a situation I come across as mellow and nice enough. (The "mellow" part is mostly an act; the "nice" is mostly legit, though... at least I think it is.) However, I still usually feel like I'm having to hold back or can't fully relax except with my closest friends and family. I don't think this bothers me as much as it would bother most people, though, because I'm an introverted person who usually does fine just doing my own things alone or with people I'm comfortable with. I truly have no desire to do most of the things very outgoing people do. However, trying to live up to the expectations of society and of some others, especially those very close to me, if I'm not meeting them, can get to me sometimes.

[idgiehkt]

36. this is so true:

"I truly have no desire to do most of the things very outgoing people do. However, trying to live up to the expectations of society and of some others, especially those very close to me, if I'm not meeting them, can get to me sometimes."

me neither. It seems like if you don't act like a contestant on 'Elimidate' 24 hours a day, you're some kind of freak.

[Kixel]

19. I don't think I am normal...

I never feel like I don't fit in. In high school a teacher told me that I am a person who could be shut up with 100 people and I'd know everyone by the time I was let out. It's probably true-I am extremely outgoing and I enjoy meeting new people. There are rare moments when I am nervous, but usually it's just excitement.

I don't really care about what strangers think of me, and I assume they are going to like me. I even get along with Republicans and I never hide my views from them-they usually like talking to me. I even convert a few of them along the way.

Of course, I realize there are probably people out there who don't enjoy talking to me-I am realistic about that. It just doesn't matter. Maybe my attitude's a combo of birth order and astrology-I am the youngest in my family and a Leo. It's probably just that I am weird.

[SeattleGirl]

20. I usually don't fit in.

Always been that way. Sometimes it really bothers me; other times it doesn't.

[Jamastiene]

21. I teeter between the last two options.

I don't fit in at all. My reason is that I live in a red state. I don't want to fit in with that bunch. However, when I meet someone I really like or a group of people I really like, I do want to fit in with them. Years of rejection and overall bad luck tends to inhibit me and I always seem to sabotage myself without meaning to with the ones I really like.

[Broken_Hero]

23. not usually...

especially when I first meet new people...I'm usually a little stand offish, and very quite...but once I get to know you, you can't ever get me to shut up...;)

[clyrc]

24. I never have

The last couple of years, I thought maybe I would. I joined a service organization that I believed in, but the increasing slights and snobbery finally made me back down. I'm still upset about how this turned out, while being clueless as to how I could have stopped it.

To be fair, I have been in some small, oddball cliques where I felt pretty much accepted. That description may even describe my marriage.

[Stardust]

42. I hoped I would fit in a church but it got cliquey, too, and

disappointed me. I met some really down-to-the-bone genuinely good people then, but whew, glad I got out of that scene. I suspect that we all have auras or scents that attract or repel others. I just lucked out with the unattactive one and try as I might, I can't overcome it. I don't even fit in with myself.

[HEyHEY]

25. You were ejected?

How'd that go down?

P.S. I, personally, am loved pretty well everywhere I go. And on the rare-occasions I am not, I just remind myself I'm a hell of a nice guy and fuck them anyway.
People like me cause I'm really good at blending in to whatever group I'm with...suckers.

[pitohui]

26. i am a classic oddball

"i'm proud to not fit in" is prob. too strong, more accurate to say that i don't usually notice either way until someone lets me know how "strange" or "unique" i am

some of us are just a little peculiar, what can i say?

[njdemocrat106]

29. Most of the time, I feel like I don't fit in

First of all, I'm far from even close to being an semi-attractive-looking person, and I'm probably the ultimate conversation killer (when I talk with strangers and distant family, I have no idea what to talk about, because I feel really uncomfortable talking about any aspect of myself when face-to-face with somebody. I have no problem talking about myself here on DU, though.) I was pretty much the loner in school, probably because I had much more mature interests and a more mature taste in music than everyone else my age (I still remember coming home from my first day of high school and listening to a Steely Dan CD, when everyone else in school would be listening to teen-pop and the pseudo-alternative bands of the day).

And back in elementary/middle school, I was already quite proficient in using computers, and when I revealed any aspect of my interest in computers, I was guaranteed to hear a chorus of "computers suck" from my less than enlightened classmates (the parochial elementary/middle school I attended was infatuated with basketball; the kids were obsessed with it, and the administration imphasized the school's basketball program to the point of being ridiculous.) Weird thing is, I think today's kids are more involved with computers than I ever was when I was a kid, and they probably know more than I do even now.

[idgiehkt]

30. funny how that goes, isn't it

I remember talking to this guy that told me he hated his mom for making him take typing back in the 80's; but now he's glad she did. Kids are so technically proficient now it's crazy.

It sucks in this society that you are penalized for intelligence and maturity. One thing I've regrettably learned is that it was a myth what my parents told me about how when I get into the 'real world' things would be different; that high school and junior high weren't the 'real world'. They were wrong, that just isn't true at all. People are people, and alot of times adults are much less moral than teens and children because they are much more skilled at lying and manipulating because they've had much more practice. High school by nature is completely anti-intellectual, really. Thank god college isn't (or wasn't, for me).

[njdemocrat106]

44. I agree that society penalizes intelligence and maturity

I think the results of the 2004 election reflect that. A lot of people voted for Bush because they thought Kerry was a "know it all, intellectual liberal", and would rather have a faux-macho, faux-Texan as president than some "egghead smarty-pants".

[Blue-Jay]

31. I'm something of a social chameleon.

I can usually talk to any type of person without feeling uncomfortable. If it's a little too weird of a situation, I can fade into the background pretty well too.

[JackDragna]

32. To hell with fitting in.

Most of humanity is made of obedient, self-serving nincompoops. Being a decent, well-informed person in America is to be a loner.

[AlCzervik]

33. it depends on the situation and sometimes i'd rather not fit in

[leeroysphitz]

34. I fall in at 50/50 on the last two choices.

Depending on my outlook on any given day.

I'm usually proud not to be "part of the herd" but there are times when I can defiantly see the advantages to social acceptance...

[El Fuego]

35. I think I try to stick to situations where I think I'll fit it in.

[MoseyWalker]

38. I fit in where I want to fit in, but

rarely want to be a part of any group.

If I do, usually I get a little bored with it and them, unfortunately, and move along.

Since spending the past full day on Democratic Underground, I'm rethinking my posture.

This is fun! (when I'm not getting hammered or deleted in General Discussion)

[femmocrat]

40. I've always been like a fish out of water. Never in the right pond.

As a kid, I was the wrong ethnic background for our neighborhood. In school I was one of the smart kids, except I was artistic, not a math and science geek. In college, I was definitely in the wrong school, wrong major, wrong everything. I even picked the wrong career, but options were more limited for women in those days. I grew up in the city but moved to the suburbs (republican-land, no less!) and then to the country. I really don't fit in with country folks. I can't stand most of the people I work with.

So.... I am so happy to have found some fellow misfits here at DU! :pals:

[graywarrior]

41. Hell no. I'm a freak.

[MsKandice01]

43. I've never fit in..

I'm very unconventional in many ways and extremely hard to figure out. Actually, I don't even have my own self figured out yet.

[sundog]

45. no