US Pledges Billions to Undermine Gates Foundation (www.theonion.com)

[JPZenger]

Here's the latest from www.theonion.com

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51595

U.S. Dedicates $64 Billion To Undermining Gates Foundation Efforts
August 15, 2006

WASHINGTON, DC—The Bush Administration unveiled a new $64 billion spending package Monday for a joint CIA–Pentagon program aimed at neutralizing the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation's global humanitarian network. "The fight against Gates will not be easy, will not be quick, and will not be without enormous cost," said Director Of National Intelligence John D. Negroponte of the new program, which calls for the creation of a new $20 billion counter-philanthropy unit ... The CIA sees Gates' intention to bring improvements in health and learning to the poorest corners of the world as the most serious threat to American foreign interests since the wave of independence-granting that plagued Africa in the 1960s and '70s.

A CIA statement outlined phase one of the initiative, dubbed "Freeze And Punish," to be spearheaded by the new counter-philanthropy unit. It will "focus on disrupting the Gates Foundation's international support network by freezing the accounts of countries that attempt to use the financial aid, and then providing small arms to violent rebel movements to fight them." This, combined with the release of over 10 million parasitic Guinea worms into their drinking water, is expected to severely impede Gates' impact on Africa and the rest of the developing world.

The initiative ... will also create state-of-the-art training facilities for leaders of the struggling nations, which will teach them how to intercept the Gates money and funnel it into buying larger, more opulent presidential estates rather than homes and infrastructure for the poor. "In the past, people have accused this administration of ignoring the world's poorest nations. That ends today," White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said. "We're committed to protecting our interests in every corner of the globe, no matter the cost, and no matter what adversaries we face along the way."

[GoddessOfGuinness]

1. Usually the Onion sounds more sarcastic

I could picture Dumbyass actually doing this. :-(