Some notes, If you own or ever owned a dog.

Road Scholar

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Sat Jul-22-06 06:28 AM
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Some notes, If you own or ever owned a dog.

1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a 'specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog house.

2. Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if his own house is under renovation.

3. Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.

4. Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined to a comfortable but secure metal cage.

5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the dog house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever he pleases.

6. The dog is never allowed on the furniture.

7. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not the new furniture.

8. Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole works and buy new furniture... upon which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.

9. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.

10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.

11. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed under the covers.

12. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with his head on the pillow.

13. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers with his head on the pillow, but if he snores he's got to leave the room.

14. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm now sleeping. That's just not fair.

15. The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as "primary resident," even if it's true.

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags
his tail instead of his tongue. ~~Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive
evidence that you are wonderful. ~~Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die
I want to go where they went. ~~Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like
a puppy licking your face. ~~Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you
more than he loves himself. ~~Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than
the average person.~~Andrew A. Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and
love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all.
It's the best deal man has ever made. ~~M.Facklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies,
quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and
always have to mix love and hate. ~~Sigmund Freud

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that
certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very,
very few persons. ~~James Thurber

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn
around three times before lying down. ~~Robert Benchley

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of
a weird religious cult. ~~Rita Rudner

Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which,if they are especially urgent, are often continued
in the next yard. ~~Dave Barry

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes
like never washed a dog.~~Franklin P. Jones

My dog is worried about the economy because
Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.That's almost $21.00
in dog money. ~~Joe Weinstein

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend;
inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. ~~Groucho Marx

Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean,
here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing
haul..chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the
greatest hunters on earth! ~~Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please,
and men and dogs should relax and get
used to the idea. ~~Robert A. Heinlein