What is it with Young Women? ( WARNING EMO POST )

[JesterCS]

So ive been talking to this girl online, on and off for 10 months or so. We started getting to like each other more and more and had planned on meeting to see Pirates 2 this weekend. She started off saying she loved me.. so i said it back.


Well then tonight.. her friends all message me on myspace saying she hates me, and th inks im creepy. Then they get on her myspace account and msg me from there saying she wants left alone, and blah blah blah.

Its like.. she did a 180 on me. Shes been acting a bit strange lately, not talking much or just logging off without saying goodbye.

*sigh* another day, another heartbreak. I just want to find someone!

[Heidi]

1. Not all young women are like that.

Just sayin'.

The "up" side is that you've been delivered from what could have become a very unpleasant situation. :hug:

[Name removed]

3. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

9. 16-25?

now that's a range, first off. You certainly are a young man that sets high standards for himself, and I admire that. ("kinda back burner" - lol atta boy. But remember what you said yourself about games.)

but secondly, the games don't stop at 25, for most of them. They've only just begun at that point, but the experience they've garnered early on makes the games harder to detect -even as the stakes get higher:)

[CanuckAmok]

22. That's right. Up to 25, they're just cutting their teeth.

26 to 35 is when they start inflicting real damage.

My advice: start a bank account none of them know about. Don't even disclose it in divorc court; you'l need it to pay your lawyer while your declared assets are restrained.

[WindRavenX]

23. ugh...

My advice: start a bank account none of them know about

:eyes:

[CanuckAmok]

24. I speak from experience, My Dear Rolling Eyes.

Has nothing to do with what you may perceive as my statement on greed.

What it has to do is with men sometimes being treated unfairly in division of family assets actions, and what we need to to in order to protect ourselves.

I suggest women do the same thing. Divorce is expensive. Try paying for its processes after your spouse has had your assets frozen as a tactic.

Don't read any more into it.

[WindRavenX]

25. it wasn't a statement on greed

Same ol' sexist crap.

I KNOW you got SHAT on (putting it lightly), but as the daughter of a man who HID MONEY from his family when he fled the coop, your statement is still crap.

[CanuckAmok]

27. Tough.

Deal with it. It's my advice.

I'll do it again, and I tell anyone who will listen.

You don't like it, don't start a secret account.

Don't bring sexism into it. I suggest women do it, too.

People become complete bastards during divorce, and access to finances is a weapon; protect yourself by any means necessary, any way you are able.

[WindRavenX]

28. YOU brought sexism into the equation:

Up to 25, they're just cutting their teeth.

26 to 35 is when they start inflicting real damage.


Nice.

[CanuckAmok]

29. Okay, then.

I stand by it.

After my own experience and after speaking to literally hundreds of other MEN who have been victims of the same biased system, I stand by what I said, even if you consider it sexist.

By your argument, advising a woman to carry pepper-spray would be sexist, because it suggests that any man she passes on the street is going to attack her.

Maybe statistically that can be proven. Maybe not.

Maybe men are often given the short end in divisoon of assets trials. Maybe not.

Blah blah blah blah blah.

Fine, whatever. You win. I'm wrong.



However:

Men, if you are entering into a common-law relationship or a marriage with a person of either gender, protect yourself in the event of a civil action with that person by hiding away some money, so you can afford to pay a good lawyer while the court decides who gets your money.

If just one man follows my advice and is eventually protected as a result of that, then I'm happy, and you can call me anything you want.

[Name removed]

30. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[CanuckAmok]

31. personal attack.

Thanks.

[WolverineDG]

34. Yes because God knows

you need that money for beer & new girlfriends & not to help feed, clothe, & shelter your kids.

dg

[CanuckAmok]

56. Or paying the expenses when you suddenly need to pay...

...two sets of rent/mortgage/utility payments, etc.

To assume that a man is hoarding money to keep from his family in such a circumstance is truly offensive.

FTR, I don't have any kids, and my GF pays her own way, because she's a real feminist.

