Continue the story... A day in the life of a hardcore rightwinger...

[The Night Owl]

Day 1

The rightwinger wakes up and looks at his clock. The time is...

[WilliamPitt]

1. ...4:20, which is utterly meaningless to him, except that

it means he has to get started on his day-trading in time to catch the results out of Tokyo. He slides quietly out of bed, careful not to wake his Born-Again harridan of a wife with her Tammy-Faye face and apocalyptic voice filled with thou-shalt-nots. He preens for a moment before the mirror, sucking in his gut and lifting his head to make the folds underneath his chin disappear.

...go...

[Lareina1970]

2. Continuing ...

After washing his face and brushing his teeth, RW leaves the bathroom and settles down at his computer to check the trading results and stop in at freerepublic.com...

[WilliamPitt]

3. ...where he finds a PM from JimRob asking for money,

and he thinks "My goodness, that's the 14th message this month. He must be working hard to defeat the DemonRATS. Let me get my checkbook..."

Go...

[mikeytherat]

5. Tries to log onto to account at Barron's, can't remember his password,

gives up quickly, goes to front door and retrieves Wall Street Journal (not that he understands anything about finance and investing, he justs wants to look like he does).

mikey_the_rat

[WilliamPitt]

7. ...and on the way back inside, he flips on Fox News

to hear Orrin Hatch claim that a Democratic win in November will guarantee more terror attacks. He says "Amen" and pads into the kitchen.

(yes, that did happen today, btw)

...go...

[mikeytherat]

22. I spent six years in Utah - NOTHING Orrin does would surprise me.

Nothing.

mikey_the_rat

[LynneSin]

4. Continuing....

Looks around to make sure no one is watching him and pops into ww.bigboobies.com to see if there are any new pics uploaded of Anal Annie

[WilliamPitt]

6. ...and is shocked to find several stark photos of his daughter, Faith,

who left the church in a blaze of disgrace after becoming pregnant by a black man. He'd thrown her out of the house six months ago, and now there she was, spread-eagled and shaved. He was appalled, disgusted, horrified...as his hand slid slowly into his pants...

...go..

[LynneSin]

8. ........and just when he was about to touch the monkey,

his wife walked in and he quickly shuts the web browser so his wife doesn't know his dirty little secret. Hopefully she won't notice that he didn't have a chance to cover himself up.

His the reminds his wife that they have bible study tonight at the Larson's and that she was to bake her Apple Brown Betty to take along as a dessert


----GO------

[WilliamPitt]

9. ...She doesn't respond, but walks back into the bedroom

where she screams into a pillow for two straight minutes because she can't help it, she can't help it, she can't help it, and when she lifts her face up, she sees that her makeup has left a Shroud-of-Turin image of her ravaged visage on the pillowcase.

...go...

[VelmaD]

10. Which she sells that afternoon on Ebay...

as a genuine image of the Virgin Mary...providing her with enough money to run away to a tropical paradise with that hot little UPS driver she's been screwing on the side for the last 3 years.

---go---

[WilliamPitt]

11. ...but her plans are foiled when her secret Vicodin addiction

gets the best of her and she asphixiates on her own vomit while baking in the kitchen...

,,,go...

[VelmaD]

14. leaving her poor husband...

to step over her still cooling corpse and shudder at the horror...the Apple Brown Betty is ruined. What will the folks at teh bible study say? *gasp*

---go---

[WilliamPitt]

17. ...but at least she died in a state of grace, he tells himself

as he wipes the pill-encrusted vomit off the linoleum...grace...damn, and that reminds him of his other daughter, Grace, who also left the church after she came out to him three years ago. He threw her out, too, and she lives in a flat in SoHo. Does he still have her number?

...go...

[VelmaD]

19. Because she cooks a mean...

Apple Brown Betty. All she really needs is a good man. And he's sure if he can just get her to wear a little makeup she'd be such a pretty girl...pretty girl...daddy's pretty little girl...as his hands wander back into the pants that he never quite managed to zip back up

--go---

[LynneSin]

24. Anyhow, he can send Grace to one of those conversion camps

you know, the ones where they can pray the gay away

---go---

[SteppingRazor]

12. Her husband then gets on freerepublic.com...

blaming his wife leaving him on DemonRATS, calling the UPS driver a Librul Moonbat, and saying that his wife leaving him is just another damned example of the moral fallout from the ewinsky scandal. Hundreds of other freepers chime in, agreeing that this is the same reason that their wives left them.

GO!

[LynneSin]

13. He then pops over to www.hannidate.com...

...to see if that spicy little gal from Tuscaloosa Alabama is still available.....

[SteppingRazor]

15. She is! But when he meets up with her...

It's her damned daughter again! The one he almost masturbated to in Scene 4. He admonishes her for not being in church, asking God's forgiveness foor sleeping with a colored fellow.

