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101 Ways to Know You're From New Jersey!
101) You remember ¢ 5 Tuesday at Keansburg Boardwalk.
100) You've owned at least two Z28s, Firebirds, or Mustang 5.0s.
99) You've rocked the mullet.
98) You had at least one tattoo done by Tony. (Check! Will Anthony actually, but close enough)
97) You do at least two "Haunted Hay Rides" every Halloween. (Check!)
96) You've driven over the "Sleepy Hollow" bridge (Even though it's really not). (Check!)
95) You take out of state friends on your own "Kevin Smith" tour. (Check!)
94) You've been to more than half the places or seen half the things in Weird N.J. magazine. (Check!)
93) You're the toughest person in the world, but the F'N horseshoe crabs and jellyfish still erk you really bad. (Check!)
92) Your high school/Grade school teacher also taught your parents and/or grandparents. (Check!)
91) All of your relatives live within 5 miles, most of them on the same block. (Check! Not all, but a shitload do)
90) Every time someone in Hollywood makes fun of Jersey, you're mad and proud at the same time. (Check!)
89) You know which parking lot in Wildwood and Red Bank you can park for free late at night.
88) You've broken down coming "the back way" from the shore at 2am and not a soul even passes you, or a town or phone on your long walk and wonder what idiot survey came up with "most densely populated state." (Check!)
87) You say "porta reeko" instead of puerto rico, as it should be pronounced. (Check!)
86) You know to hit A.C. at night when all the old people are gone. (Check!)
85) You know what shore you want to go to depending on your mood. Wildwood if you don't mind the kids, Ocean City if you just want to relax, Seaside if you want to hang out with the college kids, Cape May if you feel like sight seeing or Atlantic City if you think you got the good luck with you that night. (Check!)
84) You're not freaked out driving down Route 18 in the middle of the night. (Check!)
83) You know not to go out between 4:00pm and 6:00pm cause traffic is bad. (Check!)
82) You've rolled a tire up "Gravity Hill" at least once. (Check!)
81) You know yellow really means go faster because the light's about to change. (Check!)
80) You leave your car unlocked hoping some one will steal it. (Check! My father did that unsuccesffully over for a year. Finally, it died and we got $25 for it.)
79) You actually know who has the right of way in a circle. (Check!)
78) Your parents don't mind porn as long as its of the opposite sex. (Check!)
77) You can reach out your bathroom window and grab your neighbor's soap. (Check! At least when I lived in Union City)
76) You can get into the strip club free if you bring a girl. (Check!)
75) You've ever found a murder weapon on your front lawn in the morning. (Check! Does passing a murder scene directly in front of your school count?)
74) The parents of the losing team act worse than the players. (Check!)
73) Your excuse to the cops is "He was dead when I got there".
72) You have a bottle opener on your key ring (even if you're not a drinker). (Check!)
71) You've spent more Saturdays in school than out. (Check!)
70) You learned "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" before the alphabet.
69) You have or had more than one room covered in paneling and thought it looked kick ass.
68) You know what I.F.F. is and at least three people that worked there. (Check!)
67) You can tell when it's low tide by smell alone. (Check!)
66) You talk s#!t about NewYawkers, but would kick anybody else's ass outside of NJ/NY for doing the same thing. (Check!)
65) You've bought Shoprite food in a Shoprite. (Check!)
64) You could see "Kevin Smith, Jay Mews, Bonjovi, and Springsteen" walking down the street and not care. (Check!)
63) You watched "Mallrats" and said "That mall's not in Jersey!" (Check!)
62) At least half the people you knew in high school went to Rutgers. (Check!)
61) You know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. (Check!)
60) Your big class trip in elementary school was to Morristown or "The Garden State Art Center". (Check!)
59) You long for the days when the Devils wore Christmas colors.
58) You know that the only people that call it "Joisey" are from New York or Texas. (Check!)
57) You've been to the Sussex or Monmouth County fair. (Check!)
56) You've planned a local trip around ensuring you pass at least one Dunkin Donuts, 7-11, or Wawa. (Check!)
