Saturday morning, at 7:00 a.m., I let Jessica go

[hyphenate]

For those of you who have recently lost a beloved pet, I have known that feeling so many times myself. The last death had been last year in August. But recently, I told of my Jessica, and posted some info on my little girl in another thread: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x5392686.

I took her on the camping trip, which was nice, and I do believe she enjoyed it. She was outside, but didn't stray too far, and people remarked about how pretty she was and good. I explained that this was her last trip and that she was not going to be around too much longer, as her illnesses were taking a mighty toll on her. At 15 and diabetic, she was down to skin and bones, though she still maintained a great appetite!

The trip home from the trip was a quiet one for her, and she slept most of the way. The next day at home, she seemed to have gotten a little more energy than usual, and was alert and more active. However, the days to come were not good--for her, nor anyone else. Those three days of heatwave nearly took me out of play, and did an unimaginable number on Jess. Even with airconditioning and fans, the heat was horribly oppressive.

I woke Saturday morning to see her in front of the waterbowl, looking as though she had had a seizure. A friend drove me down to the Tufts Clinic, and I held her tight the whole trip there. She barely moved, and her level of energy was horribly low. At the clinic, the tech put us in a clinic room, where we could have privacy, and that is where I mournfully had to let her go. It had been inevitable since the trip's end anyhow, I just had a lot of difficulty in believing she was now gone.

I know I did the right thing. I knew death's door when I saw it, and I am glad I was able to give her some peace before she went. I am glad I got to spend some time with her alone on the trip, and I am grateful for the 15 years I had with her. There are many times when I could have been a better mommy to her, but we are all only human, and since none of us really knows what is going to happen in the future, we have to fess up to our mistakes as they come, and learn from them instead of condemning ourselves for committing them.

I asked her to send me a signal Saturday night, and sure enough, I had several dreams which I can relate to her without question. And while this is more of a psychological manifestation, somewhere deep in my heart, I know she is waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge with the rest of the kits I loved and lost.

This poem is one which I've read so many times in the past which helps me in my grief. For those of you who haven't read it, perhaps you too will find some solace in it.

Request From Rainbow Bridge
by Constance Jenkins
In Loving Memory of Isolde Jenkins


Weep not for me though I am gone
Into that gentle night.
Grieve if you will, but not for long
Upon my soul's sweet flight.
I am at peace, my soul's at rest
There is no need for tears.
For with your love I was so blessed
For all those many years.
There is no pain, I suffer not,
The fear now all is gone.
Put now these things out of your thoughts,
In your memory I live on.
Remember not my fight for breath
Remember not the strife.
Please do not dwell upon my death,
But celebrate my life.

[wicket]

1. I am very sorry for your loss

:( :hug:

[knowbody0]

2. she was beautiful

and she was loved.

[myrna minx]

3. Oh, I am so sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[cali]

4. Oh, I wish I could give you a hug

consider this one. I'm so sorry for the pain that you're feeling. I know i'm due for this soon, and I find the thought of losing Tucker, who is almost 18 (and still in bizarrely good health) almost unbearable. My best wishes go out to you.

[Mz Pip]

5. So sorry

Such a sweet kitty. You gave her a good life filled with love and hugs and treats. I'm sure wherever she is she loves you back.

:hug:

Mz Pip
:dem:

[Erika]

6. Take comfort in that she had lived the good life

Rainbow Bridge always helps me at these times.

[ceile]

7. I am so sorry!

You made last days very special. You can be sure she took all your love and kindness to heart.
:hug:

[yellerpup]

8. Sorry for your loss.

I was moved by your little girl's ability to enjoy her life right up to the end. You and she were both lucky.

[Eurobabe]

9. Very sorry for the loss of your furbaby

:hug: :hug: She was the same age and born the same year as my big guy Sebastian. 1991.

I think my guy is starting to slowly fail too, his back end has become very bony and thin, he howls alot more than he ever used to, and it is a strange howl. I am preparing myself for the day when it comes, but it will be extremely hard because he was my first cat, and he's been such a trooper, moving with us overseas twice and all over the USA.