[WolverineDG]

66. Sorry pal

In real life, men do hide assets so they don't have to pay child support or alimony for a wife who supported him during the marriage. Or are you one of those "enlightened" males who thinks that women who stay at home & care for the house & children aren't really "working?"

dg

[CanuckAmok]

72. Sorry "pal"

Fact:

Statistically, men are generally expected to leave the familial home in the event of separation, as it's generally accepted that the children shouldn't be moved, or distanced from their mother.

That means all of a sudden (and usually unexpectedly) a man has to pay for an apartment, and all the related expenses, and usually continue to pay half the expenses of the familial home, and child-rearing (understandably).

Each party needs a lawyer.

Someone shouldering the burden of 1.5 homes is less likely to have as much money to pay legal bills as someone who has to pay the expenses of 0.5 homes.

Relatively speaking, Mr. X is still paying the same 50% of the expenses of raising a family. The other money is to support his additional sudden expenses, which may or may not be a result of his actions.

This "slush fund" has no effect whatsoever on whatever arrangements are being made, re child support. There are statutes in place to assure that both parties live up to their side of the legal expectation to support children in the event of separation/divorce.

You are projecting many unsubstantiated variables into this scenario to advance your point of view. Eample, the assumption that the wife somehow supported the husband during the marriage. Do you mean financially? If so, she is entitled to prove that in the court, as is he.

I know a FUCKING HELL OF A LOT OF HOW THE REAL WORLD WORKS IN THIS INSTANCE, "PAL", AND I DO NOT NEED YOU TO TELL ME HOW THE "REAL WORLD" WORKS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Separation = every man (and woman) for his (her)-self. You do what you need to to do survive and win. Fuck convention. Fuck "sexism". Fuck manners. Fuck civility. The other side is fighting dirty, and so should you. Do you want to know why I lost my assets in my divorce (from a childless marriage with six-figures in savings--most of which I earned)? Because I hired a lawyer who insisted on sticking to the moral high-road. While under the guidance of her lawyer, my ex lied, concealed evidence, forged evidence, stole real assets and was generally a pig, which I completely unexpected.

And for the record and although courts no longer consider these factors in their decisions, it was HER who broke the marriage contract, not me. She got all fucked-up on coke (probably) and ran off with a married client (destroying not one, but two marriages... at least she's efficient!).

But I suppose that's my fault, eh, Wolverine?

I should have fought dirty. I should have destroyed her character. Instead, I played by the rules and lost.

If, and that's if a man has the uneven advantage of being able to put some money aside, he should exploit it, because in the present court system, it's the only advantage he's going to have. For the rest of the process, he's going to be on the defensive from start to finish: proving he didn't support her. Proving he has a right to his children. Proving she's more than capable of supporting herself (yes, this is where the real fair-weather feminists shine; for SOME women this is the opportunity to show the court how she "gave up her career to support him and raise "his" family, and she needs to be supported for years and years and years, blah blah blah"), Etc etc etc.

The only rule should be to lessen the impact on the kids. Yes, some men shirk their responsibilities. They are in the minority and I do not endorse their behaviour. My dad was a "deadbeat dad", and he never had to pay, his entire life. He lived well into his 70's with his next wife and child, and lots of money, a dime of which I never saw. I have no sympathy for deadbeat dads, believe me. But beyond protecting the children, all bets are off, as far as I'm concerned.

When the courts begin to treat men and women equally in cases of asset division and child custody, then perhaps I'll give your skewed point of view more shrift.

For now, let me just say:

IF YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED, BE SURE TO SQUIRREL SOME MONEY AWAY THAT THE OTHER PARTY DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT, IN CASE OF THIS VERY SCENARIO. "Give" it to a relative. Bury it in the yard. Whatever. It's your lifeline. It may be the only source of funds in which to pay for a decent legal counsel, while shouldering the additional expenses (and related depression and stress) of a separation.

Or, Wolverine, maybe you're one of those "enlightened" women who think that separation is the man's fault, one way or another, and he doesn't suffer accute depression, anxiety, and fear as a result. And that he doesn't mind having his kids kept from him at all, because he's out scoring with his "new girlfriend" and playing 18 holes every day. Maybe he doesn't have any feelings at all! Maybe he's a cyborg programmed to impregnate women and then ruin their lives.

