Some advice from a pregnant woman

[Maine-ah]

1. please don't comment on my size. all pregnant women grow at different rates, it's really rude to say "BUT YOU'RE SO BIG!" - you don't know how that really makes me feel, in fact, just so you do know, it makes me feel like shit.

2. if you must comment, please be positive.

3. if my ass has gotten a little bigger, you don't need to tell me so, I already know. (my boss kindly told me that one)




yes, these are some of the comments that I have received over the past couple of weeks. I am six months pregnant. I am also under five feet tall. I have no place to put this. I am all belly. But last week, I came home and just cried. Normally, I'd handle this just fine, but being a bunch of hormones, as pregnant women are, I just can't deal with it. Please keep your "size" comments to yourself.

My pick of the litter last week was "oh, my but you are large. When I went to the hospital to have my baby, they didn't even know I was pregnant!" (add snarky tone while reading comment)

yes, someone actually said that to me. Just because I am waiting on you does not give you the right to flat out insult me.

ok, there's my rant. I'm done.

[idgiehkt]

1. I can't beleive someone said that. Unreal

I wonder if they have an eating disorder or something?

And your boss said something about your ass? Wow, that's the kind of thing people get fired for. Do you also have strangers coming up to you and touching your belly?
I'm sorry this is going on, hope it gets better.

[Maine-ah]

2. people touching the belly ....

I don't like it. It's my belly damn it!

and my boss, well, he owns the place.

I've been thinking of touching the strangers belly right back just to see how they would feel about it.

I know it will get better, as soon as I'm not working anymore.

[idgiehkt]

3. since it's a guy

can you just burst into tears next time? Or would that hurt your work rep? Alot of guys can't handle it when a woman cries...

[Maine-ah]

4. I hadn't thought of it.

I usually just go out back and cry.

it's a small biz, in fact, I work with my husband too. There are only five people that work there, so I actually don't even have any "real" rights like other pregnant women who work in a biz that has 50 or more employees. Which that is another story.

[NashVegas]

43. Smile

And in your sweetest voice, tell them flat out that you simply don't like strangers touching your belly. If they protest, again, very, very nicely make it clear you don't feel it's appropriate.

There is so much we Yankee gals can learn from Southern women ...

[joneschick]

5. you have no idea how much I want to come over there and hug you!

I'm just over 5' and I had big babies so I was huge from about six months on. I've accused Daughter #3 of having been on tiptoes from my spine forward (which she now graciously admits) They have absolutely no business commenting on your size! People seem to find pregnant bellies community property somehow----weird. Have they started predicting the gender based on "how you're carrying"? Oh, that a boy cuz you're carrying so low, that's definitely a girl cuz you're carrying so low. Yeah, morons, each and every one. :hug: :hug: :hug: and when they want to tell you something dreadful that happedened the neighbor's best friends Aunts niece's roommate---------just keep in mind they know nothing about you or your baby. Tune them out! hum 'til they're done, but pay them no mind whatsoever!:hug: :hug:

[Maine-ah]

6. thankyou

:hug:

I am thinking that my girl is doing the same thing that your daughter # 3 did to you! And I myself was a 9lb baby.

and the predictions started rolling in around 15-16 weeks. The wierd thing, is that everyone (except for me) was right.

[joneschick]

8. well I was the runt @ 7#

but that Daughter #3 was 7#14oz. and practically delivered herself. She's always been rather determined about things.......she's a great kid. And now she towers over me! Watch for Scruffbunny in the Lounge occasionally :hug:

[OzarkDem]

15. Me, too

Just over 5' and had 10 lb babies. I'm saddened to see the silly remarks people make haven't changed in 20 yrs.

When I talk to pregnant women, I just ask how they're feeling and try to be supportive.

[crim son]

7. Well, I'm 5'8" and slim. Yet with my third child I gained 80 lbs!

And lost every bit of it after the birth. I don't know what people are thinking when they make those comments... Yeah, bearing children is natural and all that, but it's not a community affair and many of us find those nine months to be long, uncomfortable, and - dare I say it? - sort of unnatural feeling. You may not feel the same way, but I empathize with what you're saying.

[Maine-ah]

9. actually, the whole experience thus far

has been wierd. I guess you could say unnatural.

I've had it really easy though. Haven't been sick. But, emotionally it's been rough, mainly because I just "suck it up" like I usually do with everything else in my life, until I explode. I wonder what about this being the "best experience in my life" shit. I know, I'm not done yet....I guess I ought to wait until the end to decide how the overall experience is, but so far, I just don't know what to think. The best part so far, is feeling my little girl move. It's very calming for me.

