Argh. I fucking hate my body!

[LeftyMom]

It's eighty million fucking degrees outside, I'm sweating my ass off and yet I can't wear anything reasonably weather appropriate becaue I'm so fucking embarassed about how I look. So I wear pants and shirts with sleves. And then I sweat, and I hate how I look sweaty.

I hate my body. I hate my short legs, I hate my lack of a waist, I hate my so-fucking-pale-I'm-reflective skin tone. I hate that I can't wear a more comfortable hair cut because my bone structure is so unfeminine and indelicate. From my mousy hair to by overlarge and unattractive feet, there's nothing I look at myself and don't hate seeing. I can't tell you how much that sucks.

:cry:

[bicentennial_baby]

1. Love the skin you're in sweetie...

You're beautiful...Accept your body and love it. Sure, improve what you can, in good time, if you feel the need to, but...love it. It's you, and it's wonderful. I truly believe that...despite how any of us may look on the outside, we are all miracles of chemistry and biology...Appreciate you. :)

:hug:

[LeftyMom]

5. I'm not very good at that

:shrug: I try, but I'm not.

[bicentennial_baby]

13. I understand, I do...

:hug:

:loveya:

[wildhorses]

2. from the pics I have seen of you...

you appear to be quite the cutie:hug:

[LeftyMom]

7. Thank you.

I realize other people see me differently than I see myself. I can't see through any eyes but my own though.

[jobycom]

18. S'what I was thinking, too. nt

[graywarrior]

3. It's the heat, my friend.

I hated my body last week in the miserable heat...and my fucked up hair that gets all wirey and out of control in the humidity. Today, it was cool & rainy and I forgot about how much I hate myself.

Besides...we love ya.

[mainegreen]

4. Its not pale, its porcelain.

People actually avoid sunlight just so that can have that color!

[MissMillie]

40. yep... all the rage in Europe

Imagine that people here spend money to NOT look like that. I relish it.

[XemaSab]

6. Oh puhleeze

At least you're not carrying around 40 extra pounds. :P

[BrotherBuzz]

8. Just turn on the damn sprinkler and run through it.,,,

anybody worth communicating with will join you. You got a Block Party in the making!

Oh boy, it it indeed hot west of the Sacramento river, too!

[idgiehkt]

9. that shit ain't gonna play here.

you posted a picture the other day if I remember correctly. Something about wanting advice on hair styles or something.

I saw your pic and thought 'isn't she adorable'. Who do ya think yur foolin?

[crim son]

10. LeftyMom, I've seen pics.

You're beautiful. It doesn't matter, though, because you feel the way you feel. I know - I have some of the same issues except I'm too tall and built like a boy. :hug: The good news is that you're right, other people don't see yourself as you do. And in a literal sense, how you look is ALL about what other people think.

[RagingInMiami]

11. This is not a PMS thing is it?

[Kajsa]

14. LOL !

Ah, Raging--you're cracking me up!!

;-)

[Dangerously Amused]

12. And yet, you've got the hottest guy in the joint

...worshipping the ground you walk on. He looks at you and sees beauty, we look at you and see beauty, your son looks at you and sees beauty...


Face it, you're beautiful. And don't even try to argue, you are SO outnumbered on this one it's ridiculous.



:hug:

[SoCalDem]

15. LM...my long-lost twin sister

:hug:

[Fleshdancer]

16. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

CBT is the only thing that has worked on improving my body image. I've always been self abusive when it comes to the way I look. Not sure why, just always have. When I was in high school and a size 4, I felt too skinny and unfeminine because I didn't have breasts like the other girls my age. Six years after giving birth to my daughter, I am now a size 8 and feel obese. My skin is also pale so I understand not liking that as well (especially in the Summer).

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the only thing that has ever worked for me in terms of having a healthier body image. It's an ongoing battle though and I have to keep at it regularly. I've never had an eating disorder or anything that extreme, but the voice in my head is a bitch!

If you're interested, I recommend reading Feeling Good by David Burns:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380810336/102-2077745-6041741?v=glance&n=283155

[speedoo]

17. I don't know what to say.

Maybe you just need an air conditioner?

Honestly, from the pics you have posted, I can't hardly believe it's the same lovely woman.

Sure, none of us are perfect, but you're much closer to it than most.

[Jamastiene]

19. Don't feel bad. Let's compare notes.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to grow up to be a man. I thought if I held my breath and trying to grunt and blow and hold my tongue just right, I could spring a johnny. It never happened.

For years, I suffered with overly large saggy breasts. I Actually had to adjust them to turn over in the bed at night. So turning over was a two step process. I turned over, then I adjusted the twins to keep from laying on them. They were sore all the time. People picked on me for the fact that I was the only woman with extremely large breasts that actually looked unattractive. I had them reduced and it's slightly better now, but I still hate being a woman. I still want to free willy. I know he's in there somewhere. Maybe if I squeeze hard enough... well, that didn't work before and I don't really have a plan B.

Just so you understand where I am coming from. I love women. I love women of all shapes and sizes. My aunt says it seems to her that I am especially attracted to "matronly women," her words. The deal is, I want a male body, because I honesly think I could stand a better chance at getting the women I seem to always be attracted to to notice me.