55) You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges". (Check!)
54) You know that it's called "Great Adventure", not "Six Flags." (Check!)
53) You know that there are bakeries which are not part of a super market, but actual individual stores. (Check!)
52) You've ordered a "hard roll with butter" for breakfast. (Check!)
51) One time, a sea gull crapped on your head. (Check! On my sister & mom together, missed me)
50) You've eaten at a diner, got completely drunk, at 3 am at least a dozen times. (Check!)
49) At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen. (Check!)
48) "Anyone who makes bad pizza can go to hell", is your attitude. (Check!)
47) You always use a minimum of 10 variations of the word "damn" while driving. (Check!)
46) You don't have to go to Red Lobster to get fresh seafood. (Check!)
45) You once said, "It smells like New York in here." (Check! I've also once said, "It smells like cocaine in here.")
44) You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring)! (Check!)
43) In high school, you worked at a Friendly's.
42) The Garden State Parkway doesn't freak you out at night. (Check!)
41) You know what a "jug handle" is. (Check!)
40) You have mandatory recycling...Enforced by law. (Check!)
39) You've eaten a pork roll and cheese on a hard roll...and liked it. (Check! Before I gave up meat)
38) You go to at least one parade at the boardwalk each year. (Check!)
37) You've pondered, "Maybe basketball would be more popular in NJ if the Nets didn't suck." (Check!)
36) You say "water" weird. (i.e. Wadder, Cawfee, Dowg, Wadever) (Check!)
35) Even your school made good Italian subs. (Check!)
34) You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires, but have never seen a tornado, earthquake, tsunami or volcano. (Check!)
33) You can't believe MTV went to Seaside Heights. (Check!)
32) You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation. (Check!)
31) You only go to New York City for day trips. (Check!)
30) You've run out of money on the Parkway. (Check! So many times...)
29) You're Italian. (Check! Does having Italian mobsters married in count? I think all the mob connections are dead though)
28) You know where to get the best bagel. (Check!)
27) You think the Olive Garden is crap and should have never opened any restaurants in New Jersey. (Check!)
26) There are no self serve gas stations and you like it that way! (Check!)
25) You've had sex on the beach, and I'm not talking about the drink. (Check!)
24) You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle. (Check!)
23) The Jets/Giants game has started fights at your school and/or local bar. (Check!)
22) Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April and May. (Check!)
21) You can't understand why there aren't more 24-hour diners elsewhere in the country. (Check!)
20) You live within 45 minutes of at least three different malls. (Check!)
19) You've called at least one person on the beach a F***k'n Benny and told them to go the F**k home. (No, because I am one)
18) You can see the New York City skyline from some part of your town. (Check!)
17) You've seen or been in a fight between a Rangers fan and a Devils fan and or Flyers fan. (Check!)
16) You have or know someone with mafia connections. (Check!)
15) You're related to someone who thinks the New York Jets should be called the New Jersey Jets. (Check!)
14) You have at least one friend who drives a truck. (Check!)
13) You've been in a town or city (in the state) where Spanish is spoken more than English. (Check! Lived in one for half my life)
12) You've been to a party in the woods. (Check!)
11) You've driven hours just to purchase fireworks in Chinatown or West Virginia. (Check!)
10) You played in a P.A.L league. (Check! Karate tournaments actually)
9) You know where to get a freshly cooked Taylor Ham, Egg and Cheese sandwich at 2 a.m. (Check!)
8) You don't take crap from no one. (Check!)
7) You remember Action Park and may have been seriously injured there. (Check!)
6) At some time you got on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook or Menlo Park mall. (Check!)
5) K-Rock used to be your favorite radio station, now it's WRAT and WDHA . (Check!)
4) Anything less than three inches of snow ain't anything. (Check!)
3) Someone cut you off on the road and you told them to go "F*ck" themselves. (Check!)
2) You think people from South Jersey talk funny. (Check!)
1) You're radioactive and proud of it. (Check!)
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