Don't mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it

[CanuckAmok]

German man: Entschuldigen Sie, bitte, können Sie Deutsch sprechen? «?
Basil: I'm sorry, could you say that again?
German lady: You speak German?
Basil: Oh, German! I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you. Of course, the Germans!



German Guest: Can we help you?
Basil Fawlty: Oh, you speak English.
German Guest: Of course.
Basil Fawlty: Ah, wonderful! Vonderbar! Ahh! Please allow me to introduce myself, I am the owner of Fawlty Towers. And may I welcome your war... your war... you all... and hope that your stay will be a happy one. Now, would you like to eat first, or would you like a drink before the war... AHH! Er... trespassers will be tied up with piano wire... SORRY, SORRY!



German: Will you stop talking about the war!
Basil: Me? You started it!
German: We did not start it.
Basil: Yes you did, you invaded Poland...

[Oeditpus Rex]

1. 'Everything's bottoms, isn't it?'

[CanuckAmok]

2. Looks like we're on our own, here, Oeditpus!

.

[RevCheesehead]

3. That's only because you took all the good lines.

sheesh. :eyes:

[Oeditpus Rex]

4. Hey, we left you

"He's from Barcelona."

:rofl:

[RevCheesehead]

5. Basil (to nurse)

"My God, you're ugly, aren't you?"

Hey, Oedie - is there a FT website out there somewhere? :hi::loveya:

[Oeditpus Rex]

6. Yeah

But no scripts. Just synopses. And not many photos.

http://www.fawltysite.net/

[RevCheesehead]

7. That is disappointing, innit?

They need a Fawlty Towers (Farty Towels) completely useless website. :(

[Oeditpus Rex]

8. Or Fatty Owls

Notice how I'm leaving the really naughty one for you. :evilgrin:

[RevCheesehead]

9. nope,

not gonna do it.

[Oeditpus Rex]

10. Then I must

Flowery Twats.

:evilgrin:

[RevCheesehead]

11. It's a damned good thing nobody else is reading this.

:spank:

[txwhitedove]

12. Oh yeah? You kids are in rare form tonight.

More like Cheesy Twat...
:rofl:

[Oeditpus Rex]

16. They didn't do that one

This is how the sign appeared in each episode:

http://www.tvheaven.ca/fawlty.htm#sign

(Episode 6, "The Germans," was the only one that didn't open with a shot of the hotel. It opened with a shot of the hospital where Sybil was having an ingrown toenail repaired.)

[RevCheesehead]

17. Rare form?

Obviously, you haven't seen our sex threads previous discussions. :evilgrin:

[CanuckAmok]

15. May I help you, madam?

Mrs. Richards: Are you the manager?

Basil Fawlty: I am the owner.

Mrs. Richards: What?

Basil Fawlty: I am the owner.

Mrs. Richards: I want to speak to the manager.

Basil Fawlty: I am the manager, too.

Mrs. Richards: What?

Basil Fawlty: I am the manager as well.

Manuel: Manajer, him manajer.

Mrs. Richards: Oh. You're Watt.

Basil Fawlty: I'm the manager.

Mrs. Richards: What?

Basil Fawlty: I'm the manager.

Mrs. Richards: Yes, I know, you've just told me; what's the matter with you? Now listen to me. I specifically requested a bath for my room. When I pay for a bath, I expect to get a bath.

Basil Fawlty: You've got a bath.

Mrs. Richards: I'm not paying seventeen-pounds-fifty per night plus VAT for a room without a bath.

Basil Fawlty: There is your bath.

Mrs. Richards: You call that a bath? It's not big enough to drown a mouse. It's disgraceful.

Basil Fawlty: I wish you were a mouse; I'd show you.

Mrs. Richards: And another thing: I asked for a room with a view.

Basil Fawlty:

Deaf, mad, and blind.

Basil Fawlty : This is the view as far as I can remember... Yes... Yes, this is it.

Mrs. Richards: When I pay for a view, I expect to see something more interesting than that.

Basil Fawlty: That is Torquay, madam.

Mrs. Richards: Well, that's not good enough.

Basil Fawlty: Well, might I ask what you expected to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? The hanging gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically...

Mrs. Richards: Don't be ridiculous. I expect to be able to see the sea.

Basil Fawlty: You *can* see the sea. It's over there between the land and the sky.

Mrs. Richards: I'd need a telescope to see that.

Basil Fawlty: Well, might I suggest you move to a hotel closer to the sea.

Or preferably in it.

Mrs. Richards: Now listen to me. I'm not satisfied, but I've decided to stay here. However, I shall expect a reduction.

Basil Fawlty: Why? Because Krakatoa's not erupting at the moment, or...

Mrs. Richards: No. Because the room is cold, the bath is too small, the view is invisible, and the radio doesn't work.

Basil Fawlty: No, the radio works.

You don't.

Mrs. Richards: What?

Basil Fawlty: But I can fix it, you see.

You scabby old bat.

I think we got something then.

Mrs. Richards: What?

Basil Fawlty: I think we got something then.

Mrs. Richards: What are you doing?

Manuel: QUÉ?

[Cathyclysmic]

13. Funniest.Episode.Ever.

"That's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Herman Goring, and four Colditz salads."

:rofl:

[CanuckAmok]

14. "I'll ruin you. You'll never waitress in Torquay again!"

[deadparrot]

18. "Don't touch me! I don't know where you've been."

x(