I hate my body too. You are NOT alone in that.

[hyphenate]

20. If I can do it, you can do it

Erma Bombeck once wrote a column about how self-conscious she was picking out a bathing suit and going to the beach. She said she was completely embarrassed about how she looked, and that she felt so fat and ugly going there looking like she did. She said there were all these young girls with these perfect bodies wearing bikinis and she knew she couldn't hold a candle to them. She said that all the boys and men would be looking at them as well, and then she realized something: she was right--everyone WOULD be looking at them. She was just another middle-aged mother with a middle-aged body and the only one who would be looking at her was....no one, except perhaps her husband. And she knew all those other middle-aged women with the same kind of body that she had would be self-conscious about their own bodies, and no one would even care how she looked!

After that, she said she never worried any more about how she looked, as long as she didn't have more than two arms, two legs and one head, because under the circumstances, no one would really care, one way or another.

I have a true pear shape. Most of my weight is below the waist with big legs and butt. Over the last couple of years as I entered my late 40s and am now 50, I finally decided I couldn't act normal or feel normal if I valued the opinion of every stranger out there. I started to wear some shorts--not super short, but just above the knee, and now I take the greatest pleasure in wearing thecapri/gaucho style which actually can flatter someone with a pear shape, and I really don't give a damn what anyone else thinks, as long as I'm not wearing something so bizarre that I attract attention to it.

Believe me, the only one who is going to really notice is you. As far as skin type, I am so light toned that I can look just like a ghost in mid winter. In the summer, I don't tan, even a smidge. I burn like hell, so I stay out of the sun as much as possible. My brother is the same way, lives in Vegas, and works outdoors a lot. He's had several skin lesions removed because they could have turned into cancer. He now has to wear long sleeves in 116 degrees, and wears a hat as well. But anyone with light skin is far safer staying away from the sun for these reasons alone. Be proud of your skin--those of us who stay out of the sun earn a great bonus: without the damaging rays of the sun, our skin keeps us looking younger longer, because we don't wrinkle so quickly. It's great for playing age guessing games. :hi:

[grannylib]

21. Aww...I feel for you...same self-image issues.

Working on my mid-section and wishing so much of me didn't spread over the seats of chairs, and when the hell did my calves get so FAT?? And where did that double chin come from, and can one do anything about it without plastic surgery? And I'd LOVE to cut my hair, but then the rest of me would probably look HUGE, the big hair balances out the fat ass, doesn't it??? And why does my nose take up SO much of my face, and what happened to the big eyes I used to have, now they disappear into slits when I smile and I could leave on a two-week vacation with no luggage but the bags underneath my eyes, damn....

Did that make you feel any better??? I bet you are WAY more beautiful than you know...:hug:

[ThomCat]

22. Please allow me to join the chorus.

No body is perfect, but many bodies are attractive. You've got one of them. Though apparently you don't see it.

You're beautiful.

If you stare too intently at anything beautiful you see details that don't look beautiful. Beauty is in the bigger picture. It's in the glance when you don't dwell and concentrate and disect. Perhaps you're judging the individual brush-strokes instead of the painting.

[SeattleGirl]

23. LM, our eyes often exaggerate what we judge as our faults.

I know I do that, sometimes more than other times. I am going to join the chorus here, though, and tell you that I think you are very nice looking, and even more important, you are a very nice, lovely, caring person.

There are many different styles of shorts, or even long pants in very light materials that you might want to look at. Sames with blouses/tops. I'll bet you could find something that you like on yourself, that emphasizes what you think is good about your body.

As to your skin tone, how about tan-in-a-bottle? I confess I don't know if there are any animal products in them, but maybe there is a vegan formula for same. The ones now don't turn you orange (unless you get a bronzer, and for your very pale skin, I say stay away from the bronzers).

Legs too short? Can't help with that one, sorry to say. Lack of waist? Again, look at clothing that gives at least the illusion of a waist. And hair? I think on your thread about it the other day, some people suggested going to a really good stylist, at least once. I would agree with that. I really don't think you are confined to just having long hair. Even a consult -- not actually getting a cut -- might be worth it.

I feel ya, LM. As I said, I get that way sometimes too about myself. Fortunately it goes away, and I know that being overheated doesn't usually help. I can turn into a very crabby and critical person where my own self is concerned.

Anyway, take a breath, and remember, there are lots of us -- including some people very special to you -- who think you are a beautiful person, regardless of what you perceive your faults or shortcomings to be. :hug:

[flvegan]

24. It's only your fault, dear.

That it's so hot outside. Don't go outside and you won't contribute to the heat.

You are hot. Outside is just reacting to it.

Don't make me tell Al Gore that YOU are to blame for global warming, dear...

[LeftyMom]

28. Sorry dear, I was sleeping

You know one of the (many) reasons I love you? You make me feel pretty sometimes. :*

[flvegan]

29. Yeah, you prove me wrong sometime

about this, okay?

I'll be over there, sleeping. Wake me up when you've seated a competent jury, k?

[LeftyMom]

33. How can I be wrong about how I see myself?

Attractiveness is subjective. You see it (for which I'm glad) and I don't. I'm not wrong and neither are you.