[crim son]

10. I had three, and I was never fully comfortable with the transformation.

For one thing, I went from being "Lisa" to being "a mom". Lisa pretty much vanished and has only recently begun to make her reappearance. It's not just the physical thing; it's the whole, confusing life change.

I'm glad you're doing okay though. Being pregnant in the summer is more difficult and this has been a brutal summer in Maine. Feeling the little one IS cute, isn't it? The best thing about pregnancy is the arrival of your precious child. I wish you the best!

[QuestionAll...]

11. I really didn't like the horror stories...

of how so-and-so suffered for 27 hours in labor to deliver a baby with major health problems...

touch my belly all you want, call me fat, whatever - I just didn't need to hear stuff like that as, being a first time mom, I had my own imagination of how things may not go right.

[xmas74]

12. I'm five two and

the same things were said to me. "You're so big. I wasn't that big when I had my children."

I'm short and I delivered a nearly ten pound baby. There was no place for her to go except right in the middle.

I'm sorry. Those comments really suck.

[Robb]

13. Best comments were from my sis while pregnant:

"Of course you can rub my belly. Is it OK if I grab yer nuts at the same time?"

and

"I decided I wanted to carry this one in my butt, since last time I had trouble tying my shoes."

Hang in there. :grouphug:

[skygazer]

14. People are so wierdly insensitive

I've never understood why people feel this need to comment on a pregnant woman's size. She's pregnant, for pete's sake - of course she's got a belly! That's frigging normal!

Have they started telling you the horror stories about difficult deliveries? I was 19 when I had my first, and alone. I had all these middle-aged women breathlessly telling me about how they went through hell to have their babies. Recited with glee almost.

People are really fucking strange. :hug:

Next time someone says something to you, tell them, "Well, I'm pregnant, that's why I have a big belly. What's your excuse?" (Yeah, I know, you can't. But wouldn't it be fun?)

[BlueIris]

16. Holy...I'm sorry. That is INSANE. Can't say I've been there, but

I do have this link to offer in case you need some validation of a kind:

http://www.tomatonation.com/vi030304.shtml

It's the last letter down on that day's entry. Sort of a similar theme.

Once again, my condolences to you that you had to deal with some folks who appear to have lost their humanity cards...or never had them issued to 'em in the first place.

[Maine-ah]

37. great letter!

It makes me think of going to the zoo acutally. "Don't touch the monkies" kind of thing. Fer christs sake, don't touch the pregnant lady! LOL, thankyou.

[MissMillie]

17. You're supposed to be big, you're pregnant

and people carry different weight differently.

Then again, some people know how to be rude and others don't. I'm so sorry you had to put up with this sort of thing. :hug:

[antigone382]

18. ALL pregnant women are beautiful, whatever their size.

Next time someone makes a stupid comment about your size, maybe you could come back with your snarkiest "gee, wish I could be as perfect as you!" I know that's easier said than done (I'm not a very confrontational person either), but if you do it just right, it makes your point very clear while appearing non-threatening. Then again, I don't want to tell you what to do, because it's up to you to decide the best course of action for each situation.

Anyway, I just want you to know that I empathize with your plight. I'm sorry some rude and clueless people seem to have forgotten that you are a person, not a baby-machine put on display for their own pleasure. Screw 'em. Just don't forget that you ARE beautiful. :hug:

[regnaD kciN]

19. The proper reply to this one...

My pick of the litter last week was "oh, my but you are large. When I went to the hospital to have my baby, they didn't even know I was pregnant!" (add snarky tone while reading comment)

...is "Gee! You must have been fat back then!" :evilgrin:

[Maine-ah]

21. ROFLMFAO!

(not that I could roll on the floor at the moment...)

that was awsome! I wish I could come up with stuff that quick!

I love everyone's stories too, I'm tearin' up just knowing I am not by myself in this!

Thankyou everyone!:grouphug:

[nosillies]

20. When will people quit assuming that pregnancy is a wonderful thing?

Sorry, but it f**king sucks!

With my first child, it was a complete nightmare. He crushed me so badly I almost had to have my gallbladder removed.

Now it's happening again. When people ooh and aah about my miracle, I am quick to tell them that no, I am not enjoying pregnancy, who would enjoy having an alien invade their body, and what's so miraculous about feeling shitty in a new way every day?

:rant:

[Maine-ah]

22. .

:grouphug:

I hope it gets better for both of us soon!

[China_cat]

24. Boy, can I relate.

My first pregnancy was through a summer...a very long, hot summer...and I had morning sickness morning, noon and night for almost a full 9 months since I was very overdue. (I actually LOST 50 lbs. while pregnant) I do NOT remember it fondly.

