Is it too much to ask? For an apology when someone has wronged you...

[Writer]

That would be nice for a change.

[kwassa]

1. Do they recognize that they wronged you?

[ForrestGump]

2. I'm sorry

If it was me.

Otherwise, yes, it might be nice to get a well-deserved apology...but if it's not volunteered you can just sit back and trust that karma will take care of everything in its own time. People who wrong you, if they've truly been in the wrong and remain unrepentent, tend to eventually reap the dubious rewards of their behavior... :hug:

[idgiehkt]

3. no it's not too much to ask.

I've been gearing up for several months to ask for one. My problem is I can hardly articulate just why what this person did was wrong because it is so offensive to me.

Good luck.

[RedCloud]

4. just dump 'em...

If they don't figure you are worth an apology or are too arrogant to give one in due time(within a few minutes)then kick 'em to the curb.

[jpgray]

5. Who knows if they even realized they wronged you?

Best not to spend too much time obsessing about wrongs others do you, real or imagined. It's done, it's past--move on and let go. No sense in giving someone continued influence over your thoughts after the event.

[Writer]

6. You know, jpgray I have done that my entire life...

time after time after time. Not once have I ever received any consideration for my humanity. I'm left picking up the pieces, healing, and moving on without any sense of justice or their enduring any recourse for their actions.

I can't deal with this kind of stuff in my life anymore, jpgray! How many more spins in this ridiculous carnival ride?

[jpgray]

7. Yep, life is pain. :-D

Actually in my view it's mostly what you make it (/markhollis). I think a turning point of maturity for me was realizing that I shouldn't expect (and am not entitled to) either justice or consideration for my humanity.

[Writer]

8. I wish I could at this point accept such a flippantly expressed statement

such as that. "Life is pain" - much more easily expressed than endured. I recall one summer, more than ten years ago, when I worked as a checker in the food store. A woman went through the line. She took one look at me and said "You've had a good life. I can see it in your eyes."

I was taken aback. "How do you know?" I answered. "You don't even know me!"

This peevish, insecure woman looked at me and said, "I used to have discussions with coworkers about our horrible experiences growing up, and I've always topped them."

Now that's a woman who has let life take control. Over the years I refused to do that - looking toward school, work opportunities - always trying to better my life in spite of _________. I am completely, utterly out of energy with this.

[jpgray]

9. Well Camus would say when you confront absurdity in life

Your options boil down to suicide and recovery. Once all your idealistic beliefs about life are stripped away, the world evades you by becoming itself again, right? Well you either accept it or refuse it, pretty much.

[Writer]

10. But why simply accept it? Why not change it?

Why the dichotomy? We're not dealing with nature here, but rather survival given rules we've constructed for ourselves. It's all a remnant of social construction: i.e. you must endure the boss' repeated taking credit for your work because you really need this job - but WHY?

After a while, we need to think laterally about destructive individuals.

[jpgray]

12. Because human nature is immutable?

Accepting the world doesn't mean being passive, but it does mean cutting down on time spent wondering why there isn't a benevolent current of absolute justice running through everything.

[Writer]

14. But I don't think the issue is human nature but societal constructs...

that permits human nature to run unchecked.

[Rabrrrrrr]

28. Because you can't change other people; only yourself.

You have no control over the actions of others; only your own actions.

You have no power or right to expect a certain response from others; you only have power over your response to them.

Life is much simpler and more bearable when one realizes this.

And, when one realizes that when assholes are assholes, it only proves their assholery and your own superiority. That's the other side of the coin that helps me through. :-)

[Joe Fields]

17. Sorry you're having to deal with whatever you're dealing with.

We might be able to give better insight, if we knew more details. Your posts are a little too crypic in nature.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

11. Well, what's keeping ya?

I'm waiting. :D

[Deep13]

13. Not to much to ask, but realistically it is sometimes ...

...too much to expect.

[MissMillie]

15. I hear ya

Last year this guy I was seeing did something that really hurt my feelings. This year I'd give him another chance, and I know he wants one, but he just can't seem to come out and say I'm sorry.

I don't want to be with someone who cannot recognize when they've done something hurtful, and yes, he KNOWS what he did hurt.

[Writer]

16. I relate.

Mine wasn't a romantic relationship per se, but I think the person involved isn't man enough to offer an apology and explanation, and I want nothing to do with him until he does. He likely, however, does not know that he has disrespected or hurt me - but then I don't think I should even pursue any communication with him. It's all up to him, in my opinion, because if he doesn't know that what he did was inappropriate then he has no common sense.