As stated earlier, if my advice makes it possible for just one man to better survive, then I really don't care how you judge me or what names you call me.

Fuck your stereotypes. Try living in the real world, yourself.

I stand by my advice.

Sue me.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

74. that was powerful.

sound like you had a real scorpion woman kind of experience. Hopefully everything's cool now. :toast:

[alcibiades_mystery]

40. Some of the mystery is certainly disappearing

re: your past...;-)

[CanuckAmok]

59. I'm mysterious?

Wha...? I'm as boring as all-get-out.

[alcibiades_mystery]

61. That's not really what I meant

But whatever...

[CanuckAmok]

62. Oh, I see....

...I'm not worthy of a relationship. It's my fault my wife ran off with some other married guy, felling not one but two partnerships in the process. I drove her to it with my cynicism.

Fair 'nuff.

[alcibiades_mystery]

64. Hmmmm

What a curious reading. I'll leave you to it.

[CanuckAmok]

65. It's all good, I got the cats.

:D

[RagingInMiami]

37. The more money the lawyer knows you have

The more money the lawyer makes during a divorce.

[MiniMandaRuth]

35. It's recommended that women start bank accounts that their

husbands don't know about. But, that's sexist too, isn't it.

[fudge stripe cookays]

68. Sorry, but he has his reasons.

I'm usually solely in the feminist camp, and might be rolling my eyes too.

But I know what CanuckAmock has been through, and I think it's wise advice after his experience.

Not all women are a credit to our gender. Unfortunately, it's those other few that fuck things up for the rest of us.

[Nailzberg]

26. The greatest dating advice I've ever heard.

Seriously. Here we are talking about courtship, and you're already talking about the courts. Now that's some heads up thinking.

[CanuckAmok]

32. If I knew then what I know now....

I'm all for love and romance and courtship and innocence.

But I also know that believeing that a prenup wouldn't be necessary is foolish and naive.

Nobody ever thinks they're ever going to square-off against someone when they first meet them and fall in love.

Statistically, however, the odds are great that they will.

No harm in advising someone to consider the options in protecting one's self.


"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."

[RagingInMiami]

36. Better yet

Just don't even get married

[pitohui]

38. if you don't disclose it's fraud tho

you're advising people to commit a crime, better is not to marry or engage in financial transactions with mind fuckers or game players of any gender

if you never marry, you never have to get a divorce, it's fairly simple -- and it's legal too and won't lead to embarrassing court scenes or garnishments in future

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

42. You got something against advising people to commit crime?

Seriously though, that is one of those 'crimes' that is such BS

[pitohui]

45. it can have consequences

i won't swear to it but another poster has claimed that a lady in a divorce action who won the lottery had the ENTIRE AMOUNT of her winnings awarded to her husband because she didn't disclose

we're talking millions of dollars

i hope it's an urban legend but i dunno, if someone knows more, maybe they can linky

more likely this advice would just end in the "hidden" account discovered and seized

[CanuckAmok]

57. In my case...

...disclosing my assets during my divorce was basically on the honour system. Had I a secret bank account, I would have got away with it.

My ex had a safety deposit box with $8,000 in cash in it. Not only did she not disclose it, she swore under cross examination that it didn't exist. The judge let it go. Not even a stern talking-to.

[fudge stripe cookays]

69. Yes,

and spend your life alone and pathetic. THAT makes sense.

[ForrestGump]

2. Count your lucky stars

You're better off without her, and better off for finding out now how she is. I know it's easier said than done, but it's time to forget her and move on, even if you're not particularly moving on to anywhere else that you know of. Be happy you're delivered from spending another day under the thrall of ths person.

I know how you feel, I think (as much as anyone can know how another feels), but -- trust me -- this is better than going further with her and regretting even more time, energy, and depth of emotion spent on and with her. As bad as it is, it could have been worse.

There's someone out there for you...don't look for her and you'll probably find each other.

[oberliner]

4. have you talked to her on the phone?

or was it an online "i love you" ?

