Does HE merit an email? (Help, please!)

[Writer]

Per this lengthy, previous thread: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x5472579

I am applying to PhD programs and, given that this man was my thesis chair, it seems appropriate that I get a recommendation from him. Yet because there has been no communication, and because I simply do not owe him a gigabit of my time at the moment, how long should I wait before I engage him again, if ever?

[Writer]

1. I'm sorry, but can I get some help here?

I really don't know what to do.

[jpgray]

2. Sounds like the guy is not really interested in your work

And is only halfheartedly at best interested in you. If you need him to move on with things, take a final shot. If you don't, don't. Why is this guy required for a book proposal exactly? Contact a literary agent (or a more neutral professor) who works in this field and see if there's any potential there.

[Writer]

4. I understand about the former... the previous thread covered that...

but I don't want completely burn my bridge here. I'm not sure if I should contact him at all - try to sort things out and leave it at that.

[Fredda Weinberg]

3. I remember your quandary

And as someone about to take the PhD plunge, I sympathize. I've come across some really strange apples, but I'm finding that the more I reach out, the more support I'm getting. I was able to change the advisor for my master's thesis mid-stream ... didn't think I could do that.

And I've had no trouble explaining why - academia's a Peyton Place and I'll bet you'll find your faculty member already has a reputation.

[Writer]

5. Well, thank you, however...

I already have graduated. I am wondering if I should try to patch things up with this person in any way. I really don't want to, but I may NEED to. If so, does he deserve any kind of contact?

[Fredda Weinberg]

6. I remember the details

And of course, if you feel you NEED to patch things up with this person, you've got nothing to lose. But until I tried, I didn't realize how many other faculty members were ready to help me, even those I had never met before.

[Writer]

7. It is sort of lingering...

I'm still so shocked that I can't conceive of a good plan here. I am biding my time but there is going to have to be a point when I actually "finalize" things... on my terms, especially since he hasn't bothered trying to reconcile things himself.

[Fredda Weinberg]

9. And I remember how alone I felt ...

I couldn't believe the position I was in last year ... the hardest part was accepting, as you did, that an opportunity was lost. On the other hand, it introduced me to someone who's offered to help me write grant proposals for the doctorate - you may also find that making lemonade out of what life's handed you can be sweet.

[Writer]

10. I would like to hear your story...

PM me, but only if you wish.

[malta blue]

8. I think you can use other people on your committee

rather than engage the jerk at this point, IMHO.

[Writer]

11. So... completely ignore this person, without tying up loose ends...

and go seek someone else... I certainly know where I can go to get help.

It does feel unprofessional to me simply to abandon working with him and seek help elsewhere.

[malta blue]

13. Use someone else on your committee for now. From what I

recall of your story, he gave you the cold shoulder for some time as well, and he was in the position of "power". If you seek out someone else at this point, he may not respond to you at all in the future, or hopefully, he will realize what he has done IS unprofessional, and apologize, allowing you to utilize him as a resource if you so choose.

[Dora]

12. Ick, how uncomfortable. But yes, you should ask him.

Of course, the strength of your feelings must be taken into consideration.

My instincts say that if you can, you should try to put the discomfort aside and ask him. It would be unprofessional of him to refuse/decline, especially in light of his strong encouragement during your research and writing phase. If I understand correctly, his impropriety occurred after you had finished your degree. IMO, a letter of rec should rely only his knowledge of you as a researcher, scholar, and educator. None of which is relevant to his awkward pass and subsequent discomfort and ignoring of you.

Also, don't forget there's a little checkbox on that recommendation form where you either agree or not to keep the letter of rec sealed from your eyes. It's entirely OK for you to refuse to agree to keeping that letter closed. In fact, because of the awkward history you have with this professor, I would advise you to not agree to any such thing.

