Would you attend a funeral for a former teacher?

[Xithras]

This is perhaps and odd question, but I heard some news today that has me pondering a bit. My fifth grade elementary school teacher died yesterday. We all have had lots of teachers, and they all eventually die, but this particular teacher was one of the greats and had a tremendous impact on me that lasts to this day. It was this teacher who inspired my love of science, it was this teacher who pushed me into the world of computers (including talking my mom into buying me my first one), and it was the memory of this teacher that inspired ME to eventually become an educator myself. Many of the realities of my life can be traced back to the inspiration, ideas, and direct support this particular gentlemen invested into me all that time ago.

I hadn't spoken to him in twenty years, but when I heard that he had been killed I felt like I'd been hit in the gut...it was as if an old friend had died. The man was an inspiration and a role model for me, and even though I wasn't involved in his life, he will always be a part of mine.

I'm torn, though, about whether or not I should go to his funeral. On one hand I would like to go and say goodbye, and offer him the thank you that I regretfully never offered while he was alive. On the other hand, I want to think of his family and children...I wouldn't want to intrude on their private moment or have them wondering why some stranger was crashing the funeral. I also have this nagging voice in my head telling me that the entire concept of attending a teachers funeral is just wierd.

What are your opinions? Should I go?

(Edit to fix typos)

[WCGreen]

1. Yes, and I have.....

[johnnie]

2. You should go

I assume you are talking about the wake? Or do you mean the actual funeral? Either way, I believe that that is what those are for. If it was to be family only, they would have private services. I think that if you feel this way about a person who changed your life, then you should go. I have a feeling you won't be the only former student there.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. Go. It's likely the family will really appreciate it

that you remembered him all those years and cared enough to come to his funeral. I went to the funeral of a professor I liked very much but hadn't seen in years and was really glad I did.

[snacker]

4. You should definitely go and...

tell the family exactly what you told us...how this teacher inspired you and what a wonderful role model he was. Those words will mean more to the family than you will ever know. When my father died, it was kind words and stories like yours that were the most meaningful to my family.

[MissB]

14. Or at least write the words in a card.

Something for his family to read again and again.

[snacker]

5. You should definitely go and...

tell the family exactly what you told us...how this teacher inspired you and what a wonderful role model he was. Those words will mean more to the family than you will ever know. When my father died, it was kind words and stories like yours that were the most meaningful to my family.

[snacker]

6. Sorry for the double post. n/t

[Nickster]

7. If he really meant that much to you, then I think it's important for you

to go. If the family asks who you are or what you're doing there, just share the same story you told us. I can't imagine a family that would get upset at you for wanting to pay your respects for your reasons.

[Floogeldy]

8. It depends.

I have deep feelings for some of my former teachers and professors - - - deep feelings of gratitude for the way they opened the corridors of my mind and caused me to grow, intellectually. Also, the way they helped me progress through my academic career for doing things such as sending evalutations, sometimes confidential, to the next level to which I was applying.

But I do not feel that I have ever been close enough to one to attend his or her funeral. I wasn't really family or friend. That does not mean that they do not live on in my heart and mind.

Your situation may be different.

[DinahMoeHum]

9. Whether you attend or not, at the very least, write a letter of condolence

and tell the family you were a student of his.

And if they have set up a contribution site in lieu of flowers, by all means, donate.


:hug:

[Momgonepostal]

10. Unless the obit says it's a private service, GO!

If they just want family and close friends, I don't think the obituary will give a time for the service.

I think you should go.

On another board, some of us got to talking about our dads, and one lady shared that she thought it was wonderful that some of his former students came to his funeral. A few told stories of some of the fond memories they had of her father and the impact he had on their lives, and she found the whole thing very touching.

If you don't go, think about sending a nice card with a story or two. I think it will mean a lot.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

11. I have recently lost a couple of my elementary school teachers...

And I didn't find out they had passed until after their funerals, and I really regret not knowing about it. Also, I have gone in the past. My 6th grade science teacher died when I was in high school. He was a very special person. He inspired lots of kids and their love of science. He was one of the extraordinary teachers.
Duckie

[flamingyouth]

12. I would

Just reading your post, it sounds like this teacher had a huge impact on your life. I'm sure the family would be touched.

[ScreamingMeemie]

13. I think his family would LOVE to know the impact he had on your

life. It is at these times especially when the deeds of the person mourned have the most meaning to grieving family members. Please go and share your story. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

15. Please go.

There is nothing more comforting than hearing someone tell you how much they appreciated your loved one.

You might want to write out a little note in a sympathy card, telling them exactly what you shared with us. Believe me, those cards are read over and over again, and they are a blessing.

[grannylib]

16. Go, and tell his family what you didn't have the chance to tell him.

You are not a 'stranger' -
He meant something to you, and you should be there.

It can be very comforting to hear the love/respect/memories that others had of your loved one - I bet they will appreciate your presence.

[Kat45]

17. Yes. I've done it.

From what you said, I think you should go. The family will most likely be happy to find out that a former student of his holds him in such high regard.

[LeftyMom]

18. I went to one of my high school teachers' funeral

He died a few years after I graduated, in a really sudden and horrific way. About a thousand people were at the service, almost all of them his current and former students. I'd always regret it if I hadn't gone.

[XemaSab]

19. Do it

a man from my office died recently and ALL these people got up at the service and talked about how much he had meant to them, their careers, and the environment.

At the end, his wife got up, and she said she had NO IDEA that he had done all that stuff, and had meant so much to so many people. :(

[qnr]

20. I would absolutely go. I'd imagine that the family would appreciate it,

not think a "stranger was crashing the funeral."

[Kali]

21. Go. Funerals are usually NOT private moments.

The family would love to hear your story and it would be even better if you wrote it in a card for them to read again when things have calmed down. Go. Speak if there is an opportunity and you feel comfortable doing so.

[Midlodemocrat]

22. As a former teacher, I say go.

His family will be thrilled with the impact he had on your life.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

23. Definitely go.

The family will appreciate it. I have a teacher that I credit with my life and a few others that really helped me out along the way. I also come from a family of teachers. I'm sure they will be very happy to hear that he made a difference in somebody's life.

[ashling]

24. Go

I was a junior in college when my mom died. We got a card in the mail from my 4th grade teacher. She taught me and my older brother the year before. All those years later, this wonderful person still thought of me. I hadn't thought of her in years, but she still thought of us. Its something teachers do.
we owe them a lot.

[Broken_Hero]

25. Yes I have...

I have gone to funerals for people who barely effected my life, but I go, because I care, and they effected my life. The last one I went to, was an older lady in the Long Term Care Unit at a hospital where I worked in the cafeteria. She was a sweet, crude, rude old lady...and she always brought a smile to my face...when she passed, I went to her funeral, and come to find out...her oldest boy was my football coach when I was a young lad....small world...

on edit:grammar

[Nicole]

26. I have been to 2

They were teachers who made a tremendous impact on me. For a couple of others I sent the family condolence cards.

[jobycom]

27. Go. His family would be honored that his life meant so much to you, and

you have all the right reasons for going. Grieving is a sign of respect to him and his family, and they may find some comfort in knowing what his life meant. When I die, many, many years from now, I hope someone remembers me with that much respect.

And condolences.

[NMMNG]

28. I already have

Years ago one of my HS teachers died and I went to his funeral. Many of his students attended as he had been well liked.