[China_cat]

23. I simply cannot understand this

new idea that the pregnant belly is fair game for any hand that wants to lay there. Whatever happened to the days when people did their best to totally ignore the fact that you were pregnant when you were out in public?

[Maine-ah]

25. I tell ya, it's really creepy.

some people, friends, family, it's ok, people who are my customers...uh uh. nope. not ok.

[China_cat]

26. It's creepy to me, too

and I had my last before this ever became customary. I feel so bad for women who suffer through this, as though it would be wrong for them to refuse, and just once wish I'd hear one of them say "touch my belly and you'll pull back a nub".

[Writer]

27. Unbelievable. I am so sorry...

I hope your SO at home is there to reassure you. I think these people need to jump off a cliff.

:hug:

[Writer]

28. Wow... after reading this entire thread...

Have any of you had a GOOD experience with pregnancy?

Sincerely,

Writer, Who Has Yet to be Pregnant

P.S. You guys are, like, freakin' me out here!

[miss_american_pie]

30. Don't freak out

My pregnancies weren't exactly picnics, but they were more good and bad.

But for some reason, society at large does seem to turn off all social filters when interacting with pregnant women. It's good practice for when they baby arrives, because strangers also seem to think you want their parenting advice constantly, too.

[Writer]

31. Well, thank you...

it sounds like I'm going to have to start learning how to practice the kind, courteous, yet stern "THANK YOU."

[miss_american_pie]

32. Exactly

and a withering stare is helpful, too. ;)

[Maine-ah]

36. oh, well I guess I didn't think I'd be doing that

by posting this. I'm sorry.

It does come with good and bad, and like I had said in another post, I've had it really easy in comparison to most. I haven't been sick at all. I love my baby, and I am excited and nervous at being a first time mom and my husband is too.

I LOVE feeling my baby move in my belly! This has been the highlight of my whole pregancy thus far, along with the ultrasound, which was incredible! (oh, and I finally have thick hair! LOL). Most of my woes stem from work, and working with the public. Who, day after day, just wear you down with comments that are so rude. Then I start to look at myself as some abomination, "nobody is that big at six months, what's wrong with me?" I try to brush it off, because getting upset is not going to help the baby any, but it wears on you after awhile.

[Arkansas Granny]

38. Yes. Outside of some morning sickness early on, I felt great

and was able to continue with most of my normal activities right up to delivery. There were times in the last few weeks when I would have been happy to let someone else carry that belly around for a little while, but overall it was a good experience.

Don't be freaked out by the horror stories that some women tell. While unpleasant things can and do happen to some women during pregnancy, it is not the norm. I always advise new mothers to keep in mind that this is how babies come into the world and a woman's body is uniquely designed to nurture new life.

[Ellen Forradalom]

29. Oh, that's a damn shame

It's a badge of honor to be showing a baby! Congratulations!

If someone actually thinks it's a GOOD thing that "they didn't even know I was pregnant," well then, I feel very badly for her child. Chances are she undernourished herself and her child to keep weight gain to a minimum, the better to meet cultural standards of "beauty.'

[KitchenWitch]

33. Just because I am pregnant

does not give you permission to just walk up and rub my belly without asking.

[Writer]

34. Bingo.

Who said I'm now your public property to handle at will?

[Dangerously Amused]

35. Next time with the "I was never that big" comment...

"Ohhh, how nice for you! I guess no one was ever rude about your size then either, huh?"

[AirmensMom]

39. I'm sorry there are such people out there.

:hug: :hug: :hug: I'm just under 5'2" and went through the same thing twice. I was so big, I couldn't even wear maternity clothes in my regular size and my legs looked like tree trunks. Everyone I knew (and many I didn't) thought it was fine to tell me how big I was, how the baby MUST be ready to drop any minute (at 6 months?!), etc. I even had a doctor tell me that I had to accept the fact that I was obese and it had nothing to do with the pregnancy (um, but I weighed 102 pound before I got pregnant).

I'm sure you look lovelier than you feel. When my daughter was pregnant, I thought she was the most beautiful woman on earth ... and I honestly don't remember if she got "big" or not. I just remember being so happy that she was carrying my little grandson and that they were both healthy. :loveya:

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Arkansas Granny]

40. I'm taller than you, but I grew an absolutely huge belly with all

four of my pregnancies. My all time favorite remark was "You look like you're trying to smuggle basketballs out of the sporting goods department".

Hang in there and wear it proudly!

:hug:

[miss_american_pie]

41. I am way taller than you

and I was still huge with my kids. The kids were huge, too. :)

I'd rather not post them, but I have side-view pics of my huge belly that I'll PM to you if it'll make you feel better. :hug:

[Maine-ah]

42. oh that's ok, you don't have to do that, it's the thought that

counts for me!