Bless your Jessica, RIP dear one. -48

[renate]

10. I'm so sorry

:hug:

Believe me, she knew she was beloved... and my own feeling about death is that from where she is now, she can see directly into your heart and knows she still is beloved.

She would give you a purr and a cuddle if she could, but she's hoping that for now it'll help you if you can remember, through your tears, how much joy you gave each other.

[LisaM]

11. I'm so sorry

I'm glad you had that last time with her. Losing an animal is very hard.

[im10ashus]

12. That's so heartbreaking.

My condolences.

:hug:

[jus_the_facts]

13. (((((blessyou)))))

....a wonderful tribute....may she rest in peace...and peace to you for loving and caring for her....my heart hurts for you as I think of my three strays as my children as well. :cry: :hug:

[bdamomma]

14. I am so sorry for your loss

but I am sure you were the best mom, and Jessica knows it.

[finecraft]

15. I am so very sorry

Sending hugs your way to help you cope with your sadness :hug:

[cami715]

16. So very sorry for your loss

How difficult it is to part with a beloved pet, but you gave her many wonderful years and she knew she was loved.

Author Cynthia Rylant has a wonderful children's book - Cat Heaven - that paints a lovely picture of what cats do after this life.

When I was a school librarian, I used to share it with children who had lost a pet. (She also has one - Dog Heaven). And I must confess, when I lost a dear cat recently, it gave me comfort.

[AndyA]

17. I'm so sorry about Jessica. I know you miss her very much.

I also lost a cat a few years ago, his name was Max and he was 16 years old. His kidneys were failing, and we found out about them because he nearly choked to death by a clog in his esophagus a year earlier. He was very sick, required surgery, and I was afraid he wasn't going to make it.

But he did, and we had almost another year with him. But in the end, as you said, it was obvious what needed to be done, and that's one of the hardest decisions to make. Especially when they're a part of the family. It's like losing a child.

I could barely function for a few days after that, we put out food for him that night, just because we wanted him to know we were thinking of him.

I know how you feel, and I know there's nothing anyone can say that will make you feel better, that will happen in its own time.

I will be sending good thoughts your way, I saw the pics in the other thread, and Jessica was such a sweet, sweet cat. Maybe Jessica and Max can hang out at The Rainbow Bridge until their loved ones join them.

As long as the love you felt for Jessica lives in your heart, she will be forever young.

[Caoimhe]

18. I am so sorry

you gave her love to the very end and she knew you were there. When saying goodbye to a pet it's hard to not feel like you could have done more, but they age and get tired and they sometimes need help escaping their pain. You did the right thing and I wish I could give you a big hug! Your story brought tears to my eyes. I lost two of my fur babies in March of last year (circumstances were such that I lost one and had to have the other put down on the same day). I thought I'd never recover, my heart was ripped apart. I made a nice picture collage of them for my desk at work and bought a kitty angel figurine that I hung from the ceiling in my bedroom. It's still there, I like to think they are watching over me. Having a good veterinarian makes all the difference.

You are in my thoughts, as well as your dear precious Jess.





-

[wildhorses]

19. my condolences on your loss

:hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

20. I am so sorry

:hug:

She had a wonderful life with you and you with her. It was really sweet of you to take her on that trip. Sounds like she had a good time.
It is hard to let go but also I do believe it is the right thing to do

:hug:

[LadyoftheRabbits]

21. I am so sorry...

It was time, but I know that doesn't lessen the pain of saying goodbye. :hug: May all the wonderful memories you have comfort you.

[progmom]

22. I am so sorry. I know how much that hurts.

:hug: :cry: :hug:

It sounds like she was a wonderful dog, and you were a well-loved member of her pack.

Thanks for sharing this with us. :cry:

[NewWaveChick1981]

23. Hyphenate, I'm really sorry.

:hug: You'll miss Jessica terribly. :pals: I'm so sorry for your loss.

[me b zola]

24. I am so sorry for your loss

Tears rolling down my face as I read your beautiful tribute to your little girl, Jessica.

