In honor of the chocolate Virgin Mary, POST some BLASPHEMY right here.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

Oh yeah, and about that Virgin Mary above...I call her Drag Queen Mary.

[NewWaveChick1981]

1. I need a pic of Buddy Christ right about now...

:P

Today's Blasphemy: I flipped off a fundie church marquee that read, "Prayer Conditioning Inside." :rofl: I mean, it's been hot as hell here, so I guess the fundies need to feel like they're getting away from the flames.

[swag]

2. Jesus tied his ass to a tree and walked 40 miles into town. Go ye and

do likewise.

[NewWaveChick1981]

5. ROFL!

:rofl: :hi:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

3. I was responsible for causing a fundie church to get a electronic sign.

I used to take stuff like this:


And turn it into this:




Man, I was like a sign-switching ninja in HS. Also, I made sure to always do it very early on a Sunday morning.

[NewWaveChick1981]

7. OMG!

:rofl: Maybe you're also responsible for the beauty shop sign I saw one day that said, "PERM SALE." The next day, it read, "SPERM ALE". :rofl:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

13. I can't take credit for that, even though I'd love to.

:rofl:

Man, it was a sad day when they switched to the electronic sign. :cry:

Incidentally, their minister was also banned from the health food store, because he was a major shoplifter.

[Broken_Hero]

21. Good ninja work...

well done...:) :hi:

[Arugula Latte]

28. Okay. You are my new hero!

:applause:

:rofl:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

38. Thank you.

I am proud to be your hero.

[deucemagnet]

4. Pope soap on a rope?

Jesus bobblehead:

[deucemagnet]

8. One of my favorites...

[Arugula Latte]

29. The pope soap probably likes being used on the naughty bits...

of males, of course.

[bikebloke]

6. Going native on an Israeli kibbutz

It was 25 years ago. but I'd still better go to Hell.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

14. LOL!

The could only have been better if you were doing Jesus snaps.

[deadparrot]

9. Nunzilla!

[deucemagnet]

11. I had a nunzilla!

Her winding mechanism wore out. :(

[mikeytherat]

10. Who's your Buddy?

Buddy Christ!



mikey_the_rat

[mikeytherat]

12. mmmm...sacrilicious

mikey_the_rat

[anarch]

15. I dunno, is this blasphemous?

and I'm not sure where they're going with this one:



and this just pretty much speaks for itself:

[Fleshdancer]

16. This thread is fun!

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

17. I really want to get this from Urban Outfitters...

[Fleshdancer]

18. You can put some Jesus Juice in there

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

19. Holy Crap!

I've got to buy that wine! Then, I'll really follow through on my idea of buying a bunch of communion wafers and putting them out with a nice dip at a party.

You can buy them here:
http://www.catholicsupply.com/churchs/wine.html

I learned this when I was a priest for Halloween and bought an actual clerical shirt.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

20. Don't forget this fun game!

http://www.jesusdressup.com/#

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

22. It's one of my favorite games.

It's not as fun as the plan I once had to take my friend's 7 year old brother trick-or-treating (I was a priest that year). Obviously, my friend's parents wanted to know why we suddenly wanted to take a little kid trick-or-treating. Once they realized why, we were forbidden from taking him trick-or-treating.

[Burma Jones]

23. Graven Images - jes fer yew......

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

24. He shoots! He scores! Jesus saves the game!

BTW, the bottom two pictures are making me hungry.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

26. Jesus, look at all those oysters!

Yum. :9

[Arugula Latte]

31. I think Jesus would have a Globetrotters-vs.-Nationals advantage.

No fair.

[Name removed]

25. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Arugula Latte]

30. Is that the Second Coming?

:shrug:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

39. It was the cover of a student newspaper at Rutgers.

The paper was briefly shut down over it.

[hunter]

27. God created the Earth for Dolphins and Porpoises.

The land she left to the cockroaches.

[southpaw]

32. Anyone up for pizza?

[Radical Activist]

33. I haven't had a chocolate virgin since that 16 year old in Little Rock.

Is that blasphemous enough?

