What would you do in this fiance's shoes?

[Pushed To The Left]

A long-time couple got engaged back in March. They have been having problems throughout their relationship, and those problems actually got worse after they got engaged.

Recently, the woman in the relationship admitted to her fiance that another man showed an interest in her and she accepted his number and they talked on the phone several times. Apparently, it stayed platonic, but she knew he was interested. She told this other man that she was "in a relationship, but it wasn't going well". She did not reveal that she was engaged. She admitted this to her finace, and said she would stop talking to this other man if they ended up working things out. Then, on Sunday morning, the woman and her finace talked on the phone, and her cell phone rang. She could see that the other man was calling her, and admitted this. She said she would not call the other man back this time. The engaged couple agreed to talk later, and they got off the phone. About a couple minutes later, she called her fiance back and said she wanted to end the relationship. One of her reasons is that, when she heard the other man's voice on the message, it made her feel excited, and she wanted to be "available for the possibility". He was upset, but realized that the relationship had been draining both of them and neither of them were happy, and felt it was probably the best thing to say goodbye. (She has said that if they break up, she doesn't want to do it in person)After they said their goodbyes, she became very emotional, changed her mind, and said she wanted to work on things. He isn't sure he can feel right about things again. She didn't actually physically cheat, and was honest about what happened, but he still feels betrayed.

How would you feel in this man's position? What would you do?

[AlienGirl]

1. The rational thing to do would be to end it

If she is telling other men it isn't going well, then she is already laying the emotional groundwork for cheating.

Tucker

[LeftyMom]

2. If she's still shopping, she hasn't found the right guy

Meanwhile he's always going to wonder if she's still out pursuing other options. It doesn't sound like either one is happy.

[Ellen Forradalom]

3. Just realize that it's not gonna work

and end it now.

[Ptah]

4. The first sentence says enough.

"A long-time couple got engaged back in March. They have been having problems throughout their relationship, and those problems actually got worse after they got engaged."

Run, run!

Run away!

[Common Sense Party]

5. Cut bait, son, and don't look back. She's just not that into you.

"She didn't actually physically cheat"

So what? Like that's the most important? She is emotionally unfaithful. Her heart is not in the relationship. The committed love is not there. She's still playing the field. Marriage is a long-term, lifetime partnership.

She will stray again. And again.

[Nicole]

6. She's not ready for marriage

One of her reasons is that, when she heard the other man's voice on the message, it made her feel excited, and she wanted to be "available for the possibility"

[Arugula Latte]

7. Get out while the getting is good.

This actually sounds like a good thing. End this thing now. It's not going to last, and it's better to cut the losses, before wedding, kids, etc.

[Richard Steele]

8. I have BEEN in his position, and I say "Get out NOW".

It doesn't have to be nasty, it doesn't have to be anyone's fault,
it's just a WASTE playing the "blame game"...life is too short.

But it's also a WASTE to continue a FICTION that neither party
really believes in. Life is too short.

Best to be honest with each other, and part amicably as friends.
Friends who never hang out, or call or eMail, perhaps...
but friends nonetheless.

[Pushed To The Left]

10. That's where he's leaning

In their recent conversations, that is where she is leaning too. However, sometimes she will just ask him what he wants to do. When he says that he has doubts about the relationship and thinks it's a bad idea, she becomes irate and makes him feel very guilty. She makes him feel like the bad guy for having doubts, even though she is the one who was calling somebody else.

[Richard Steele]

13. In my experience, the anger and recriminations always come from...

...the incorrect notion that someone needs to be 'blamed'.
As though ONE person is responsible for the fact that
a relationship was not what BOTH people wanted it to be.

It really just doesn't work that way.
Whatever twisted logic it takes, it's best to find a way
for BOTH to feel the that split was a mutual agreement.

[Floogeldy]

9. Engagement blows. Marriage blows.

When are people going to learn?

Sounds like Junior High shit to me.

}(

[mad-mommy]

11. i'm sorry to hear this....

You know how your heart just wants to do one thing, and no matter how many people tell you not to...anyway, if you want to give this person another chance, don't get married to this person until you both seek pre-marital counseling.

[MrScorpio]

12. I wouldn't be angry, but I would end it

But of course, if it got this far with her, she wasn't meant to be with me anyways

[enigmatic]

14. I'd tell him to get out of ther relationship

The sooner the better; he'll be much more happy w/o the drama that's going to occur..

[Iniquitous Bunny]

15. You should still be in awe here.

I got engaged last February. Sure, we have "discussions" every so often (healthy IMHO), but overall we're still in the "can't keep our hands off each other" stage. I have zero interest in other men. I'm not blind, but there's no way in Hell I'm putting myself in situations to be available. She shouldn't be either and if she can't, she needs to get out instead of being a wuss who's trying to have her cake and eat it too.

People in happy, monogamous relationships don't do stuff like that.

[Bassic]

16. I'd seriously think about ending the relationship right then and there.

This just smells like trouble. IF she feels like this about another man while they are not even married, it's just going to continue as the years go by.

[Callalily]

17. Oh good lord!

If she gets giddy over a guys voice on the phone, she's definitely not ready for marriage, much less a committed relationship.

[qnr]

18. Well, I disliked #1 because of the anger part, but I think it should end.

Just seems to me that trouble is sure to come.

[LostinVA]

19. Sometimes people feel pressured to make a commitment

and get engaged... when they really don't want to. This is a major red flag. The best thing to do is end it amicably... before it winds up ending bitterly... way down the road.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

20. Cheating doesn't have to be physical.

I'm not talking about flirting, but if you're emotionally investing yourself romantically in someone else, that's as bad as, if not worse than, just having random sex with someone.

[wildhorses]

21. I wouldn't be angry but, I would END what is left of this yo-yo

relationship,,,YO!!!

[LaurenG]

22. Personally I 'd get out while I could

This is just a forecast of what's to come for this couple.

[NewWaveChick1981]

23. End it. NOW.

I have been in a similar (although not exactly the same) position and just couldn't bring myself to end it. I was young and naive, and we never got to the point of engagement, but I let it go on far too long. I finally worked up the courage to end it, and it was really tough, but I had to do it for my own sanity.

[Deep13]

24. Anger has nothing to do with it. She is unreliable.

What would prevent her from flaking out after the wedding?

[johnnie]

25. Like a wise old evil spirit once said in Amityville....

"Get Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut"

It's not about being angry enough to end it, it is about being smart enough to see what is coming down the line. I hear that 50% of marriages end in divorce because one another thinks the other might change. Well, it's not quite that easy, but you catch my drift.

[Crazy Dave]

26. Angry...no

Happy yes.

I always loved it when problems showed up before a major commitments. It sucks once you get further down the road. This type of thing has happened to me several times but with different individuals who only got away with it once.

My bet is that the woman has in fact slept with the other guy too. Numerous times.

[Katina]

27. She doesn't know what she wants

she may not have physically cheated, but she isn't fully vested emotionally in her current relationship. She gave verbal commitment when she became engaged and she dropped that commitment for a thrill. She is not ready to have a singularly committed relationship yet, if ever. Her emotional flip-flops has introduced the monster of mistrust to the relationship. That's a hard monster to get rid of once trust has been broken. As painful as it may be, he should move on.

[Magrittes Pipe]

28. He should get the fuck out now.

[ScreamingMeemie]

29. Move on. The "woman" sounds like a girl. Not ready to settle down.

If she cannot discuss the problem in person she isn't mature enough to handle a relationship of that level.