If he does agree to write a letter of rec for you, then you can legitimately ask all the institutions you apply to for a copy of the recommendation the instructor sent on your behalf. If it's a weak or bad recommendation, then you may legitimately defend yourself to the programs you're applying to, and if you so wished, you could file a complaint against your former advisor.

When? If you're applying to programs with jan/feb deadlines, I think you should ask him no later than September. That will give you 4-5 months - enough time to find an alternate recommender if necessary.

[Writer]

14. Thank you, Dora.

I do have at least two other strong recommendations from the department, as well as a former professor with whom I worked as an undergraduate.

[Dora]

15. Well, if you have three firm good recs, then don't worry about it.

I think you can forget about that dumb guy, then. Too bad he had to sully the relationship, though.

[Wilhelm Klink Reich]

16. I think you may have missed Fredda's point upthread

You are reading subterfuge and politicking into EVERYTHING, for what seems like no reason.

The advisor in quesiton has demonstrated a lack of interest/time in your project through sandbagging you for a year, that alone should be reason enough to get another advisor for your doctoral work and/or publishing.

As for a recommendation, here's an idea that might work that I've used before. Tell them that Dr. So-n-so has been incommunicado for the past year (you assume its because hes so very busy and are no longer actually a student there) but you're sure if they get in touch with him he can supply a recommendation. They're probably going to talk to him about you anyway so its not as though you're opening yourself up to anything unnecessarily

Rather than trying to resolve and diffuse this situation, act like nothing at all happened. Because as far as I can tell from your posts, thats close to the truth anyway.

on edit: I read through your previous thread regarding your experience with this professor and noticed you took great umbrage at being called naive. Do you in retrospect still feel that way? Being naive is not a cardinal sin remember, and there is some value in admitting it to yourself. To be honest I disagree with your assessment of thos prof on one point anyway. The way he went about "pursuing" you was such weak sauce I very much doubt he has struck up numerous relationships in the past. Not to say he hasn't wanted to of course...

[Writer]

17. ...

"You are reading subterfuge and politicking into EVERYTHING, for what seems like no reason."

I am? I wonder what Fredda has to say about that since you're speaking for her. Everything - really?

"The advisor in quesiton has demonstrated a lack of interest/time in your project through sandbagging you for a year, that alone should be reason enough to get another advisor for your doctoral work and/or publishing."

I've already graduated. He was very good as an advisor. I can/am looking for other options with my publishing.

"As for a recommendation, here's an idea that might work that I've used before. Tell them that Dr. So-n-so has been incommunicado for the past year (you assume its because hes so very busy and are no longer actually a student there) but you're sure if they get in touch with him he can supply a recommendation. They're probably going to talk to him about you anyway so its not as though you're opening yourself up to anything unnecessarily."

True.

"Rather than trying to resolve and diffuse this situation, act like nothing at all happened. Because as far as I can tell from your posts, thats close to the truth anyway.

on edit: I read through your previous thread regarding your experience with this professor and noticed you took great umbrage at being called naive. Do you in retrospect still feel that way? Being naive is not a cardinal sin remember, and there is some value in admitting it to yourself. To be honest I disagree with your assessment of thos prof on one point anyway. The way he went about "pursuing" you was such weak sauce I very much doubt he has struck up numerous relationships in the past. Not to say he hasn't wanted to of course..."

I do take offense to being called naive. I do not believe, however, that I was naive in this case. I don't think what he did, given my full knowledge of the situation, was weak "sauce..." or whatever one wants to call it.

[Wilhelm Klink Reich]

18. Fredda's point

as I took it was that you getting bound up in silly made-up rules and restrictions of academia unnecessarily. Yes she put it much more gently, but still..

This guy blew you off, offended you and greatly mislead you as well. Why under the circumstances would he even enter your mind???

And as for his actions, did he ever make anything resembling an overt pass at you? If he is so skilled at playing graduate students why did it end with him in such an awkward, embarrassing position?

[rug]

19. Put him down as a professional reference.

And be ready to neutralize him, with other professional references, if he trashes you.