GO!

[LynneSin]

16. "But Dad" she confesses, "I aborted my baby"

---go---

[WilliamPitt]

18. ...His hand creeps into his pants again, and he says

"Remember the old days, honey? Want to play the game again?" She recoils. "No, dad," she hisses. "The baby was yours."

...go...

[rug]

21. No, Jenna, that was Barbara.

[SteppingRazor]

20. "HELLFIRE!!" He screams. "HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE!!!"

"You'll burn for this one!!! Beg God's forgiveness!!!!!!!"

He neglects to tell her of the abortion he forced his girlfriend to get back in the 1970s.

GO!

[LynneSin]

23. It was 1971 and she was the 16 yo daughter of his parent's friends

----go----

[SteppingRazor]

25. This, of course, was a few years before she killed her ex-boyfriend....

in a car accident.

GO!

[VelmaD]

26. And it really didn't matter...

that he was 35 at the time with a wife and 2 small children...she was a slut and she asked for it.

[Arugula Latte]

27. They had met when they were both training as greeters at Wal-Mart

(Of course, they pointedly would NOT greet any of the brown folks who came in. Or anyone who might look a tad Jewboyish. Or the Chinks. Or the damn hippies.)

[LynneSin]

28. One night, after Wal-mart locked in their employees for Inventory

---go---

[Debi]

29. He selected a 'quiet one', one that he knew could use and extra

couple of bucks and wouldn't tell or she'd be fired for telling lies or not punching in on time (or deported).....:P

[NewWaveChick1981]

30. She was an illegal immigrant but wasn't afraid of deportation.

She took the money and used it to file a lawsuit against him.

GO

[LynneSin]

31. Anyhow, he assumed that he could get away with it as long as his

buddies with the Minuteman Border Patrol Militia didn't find out about it

---go---

[Debi]

32. But she knew how to use a knife

after working all those hours in the meat-packing plant. She could cut quick and clean, before they even knew what got cut off.

go....

[Chan790]

33. and she cut him good.

leaving a 19 inch scar from hip-to-hip.

"Next time you touch me, it'll be your balls."

and next time it indeed was his balls. Fortunately, as a good evangelical christian, he had no idea where babies came from.

Go

[Debi]

34. !

Fortunately, as a good evangelical christian, he had no idea where babies came from.

:spray:

Sorry...go

[tinfoil tiaras]

35. Being a good evangelican Christian, he suddenly realized that he was

LATE FOR WENDSDAY NIGHT CHURCH! It was 5:47 and 34 seconds and the Wendsday night service started at 6:00 p.m. sharp! He couldn't be late! He was NEVER late coming to his Lord and Savior Jesus's house. This had to be some kind of liburul plot. He just knew it. So he gathered up his belongings and pitter-pattered as fast as he could to his 2006 Lincoln Navigator with an assortment of bumperstickers ranging from "W the President" to "DemonRATS are the Spawn of Satan". And so he drove away.

But little did he know...he was getting low on gas! Another liburul attack in the war on Christianity!

Go...

[Neshanic]

36. And as he pulled his Black Navigator into the Mobil station...

A homeless person approached him and asked for some spare change. He never gave money to "those" people, because he knew that there were plenty of jobs that those illegals were doing and with some gumption, these guys could be working too. He avoided eye contact and pretended he could not hear the guy as he asked for some spare change.

Lordy! Another $110 to fill this thing up. Not only that his wife's Hummer cost another c note every two days to fill up. At this rate, he may have to ask Bitsy Sue to cut back on the kids being taken to the church's summer "Mommies and Kids Baby Jesus Rumpus Camp". He looked at the final tab for his Navigator and cursed the heathen Arabs that made his debit card ding to the tune of $125.

Climbing back into his Navigator and peeling out, cutting off a Jetta and a Mercedes in the process, he realized that the Mercedes was his buddy Sam Bob, the moron that had to play golf with under duress with his librul salesman. Sam Bob was in the same church, so he would see him, and his wifes' gosh awfull potato salad at church. He then jumped on the freeway and sped north ...

[tinfoil tiaras]

37. To Danny's, the hottest stripclub in town

He was sure Jesus would forgive him-after all, he was a godly Republican. He soon reached the parking lot of Danny's and stole a handicapped parking space. "Those people don't need it anyway..." he grumbled as he walked into the establishment.

As soon as he walked in, he was serenaded by a large puff of Cuban cigar smoke. He was shocked when he discovered the face behind the smoke cloud.

"Pastor Mark?" he shouted lound enough for anyone and their mother-in-law to hear.

"Sssh! Don't tell the wife or any of the church for that matter that I'm here. A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do, you know." He then took another puff from his cigar.

At that time, a couple of strippers were heading their way. But alas to the both of them, they were both...

Go! This is fun! :D