If Rabrrrrrr had a cat, what are the things that his cat would do?

[Rabrrrrrr]

I mean, people post cute pics of their cats on windowsills, or playing with dead animals, or sleeping on the baby's stomach, or jumping in the air, or boxing with the catnip mouse, etc.; but if Rabrrrrrr were to get himself a cat, a proper Rabrrrrrr-style cat, a cat that did RabrrrrrrThings(tm), if Rabrrrrrr were then to post about its hilarious antics on DU, what kind of things would a cat that Rabrrrrrr would have do that would be worthy of posting about on DU?

[ZombieNixon]

1. Rrrrrroll on the rrrrrrug...

and destroy mankind. You know, standard cat things. :evilgrin:

[pagerbear]

2. Live in terror of the ferocious Pagerpup!

Rowr!

[Sanity Claws]

3. He would shake, not stir

[Xipe Totec]

4. His name would be Shredrrrrrr

And he would eat Moo sho Rrrrrrrats, and meowrrrrrr to rrrrrremind us, he is Prrrrrrince Rrrrrrregent of the Rrrrrrrealm.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

5. Rabrrrrr's cat --

would bring home horribly mangled prey (puppies and bunnies, mostly) and leave them, bleeding and twitching, on Rabrrrrr's pillow. He would eat the upholstery, mate loudly under Rabrrrrr's bedroom window every night, pee on the kitchen table, poop in Rabrrrrr's shoes, and hork up hairballs the size of baseballs in places where Rabrrrrr is most likely to step on them, barefoot.

He would also suck the breath of babies and use Rabrrrrr's credit cards to order huge quantities of catnip through one of the Internet tubes.

And when he's not doing those things, he'd be doing this:

[SOteric]

6. First, a Rabrrrrrr-cat would exhibit

more than the usual amount of finicky behaviour regarding his dinner.

The Rabrrrrrr-cat would also be known far and wide for his clever and verbose protests of those things that meet with his disapproval.

Your animal companion would also have a fine sense of art and decor, taking pains to slash, splatter, paw-print, smudge and chuck up hairballs only in the most aesthetic ways.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

7. Rabrrrrrr's cat would take great delight in visiting

all shops where Thomas Kinkade stuff is sold, and pissing on every last uglyfucking piece in the joint. He would slash the trouser legs of male rethuglicans and hump the female rethugs legs as if he were a dog. A few strategically-placed hairballs would slow down the equipment used to continue the systematic rape of the earth by corporate moguls.

In short, he'd be a demo-cat...a real man's cat.