[billyskank]

25. Given the thread title, I refuse to respond to this

:P

:hi:

[LynzM]

26. I hear ya, dude...

Not on the "hot", specifically, but on the self-(mis?)perception. I look at myself and often I see fat where I don't want it, and stretch marks, and the "baby bag" and pimples and skin that always looks pink to me, and on and on. We are, generally, our own worst critics. I don't have any great wisdom, just sympathy and some hugs for you... :hug:

[politicat]

27. Wow. My long lost twin.

Chica, it's hot. Hot makes for yucky feeling bodies. I feel like such a sow in July it's not even funny.

You're short waisted and short legged? Check your measurements. Your head should be about 1/7th of your total body; with torso being about 2 heads, pelvis being about a half head, and legs and feet the rest. Look at the numbers. Shorties like me often have to really look at the numbers to get it -- for my height, I've got really long legs, but at 5'2", ain't nuthin long on me. So that's when I started wearing either very long or very short skirts and skorts. Nothing in between.

I color block - I either wear one color or two, but all of my clothes are solids now. No printing, no patterns, no writing. Those all visually shorten the frame. Solids that block create contrast and visually lengthen the body.

Don't have a waist? Make one. Wear something that makes a waist, like a belt or sash, or a blouse with definition. Avoid empire waists like the Red Death. In cooler weather, wear jackets that give the hour glass line.

You're pale. Play it up. You work hard to maintain your youthful skin. So go for bold contrasts. Pastels wash out we of little melanin. So don't wear them. Rich tones, either jewel or earth, are your best friends.

Hair dye washes out. Don't like the color? change it. Vegetable dyes are animal friendly, and you can experiment with them for little money and with little risk -- a couple of conditioner packs take most veggie color right out.

Go see a competent stylist - there are lots of hair styles out there.

And dress for comfort - long sleeves and pants are for masochists. You've got great shoulders, so show 'em off. Play up the feature you like best (like, if you love your eyes, really deck them out; if you think you have a lovely throat (which you do) then dress it up!) Be a magician - direct the eye to what you want to be seen, and that's what people will see.

[tjdee]

30. Got any tips for hairiness, saggy boobs, and stretchmarks, LOL?

:silly:

[politicat]

31. Good scissors, good bras and vitamin E oil

We got the bras and they do their job. Hairiness (depending on where) is a job for waxes, razors or scissors or acceptance, depending on how you feel about it. (I am 98% hairless from the neck down, and I'm so much cooler that way....)

E oil (Curel has plenty)helps the skin recover. Some stretches never go away entirely, but they can be minimized.

[tjdee]

35. Yay!

Thank you, LOL-- I'm considering getting all the hair off, but it just seems like so much maintenance... as it is I could shave my legs this morning and have stubble this afternoon! It's time for me to start accepting it methinks.

[NMMNG]

32. From the pics I've seen you look quite becoming

:9

[u4ic]

34. You will pine for that body

in 20 years. :rofl:

Honestly, LeftyMom, you have much to be proud of. All the photos you have posted you look very pretty indeed, and you have such a sharp mind, wonderful spirit and huge heart.

Does your situation have anything to do with it? Often when we feel down and that we have no control over our lives, the first thing we start to pick on is ourselves, and that means our looks.

I don't think many women like their body. It's trained into us. I certainly haven't made 100% peace with mine, though I'm about 3/4 of the way there. I've found as I've aged, it doesn't matter quite as much. I will never be a size 8, but it's okay now. :hi:

[NewWaveChick1981]

36. First of all, LeftyMom...

:hug: The heat's making you crazy! You are a beautiful woman. You need to focus on the positive things about yourself and not worry about what you can't change. :) :pals:

Your pale/porcelain skin (like I have) will not wrinkle as easily and you're less prone to skin cancer since you probably stay out of the sun. Your short legs (like I have) look great in heels. You can experiment with hair color and are not locked into any one shade. Try something new---wear a bright color that you don't normally wear, or try a new shade of lipstick. Buy some inexpensive dangly earrings in an AIR CONDITIONED shoppping mall or store.

I'm 43, and I have learned to accept things about myself that I didn't consider perfect. I've always wanted to be a tall, leggy blonde, and it's never gonna happen. I'm 5 ft. 4.5 in. tall, have short, muscular legs, and light brown hair that's about 60% gray (if I let it show!). I'm kinda curvy and will never be willowy. But so what? I make the most of what I have and don't worry about the rest. :hug: Bottom line---I have fun with what I have! :P

I hope the heat lets up soon. :hug:

[bedpanartist]

37. become a vegetarian

and take up hard physical labor.

[bedpanartist]

38. dooh!

Looks like you've already got the vegetarian part down. My goof.

[miss_american_pie]

39. Even if I agreed with your assessment

(which I DON'T) you are more than the sum of your parts. :hug:

[MissMillie]

41. I know of no way to lengthen legs.

I suggest you be comfortable. Chances are people are thinking less about your short legs and "unfeminine" facial structure and are thinking more about how uncomfortable you look in long pants, long sleeves and sticky hair.

Honestly.