[JesterCS]

7. I beleive

she called me once. We texted back on forth on cell phones too. Supposedly.. he friends said she was only 14.. but she looks alot older than 14 to me.

Who knows though.. Im over the whole ordeal now

[pitohui]

41. she was 14! oy, you're lucky you're not in jail

avoid online relationships with teens, a lot of them are COPS!

don't get into sex, even cyber sex, with somebody when you don't have certain proof they're of legal age

jeez louise, people, take better care of yourselves out there

[regnaD kciN]

44. Did her friends say she was only 14...

...when she blew you off, or did they tell you that beforehand? (And, while we're at it, how old are you?)

If it's the first case, then my suspicions about her being a junior high girl pretending to be older (and her cutting the relationship off when it appeared she'd no longer be able to keep up the charade) turned out to be well-founded.

If it's the second case, then I hope you learned the lesson that it's possible for girls to look older than they are. In this case, you may have been lucky to have avoided a statutory rape charge. (And, in case you were going to say that you weren't planning on sleeping with her right away, keep in mind that, in some states, actually having sex isn't necessary for such a charge -- if there's enough of an age difference, even touching or kissing can count as a "sex crime.")

[JesterCS]

46. just when they blew me off n/t

[regnaD kciN]

5. How old was she?

You talk about women from 16-25, but that sort of behavior (particularly having her friends blow you off instead of breaking up with you herself) sounds more like junior high than anything I can remember from my 20s.

But I think it points up the peril of knowing someone only on-line for too long. My personal guess is that she had something going with you, then met someone else in the "real world," and you suddenly went from a nice person to have available to a hindrance.

Or, maybe she really was a junior high girl pretending to be someone older, and so decided to break it off when it looked like the situation was moving out of cyberspace, to a place where she'd have to come clean.

I went through my "dating phases" (both of them) before there was an Internet, but I think it's important, if you feel that the person you met on-line might turn out to be someone special for you, to meet them long before ten months are up.

[outofbounds]

6. Women tend to want what they can't have.

Not all women but good portion of them. When you said you loved her you were no longer a challenge. Better to find out now than to be married with a mortgage and child on the way.

[JesterCS]

8. Oh i agree

Id much rather know now, then when its too late.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

10. So do men

:-)

It's a human trait.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

12. amen.

Scarlett Johannson, for example. ;)

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

15. I'd much rather go after something I could have, as opposed to

somwthing I couldn't (I guess my dominating sense of logic overcomes that human trait) :)

[SlavesandBulldozers]

11. when I was a kid roughly your age.

Jesus, did i just say that? sigh. ..

Anyway, basically I'm thankful that I somewhat narrowly escaped the day and age where girls at school that I liked could take their often gossippy cruelty, drama, and rumour mills to the www.

[cobalt1999]

13. maybe I'm way too old and don't understand the way things work now, but..

Why aren't you talking to girls IN PERSON? Get off the damn computer and phone and go meet and talk to them face to face.

1) It's more fun and
2) You can read their expressions and body language (probably the most important thing).

Old man ranting over now.

Good luck.

[elehhhhna]

14. YOU are soooo right.

Many a text or email message has been misread or overinterpreted. In person is the only way to go.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

16. Ughh! You want us to GET UP, into a damn car, drive to some DAMN PLACE,

TALK to people, and GET TO KNOW THEM?! Absurd.

Srsly tho, if my gen is too lzy to typ out wrds, ten we re def too lzy to go plcs + meet pepl :P

[elehhhhna]

17. The phone is a good start.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

18. You want us to VIBRATE our vocal cords?!

j/k :P, I just don't like the phone because I can be a shy person

[outofbounds]

20. see, their is another turnoff

confidence in one self is sexy. I'm not talking about arrogance, but just comfort and confidence is key. No one is going to like some one who is scared of making the wrong move, or saying the wrong thing. You have to accept yourself for who you are before any one else can.

[cobalt1999]

19. LOL n/t

[XemaSab]

21. Or if you meet someone online,

meet them in person ASAP.