I hope the warm thoughts and wishes of comfort & peace that are being offered help you as much as they did me when I lost my Astarte.

Thank you for sharing your Jessica with us. Wishes of peace & comfort to you. :hug:

[elehhhhna]

25. it's okay honey, Baby Joe was waiting over there to help her...

...from someone who really knows how you feel

[joneschick]

26. You have our deepest sympathies

Our Arawn departed 7/15/06 will be there to show her the ropes :hug:

[hyphenate]

27. Thanks, everybody

It's just cathartic to tell someone. It's something those of us who live with animals have to deal with on an ongoing basis, since their lifespans are shorter than our own. It always hurts, but it's something we need to do because we love them without reservation. If human love could be just as uncomplicated!

[Call Me Wesley]

28. Safe passage, Jessica.

Might your sufferings have come to an end. Peace and comfort to you and yours, hyphenate. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

29. My heart is breaking right now.

I am so very, very sorry for your loss, and commend you on your courage and love to do the best thing for her. :cry::hug:

[Dangerously Amused]

30. So very sorry for your loss.

I hope you find some solace in the knowledge that you gave her a long and comfortable life. And in the end she had to leave, and you gave her the opportunity to depart while in the arms of the one who loved her most. Could there be a better way to go?

Bless your heart, sweetie.



A big hug for you:






And a candle for sweet Jessica:

[Kajsa]

31. Through my tears, I wish you peace and

the knowledge that you did the right thing.

I'm so sorry for your loss. She sounds like a
beautiful, wonderful cat.

I'm sorry, every feeling I've had for every cat I've gone through this with
is all rushing together now in a huge tidal wave of emotions.

Your beautiful description of your last days with her are so accurate
and come from your heart.

She was lucky to have a wonderful human like you to care for her.

Bless You!

:hug:

[KatyaR]

32. I'm so very sorry. This makes me remember my three sweet

babies that lived into their late teens. They were throwaways, everyone, yet they gave me such love and companionship every day of their lives that I still miss them after all these years.

At least be comforted to know that Jessica is in no longer in any pain. I'm sure she's waiting for you.

She's a truly beautiful girl.

[miss_american_pie]

33. I'm sorry for your loss

:hug:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

34. So sorry. RIP, Jessica.

POEM FOR CATS

And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.

Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

But don't they understand? asked God
That you'll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is....forever and ever and ever.

Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am....forever and ever and ever.


Author Unknown

[bigwillq]

35. I am very sorry for your loss.

:cry: :hug:

[yellowdogintexas]

36. I know you will miss her, but they alwasy stay in our hearts

she was a pretty kitty. I lost two elder cats within about 6 weeks; one expected and one not. I try to remember that since both were essentially street rescues, that they had much better and healthier lives than they would have and how much joy they gave us.

[graywarrior]

37. Jeezus, that is so sad.

[judaspriestess]

38. I am crying now

my baby cat was 15 too when I had to let him go, a day after my birthday last year.

Funny thing, He comes to me in dreams quite a bit. He did over the weekend again. He looked so healthy.

Well, a couple of months after he died, he came to me in a dream and told me to go to the shelter and get two lil kittens. I told him no, he said yes mommy, its ok. I am sending them to you so they will make you happy I promise. It was a year last month we got these two monsters. They are a little brother and sister and get along fabulous with my dogs. I appreciate the gift my baby gave me. They are an extension of him.

God bless your baby, she is an angel again.

[hyphenate]

39. I want to thank everyone for

their thoughts and I am grateful for your response. As time goes by, the grief will fade, and things will go back to normal. But yes, Jessica will remain in my heart and mind forever, and I will always be reminded of her in one way or another.

I've saved this thread so that I will be able to open it every now and then to look at the replies and get some comfort. If we can recall the love we've had for another being, human or otherwise, we know that we have been blessed, because love is, in and of itself, one of the most fragile of emotions. If others love us as much as we love others, we are the recipients of something that survives through life and death.

My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a pet themselves, in the hopes that the grief you have will fade over time until you, too, will remember the joy and not the pain in your memories of that special being.