[GirlinContempt]

20. Sounds like you're shooting yourself in the foot.

You're clearly upset about whatever it is he did, but you aren't offering him the chance to explain or apologize if he doesn't know. Maybe he has no common sense, but at least finding that out would be some sort of resolution, instead of dwelling on it.

[Writer]

22. Well... I'm being advised not to and I am heeding that advice.

Because apparently I might "hurt myself" or might burn bridges or God-knows-what. So I'm going to have to learn how to live with yet another loose string. Oh well.

[GirlinContempt]

25. Well

without any real information about what happened, it's pretty impossible to comment further.

[Joe Fields]

30. Are we talking about your husband, or someone else?

[China_cat]

26. If you don't know you've caused a hurt, how can you

redress it?

I think you'd find that more than needing an apology from the offending party what you need is to make sure the person knows that he hurt you. It probably won't get you apology/explanation but just voicing that...orally or even written...will make a big difference as to how you feel. Try it and see.

[skygazer]

18. I have to agree with jpgray on this one

To let things like this fester is only allowing the person who did you wrong continued control over your emotions. To expect an apology, whether they know they wronged you or not, it to direct so much energy at an event that is already in the past. If you're wronged, learn from it and move on. Don't expect anything from that particular person, or put them out of your life. But to hang on someone else's action is to leave yourself in limbo. And bitter.

Yes, it is nice when a person owns up to a wrong. But quite often they don't. Sometimes, they're hoping the other person took no offense. Or that they'll forget about it if nothing is said. Sometimes they don't realize they've wronged anyone. Sometimes they don't care. You have no control over that, though. So move on. Live a good life. Be a good person. What more can you do?

[Writer]

21. Well this person is crazy to think that he's never going to see me again..

if he does, and he attempts to talk to me, he's going to be in for a surprise when I don't respond.

I understand well all of the above. I'm a pro at dealing with other's hurtful and destructive bullshit. But after this last occurence, I now believe that I have rotten luck in life. I don't ever foresee anything good happening to me... and I'm supposed to survive for another 40 to 50 years. That's punishment enough.

[skygazer]

23. ....

:hug:

[Writer]

24. Awww that's so sweet. Thank you.

:hug:

[raccoon]

33. I have a relative who said mean, hateful, ugly things to me in

emails some years ago.

I told her, That hurt me and I didn't deserve that.

Did she own up? Hell, no. She claimed she didn't think it was anything bad.

I think she's hoping I'll just forget about it if nothing is said.

Like hell I will. I don't dwell on it, but I'm not going to just pretend it never happened either.

By the way, if she sent me any emails or snail mails again, I wouldn't read them. That's a passive-aggressive way to be an a-hole if there ever was one.

[datasuspect]

19. not much of an apology if you have to ask for it

their own life is probably punishment enough though.

[Rabrrrrrr]

27. Eh, waste of energy. You can spend a lifetime of misery waiting for it.

I just let it go, and let the wind have it.

Except for Shrubbie and his administration - those fuckers owe the entire world an apology, and I really don't think I will ever be able to forgive them for what they have done. And I forgave the terrorists while walking away from the WTC.

Anyway, I don't worry about people apologizing to me, because it ain't worth the energy.

[Writer]

29. Rabrrrrrr I wish I had your wonderful sense of anti-bullshit...

I have a feeling life would be a little easier ;)

Re: Bush - no kidding! We ALL should demand an apology there!

[Rabrrrrrr]

31. Well, you know, all you have to do is choose it.

That is, choose to accept that you have no control over others, and let them be who they are, and not waste energy on the idiots. Also, to not waste energy on the people who waste your energy.

The more we fret and worry and have anger and hate toward someone else, then the more that person has control over us, even without them ever consciously using that power. But every smidgen of energy spent angsting over them is just that much more of your own personal freedom and self that you are giving them control over.

I, for one, do not want to let other people have control over me.

[radwriter0555]

32. Apologies and gratitude are rare birds indeed... It's better to be self

satisfied and know within our own hearts we've done the right and good thing.

Most people are very, very poor at expressing themselves in such a manner. I don't know whether they just are completly unaware of the damage they've done or the good deeds that have been done for them... I just don't know.