[Iniquitous Bunny]

33. Exactly,

Do not waste your time dragging stuff out. Online relationships are primarily based upon a perception that involves the part of them they want you to see and the part that you wish to see. It's not real. Even by phone. You cannot truly know someone until you spend actual time with the person.

[RagingInMiami]

39. I think they call it safe sex

Pretty boring, but at least they won't end up HIV.

[alcibiades_mystery]

43. ROFL: ding ding ding

Almost every love story that starts out..."So I met this girl/guy on the Internet..." is bound to end up with its protagonist in a world of shit.

Why can't people meet each other in bars, like we used to? You fuck early, so that's out of the way, and you know whether you like fucking the other person before all the emotional bullshit starts. That way, you KNOW whether you want to put up with the emotional bullshit...;-) My wife and I together 10 years, and we fucked within the first two times of meeting each other...IN A BAR!

Get thee to a fucking bar, on the double quick.

[JesterCS]

47. hehe SLIGHT problem

I have social anxiety disorder, so going out makes me extremely nervous and sometimes panicky. INternet is kinda a safe way for me. but alas, its turning out to be more trouble than anything else

[alcibiades_mystery]

48. You mean what we used to call shyness?

That's why we went to the BAR!!!!

[JesterCS]

49. Nah

mine is a bit beyond shy. im actually paranoid of people. watching me, talking about me behind my back, ect.

so much so that i rarely go out unless im with someone I know

[alcibiades_mystery]

50. Self-medication was common for this very "condition"

That's why we went to the BAAAAAAR....

[JesterCS]

51. hehe

actually alcohol does tend to loosen me up.. but it gets expensive =p

[cobalt1999]

52. listen to alcibiades_mystery my son.

Like anything, it can be frightening to go into a bar and get up the nerve to talk to a girl at first. Then it gets easier and easier. Start with small steps.

1) I will go into a bar and have 1 drink and leave.
2) I will go into a bar and with a friend and look at girls.
3) I will go into a bar with a friend and make eye contact and smile at a girl.
4) I will go into a bar and talk to a girl.
.
.
.
x) I will go into a bar and fuck a girl like that alcibiades_mystery guy. :)

Look, you may be shy, even exceptionally shy, but you ARE looking for a social relationship. Hiding behind a computer screen is not going to cut it. You want the girls, you've got to get out there (remember they are looking for you too).

Now, it's Saturday night, GO DO STEP ONE!

[JesterCS]

53. hehe

I know I know.. its tough to understand the social anxiety though, especially for someone who hasnt had it or known someone close that has had it. Im literally petrified of stepping out the door

[NewJeffCT]

58. as a former extremely shy person myself

the internet did wonders for my dating life. Honest.

However, I first had to learn the hard way. I would chat online, exchange emails & then phone calls and get all worked up over them... then, eventually I'd meet her in real life and find out that the woman that said she was 5'6" 125 with really big breasts was really 5'4" 215 with really big breasts. (true story of the first woman I met from online. To top it off, she had said she was divorced, but it turns out she was only 'separated' and still living with her husband...)

But, after a few more similar experiences, I learned to just meet women quickly to see if there was a connection in person, both physically and personality-wise. Not only am I shy, but I'm pretty laid back, too. So, I tend to be attracted to outgoing & energetic women.

No point in getting all worked up over somebody online if it won't work out in person.

I met my ex-wife online... and then, as soon as she filed for divorce, I was back online and met a ton of very attractive & intelligent women from online after that.

[flvegan]

54. You mean: "what is it with this one particular young woman?" I think.

And her friends...and myspace...and whatever the hell happened. Suggesting that all "young" women would do this "180" as you call it, is sort of insulting to those that would never consider it. Also, from this one post, it seems that her "friends" are doing the talking, and she's just acting "a bit strange lately" which may or may not be so.

That said, accept myspace for what it is. Possibilities are there, but I wouldn't ever bank on any of them until any sort of flesh and blood or otherwise private, phone, etc meetup happened.

I am sorry this happened though. She's out there, you just got to get to where she's waiting for you and you for her.

