Men Are Just Happier People

[baldguy]

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don' t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

:popcorn:

[Deja Q]

1. Bull shit.

We're not allowed to have sex with each other. :)

[LostinVA]

6. Of course you are, as per the Supreme Court

[asthmaticeog]

18. Actually I hear they have some kind of pill now that lets men do it.

:shrug:

[LeftyMom]

2. "You can open your own jars."

I can't tell you how many times I've had to do that for a guy after wathing him struggle with one for some time. Many. And they always look like I kicked them square in the balls afterward. :eyes:

[Gidney N Cloyd]

3. Sometimes our hands get tired.

[rug]

13. And everyone knows why that is.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

29. Well, sure, after we loosen them up for you!

[Shell Beau]

4. "One mood all the time."

Okay, that one is just not true!! But the rest is pretty funny!

[NewWaveChick1981]

5. Yeah, yeah, yeah....

I'm female and I'm pretty damn happy that way! :) I can open my own jars, thank you very much, and like LeftyMom, I've had to open jars for guys. :P I wouldn't be a guy for anything. :D

[asthmaticeog]

19. Not even writing your name in the snow?

[NewWaveChick1981]

26. I can do that with a stick...

:P :rofl:

[asthmaticeog]

27. Wait.. I'm trying to see how that might...

OOOOH, you mean JUST a stick. Gotcha. I was pretty confused for a second, there.

[NewWaveChick1981]

28. LOL!

:rofl: Any day I can confuse someone is a good day... :hi:

[asthmaticeog]

30. Hang around me, then, you'll have good days galore. (nt)

[UrbScotty]

7. And Ann Coulter isn't one of us (nt)

[NewWaveChick1981]

8. Ann Coulter's an androgynous spider...

No offense to regular spiders. :)

[Kat45]

9. That's funny.

That description fits men I know. lol

[RedCloud]

10. But doesn't it rain men?

and guys get to die half a decade earlier too.

[RevCheesehead]

11. You forgot to mention lack of cramps.

x(

And before anyone argues that men DO get cramps: there is NO comparison!!

[Shell Beau]

12. Who has compared? Probably a man!! Hahahaha!!

Please!



:hi:

[RevCheesehead]

15. It's our equivalent of being kicked in the balls....

only the pain lasts for a week.

Hey, Shell - I haven't seen you in ages! :hi:

[Shell Beau]

16. And then the whole child birth thing!! Ahhh!!

I've been busy!! :)

[RevCheesehead]

17. Something which Condi's speech writers know nothing about, I'm sure.

But then again, neither do I.

[RUZIK1]

20. How many did you

squeeze out? Or did the drugs do the walking?

[Shell Beau]

21. Well you can say that b/c women can have drugs that

it's not that tough, but let's see, there is the aftermath. You know when you get ripped up down there and half has to be sewed back up. Or when your stomach gets cut pretty much in half and a 8 lb baby is pulled out. There is that recovery, sooooo I don't think you have a dog in this fight!



And on edit, I have no children, but have been pregnant and that wasn't pretty either. It was an ectopic. It was sad and painful physically. And I plan on having children. And when I do, I'll let you know how easy the drugs made it if I decide to have them.

[Midlodemocrat]

24. Wow.

Just wow. :eyes:

[Shell Beau]

25. You're telling me!

:scared:

[Dangerously Amused]

34. Let's have you squeeze a watermelon out your rectum.

Don't worry, we'll give you drugs.

[Mutley]

39. Dayum, girl.

Snap!

:7

[Dangerously Amused]

40. heh.

Hey Mutters!


:hi:

[Mutley]

42. Hey DA!

:hi:

[idgiehkt]

14. great, now I'm having a gender identity crisis.

because alot of this stuff sounds just like me. especially the Christmas shopping, phone conversations, and packing for vacations.

[deucemagnet]

22. Yep. We men-folk are simple folk.

Kinda like big hobbits with mechanical aptitude. :P

[Skittles]

44. yes dear, you keep calling it that

"simple" :D

[Iniquitous Bunny]

There are mutiple reasons I prefer being a woman.

No way would I want to be a guy. For all the trouble, it can be sooooo worth it sometimes.

[Sooner75]

35. I love this comment.

This whole thread would be a whole lot scarier if the women all wished they were men. It is simply great to hear you women say that you wouldn't want to be men.

Personally, I'd be utterly lost if I were suddenly, magically turned into a woman. Who knows? It might be fun, but I think I've gone too far down the male route to catch up with the adult female paradigm.

However, if reincarnation exists, I've already decided to put in for a female position next time so I can try it out -- working my way into it from birth. Women may even be at or near parity with men by then.

[Iniquitous Bunny]

23. dupe

[Skittles]

31. all your orgasms are real

ya, I am sure it is much easier for men to be happy but no WAY would I f***ing want to BE one

[Shell Beau]

32. Hahahaha!! Now, that is a good one!

[redqueen]

33. me neither

i used to think so, but... no

[Dangerously Amused]

36. Men: "All your orgasms are belong to us!!!!1!1!11"

;)

[Callalily]

37. Very clever baldguy

Yes, men certainly don't fret over the stupid things that women do! They are just simple, happy, human beings. Ya just gotta love 'em.

[AtomicKitten]

38. ***

[Juffo Wup]

41. So, basically

you've bought completely into the media stereotype of what a woman "should" be like. Sad.

[havocmom]

43. Men are happier cuz they don't have to wear underwire bras

My brother was doing laundry at my sister's and pulled a strange object outta the washer. Confused, he showed it to brother in law and friend, all watching a ball game. They were all at a loss.

'Probably some piece of the washer or sumthin... Don't know what it would be thought. Prolly not good that it was in the wash-y part of the washer...'

I went in to see what the confusion was about. "It's an underwire that worked lose from one of ######'s bras"

"No shit? bras have hardware like this?"

"Damn, no wonder women are so cranky"

"Got any more pizza?"