[Arugula Latte]

34. Jesus Joke:

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never met the man before and is curious as to what he looks like, and whether or not Jesus looks like his mother or father, etc. He looks high and low but cannot find him.

He asks St. Peter "Where is my father?" But St. Peter says he doesn't know.

He asks the archangel Gabriel "Where is my father?" But Gabriel doesn't know.

He asks John the Baptist "Where is my father?" But John does not know. So he wanders Heaven, impatiently searching.

Suddenly he sees out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man is very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. "Stop!" Jesus yells. "Who are you?"

"Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son." Jesus is very curious. Could this be his father? "Tell me of your son, old man."

"Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know..."

"Father!!!!!" Screams Jesus.

"Pinocchio!!!!!!!" yells the old man.

[sarge43]

35. For your viewing pleasure

http://www.jesusoftheweek.com

[mitchum]

36. St Joseph is the patron saint of other MEN'S children

I think I win

[Monkey see Monkey Do]

37. 'The Love That Dares To Speak Its Name' by James Kirkup

The Gay News and its editor were successfully prosecuted for blasphemy in the UK when this was published in 1977.

As they took him from the cross
I, the centurion, took him in my arms-
the tough lean body
of a man no longer young,
beardless, breathless,
but well hung.

He was still warm.
While they prepared the tomb
I kept guard over him.
His mother and the Magdalen
had gone to fetch clean linen
to shroud his nakedness.

I was alone with him.
For the last time
I kissed his mouth. My tongue
found his, bitter with death.
I licked his wound-
the blood was harsh
For the last time
I laid my lips around the tip
of that great cock, the instrument
of our salvation, our eternal joy.
The shaft, still throbbed, anointed
with death's final ejaculation

I knew he'd had it off with other men-
with Herod's guards, with Pontius Pilate,
With John the Baptist, with Paul of Tarsus
with foxy Judas, a great kisser, with
the rest of the Twelve, together and apart.
He loved all men, body, soul and spirit - even me.

So now I took off my uniform, and, naked,
lay together with him in his desolation,
caressing every shadow of his cooling flesh,
hugging him and trying to warm him back to life.
Slowly the fire in his thighs went out,
while I grew hotter with unearthly love.

It was the only way I knew to speak our love's proud name,
to tell him of my long devotion, my desire, my dread-
something we had never talked about. My spear, wet with blood,
his dear, broken body all open wounds,
and in each wound his side, his back,
his mouth - I came and came and came

as if each coming was my last.
And then the miracle possessed us.
I felt him enter into me, and fiercely spend
his spirit's final seed within my hole, my soul,
pulse upon pulse, unto the ends of the earth-
he crucified me with him into kingdom come.

-This is the passionate and blissful crucifixion
same-sex lovers suffer, patiently and gladly.
They inflict these loving injuries of joy and grace
one upon the other, till they die of lust and pain
within the horny paradise of one another's limbs,
with one voice cry to heaven in a last divine release.

Then lie long together, peacefully entwined, with hope
of resurrection, as we did, on that green hill far away.
But before we rose again, they came and took him from me.
They knew no what we had done, but felt
no shame or anger. Rather they were glad for us,
and blessed us, as would he, who loved all men.

And after three long, lonely days, like years,
in which I roamed the gardens of my grief
seeking for him, my one friend who had gone from me,
he rose from sleep, at dawn, and showed himself to me before
all others. And took me to him with
the love that now forever dares to speak its name.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

40. Wow. I like it. nt

[NMMNG]

41. Get your fresh hot blasphemy right here

"Hell Yeah"

Alright now boys and girls we've got another story for you now!
We want to introduce to you another friend of the Bible!

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V.
Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea

If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible
Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2"
If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything
Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing

If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops
Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap
Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins, thou shall not cut "Footloose"
If I were God that's what I'd do, Heavens no

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off
He goes by the name Jesus and steals hubcaps from cars
Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar?
To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt
Crucified and all I got was this lousy T-shirt
"I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to Heaven
Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven"
With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick
You just can't teach an old God new tricks
But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?
If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
Just sport some crummy "holier than thou" facade
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God