[NewWaveChick1981]

55. I was that age once and never did stupid crap like that.

:P I did other stupid crap, but it didn't affected anyone else. I think she's extremely immature and probably has other problems you don't see on the surface. Good thing you found out NOW instead of when it gets to Fatal Attraction status. :scared:

[sistersofmercy]

60. Ah, don't take it so hard...

I hate to break this to you but many on-line daters are just on-line lookers and flirters. I personally do not participate in any on-line dating sites etc but I have friends that do. I have heard so many stories about correspondence with on-line singles supposedly looking for a soulmate when in fact they're already spoken for. I have even heard stories of people who were married or living with a significant other pretending to be fully available until the prospect of a meeting comes up. The story then moves to, well I'm stuck in this terrible loveless relationship and when it's finished we can meet. A friend of mine has been through this twice now and still doesn't seem to get it. I've heard these stories from both male and female friends. It would be safe to assume that most on-line singles are in fact emotionally unavailable in some way. I have only met with one person from any on-line contact, it was as friends with no other pretext, no hanky panky and we are still friends. Guess what the person is a member from here. Very interesting and just a nice person.
So my advice is to join a volunteer group or start going to social events that interest you meet people face to face. "Just so no" to on-line dating :P

[Wetzelbill]

63. yeah you can't take that to heart

over the internet, a person can take anything any way possible. It's not like being in person, where a joke or sarcasm or something like that is evident. I have an online friend of mine who said I creeped her out at first too. It happens. You just have to be wary of what you say or how you act in certain instances. It may be something as simple as, maybe she feels you are messaging her too much. I know I have had that happen to me. Meet somebody on the internet and they constantly send you messages etc. It can be a little weird, but that doesn't mean the person is a stalker or anything, so I have learned to see through that stuff. Maybe she is misinterpreting something in that manner, who knows? You just have to move on from that, because it isn't your fault, in that case.

Also, I can be very shy myself. I get anxiety bad. I cover it up with humor, I can crack jokes in front of a group of people, yet, barely have a one on one conversation. When I was younger, I hated leaving the house at times. It can be a nightmare. So I understand that. What I did was forced myself to go into social situations etc, and I have worked my way through most of that. It takes time but, you have to work hard at it, sitting at a computer, in a chatroom, or on myspace does not help.

As a rule, though, I never date -or try to date- anyone I met on the internet. Except if it is from a dating site or something like that. I flirt a lot online and stuff, but I prefer to leave it at that. It's just for fun and so on. Now it may work different with you, you may be more open to meeting someone on the internet, that's perfectly fine, but do not let that be an absolute substitute for real life interaction. If you have trouble talking to women, do it in an everyday manner. Not every situation between men and women is a "pick up" situation. People interact for a million different reasons other than, simply trying to find a date. So when you get in a situation, just practice having a normal conversation with a woman. Say if you go to a music store a girl who works there asks you if you need help, well, say yes and ask her some questions, talk about what kind of music you like etc, make eye contact. Don't think of it as a pressure situation or anything, just become comfortable talking to women in an everyday manner. From there you can move on and be less shy. It just naturally occurs. Even with Social Anxiety. It just takes a lot more work that's all.

[JesterCS]

67. Yes indeed

alot of good advice here. Im actually jumping through the hoops for getting on medicaid so i can get medication for the SAD. I also have Crohn's disease, which is inconvenient. " sorry dear, i have to use the restroom because my bowels are out of control "

I appreciate all the responses btw =D

[gkdmaths]

70. The first problem with this is that

you "met" her on MySpace (of all places) and developed a "relationship" through "chatting".

a good lesson.


:crazy:

[JesterCS]

71. well yeah

lessons learned. I think what was so appealing was she liked the same movies and music as me.. which is rare.

[gkdmaths]

73. So, laughably, I'll tell you the same damned thing

my dad told me when I was younger.

DAD: Son, why dont you wait untill right before your PhD defense to meet a nice girl with tremendous earning potential and no intentions of birthing a litter.

ME: But dad, theres a homeless guy down the street that will buy me a sixpack if I give him a stubbie and 5 hotties a block over who've stapled shoes to the underside of the top bunk.

the lesson takes time ;)